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Games and Stuff; Gaming talk, and so forth...
Topic Started: Oct 18 2004, 05:49 AM (230,954 Views)
Registered
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Postinator
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I really don't know where to begin. It appears to be a on rails shooter game with the story told wi-with... live action sequences, featuring the worst actors and lowest production value.
The apparent story is mind-blowing insipid. I will not be able to capture its lunacy in words, but I will try.

The game is called "Space Pirates!", in reference to the chief anatoganist, the nefairous cyborg, Captain Talon(who, it's worth noting, claims to have been given a "black hole" for an eye[despite said eye being obviously visable behind some plastic abortion] by a former hero, or something) and his crew of evil, um, space pirates.
He's kidnapped the queen(Or something) of the Colonial Star Station(Who is wearing a six year-olds attempt at a classic colonial era ladies' dress and hat[It has a frill in her shirt which appears to be an oven mitt]), and is demanding the Star Crystals, or she and the Station will die!
At this point, the pirates fire some MSPaint-made "lasers" into the screen(Seriously, they're just solid red lines), chortling all the while.

The scene abrubtly shifts to an overweight middle-aged man wearing a very bad wig and a "robe" constructed out of paper and felt(The material), who appears to be talking to you, the main character.
He warns about the dangers of capturing the Star Crystals(They're protected by tricksters, wizards, shamans, sorcerors and the like bullshit), as well as the danger of the most dangerous foe them all:
Captain Talon(Did I mention his costume appears to consist of whatever oddly shaped plastic bits you could find at a junkyard, spray-painted black? Over a grey spandex jumpsuit? And that his voice is altered to a "robotic" tone, apparently done by having him speak a alluminum tube?), and his evil gay super-laser.(It changes colors, like a spastic rainbow)
But he tells you not to worry, since he and "Star Jammer"(He pats a stack of vcrs with a tiny green screen glued in the center it, at this point) will always be behind you.
The movie ends with the man(Unnamed, it seems) asking you if you have what it takes to be a "Star Ranger."

I have failed to capture the sheer stupidity and badness of this game. Seriously, I can't make this shit up.
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MFD
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THIEF!
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...

...

I wish my computer had sound, just so I could hear this.
Oceans rise, empires fall

I need to know
If the world says it's time to go
Tell me will you freak out?
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Deadicons
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Postinator
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Like I said, it is like the old PBS sci-fi shows.
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Mr. Pinks
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Reminds me a bit of Space Quest.
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femmesimonbelmont
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you know you love it.
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I kept watching and thinking two things:
1) when is this going to be OVER?!
2)This isn't a game. This is obviously a skit from mystery science theatre 3000, who do they think they're fooling?
Mrs. Limburger : Crashing, and banging, all kinds of weird noises. Howling, moaning, frightful grunting, things falling out of closets, all over the place!

Peter : Sounds like my weekend.
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Glorfindel
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We Love Katamari sounds good so far. Only I wish that and Okami would come out for the 'Cube. Oh well, there's always The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess and Odama to look forward to.
Arrakis teaches the attitude of the knife--chopping off what's incomplete and saying: "Now, it's compete because it's ended here."
--from "Collected Sayings of Muad'Dib" by the Princess Irulan, Frank Herbert's Dune

So....what do you get when you mix Final Fantasy, Fire Emblem, and Disgaea?

Well, for one, a bunch of pissed off FF/FE/Disgaea fanboys/girls, but that's neither here nor there. - Notty, Games and Stuff.
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Just Jon
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The Sexy One
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Hey, you think in the new "dark" LOZ they're gonna put Zelda in a thong? I mean, it seems the trend...
No fanfare, no special effects... Just Jon
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White Meteo
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*wistfully* oh we can only hope.
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MFD
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THIEF!
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No! Zelda is not fanservice!
Oceans rise, empires fall

I need to know
If the world says it's time to go
Tell me will you freak out?
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MechaV
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Emperor
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...yet...
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MFD
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THIEF!
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*Kills MV dead*
Oceans rise, empires fall

I need to know
If the world says it's time to go
Tell me will you freak out?
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Robotech Master
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Pinku,Jul 8 2005
04:09 AM
Reminds me a bit of Space Quest.

I hate you for even making this comparison. Take it back.
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Ou des
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Clockwork Contraption
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Worstest mission ever is the final mission in GTA:SA. Hella hard.
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Forever Zero
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The REAL internet rage machine
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Registered,Jul 7 2005
11:21 PM
Sorry to shift the gaming gear without a clutch, but I desperately need an answer.

What... THEE fuck... is THIS?!

That made me laugh... It DOES look like those old, bad Sci-Fi shows you find that had a production value of the crew's lunch money for the day.

However, if they think this is going to be taken seriously, then they are not in touch with reality...
"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
- Philip K. Dick
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Juron Pilo
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Sage
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Forever Zero,Jul 8 2005
06:26 PM
Registered,Jul 7 2005
11:21 PM
Sorry to shift the gaming gear without a clutch, but I desperately need an answer.

What...  THEE fuck...  is THIS?!

That made me laugh... It DOES look like those old, bad Sci-Fi shows you find that had a production value of the crew's lunch money for the day.

However, if they think this is going to be taken seriously, then they are not in touch with reality...

BWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!
Woo... that was good.
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Knight
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Guru of Magic
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That's... no, sorry. There's a level of stupid that's funny, that's far past it. If it's a spoof, it's badly-done, and if it's serious, I'm disgusted with the developers...
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Forever Zero
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The REAL internet rage machine
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Damn, as you go up in CoH it gets REALLY hard to get further up the Level Ladder... I was able to go from 1 to 7 in one day, but from then on it was either one level a day or one every two days. The fact that Debt is a huge pain in the ass hasn't been helping, since frequently mission points are placed smack-dab in the center of Purple Town (Purple enemies are so high level, you are warned to never, ever fight them). I should have waited for Release 5, which eliminates all Debt for characters below level 10.

But after making some rookie mistakes (I knew I should have taken the Fire Sword powers...), and finding some tips on the CoH Forum, I'm honing my blaster down to a pretty lethal killing machine... I can already wander around The Hollows and Perez Park with less fear of getting stomped by every enemy that lives (Stupid Pumites in The Hollows, hiding in the ground and then ambushing you...). My only complaint is that the most numerous enemies (The Skulls, the Hellions, the Outcasts, and the Trolls) don't seem to give you a lot of XP, and the enemies that do are generally rarer and travel in groups too high level for you to kill all at once.

I'm wondering if, while I'm still relativly low level, I should just scrap this character, and make a new one from scratch without some of the mistakes I made...
"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
- Philip K. Dick
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MikePB
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Geekomancer
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Honestly, I would suggest sticking with it...at lvl 24 and 34(?) you get a respec, which means you can re-choose the powers you have. Not your power set, though... which kinda sucked, because I woulda liked to choose a different secondary power pool.
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Forever Zero
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The REAL internet rage machine
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I read about those, but I honestly don't think I'll be playing long enough to achieve Respec... It's already taken me roughly a week just to get to level 11, and I've got one more week left. I'll stick with it a little longer though...

And I like all my core Power choices so far (/Fire gets a lot of flack, but it has everything I want and need, or WILL want and need at least, and Fire/'s damage over time is excellent), but there are at least two powers I have now I wish I could Respec out (Ring of Fire, which you are forced to take, and Flares, which doesn't do DoT, or a lot of damage period)...
"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
- Philip K. Dick
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MikePB
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Geekomancer
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Well, Fire isn't bad per se... just has a LOT of aggro... you just gotta be smart with how many enimies you take on...
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