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Omegle; live the dream, meet tingle
Topic Started: Jun 26 2009, 04:34 AM (11,077 Views)
Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
Racist [OVERHEAT].
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LordHuffnPuff
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Ninja Netsavior Admin
Admin
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: hey
You: Good morning!
Stranger: so tell me
Stranger: what's wrong?
You: What's wrong?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: everyone has a problem
Stranger: cos nobody has a perfect life
Stranger: so what's your problem?
You: Stereotypical vacations.
You: What's the pointof going abroad if you're just another tourist carted around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oafs from Kettering and Coventry in their cloth caps and their cardigans and their transistor radios and their Sunday Mirrors, complaining about the tea - "Oh they don't make it properly here, do they, not like at home" - and stopping at Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Watney's Red Barrel and calamares and two veg and sitting in their cotton frocks squirting Timothy White's suncream all over their puffy raw swollen purulent flesh 'cos they "overdid it on the first day."
You: And being herded into endless Hotel Miramars and Bellvueses and Continentales with their modern international luxury roomettes and draught Red Barrel and swimming pools full of fat German businessmen pretending they're acrobats forming pyramids and frightening the children and barging into queues and if you're not at your table spot on seven you miss the bowl of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup, the first item on the menu of International Cuisine, and every Thursday night the hotel has a bloody cabaret in the bar, featuring a tiny emaciated dago with nine-inch hips and some bloated fat tart with her hair brylcreemed down and a big arse presenting Flamenco for Foreigners.
You: And then some adenoidal typists from Birmingham with flabby white legs and diarrhoea trying to pick up hairy bandy-legged wop waiters called Manuel and once a week there's an excursion to the local Roman Remains to buy cherryade and melted ice cream and bleeding Watney's Red Barrel and one evening you visit the so called typical restaurant with local colour and atmosphere and you sit next to a party from Rhyl who keep singing "Torremolinos, torremolinos" and complaining about the food - "It's so greasy isn't it?" - and you get cornered by some drunken greengrocer from Luton with an Instamatic camera and Dr. Scholl sandals and last Tuesday's Daily Express and he drones on and on about how Mr. Smith should be running this country and how many languages Enoch Pow ell can speak and then he throws up over the Cuba Libres.
You: And sending tinted postcards of places they don't realise they haven't even visited to "All at number 22, weather wonderful, our room is marked with an 'X'. Food very greasy but we've found a charming little local place hidden away in the back streets where they serve Watney's Red Barrel and cheese and onion crisps and the accordionist plays 'Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner'." And spending four days on the tarmac at Luton airport on a five-day package tour with nothing to eat but dried BEA-type sandwiches and you can't even get a drink of Watney's Red Barrel because you're still in England and the bloody bar closes every time you're thirsty and there's nowhere to sleep and the kids are crying and vomiting and breaking the plastic ash-trays and they keep telling you it'll only be another hour although your plane is still in Iceland and has to take some Swedes to Yugoslavia before it can load you up at 3 a.m. in the bloody morning and you sit on the tarmac till six because of "unforeseen difficulties", i.e. the permanent strike of Air Traffic Control in Paris - and nobody can go to the lavatory until you take off at 8, and when you get to Malaga airport everybody's swallowing "enterovioform" and queuing for the toilets and queuing for the armed customs officers, and queuing for the bloody bus that isn't there to take you to the hotel that hasn't yet been finished. And when you finally get to the half-built Algerian ruin called the Hotel del Sol by paying half your holiday money to a licensed bandit in a taxi you find there's no water in the pool, there's no water in the taps, there's no water in the bog and there's only a bleeding lizard in the bidet. And half the rooms are double booked and you can't sleep anyway because of the permanent twenty-four-hour drilling of the foundations of the hotel next door - and you're plagues by appalling apprentice chemists from Ealing pretending to be hippies, and middle-class stockbrokers' wives busily buying identical holiday villas in suburban development plots just like Esher, in case the Labour government gets in again, and fat American matrons with sloppy-buttocks and Hawaiian-patterned ski pants looking for any mulatto male who can keep it up long enough when they finally let it all flop out. And the Spanish Tourist Board promises you that the raging cholera epidemic is merely a case of mild Spanish tummy, like the previous outbreak of Spanish tummy in 1660 which killed half London and decimated Europe - and meanwhile the bloody Guardia are busy arresting sixteen-year-olds for kissing in the streets and shooting anyone under nineteen who doesn't like Franco. And then on the last day in the airport lounge everyone's comparing sunburns, drinking Nasty Spumante, buying cartons of duty free "cigarillos" and using up their last pesetas on horrid dolls in Spanish National costume and awful straw donkeys and bullfight posters with your name on "Ordoney, El Cordobes and Brian Pules of Norwich" and 3-D pictures of the Pope and Kennedy and Franco, and everybody's talking about coming again next year and you swear you never will although there you are tumbling bleary-eyed out of a tourist-tight antique Iberian airplane.
Stranger: ugh
Stranger: too much effort to read
Stranger: you're up late though
You: You asked what the matter is.
Stranger: that seems to be more like an extract from grumpy old men though
You: Everybody has their own problems.
You: I just told you mine.
Stranger: that's somebody elses really though
You: What
You: No, it's not.
Stranger: are you sure
Stranger: it's very
You: ...yes
Stranger: john cleese
You: Who do you think I am?
Stranger: "stranger"
You: Touche
Stranger: i'll be off then, try and find another poor soul in need of help
Stranger: one time doing this actually led to a really good convo
Stranger: less success since then
Stranger: but may as well keep trying
You: This isn't a success?
You: I think it is a success.
Stranger: well, while it was a nice deviation from guys trying to sex me up
Stranger: it wasn't quite on par with the woman that told me her inner most secrets
Stranger: trivial though they seemed to me
You: That woman?
You: She was secretly a man.
Stranger: either way, i feel i helped
You: You can't help on the internet.
Stranger: course you can
Stranger: even if you cant offer real advice
You: This is my goat, see?
You: My goat says you can't help.
You: See?
Stranger: you can listen due to anonymity and hear out problems they can't tell other people
Stranger: which helps
You: This is my goat, see?
You: My goat says you can't help.
You: Goat, see?
Stranger: if you could have sex with a dolphin for 365 days, and one ach day it would start to look more like the girl of your dreams, so that by the 365th day it was just her, no dolphin left
Stranger: would you do it?
You: This is my goat, see?
You: GOAT, SEE
You: GOAT,SEE
You: GOATSEE
You: GOATSE
Stranger: that was really uninformative
You: Google it.
Stranger: sigh, fine
Stranger: something about a guy putting his hand in his arse.?
You: No.
You: Try image search?
You: or Encyclopedia Dramatica
You: They have a spectacular article about it.
Stranger: hmm, could you not just link me?
You: Okay
You: [REDACTED]
You: That's Goatse
You: WELCOME TO THE INTERNET SIR
You: Straight from Wikipedia itself
You: I bring you the goatman.
Stranger: Goatse.cx (pronounced either "/goʊtsi: dɒt si: ɛks/" or "/goʊt sɛks/") was an Internet shock site. Its front page featured a picture, hello.jpg, showing a naked man stretching his anus to a large size with both hands, with the inside of his rectum clearly visible. Below his gaping anus, his dangling penis and scrotum are visible, as well as a ring on the ring finger of his left hand.
Stranger: im not gonna click that link...
You: You asked.
Stranger: i did, that was my bad
You: I wouldn't have brought it up if you hadn't asked.
You: Oh
You: Well, that's the internet for you.
You: "Oh internet, you never ceace to shock and disgust me."
Stranger: cease
You: Come to here and it's ceace.
Stranger: nope, in england, it's still cease
You: Come HERE
You: And it's ceace.
Stranger: where are you?
Stranger: i assumed england
You: Here.
Stranger: ¬.¬
Stranger: you never answered my dolphin question
Stranger: You: if you could have sex with a dolphin for 365 days, and one ach day it would start to look more like the girl of your dreams, so that by the 365th day it was just her, no dolphin left
You: would you do it?
You: I would put two dolphins
You: In one cup
You: And after 365 days you will have 2girls1cup
Stranger: are you one of those virgin's who's really obsessed with porn? =S
You: and a partridge in a pear tree.
You: Uh
You: What sort of question is that?
You: Porn's gross.
Stranger: but like..shock porn is good?
You: No.
You: It's the internet.
Stranger: you seem pretty into it
You: Did I say it was good?
You: Or am I just a huge troll?
Stranger: your first thought when i mentioned dolphin girl was to rrecreate two girls one cup
Stranger: if you are it lends credence to at least the virgin part of my theory..
You: Do you know what a troll is.
You: I ask you sir.
You: Sir
You: Do you know
You: what a troll is.
Stranger: yeah though i'd struggle to define one
You: A troll is a creature that lives under a bridge and eats goats, see.
You: Usually Billy Goats
Stranger: not always
You: Yo
You: Those goats
You: They keep falling into holes.
You: Getting their legs stuck in holes.
You: They better watch out for those trip-traps.
Stranger: i'm beginning to think you're something of a crazy person
You: Where did your childhood go?
You: That you don't know about trip-traps, goats and trolls.
Stranger: i know trolls and goats
Stranger: i forget trip traps
You: You'll never evolve into an EXTREME DOUBLE BIRD at this rate.
You: (google it)
You: Anyway.
You: Sir.
You: Are you a magypsy
You: Too slow
You: You gotta keep up.
Stranger: one time harry put his wang up a trolls nose and then when he pulled it out it had goo ont he end
You: YOU ARE LEARNING
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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He rides across the nation; the thoroughbred of sin.
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Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
Not quite Omegle, but close
     PlasmaMan     says:
*hey yo who are you
Harriett says:
*hey, Age/Sex/Location? :)
     PlasmaMan     says:
*200/none of the above/internet
Harriett says:
*hey whats up babe, U got a webcam? finally someone adds me, I am soo [OVERHEAT]in horny today for some reason lol
     PlasmaMan     says:
*oh yes, how droll
Harriett says:
*listen hun, I am just about to start my webcam show with jen, come chat me there in my chat room? We can cyber, I will get naked if u do..lol!
     PlasmaMan     says:
*man, i don't even get a spammer, just a bot?
Harriett says:
*I can show u how to watch free if u promise not to tell anyone else how to do it???PLEASE:-$
     PlasmaMan     says:
*what a ripoff.
Harriett says:
*well since its free the law that u gotta be 18 (nudity involved), u have to sign up with a credit card for age verification! BUT .. Once you are inside, just clikc on "Webcams" let me know what name you use to sign in with so I know it is you babe! http://www.entercamzone.com/sofiona fill out the bottom of the page then fill out the next page as well and u can see me live for free!
     PlasmaMan     says:
*FREE ONCE I ENTER MY CREDIT CARD? OH GOLLY GEE WHAT A DEAL
Harriett says:
*Please dont mention anything about that in the chatroom once u get in ok?:-$
     PlasmaMan     says:
*this bot is terrible, I wish it was a real person so i could mock them and stuff.
Harriett says:
*OH [KLOROFOLUN].. k I am late to start my show, I gotta get off msn...I will see ya inside my chatroom babe.. remember not to mention that I am upgrading u for free... You can use your msn name to sign in so i know it is you..
     PlasmaMan     says:
*I hate you, and the name "harriet" is a terrible internet cyber whore stripper name
Harriett says:
*AUTO-RESPONSE: hey just in the middle of my free webcam show if you want to watch click the link http://www.entercamzone.com/sofiona
     PlasmaMan     says:
*oh well i guess the bot-train has left the station
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M` was so much more interesting. </shameless ego-fellating>
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Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: knock knock
Stranger: hold on I'm [OVERHEAT]ing your mom
You: your dick might get stuck in that urn
Stranger: i know
You: how'd you even fit it in such a tiny thing anyway?
Stranger: i like it tight
Stranger: [MUMMY BOMB]
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Dark-Zero
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Newbie
1338h4x
Aug 14 2009, 05:45 PM
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jajajajajjajaajjajajjaja

sorry for my bad english u.u
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Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
1338h4x
Aug 14 2009, 05:45 PM
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:|

maybe you should throw in some lolcats and BAT COUNTRY to complete your unoriginality
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At least I didn't go posting "knock knock who's there disco disco who disco nnected"
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Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
Stranger: Hey m/f
You: hiya f
Stranger: Age?
Stranger: I'm f 17
You: 16 here
Stranger: Nice:) single?
You: yeah :(
Stranger: Aww me to. R u straight?
You: welll, never really thought about girls that way...
Stranger: ?
You: well, im curious I guess
Stranger: Ooh. I'm bi;)
Stranger: And horny
You: oh...
You: well what do I do?
Stranger: Maybe send me a nude? To my e mail. Cuz I'm on an I pod
You: okay
Stranger: Bmyrded49@yahoo.com

Now, at this point I googled this poor [OVERHEAT]er's email. I got two results-- one which was a forum flagged by google as a site full of trojans (wonder how that's going for him) and the other a Yahoo Answers page, where he provided his email and asked for the asker to send him some illeigal wii software or some crap. Lyndon T. was his name, and his most recent answer was in response to a girl who was worried she was a lesbian. Model of sensitivity Lyndon said "woo that's hot".

Stranger: I'm so wet. ;)
Stranger: I can't wait to see your body
Stranger: U there?
You: yeahhh let me take a good one :)
Stranger: Ok. ;)
Stranger: I'm so anxious I feel like a kid in a candy store. Haha
You: calm down, lyndon
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Unfortunately, he disconnected before I could ask about yahoo answers or the trojan'd forum. Fortunately, he will now become a paranoid schizofrenic.
Edited by Janyel, Aug 22 2009, 06:24 PM.
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Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
Stranger: hi
You: hello sir or madam
Stranger: whats up
You: nothing at all
Stranger: and u
Stranger: im a female
You: the moon is boring to live on
You: I am the man on the moon of course
Stranger: oh really? waht is your problemm
You: I only got enough rocket fuel to come!
You: can you ask your local government to develop a rocket and come pick me up?
Stranger: no thanks. u got problems. is there a therapist up on the mooon??
Stranger: lol
You: no, but I do have a degree in psychology
Stranger: well help yourself then
Stranger: so really, what are you doin?
You: so you're saying I should develop a split personality as to help myself?
Stranger: sure sure
You: okay
Stranger: anyway how old are u
You: let's try it out
You: it's hard to say, there aren't timekeeping comestibles on the moon
Stranger: .................
Stranger: lets just talk goshh
You: okay
You: so, how is it on earth?
Stranger: look retardd, i think u know pretty damn well how it is on earth
You: is hitler still in power?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Sol
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LET'S TAP
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: penis?
You: Yes
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Edit: Guess I'll just squeeze in what I can unless they're huge.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Any gay girls wanna trade nudes?
You: Hi there
You: How are you?
Stranger: im fine
Stranger: u f?
You: Have you heard the voice of our lord and savior, Jesus Christ?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: fml, mlia, or tfln?
You: Did you just have a stroke?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Edited by Sol, Aug 23 2009, 02:10 AM.
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"This is all we could find, sir."
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Sol
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LET'S TAP
Uh, not sure if the censors will allow some of this, but hey whatever.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: Shine ya shoes gubnut.
Stranger: Iz only a nickle.
You: Why thank you, little negro
Stranger: *Scrub scrub, shine shine*
You: The stock market seems to be doing well
Stranger: Certainly, sir!
You: Maybe when 1932 rolls around I buy an automobile
Stranger: Splendid, sir!
Stranger: Ye' a man of quite some profitibles!
You: Yes yes, but I still don't appreciate sharing the bus with the colored folk
Stranger: Your shoes have be shined and scrubbed sir'. May I please has my nickle now?
You: Maybe a nice white Ford model T...
You: What's that ******?
You: You want me to pay?
Stranger: Only a nickle, sir!
You: Certainly not, this was only a quick buff
Stranger: But, sir it was a full shine and scrub...
You: WE DON'T LIKE YOUR KIND SCROUNGING FOR CHANGE, BOY
You: NOW GET
Stranger: :(
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
Edited by LordHuffnPuff, Aug 24 2009, 11:32 AM.
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"This is all we could find, sir."
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Janyel
Aug 22 2009, 06:24 PM
beautiful internet detective skills
Bravo good sir.
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Janyel
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five minutes to lunch
Why thank you leeb, or should I say AL CAPONE.
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