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G.A.I.D.E.N. critique; Help me improve
Topic Started: Mar 11 2009, 05:48 PM (347 Views)
TheRealKrazyCarl
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Hey all,

Up to about a year ago, JayDee was kind enough to host my side story comic, G.A.I.D.E.N. on the site. When the site move occurred, I requested that G.A.I.D.E.N. be taken off as I wanted to try rewriting a good deal of it.

In order to better the quality of the rewrite, I need feedback. For those of you unfamiliar or that have forgotten the comic, below is a link containing all issues formerly on the site, and a few that didn't make it due to timing issues.

Please take the time to read them and let me know your thoughts. I give you license to be as brutally honest as you like. Knowing what was a steaming pile vs. what made you laugh or think will help me greatly.

Thank you all in advance.

Carl

http://www.fiea.ucf.edu/~ckillian/GAIDENdraft.zip



Mods, if this is the wrong place to post this, I apologize. Feel free to move the topic to a more appropriate area.
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Never doubt yourself, EVER..... everyone else is doing enough of that for you. - LuppyLuptonium

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Starcat5
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Ah. I was wondering where the *Kupo* your comic had gone. I'll look it over next weekend and let you know what I think. I will voice now, however, to avoid truly random, forth wall-breaking gags solely for the sake of having a gag. They're nice enough as filler, but when done in cannon, like some of the early CSNES strips and that freakish wall climbing with a potted plant strip from G.A.I.D.E.N., all it does is drag the viewer out of the illusion that the events in the comic are really happening to these characters.
"In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! We are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory."
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Alan Bates
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I find the majority of your characters all seem to talk in th3e same basic "voice". You might want to try to vary up their speach patterns a bit more.
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Spriteless Girl
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I heard the voice actors from cartoons when I had watched the cartoon. But Reptile seemed kind of loquacious.
Hey, the comic seems to be updating kind of regularly. Maybe we should vote to spread the word.

Cyrus
 
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MFD
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I think what Alan means is that GAIDEN is too plot-driven. Anyone could be in Don's place doing what Don does, or anyone could be Basil Exposition Gadget or anyone could be Stryker.

Dunno what to suggest to fix it, though. Stronger characterization and less exposition could help.
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TheRealKrazyCarl
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Thanks for the comments all, MFD's especially helped clarify. I'll try working the characters to make them stand out / on their own a bit more.

The humor too, needs work. JayDee knows how to exploit the tension of his plot by breaking it with a well timed laugh, a skill I still need to work on (if I include it at all).

Please keep the comments coming if you have them.
Check out my 1up blog!

Never doubt yourself, EVER..... everyone else is doing enough of that for you. - LuppyLuptonium

For a man to be my friend, he must be my equal in all things. He too, must be a dreamer, one who persues that dream regardless of cost, even if it means the death of my own - Griffith,
Berserk

X-Box Live ID: Captain PSX

Pokemon Pearl Friend Code 0945 9341 8654, Name: Carl
FF3 Friend Code 064535863503
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Alan Bates
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Yeah, pacewise it always seemed to just crawl along.
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