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Raving Thread
Topic Started: 20 Oct 2015, 09:40 PM (30 Views)
Paw
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So we have a ranting thread, but we've got no place to unload all the good feelings. I think it's always important to recognize when something, even a very small thing, gives us some amount of happiness. And I think it's always good to share in the hopes that it is contagious.

Today I officially got in to the society I have been working on joining for many weeks. This whole process has been very, very time-consuming: many events and such. But I am also the happiest I have been in a long time. And by that I mean a VERY long time. I have a place I feel like I can belong.

When I was little, I made friends pretty easily. But I started to become introverted at some point and stopped talking or doing things with people. I think it was a result of trying to handle my impulsive violence. I had to compromise and I lost my social side in my bid for self-control. It took me eight years to really begin to start opening up with the people in my class in elementary and middle school. In high school, I took on an extreme anti-social persona. I told myself I liked it. It annoyed me when people talked to me. I even had a reputation as a guy who would refuse high fives. What horror!

Nevertheless, I maintained my friendships with my small group of closest friends. I made a few new ones in high school despite myself, and I have dutifully tried to maintain those every summer in the 48 hour film project. In my last year of high school, I joined the fabulous world of being online and met some online friends (that's you) that I have had the pleasure of knowing on a nearly daily basis for many years now. I found among you a side of myself I had forgotten - a social side that I wanted to revive as I went onward to college. In college, people get the opportunity to reinvent themselves. You gain a reputation you can't shake in high school and this is your chance to shake it. I wanted to be social.

I lucked out with an awesome roommate that I got along with. He was a people sort of person that connected me with a lot of people in my dorm. I was very happy there. But then I flunked out. I was not ready to be in college yet. I was not mature enough. Final Fantasy XIII hype was often more important than schoolwork, and I had depression that had started to creep on me at the end of high school. I only ever even said goodbye to my roommate. Otherwise, I just left silently and ashamed.

This was the darkest time in my life. I needed online friendship just to keep from feeling completely worthless. As I eventually started going to community college, I convinced myself that I no longer had the luxury of friendship in college. I had failed my attempt at the college life thing and now I just had to focus on getting my degree. Since then, and also just due to the nature of community college, I had made no new friends. Added to this, one of my closest friends that I'd known since I was little started having severe problems with bipolar disorder and alcohol abuse. Every time he seemed to be doing better, he'd fuck up and hit a new low.

That was my social life at this time: an ever-decreasing sphere of online friends and a high maintenance, manipulative, emotionally draining, and sometimes scary friend that I can do nothing but feel sorry for and try to help. Or I'd avoid him and hate myself for it.
Now, I don't mean to undervalue online friendship - it was everything to me when I was in this dark place. But there's a certain energy that comes from a physical friendship that's very different.

I feel like I've reached a new place in my life now. I couldn't be happier. And if any of you (holy shit if anyone's still reading after literal life story) think this means I'm going anywhere, think again!

This is the part you can skip to
The downside to this whole process has been what I've had to forsake to give my all to this group. I haven't touched a video game since this began, and I know I've been scarce on skype and in the RP. But I'm not going anywhere.
Naturally, I need to figure out how to manage my time with this new factor in it. Things are rocky right now, but I expect they'll smooth out soon enough.

P.S.
I think this and rant should be moved to General Chat. What you all think?

tl;dr

THINGS! LOTS OF THINGS! Will notify when I regain my balance.
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