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| A Gentleman's Pro Guide | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 20 2009, 02:18 PM (1,471 Views) | |
| A_Gentleman | Sep 20 2009, 02:18 PM Post #1 |
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Is a proud [ARSE]Whole
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Did you ever wanted to be a bigger pro then TOP PRO? Are you (dare I say) FRENCH? Then read my guide on how to play like a pro at CSPSP! You can trust me, for I have many nice hats. Just follow these pro tips! PRO TIP 1: Always throw a flash bang at your teammates at the beginning of the round. If you throw a flash grenade at your teammates, it's telling them how pro you really are. They would start typing comments like, "Wow that guy really knows what he is doing." Plus on those really small maps, where the enemy is like 5 yards away from you, throwing a flash bang at your team will make the enemy distracted and wonder why you just threw that grenade at your teammates. So that means that you can shoot at them while they are distracted! PRO TIP 2: If you enter a sever where there is an odd number of players, always choose the side with the most players. Auto-balance? Isn't that for gymnastics? If you want to be a PRO, you got to be on the pro team. Do you think that team with the measly TWO players will stand a chance against your PRO team with FOUR players? And it's not like one player will even make a difference, and that with two players probably doesn't even want you on their team. And if for some strange reason you suddenly end up on the opposite team at the end of the round, quit then come back, but go as a spectator. Wait until someone on the team you want to join leaves, and then quickly join that team before that guy has a chance to come back. ![]() PRO TIP 3: If you don't speak English well, don't worry! Believe it or not, this game's IRC has an automatic language translator. So you can speak any language and people will still understand you! Try this out: Type "I am French" over and over using different languages! Not only everyone will be amazed at your "PRO-NESS" but they would be amazed by the amount of languages you speak! PRO TIP 4: Always use the AWP. Always. Even if you don't have the money, ask one of your PRO friends to buy one for you. Three seconds per shot? Who cares! You will always get a kill with the AWP. Don't have a good aim? So what! I'm going to tell you a little secret that no one else knows. The bullets on the AWP actually FOLLOW the enemy. So don't worry, shoot at random corners. You can never be too sure that the enemy is hiding from you because they are scared of your PRO-NESS, so shoot away! ![]() PRO TIP 5: Never buy "primary ammo." Just buy your last gun again for more ammo. It's a fact that you will run out of ammo while fragging N00bs with your PRO AWP. And you don't have the time to scroll all the way down to the "Primary Ammo" section in the buy menu. As a matter-o-fact, Jewish scientists proved that buying your weapon again actually SAVES YOU MONEY than buying primary ammo. Yeah that's right. Because of all the fear of new gun control laws, bullet prices are sky Rocketing. Just ask the Heavy Weapons Guy. Plus, when you buy a new gun, it comes with about 30 new, FREE bullets! PRO TIP 6: Never kill afk players. Wait for the other player to get back to his PSP for a "Fair fight." It's a gentleman thing to do. If you kill him while he's AFK, it's not his fault; it’s your fault. The player will thank you for not killing him by joining your team and adding you as their friend. Do this to get lots of friends and a high Kill-Death Ratio. PRO TIP 7: If you get killed while you were using the AWP, that player was obviously hacking. Report him on the CSPSP website. It’s common knowledge that you are invincible while using the AWP. So if that hacker n00b manages to frag you, just do the following: 1: Call them a “Fagot-Fagot N00b Hacker” 2: Rage quit. 3. On your PSP, go to the CSPSP website. 4. Go to the “Shout Box”. 5. Tell the world about this Loser. Also mention that the hacker needs a girlfriend. The Hacker War has just begun. But don’t worry; nice people who voluntarily devote their time and don’t get paid at all like xXxSpectre@ will bring this hacker to justice. ![]() PRO TIP 8: Join PRO clans like the “Polish Elite Fighters” and “Les 3 Mousquetaires”. You’re going to need PRO friends, and these are the people for you. And if all of those “Haters” keep talking shit, take no second to flame their asses back to hell where they came from. ![]() PRO TIP 9: Never run with the knife, especially on BNO and bAz servers where you go mach 2 for no reason. Your mother says never to run with scissors, right? Well never, never, NEVER run with a knife. You can poke your teammate’s eye out. And you don’t want to be blamed for a team-kill, right? Believe or not, contrary to what people say you don’t go faster at all when equipped with a knife. It’s just a big lie created by the Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, and the Trilateral Commission to make you look stupid and get you killed because the other guy already had his gun out. Take your time! It’s not like there’s a time limit every round or something like that. PRO TIP 10: Always drop your secondary weapon. Even if you just spent 1000$ on a deagle. Who needs secondary weapons? It's not like you're going to run out of ammo for the first gun! It's just going to slow you down. Throw it away! Look, if you don't kill the motherfucker within the first 4 seconds when you see him, you're already dead. So why give a fuck! So just buy a deagle, (Never the SIG P228 or some other weapon) and throw it at the enemy. (Press the triangle button as soon as you see him.) Here's proof that it works. PRO TIP 11: Only play on PRO maps like Art_Gallery and Iceworld. De_Dust? Do you want to bite the dust? Play on only these PRO maps: -Boardwalks -dm_house_kinow -Ocean Face Off -exe_gym -Aim_Tibia_arena -dm_little Deagle -zm_lasthope -hns_winter -lottery -gg_Scoutzknivez -Oase_War -Fy_Swimming_BIG -mapt_gg_mansion PRO TIP 12: (Submitted by xXxSpectre@) As soon as you see an enemy, retreat to some sort of doughnut shaped pathway and run around in circles so the other person can't get you. It's a pro tactic that makes the other guy commit suicide from frustration. You always have to outsmart the enemy. Running is always an option. Why shoot the guy when you can just run as fast as you can? Doughnuts are always the best shapes to run to. While the enemy is trying to catch you try to convince him that the only way to redeem his honor is for him to commit hara-kiri. Representation of what to do: ![]() PRO TIP 13: Don't have an analog stick? Don't worry! Just switch the movement style to "Relative Movement" under the options. This makes your character move with the d-pad, and the L+R buttons "lock-on" to enemies. You also run faster and turn faster with relative movement turned on. ![]() PRO TIP 14: Never use your psp charger when playing cspsp. (Submitted by Shooter1510) The U.S President Obama Informed everyone and you to stop using electricity. If you don't follow that law you will be sent to prison in North Korea where bunch of ugly ass Asian Koreans who will sentence you to death and put that bitch shit in your head while your are dead. Next time throw out every electronic device you have even your PSP, your PSP charger before the F.B.I come and jump out to your tittles tomorrow night. PRO TIP 15: (Submitted by Doublehawk) Usage of swear words directly relates to the size of one's e-Penis. The longer and more incoherent the swearing, the bigger one's e-Penis. The size of one's e-Peen directly relates with one's dominance. The larger the e-Peen, the more dominant one becomes. This is a generally well-known rule on the internet, but is most effective in online gaming. Most common PRO phrases: -"YOU CAN ALL SUCK MY LEFT NUT YOU AWP CAMPING WHORE" -"BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKING CUNT BAG FAGET-FAGOT" -"YOU SUCK WORSE THAN BOB-FAGOT YOU N00B-FAG" -"FEEL THE POWER OF MY ANALOG THUMB STICK BIZZ-NITCH!" Now you feel any amount of remorse, you're definitely not fit to be PRO material. Remember that you are anonymous on the internet, and yelling at strangers through a toy is all part of your responsibility as a well behaved community member. Please act accordingly. PRO TIP 16: (Submitted by Producted) Always push your team mates in the fire lines. It's a common thing to do if you are on your journey to become a PRO. Woman love their personal space. So if one of these n00bs decide to get in your way, the only thing to do is push. Just push him. He'll get thrown right into the line of enemy fire. Then, immediately type. "STOP PUSHING." That would teach that bitch-ass pusher. ![]() PRO TIP 17: (Submitted by Supervisor) If you only want to talk using the chat, never ever join the spectators! Even if you are not actually playing because you are chatting or AFK, your continuous presence in game as a virtual fighter is one of the main aspects of being a PRO. Spectating was invented by players who wants to "learn" from PROs like you. So do you really need that? NO! Spectating should not be confused with xXxSpectre@, for he spectates these forums. PRO TIP 18: Never say “Good Game” or “GG”, even if the other person says it. Everyone knows sportsmanship is for losers who don’t play sports. Instead if you’re winning by 16 kills and 0 deaths, say “Wow I SUCK.” This would cheer up the person on the other team and make him try his best. He’ll thank you and add you as his friend. Do this a lot to get lots of friends and respect. Follow these tips and you'll be just as good as Vlad! ![]() -Stay tuned for more tips and tricks! Love, A_Gentleman |
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| shooter1510 | Sep 20 2009, 02:21 PM Post #2 |
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HG Server Hoster/Modder
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Great tips. Now I able to kill ass on you.
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| Supervisor | Sep 20 2009, 02:39 PM Post #3 |
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∞
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I laughed myself to tears. :lol: |
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| A_Gentleman | Sep 20 2009, 03:10 PM Post #4 |
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Is a proud [ARSE]Whole
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Why thank you. <3 |
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| shooter1510 | Sep 20 2009, 04:36 PM Post #5 |
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HG Server Hoster/Modder
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Lamo! Soo Funny. My first post was to try to encourage other cspsp users to use the pro tips lol. |
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| $trider | Sep 20 2009, 05:49 PM Post #6 |
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Epic
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hahah effin epic |
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Endless War Mod-Download it now! -Work smarter not harder -I was always outnumber but never outmanned. | |
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| imasianese0115 | Sep 20 2009, 07:56 PM Post #7 |
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I AM (AN) ACIDNT!
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ROFL! vlad's part was hilarious xD. other than that. nice tips. wow. i didnt know you were so PRO in this game. all my life, i thought it was spawn and buy expensive gay guns! thanks man. i owe you everything.
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| iPSP | Sep 20 2009, 11:43 PM Post #8 |
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Advanced Member
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WTF, vlad's KD ... unbelievable ! |
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| Producted | Sep 21 2009, 11:54 AM Post #9 |
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Advanced Member
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Haha, that flash team trick is the thing I started with a while ago. Or I revived it. |
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| Joekinglord | Sep 21 2009, 04:16 PM Post #10 |
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JkZ ftw. And CSPSP ftw.
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Maybe me laugh me lunch out o.o Naw seriously i feel PRO now :3 |
~JkZ~ Leader, once again we are back.![]() ![]()
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| Spartan | Sep 21 2009, 05:04 PM Post #11 |
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Boderator
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jkz pro! jkz eat people? Not cool. |
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| Joekinglord | Sep 21 2009, 06:23 PM Post #12 |
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JkZ ftw. And CSPSP ftw.
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lol Spartan Stfu |
~JkZ~ Leader, once again we are back.![]() ![]()
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| BadAssNinja | Sep 21 2009, 07:27 PM Post #13 |
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Don't make me rar you.
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Damn man. You are the Proest of the Pro. And you are a funny man. |
| Have I returned? | |
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| fallen..cx | Sep 21 2009, 11:01 PM Post #14 |
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Member
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man, i feel like so pro, i just want to go challenge t3h master3r, you know? like kyle's all like jeremy, you're so pro - and like i am, but kyle's a noob, so i like get it alot. and then i'm like SCUD STORM...BooOOooM! |
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| xXxSpectre@ | Sep 22 2009, 01:29 AM Post #15 |
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Moderator
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You killed it. Don't spam please. |
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thanks man. i owe you everything.







10:53 AM Jul 11