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Fanficstravaganza!; How much crazy can you take?!
Topic Started: Apr 5 2007, 05:35 AM (1,811 Views)
MikePB
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Bah. It just hasn't gotten over used like other such trends.
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Ou des
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I've gotten owl'd in WoW by ... Knight? Or maybe it was Mor.

Regardless, Sailor Moon and Toy Story are a strange, strange combo.
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Cyrus
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Well... it's a bit longer than 1000 words, and it's the fruits of a post-midnight mind, but hey. Here's my fic.

-------------------------------------------------

This fic takes place using part of the director’s cut ending to Army of Darkness. Ash was given a sleeping potion to fall asleep until his own time, but is distracted and takes a drop too much.
I do not own the rights to NASCAR, any of its drivers, or the Evil Dead series or any of its characters. But if I did I’d make a sequel.

-------------------------------------------------

Ash’s eyes opened slightly. He was stiff, sore, and the air in the cave was stuffy. It was bright, too. And there sure were a lot of people talking for it being a sealed cave…

Wait a minute…

Ash opened his eyes completely. The kid staring at him a few feet away screamed and jumped back. This wasn’t a cave at all! It was a building of… some kind. And Ash was trapped in a large glass box, also of some kind. He was being held in place by a series of wires, one hand reaching for his shotgun, and the other was holding a chainsaw dramatically. Wait, no, it was a chainsaw. Again. He saw metal hand on a podium a few feet away. There was some commotion outside of the box, and several men with shirts labeled “Security” were coming towards the box. He pulled his hands free only to find his back strapped to a stand behind him, and his feet faceted to the floor.

Getting himself completely free, he turned around to find his Delta 88 Oldsmobile behind him, decked out as it was to fight the deadites back in ancient England. It looked shinier than usual, though. He heard a door creak open on the other side as a scholarly looking man came in, followed by a few men in the “Security” shirts.

“Ah, you’re awake!” the man said.

“Where am I?” Ash immediately responded.

“The American Natural History Museum.” came the answer.

“…Why aren’t I in England?”

“Because you’re an American citizen.”

“Wait, what? Who are you?”

“I’m the curator.”

“Why am I on display?”

“Because you’re the chosen hero who was supposed to fight the deadites.”

“Right, right… wait, was? I don’t remember any deadites attacking modern day. What year is it?”

“Oh, right. You have been asleep, haven’t you? The deadites invaded back in 2008. It’s 2020 now.”

“2020?! No! I slept too long!”

“I suppose so.”

“Well… at least you beat them, right?”

“…not exactly…” the curator trailed off, “it was more like a stalemate. Now, they have a set of rules set up. Every four years, starting at the end of ’08, they have a tournament using the favorite pastime of America, the world’s strongest country… NASCAR!”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

And so it was that Ash learned his true destiny to save mankind. The world and the deadites had agreed to hold a tournament every four years, and the first to win four tournaments in a row would inherit unquestionable rulership of the world. Unfortunately for the humans, the deadites had won the last three races with their elite champion, Zombie Dale Earnhardt Sr!

Now, there’d be a training montage here, where Ash gets approved to race on the side of the humans in the upcoming tournament, has his Oldsmobile souped up, and actually learns to drive pretty well. But this needs to be a short fic, so just imagine it. It’s probably set to “Eye of the Tiger.” And so it reaches the final day, the day of the tournament…

We go to the NASCAR announcers’ booth, where a human and a deadite sit within.

“Good to see everyone here at NASCAR 2020, right Bob?”

“When this race is over, I will devour your soul!”

“Good to know! Our race today looks to be a fairly one-sided one, as eleven of the twelve placing drivers are driving for the deadites!”

“Didn’t you hear me? Devour your soul, John!”

“Hah hah, Bob. But quiet! The race is about to start!”

Down on the track, the cars started up as the pace setter began. Ash had barely made it in the rankings, placed twelfth, and thus starting in last here in this race. But he was worried than one might think he should be. Because, as it turns out, there was nothing in the rules against entering an Oldsmobile with a cowcatcher and whirling blades on the front. And now that it had been upgraded…

The first lap finished, and the pace setter went off the track. And Ash knew it was time to make his move. He sped up, coming up behind two cars driving closely together. The blades on the front of his car, now retrofitted with pieces straight from a military grade helicopter, sliced into the backs of the cars in front of them, causing them to careen out of control and smash into opposite walls of the track. He continued to up his speed, pulling up next to the ninth placed car, and pulled out his boomstick and pointed it at the deadite driver. Blam! He leaned out the side of the car to aim at the eight and seventh placed cars. Blam! Blam! He couldn’t get the drivers, but he could sure get their tires.

“This sure is shaping up to be a violent race, ain’t it Bob?”

The deadite announcer responded only with a gurgled grumbled.

Ash pulled up in between the next two cars and rammed either in the side with the spikes on the side of his Oldsmobile. He made short work of the fourth and third placed cars with well placed shotgun blasts, and came up behind the second placed car for another chopping with the blades. Unfortunately, this time one of the blades hit the car in front and stuck there, causing Ash to have to separate the blades from the car to prevent careening out of control. But nonetheless, it left him and the resurrected Dale Earnhardt Sr. as the final two racers left. And Dale wasn’t giving up any ground. And so, for another nearly five hundred laps, Ash followed behind his foe, ever so slightly managing to close the gap between them until the final lap. Ash managed to barely push his way in next to Dale, and proceeded to aim his shotgun. Click. Click. It had no more ammunition. So he rammed the car in the side with his spikes, but he couldn’t manage to force him off the road or into the wall. But… the ramming did manage to link the two cars together. Neither one was ahead of the other, nor could they separate. The only way out… was to the death! Ash waited until they were on a straightaway, and then unlinked his metal hand… re-linking his trusty chainsaw, and stood up in his seat. But to his surprise, so too did Dale exit his car onto its roof, carrying a six foot long sword. Clash! Swoosh! Bzzzzz! The two went at it, there could be only one! Swish! Swing! Swipe! So there they were, face to face, sword to chainsaw… until Ash saw an opening! His chainsaw cut through the deadite’s leg, and the opposing driver fell off of the car and onto the track.

Being the only driver left standing, Ash was declared the default victor, and temporary savior of humanity. But now… he has three more races left to win, and the world won’t be safe until he does. And now the deadites know what to expect.

To be continued! (not)
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Alan Bates
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I'm trying, I really am, but I'm having a hard time writting more than a few lines at a time of this thing without cracking up.
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Newb
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Every time I get three lines down my eyes catch on fire and I delete the offending fic in rage.

This makes it difficult to write.
An Adventure, Hopefully: Multiverse SI
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mordain
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I stare at my line of challenge and have the overwhelming urge to beat my head against the wall until I stop thinking about it.
Live and learn - or die and teach by example.
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Alan Bates
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I say we extend the challange until Tuesday, since I didn't finish mine yet and am going to be busy Monday. All in favor say "Aye".


"Aye."

All opposed say "Zizzybaluba"

...

Anymore votes? No? Okay then.

Ayes have it. There we go. Contest extended.
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Forever Zero
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I'd argue to extend it even further a full week, so Thursday would be the turn in.
"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
- Philip K. Dick
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Alan Bates
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Ah good. That means I'll be able to do a normal work job on the fic instead of rushing it.

... Well, as normal as I can do with a fic that combined My Little Pony, suicide, and Frankenstein.
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Iyestorm
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Alan Bates,Apr 8 2007
11:34 PM
I say we extend the challange until Tuesday, since I didn't finish mine yet and am going to be busy Monday. All in favor say "Aye".


"Aye."

All opposed say "Zizzybaluba"

...

Anymore votes? No? Okay then.

Ayes have it. There we go. Contest extended.

Aye.
Dr. Wiley has surrendered. Mega Man has saved the planet from destruction. But will it last!!!

"Think about it, mate: legends! When has a legend ever not been true, huh? HUH?!"

--Marine, Sonic Rush Adventure

"Good Morniii--AGH! I can't do it! I don't wanna be cute! I wanna be a boy!"

--Ouran High School Host Club; Haruhi's English Voice Actor messing around.
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Cyrus
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Bah! I rushed through my fic at 2 AM last night, and you all should have too!

That is, unless you're all a buncha sissies!

...

...plus, you know that if it gets extended 'til thursday you'll still all just wait until thursday to do 'em...
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Forever Zero
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Cyrus,Apr 8 2007
07:10 PM
...plus, you know that if it gets extended 'til thursday you'll still all just wait until thursday to do 'em...

You can't prove it, so ha!

Plus if it actually brings in more fanfics, I see no issue.

If you want to rework your fanfic before the deadline, feel free.
"It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane."
- Philip K. Dick
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Cyrus
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Well, I suppose that considering that there are five awards and only like, three fics, and extention wouldn't hurt.

...you're all still a buncha sissies, though. :P
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Iyestorm
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You got somethin' ta say?! My fanfic will eat yours! Wanna take it to the fight thread?! :P
Dr. Wiley has surrendered. Mega Man has saved the planet from destruction. But will it last!!!

"Think about it, mate: legends! When has a legend ever not been true, huh? HUH?!"

--Marine, Sonic Rush Adventure

"Good Morniii--AGH! I can't do it! I don't wanna be cute! I wanna be a boy!"

--Ouran High School Host Club; Haruhi's English Voice Actor messing around.
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LuppyLuptonium
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"This is Ryan Seacrest and It's time to finally see how America voted, we have recieved a record 100 million votes between our final 2 contestants Jordon and

Sanjaya tonight on american Idol"

The game was about to end. Te final 12 had been whittled down to the final two. But more was balanced on this competition than a simple pop idol contract.

The crowd was hushed in silence.

Ryan opened the envelope, he stared at it dumbfounded for a few seconds.

"What's wrong dog?" asked Randy

"It's... It's... Sanjaya"

"Yay" Paula was in her usual stupor, probly not drug enduced but that's a tale for another day.

"I'm going to kill myself" Simon was more chipper than usual.

The crowd remained in a hushed silence, they looked back and forth, confused. Obviously this couldn't be the the propper outcome. America voted, didn't

they? Surely this wasn't our decision.

The silence was broken by a single gunshot. THe asailent was a tall, white haired man dressed in red. His gun was large and had an engraving on the side,

"Jesus Christ is in Heaven now"

The bullet whistled through the air, it's target was laughing.

Three days earlier, the Hellsing headquarters in london. Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing was not pleased. She had called Allucard into her office hours ago

and he had still not shown up. THe poor police girl, Seras was trying to make pleasent conversation for the past two hours. Integra never said a word. The

door opened, Allucard Entered.

"Casually late are we?"

"I was busy." THe vampire said cooly.

She smirked and said no more on the matter.

"Have you heard on the series American Idol?"

"I don't follow american culture" Said Allucard.

"Isn't that a spinoff of our series, Pop Idol?" Asked the police girl.

"That's correct Seres, It's a pop show where people vote to choose who will become the next great singer, it is a taudry pop garbage and should tightfully be

canceled and be replaced with something more cerebral."

Seras slumped in her chair having watched Pop Idol.

"What does this have to so with our mission?"

"One of the Idols, Sanjaya Malakar seems poised to sweep the competition. THe problem is he can't sing"

"Stupid Americans unable to detect their deafness of tone," suggested Alucard.

"No, it is not that simple. Sanjaya was found in a log of former members of Millennium, and is listed as deceased?"

"Another freak?" asked Aluucard sounding cold but starting to crack a smile.

"Not exactly."


The live television audiance was stunned. Sanjaya was just standing there, caught in the grip of extacy, all his plans had come to fruition.

Allucard was grinning as he never grinned before. He never thought he would get to face an actual demon.

"HAHAHAHA" Sanjaya was laughing. "THey did it, they actually did it."

"THat's right, America votes, one winner, One idol, one destiny, but theres a price for destiny isn't there?"

"I swore I would sing the final song on american Idol, and I will"

"You made a pact with a demon"

"A demon? I made a Pact with the devil himself to be completed when I finish my victory song on American Idol, hit it"

The Band was coinfused, scared, and had no idea what to do, but they were a band, so they played. Sanjaya's final song was Higher by Creed. The writers

were so sure he was going to lose that they didn't even bother write a song for him.

"NO" a girls scream came from the very back row, as her anti Tank Cannon went off.

"Can you take me higher, To a place where blind men see," to be fair he was only given a minute and a half, so starting from the chorus seemed appropriate.

The shell was caught, mid air by a large hand as the portal was now opening in the floor.

"We need to stop him from singing before the portal opens."

"Right"

"WRONG," came a surprising answer from a shockingly familiar face.

"hmmm..." The vampire turned his head, shocked but amused "Alexander, why were you hiding through this?"

"He was lead like lambs to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth."

"Isaiah 53:7, what's your play here?"

"There was word at the vatican that someone was going to summon the devil. I came here to fight the devil, as I have done all my life."

"I'm here to stop his awakening"

"So we are once more opposed"

"So it seems"

The priest was wearing thick round wire frame glasses, he wore a white priests frock with a white trech coat over it. He pulled out two long sharp knives

and flung them Allucard's way.

"Can you take me Higher? To a place with golden streets"

The portal was growing.

"Stop this follishness now" the police girl pleaded trying desperatly to reload.

The ratings must have gone up dramatically that night. The priest was flinging knives, Allucard was trying to fight him off, occasionally stopping to take a

pot shot at the man singing on stage. A portal in front of the stage ever expanding with more and more of the Devil's arm ever coming through. If not for

the crappy singing it would be totally awesome.

"ENOUGH" came a strong british voice from the stage "End this foolishness now."

Simon smashed in the back of Sanjaya's head with a spare mic stand.

"can... you.... take... me...Mein Furor" Sanjaya let out his dying words.

"I quit, bloody idiots"

As Sanjaya fell to the floor. His life flashed before his eyes. Two years ago he had been on a mission for Millennium sending him to the United States, Los

Angelas California. Millennium had heard the devil had been summoned there outside of a night club in northern LA. He was a rookie, Millenium sent the 15

year old to investigate the summoning. He eventually came upon Two singers who had converted the horn of the Devil into a bong. Stealing it to bring to the

Nazis. But then he heard a voice.

"Summon me"

Bargaining with the Devil, young Sanjaya revealed his childhood dream of becomming a singer. He hadn't had much of a childhood in Brazil, but singing was

always his passion before the Third Reicht.

Satan struck a deal, he would grant Sanjaya a record contract if it would allow for his summoning. And hence the Idol season made in hell commenced.

Now Sanjaya was off to meet Satan, and his original leader. He contemplated which would be worse.

"So.... Uh, Jordon Wins" Screamed Seacrest in the happiest fake tv guy voice he could muster, and it was over.
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Newb
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I present to you all, the horror that I have created.


==============================Timmy gets a Pikachu=========================

Author's note: I don't own Timmy or Wanda or Cosmo or any of the Pokémon or anybody else in this fic but I really wish I did because that would be cool.

Please R&R because I want to hear what you all think!

Also, if you're going to flame then don't review because people who review just to flame are really pathetic.

|+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++|
|-----------------------------------------------------Chapter one: The Blizzard-------------------------------------------------------|
|+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++|

(Don't you like how pretty I got the border to look??)

Timmy was walking down the street one day when he saw some people playing on a game so he went over and asked them what it was but they told him that he couldn't play with them because he didn't have any Pokémon so he cried and then ran away and then wished for the best Pokémon ever but Wanda said that he couldn't just wish for a Pokémon because Da Rules said that you have to catch Pokémon (Haha, those rules keep messing things up but it does make the story better so oh well!) so he said okay and wished to be able to catch the best Pokémon ever so Wanda and Cosmo raised their wands and poofed him into the world of Pokémon!

(Heh, now he's in the world of Pokémon so he can catch a real one! What Pokémon do you think he's going to catch? Lol, we all already know. He did say "best" so there's only one that it can be.)

Timmy looked around but all he could see was white dots! So he asked Cosmo and Wanda and they said that they were in a blizzard because it was snowing in the Pokémon world and so they got lost and bumped into a cliff and then they fell off it!

When they landed in the snow they looked around and then they saw a Pikachu so Timmy threw a safari ball and caught the Pikachu and then he had caught the best Pokémon ever because Pikachu are really strong just look at Ash's Pikachu if you don't believe me!

In chapter two I'm going to have him go home with the Pikachu so make sure that you all read that! Don't forget to review or I might take longer to post the next chapter! Lol.
An Adventure, Hopefully: Multiverse SI
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LuppyLuptonium
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Am I the only one not a fan of the brainkilling fics?

that hurt my brainmeats
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Mato
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Alan Bates,Apr 8 2007
05:41 PM
Ah good. That means I'll be able to do a normal work job on the fic instead of rushing it.

... Well, as normal as I can do with a fic that combined My Little Pony, suicide, and Frankenstein.

You could always go the Robot Chicken road.
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Just Jon
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Since I completely forgot about Easter and wasn't around to enforce any rules or anything, I'm gonna agree that the story deadline's extended to Thursday, with final judgements given Friday.

(And to all you non-authors, I still need at least one more person willing to anonymously judge. Get me on AIM or over a PM if you want.)
No fanfare, no special effects... Just Jon
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LuppyLuptonium
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who still needs to post?
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