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| G.A.I.D.E.N. critique; Help me improve | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 11 2009, 05:48 PM (347 Views) | |
| TheRealKrazyCarl | Mar 11 2009, 05:48 PM Post #1 |
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Councilor
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Hey all, Up to about a year ago, JayDee was kind enough to host my side story comic, G.A.I.D.E.N. on the site. When the site move occurred, I requested that G.A.I.D.E.N. be taken off as I wanted to try rewriting a good deal of it. In order to better the quality of the rewrite, I need feedback. For those of you unfamiliar or that have forgotten the comic, below is a link containing all issues formerly on the site, and a few that didn't make it due to timing issues. Please take the time to read them and let me know your thoughts. I give you license to be as brutally honest as you like. Knowing what was a steaming pile vs. what made you laugh or think will help me greatly. Thank you all in advance. Carl http://www.fiea.ucf.edu/~ckillian/GAIDENdraft.zip Mods, if this is the wrong place to post this, I apologize. Feel free to move the topic to a more appropriate area. |
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Check out my 1up blog! Never doubt yourself, EVER..... everyone else is doing enough of that for you. - LuppyLuptonium For a man to be my friend, he must be my equal in all things. He too, must be a dreamer, one who persues that dream regardless of cost, even if it means the death of my own - Griffith, Berserk X-Box Live ID: Captain PSX Pokemon Pearl Friend Code 0945 9341 8654, Name: Carl FF3 Friend Code 064535863503 | |
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| Starcat5 | Mar 14 2009, 01:56 PM Post #2 |
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Citizen
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Ah. I was wondering where the *Kupo* your comic had gone. I'll look it over next weekend and let you know what I think. I will voice now, however, to avoid truly random, forth wall-breaking gags solely for the sake of having a gag. They're nice enough as filler, but when done in cannon, like some of the early CSNES strips and that freakish wall climbing with a potted plant strip from G.A.I.D.E.N., all it does is drag the viewer out of the illusion that the events in the comic are really happening to these characters. |
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"In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! We are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory." ~Aragorn, The Lord of the Rings, 5th Appendix | |
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| Alan Bates | Mar 14 2009, 04:17 PM Post #3 |
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Transcendent
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I find the majority of your characters all seem to talk in th3e same basic "voice". You might want to try to vary up their speach patterns a bit more. |
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| Spriteless Girl | Mar 15 2009, 11:19 PM Post #4 |
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Sage
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I heard the voice actors from cartoons when I had watched the cartoon. But Reptile seemed kind of loquacious. |
Hey, the comic seems to be updating kind of regularly. Maybe we should vote to spread the word.
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| MFD | Mar 16 2009, 02:11 AM Post #5 |
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THIEF!
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I think what Alan means is that GAIDEN is too plot-driven. Anyone could be in Don's place doing what Don does, or anyone could be Dunno what to suggest to fix it, though. Stronger characterization and less exposition could help. |
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Oceans rise, empires fall I need to know If the world says it's time to go Tell me will you freak out? | |
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| TheRealKrazyCarl | Mar 19 2009, 05:26 PM Post #6 |
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Councilor
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Thanks for the comments all, MFD's especially helped clarify. I'll try working the characters to make them stand out / on their own a bit more. The humor too, needs work. JayDee knows how to exploit the tension of his plot by breaking it with a well timed laugh, a skill I still need to work on (if I include it at all). Please keep the comments coming if you have them. |
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Check out my 1up blog! Never doubt yourself, EVER..... everyone else is doing enough of that for you. - LuppyLuptonium For a man to be my friend, he must be my equal in all things. He too, must be a dreamer, one who persues that dream regardless of cost, even if it means the death of my own - Griffith, Berserk X-Box Live ID: Captain PSX Pokemon Pearl Friend Code 0945 9341 8654, Name: Carl FF3 Friend Code 064535863503 | |
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| Alan Bates | Mar 19 2009, 10:35 PM Post #7 |
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Transcendent
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Yeah, pacewise it always seemed to just crawl along. |
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2:14 PM Jul 11