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It's small, it's green, and...; It's so smug!
Topic Started: Feb 28 2011, 05:28 PM (305 Views)
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It's small, it's green, and...
It's so smug!




"We're almost there Obsidian!" Forrest shouted, "Obsidian?"

"Ssssss..." Obsidian, Forrest's new Seviper, hissed.

"Come out!" Forrest yelled in a friendly way.

Obsidian hopped out from the darkness of the Forest of Atra, and piled on Forrest playfully. Forrest grunted as he lifted the heavy Seviper off his back. Once the play stopped they continued to walk on a clearly beaten down path in the Forest. "There must be a town nearby if so many people were walking on this path." As Forrest finished this sentence there was a rumbling in the bushes as Obsidian spotted a fast green blur dash past the trees, but Forrest unknowingly kept walking on the trotted path.

As strong beams of sunlight blasted at Forrest's glasses and Obsidian's bright red eyes. Forrest walked out onto a stone path, a clear path for trainers like him. Obsidian slithered over the rocks with his bumps on his belly to help him maneuver around the rocks. Obsidian looked into the trees to spot that green figure yet again, but the bursting sunlight made it hard to depict. This time however he spotted that the figure had a tan underbelly, giving Obsidian a mean look. Before Obsidian could get a good look at the creature it once again jumped from the trees into the bushes, and easily lost Obsidian, Forrest being just as oblivious as last time.

So finally adjusted to the daylight after being trapped in that damp, dark, forest for days, Forrest and Obsidian moved along the path. For hours they walked along that one path, constantly stopping to rest and play, but this time they rested it seemed that Forrest could not see anything, he realized it was getting to night and his glasses were sunglasses from the bursting rays of sunlight. He took off his glasses and said to Obsidian, "Okay Obsidian we're going to set up here." So Forrest pulled off his backpack on a tree stump and took out his blanket like he used from the forest, but this time he also took out a couple of thick sticks he obtained in the forest. He set up a makeshift tent from the blanket and sticks. He stuck the large sticks into the ground in a tent formation, took the small vines he collected with help of Obsidian to tie the sticks together, and placed rocks on the ground around it to keep it from falling. Forrest walked out from the tent and he was impressed with his creation I've come a long way in these couple of days he thought. Since it was still dawn, but it was getting cold, Forrest used the rest of the sticks to start a fire. Forrest sat on the stump he place his backpack on and Obsidian wrapped his body in a coil by his legs. As Forrest stared to the stars while they began to appear, Forrest felt a leaf smack him hard in his back, but the strange thing was he also heard footsteps and cackling in the dirt.

Patting Obsidian's head Forrest said, "Alright Obsidian time for sleep." Forrest walked into the tent and rested on the grassy ground, he left the fire going for no adequate reason. The light from the fire was making everything seem so much bigger, these big dark blades of grass, the stump was basically a wall of shadow to one side of the tent, and those small rocks he placed seemed like big black boulders. Obsidian slithered in behind him and placed his head on Forrest's shoulder, in the few days that Forrest has been with Obsidian, they seemed to be becoming great friends. Forrest placed his head on top of his hands while he tried to rest. The crackling of the fire and the blades of grass blowing in the wind seemed to help somehow. But as he looked out to the blades of grass, listened to the snaps and crackles of the fire, there was a silhouette of a figure it stood on two small legs with its long nose pointed straight in the air. The arms of the animal seemed to be crossed as if he didn't care that someone set up camp here, and it had a tail. And at the end of that tail there was...A leaf?! Forrest shouted in his head, making sure not to shout to frighten it. However, his sudden thought shrugged his shoulder violently, and Obsidian's head popped into the air and he woke up. He kept his head up and he saw that this was the figure he saw in the woods. Forrest turned to Obsidian and whispered, "I know you haven't had many battles Obsidian," Forrest said as Obsidian stared thoughtfully, "but I'm going to need you to sneak out there and use wrap attack on it." Obsidian continued to stare. "You get it what you do is, you take your tail, or body in your case, and~" Obsidian was gone while Forrest was talking. Forrest put his head near the tent side, where the leaf pokemon was, and lifted the tent as he looked to Obsidian sneaking up on the leafy green pokemon.

"Ssssssssss...." Obsidian hissed as he stalked the prey. He quickly jumped the Pomemon, and the pokemon swiftly unfolded its arms and stared at the flying snake.

"Sniv!" The pokemon shouted while vines shot out from its wrists. The vines whipped Obsidian and halted his movement which gave the pokemon time to run away. "Drat!" Forrest shouted in discontent to not capturing that pokemon. "It's already day..." Forrest said as he looked down sadly. Obsidian seeing this made him gravitate his head downwards as well. "It's okay Obsidian, we'll follow it! It's probably just heading towards the town we were, maybe we'll see it!" Forrest said. While listening to Forrest Obsidian lifted his head. They quickly packed up their items and went off on their way.

Forrest and Obsidian continued to chase after the pokemon until Forrest tried talking to Obsidian "Maybe we can train you up a bit with a little fight, eh Obsidian?" Obsidian looked at him while they were dashing down the path, he closed his eyes and shook his head in agreement. "Look! There she is!" The leafy pokemon was walking blissfully with its arms crossed and its nose in the air. "Obsidian, Haze attack!" Forrest commanded to Obsidian. Obsidian never did this before, but he saw his family do it before they let him go. Obsidian took a deep breath in and shot out a small puff of a black haze. Obsidian looked down in disappointment. "It's okay Obsidian we'll try something else." Forrest said to get up Obsidian's spirits. The pokemon stopped dead in its tracks after hearing the call, turned around and looked Obsidian straight into its deathly red eyes. "Now the real fight begins..." Forrest said seriously.

"Are you ready for out first battle Obsidian!" Forrest exclaimed. Obsidian shook its head in courage. Good thing Dad bought me all of those books on pokemon trainers and their battles. Forrest thought. "Alright..." Forrest said thinking of an attack as the leafy pokemon waited patiently with its arms crossed, acting better than them, "use wrap! Just like last time." Obsidian hesitated, but willfully lunged forward and wrapped the pokemon with its body. "Now Bite!" Forrest told Obsidian. Obsidian took its venomous fangs and was about to dig them into the pokemon, but the pokemon interrupts with its call, "Snivy!" Before Obsidian could bite the pokemon glowed orange and grew out of Obsidian's wrap. "What?" Forrest exclaimed, "Go use lick attack!" Obsidian quickly uncoiled and dived with his tongue sticking out, dragging his tongue across the pokemon's face. The pokemon started to blush as she fell to the floor with an embarrassed face. Although she quickly got up to retaliate with a tackle, which Forrest identified. Without hesitation, or order, Obsidian dodged it, but sadly while Obsidian's back was turned..."Look out!" Forrest yelled, but it was too late, then Obsidian got whacked with two vine whips simultaneously on the back. Obsidian's face fell to the ground, but he did get up. "Okay then..." Forrest quickly thought out loud, "Let's try this! Go poison tail!" Obsidian was used to using this, but was waiting for the call. His tail glowed purple and he swung with all his might smacking the pokemon in the face with ease. As she cried out again, "Sniv!" the pokemon landed on her belly and ran away, Obsidian and Forrest were close behind. Although this pokemon was nimble, she jumped away with a blinding speed. A little drop fell from where the leafy pokemon jumped, with a few more to follow, but then they stopped as the pokemon disappeared.

"Damn!" Forrest shouted. Obsidian looked back to Forrest...

After walking for a good half hour more, Forrest wanted to get Obsidians hopes up. To do so Forrest started talking with Obsidian. "Man, this pokemon might be just what we need to breed! From its cry when it yelled 'Snivy!'" Forrest copied its cry as well as he could, "It sounded like a girl, we could get another one of those!" After only a single hour of walking they saw a sign. "Welcome to Brevis Village" Forrest said, repeating what was on the sign. Forrest walked in while Obsidian, being a snake, slithered in. Forrest saw an amount of little quaint homes, it reminded him of his home, Forrest almost expected to look around the corner and see his mom waiting for him outside the pub after school was over. After strolling in the town for awhile, Obsidian and Forrest saw people crowding around a bench. They went over to the crowd to see what was the big deal. They pushed through the crowd, and some people were just afraid of Obsidian, when they got to the bench they saw the same pokemon from before on the bench crying. She looked up and noticed them looking to her, she got up and wiped the tears away. "Sniv!" she shouted, and lashed them both with two smacks of her vine whip. While their heads were turned she went dashing away leaving a couple more tears as she tried to hold them back.

However he passed a bakery, not exactly a pub, but Forrest needed some good food, and so did Obsidian. The sign in the front said La Restaurant Micle, they walked in and Forrest was surprised how they treated pokemon. "Bonjour, may I get you un seat?" The Matre D said as Forrest walked in.

"Oui" Forrest responded, sadly Forrest took French in high school, he hated that class with all his heart. After he responded the nice lady brought him and Obsidian to a booth. Forrest sat in the booth while Obsidian got his own little booth, so he could stretch out his long, bulky body. "Le booth est fit for people et pokemon." she said and smiled.

"Uh...Merci beacoup" Forrest replied. She handed Forrest the menu. Forrest began to look through the menu, "Hmm....this is all pretty expensive, I guess we can just get a sundae." Forrest pondered, "What do you say to that Obsidian"

"Ssssseeeeeeh!" Obsidian hissed happily.

"Have you decided?" The waitress said as she came back, her first sentence to him that wasn't in broken English.

"Yes, we'll have one serving of the Squirtle Sundae...sorry I'd get more, but I'm kind of low on funds." Forrest looked to his hands which were folded together on the table.

"C'est okay, n'est pas de probleme." She said once again talking in her broken English. She once again walked away after writing down Forrest's order.

"I can't wait! It's been at least a week since I had some ice cream." As they waited Forrest looked out the window and saw children playing with their Growlithes, Meowths, and Starlies. It reminded him of watching the kids at his school play with their pokemon while he had none. Wow, this town is like a trip down memory lane. Obsidian was enjoying his nice comfy booth designed for big pokemon like himself. After a couple minutes of waiting, they both heard the bell at the door go off, but there was no person. They couldn't see anything come in, the Matre D's podium was in the way. Once whatever walked in passed the podium they saw it was the strange leaf pokemon! Forrest was about to get up when the leaf pokemon walked over to their booth and jumped in next to Forrest. "Who are you?" Forrest asked the pokemon.

"Snivy!" The pokemon responded in its girlish voice.

"Snivy...and you're a female?" Forrest responded

"Snivy! Snivy!" The Snivy was telling Forrest as Obsidian just stared, with his mouth open.

"But why are you here Snivy?" Forrest questioned the Snivy. The Snivy then jumped across the table and landed on Obsidian. The Snivy held Obsidian's face and replied, "Snivy!"

"So...you like Obsidian?" Forrest once again questioned.

"Snivy, Snivy!" Snivy once again responded in happiness. Then Forrest realized what was going on, when he got smacked in the back with the leaf, why Obsidian was excited when he saw her. She was attacking us for fun, but when she found a tough opponent she fell in love with Obsidian...

"Then come along with us and you'll be able to have as much fun and battles with Obsidian as you want! You can even share our sundae." Forrest told the allured Snivy. Forrest took out a pokeball and expanded it.

"Snivy?...Snivy!" the Snivy responded as she shook her head. Forrest opened up the ball. When it opened a red light popped out and completely covered the Snivy. Snivy was sent into the pokeball, and with no trouble the ball beeped. Immediately Forrest let Snivy out of the ball. Snivy, your new name is Amor, because of how much you love Obsidian. Obsidian blushed. The waiter got back with a big bowl of blue ice cream, "That will be 300AD." She said while putting down the ice cream. Forrest reached into his pocket and took out the exact amount and handed it to the lady. After that the waitress walked away. "Alright guys, dig in!" Forrest said. Obsidian and Amor shared a spoon, while Forrest had his own. Finally, in a new area and out of that forest, no matter how much Forrest enjoys the wilderness, he likes daylight as well. They found out who was stalking them, and why. "These past two days were alright." Forrest concluded.

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Key2dawn
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Although the overall storyline is good, there wasn't much effort in catching Amor.
`Appears while Forrest is sleeping
`After one attack she flees
`Hops into Forrest's booth while he and his Seviper are waiting for their sundae
`Is willingly captured.

Maybe I'm not a sucker for love, but I'm not convinced it would be that easy. If you feel you deserve this Starter Pokemon despite what I say, however, then wait for another mod or admin to lay down their judgment.
Amethyst
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Thanks, I'll think about how I could make it more difficult, I wasn't sure myself, I didn't want to make her a fighter

I'll stick a fight in to weaken it, but I still want to keep in the Love part so I can save myself some trouble.
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Key2dawn
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Alright. Just announce when you've made changes then.
Amethyst
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(( You know what you could do to make it more interesting? I think since you want to include the love and passive factor, somehow add that she has an abusive trainer somewhere in the mix. Perhaps that's why she was so willing to let Forrest capture her. Or maybe her trainer abandoned her because she doesn't like to battle and you could include him overhearing or something like that. I think that including a battle for nothing would ruin the whole innocence of the Snivy.

Including a confrontation between Forrest and the trainer would be cool, too. You don't have to use any of these ideas, I was just throwing them out since I'm not always a big fan of mundane battle-and-catch capture posts. ))
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TAH-DAH plus I think we all win, it's still lovey-dovey, but I managed to add a fight scene with a good ~500 more words, and I don't catch it after the fight, it gets away again...and it ends the same, and you can assume that either Amor was impressed by the battle and fell in love OR you can also assume that Amor felt like Forrest deserved to own her.

It's up to the reader, but I can decide if I somehow want to bring out the reasoning in some later sentimental segment with Amor.

Plus I added Amor with a little tear at the end of the battle keeping the innocence of her.
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Key2dawn
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Well... After being in a fight with the one she likes, I'm not sure she would be too eager to share that sundae.
You could add in a trainer running over, seeing his Snivy in battle, and have him shout orders. Forrest could hear something along the lines of "So you do have backbone!" as the trainer arrives. When you defeat the starter Pokemon, the trainer would snatch the Pokemon up muttering something like "Fucking pacifist of a Pokemon!" and he runs off. Disappointed in the loss, Forrest heads into the village, sees the restaurant, and goes in to cheer his Seviper up. From there, you see the trainer again enjoying the delicacies of the place while the Snivy sat at his feet crying. Obsidian becomes heroic, Amor is convinced of her love, and Forrest gets the Pokemon... But possibly no sundae depending on what happens to get the grass snake.

Or I can just slink away and let another mod or admin give a thumbs up. -shifty eyes-
Amethyst
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I decided that I didn't want to have to take a pokemon from a trainer, no matter how abusive, since my character is new he wouldn't feel confident enough to take from another trainer. But, I made it so that Amor would be toying with Obsidian with evil eyes in the beginning, and then later smack Forrest with the leaf on his tail instead of brushing it, and when she ran she ran cackling as if she had fun hitting him.

But as then after the fight she begins crying like before, and at the end Forrest figures out why. Because once she finds an able opponent in Obsidian she fell and love and submitted.
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Key2dawn
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Alright. I can go with that.

Capture approved.
Sorry for all the trouble. T~T
Amethyst
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Key2dawn
Feb 28 2011, 08:21 PM
Alright. I can go with that.

Capture approved.
Sorry for all the trouble. T~T
No problem, I didn't mind you just gave me ideas for future posts in case I run out.

[Plus it helped me procrastinate on Homework]
Don't Worry
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Sharpam
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x) You're awesome, Yuyu.

And make a good point. First of all, I don't want you to feel like you've done anything wrong xP Just cause I tend to feel attacked when my posts are criticized, so yeah c:

Anyways, it does seem rather... I'm not sure of the word, but, like... It falls together too easily. Like, there's no real major conflict. Sure you battled the Snivy twice, but I mean, I know if I got smacked upside the head with a poisonous tail, I wouldn't fall in love with someone, nor have the courage (especially if they were the one I love) to go chase after them and join them, and so Amor's actions don't seem too rational. Not like I'm a judge of Amor's personality, but yeah.

Me personally, I would approve this, just cause I know that you worked hard on it, and it's one of your fairly early posts, and then we've already gotten on to you about it a lot :) but just remember that spice is nice.

... "spice is nice",that made no sense whatsoever. Anywho, just in your stories to come, don't be afraid to toss in a huge conflict in there like a previous asshole of an owner :)



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Sharpam
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Dude, I made a super late post. Bah, whatever, I like it. Anyways, carry on~
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It's okay i get what you mean, and like you said it's Amor's personality, not that she's Masochist, but she likes someone who can fight with her I've decided her personality is, and since he was fighting like a chump in the beginning and being a pushover, but then she got smacked with a powerful poison tail, it may have hurt and made her cry, but later she realized if that was what she was looking for, she should suck it up and stop being a baby.
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