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Twilight; Literary Plague
Topic Started: Dec 21 2008, 05:37 PM (308 Views)
Foxby
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Emerald Guardian
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All right, so for those of you who haven't read Twilight or don't know much about it, here's a summary.

A girl named Bella Swan ("Beautiful Swan") is the protagonist. She lists herself as average-looking (mahogony hair, heart-shaped face, basically the author minus about two hundred pounds). Her parents are divorced; her mother has a boyfriend or fiance or new husband or something so Bella chooses to move back with her father in the small town of Forks, Washington (which the author has never researched or gone to, leaving many inconsistencies with real life). There, as the new student, a boy with acne tries to help her; she scoffs and pretty much tells him to go screw himself. Ugh, overhelpful ugly guy.

She also prefers to be called "Bella" instead of "Isabella," her full name. This is pretty much normal, but-- and I'm not making this shit up-- every student is so amazed at the newness and the name bit.
This is a real sentence.

"So your name is Isabella?" he asked me.
"Bella," I corrected; every other student turned and gave me interested gazes; I could look nowhere without meeting curious eyes.

What the fuck.

Anyway, moving on.

So she notices a table of pretty people, and someone explains that they're a family called the "Cullens." Bella is interested in one especially, who turns out to be Edward.
So after pretty much her first day, she's hanging out in the parking lot and one of the five guys that has already fallen in love with her for no reason other than the fact that she's new (I'm new and average-looking, and as far as I know, NOBODY likes me) ends up almost hitting her with a van when Edward poofs out of nowhere and stops the van with his bare hands. Edward insists that he didn't do anything, Bella just fell, and takes her to the hospital.

The entire. Freaking. School. Shows up to make sure she's okay, despite there being nothing wrong with her (although she wears a neck brace for a total of ten seconds before deciding it looks nerdy and tossing it off because she's apparently smarter than the doctors). Meanwhile, Tyler (the guy that almost ran her over) IS somewhat injured and gets zero attention.

So we move further on. By page 350, so far little actual plot has happened besides sickening flirting between Edward and Bella, but finally, plot happens. OH, I forgot to mention...

1. Bella falls in love at first sight, despite...
2. Edward has a strong urge to drink her blood.
3. Edward watches her sleep.
4. Reads her diary.

But soon Bella realizes he's a vampire which she doesn't really seem to mind. Oh, he also sparkles in the sun instead of burning up. He's also a 'vegetarian vampire' which means he only feeds on animals (watch out, kitties).

Anyway, on to the plot. A few of hobo vampires show up and try to drink Bella. Why they choose Bella, who is protected by Edward and the rest of the Cullens, is apparently because her blood smells a little tastier than other peoples'. Oh, and Edward's ability to read minds doesn't work on her (which is never explained).

So they come up with a plan to get Bella to safety, which mostly involves driving her to Arizona. The three vampires FOLLOW HER ACROSS THREE STATES FOR NO FREAKING REASON, KIDNAP HER MOTHER, AND DEMAND THAT BELLA MEET THEM IN A BALLET PLACE.

So instead of asking the Cullens for help, you know what she does?

She just randomly goes to the ballet building thing. So James (head hobo vampire) beats the crap out of her. But oh wait-- she's saved, James dies, and she heals up just in time for Stalkward to take her to the prom! Awww.

Okay, so a few things I missed.

1. How does Bella go to Arizona without her parent noticing? She doesn't; instead, she tells her dad off (who she refers to affectionately by his first name) and leaves. Her father has done nothing wrong, bought her a car, and is a generally all-around good person, but Bella hates him anyway because he asks her to cook now and then.

2. She didn't figure the vamp thing out on her own; a werewolf she's apparently been friends with when they were in diapers told her.

I'll rant on the next book later.
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Zoden
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For once I agree with something Foxby says! Twilight sucks!
"Creation happens but once. Destruction and Rebirth are eternal."
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Hannah
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Hmmm... I agree about some things in this. I like twilight, but just as a book. I've never understood why people get all obsessed over it. To me it's like Huck Fin. Good book, but not amazing. BUT, i do have to say that you have a few things wrong. I don't mind ranting and raving, but you've got to be right about it.
1: The 'bad guy' james, did not actually kidnap her mother. It was a tape.
2: Bella doesn't hate her dad. Both of them are just horrible at showing affection. Which bugs me, but I too am somewhat like that.
3: The 'werewolf' didn't really tell her. He just told her a story, then she figured it out. So in a way yes... but he didn't tell her... meh, that one was just filling up a number three actually. :)

Ha ha, but I must full heartily agree with you. Twilight is not all it's cracked up to be. Lets all read Harry Potter instead!! Yay!!! Now that's some good reading. ^^
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Zoden
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Midna
Dec 21 2008, 03:56 PM
Hmmm... I agree about some things in this. I like twilight, but just as a book. I've never understood why people get all obsessed over it. To me it's like Huck Fin. Good book, but not amazing. BUT, i do have to say that you have a few things wrong. I don't mind ranting and raving, but you've got to be right about it.
1: The 'bad guy' james, did not actually kidnap her mother. It was a tape.
2: Bella doesn't hate her dad. Both of them are just horrible at showing affection. Which bugs me, but I too am somewhat like that.
3: The 'werewolf' didn't really tell her. He just told her a story, then she figured it out. So in a way yes... but he didn't tell her... meh, that one was just filling up a number three actually. :)

Ha ha, but I must full heartily agree with you. Twilight is not all it's cracked up to be. Lets all read Harry Potter instead!! Yay!!! Now that's some good reading. ^^

NO!!! I hate Harry Potter too...
"Creation happens but once. Destruction and Rebirth are eternal."
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Foxby
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*nodnod* I'll sort of... compromise with you on 1, I meant it more to display Bella's stupidity than James's determination to get her. 2... well, I'm fairly certain that Bella just really doesn't like her dad for no particular reason. It just seems that way to me. I freaking hate my dad and I still call him Dad. : /

Oh, and I put up a ten-point list for my Twilight-enjoying friend.

1. Every plot point is way cliche. You've been on Gaia-- ever read a vampire RP, or a vampire vs. werewolves RP? Disturbing similarities.
2. Bella is the world's biggest Mary Sue, hates her father for no reason (despite him having bought her a car), loved Edward for no real reason except he's hot.
3. The entire town is fascinated with Bella for no reason except 'she's new' and I just moved to a new town and didn't even get a vaguely similar reaction.
4. Jacob Black is an actually decent guy in book 2 and then goes batshit from then on but is still given their mutant baby so he can screw her when she's at the very mature age of 6 years old.
5. SMeyer beats the reader over the head with Edward's good looks. Yeah, okay, so he's hot. We get it.
6. THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER, BELLA! *sparkle sparkle*
7. James and Friends track Bella over three states for no real reason.
8. Bella jumps off a cliff to hear Edward's voice.
9. Just about everything else. I'M DANGEROUS BELLA *smooch smooch* STAY AWAY FROM ME
10. Bella looks down on the helpful kid with acne but doesn't mind that a 102-year-old virgin is watching her sleep.
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HAL-9000
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Twilight doesn't suck, it's just over hyped. It isn't a god book that challanges the logic of everyone or doesn't present you to think differently about humanity or the history. But it's a book for enjoyment and for people who love a good romance story.
Sure, This book is a cheap ploy for the female market. Just get a girl who is average and not very pretty with average everything and make her get the hottest guy ever with some action and adventure. It's the biggest cliche then Final Fantasy Charecters.

My sister loves Twilight and my friend likes it because he's a kiss ass and wants girls to like him. I think it's cliche, been done before and it's not challanging my mindset.

Now Zoden, Don't go dissing books for whatever reason, Harry Potter is actually more enjoyable then Twilight and I actually enjoyed reading it. Plus, if your saying it sucks without reading it, Check it out first before commenting.

But, I rather read books like Lord of the Flies and Frankenstine or Oliver Twist or To Kill and Mockingbird. So, My taste in books is a bit more refined then my friends.

I agree with Foxby on the points, But saying it sucks is too far, if the books sucks then it would be a flat out failure and nobody would read it.

Twilight is overhyped.
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Maria Viola
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Blah, I would never know if Twilight is a good book or a bad one since I don't really plan on reading it anyway. The fact that its overhyped kinda helps with my decision of avoiding the book as much as I can (which is hard since all of my friends keep telling me to read it whenever I mention "Nope, I'm a Twilight virgin" XD).

I have a tendency to kinda avoid overhyped stuff. Mainly because, in Twilight's case, a majority of the fanbase would probably be dumbasses or the large population of girls who drool over vampires/vampire sex (if there isn't sex in twilight then sorry! XD;; its based off what I heard). Yeah there's probably a few good fans out there, but that doesn't really help that much. To me, overhyped things end up sucking somehow even though they make a lot of money.

Example: Naruto. Nuff said.

Point is I'm staying far away from the books and the movie, which pissed all my friends off after seeing it since they were so obsessive and tried pinpointing every single error, which they then proceeded to bitch about it XD
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Hannah
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I completely agree with Joey. That's all the book is. For me, I just love to read. I read anything and everything. I like to give books a chance. I think my favorite reads are things like, The Work and the Glory, or the Legend of Arther series by Jack Whyte. And I do have a little bit of bias towards Harry Potter, because that was what got me reading. ^^ I never knew you could totally go somewhere else while you're reading. But yes, back on subject, twilight is overhyped.
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Foxby
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Eh, I say it sucks if it exists solely to make money. Which is pretty much a fair description of the series. If you need proof: Midnight Sun, the leak of Midnight Sun, and SMeyer's reaction to said leak.
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Anya Nippon
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Ive never read twighlight, but I dont wanna bash it untill I read the book or see the movie, Thanks for Ruining the plot for me, Even so, this book looks cute, but then again im just a girl
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Foxby
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Considering I said it was a summary of the plot in the first line, you really can't get mad for reading. xD
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Anya Nippon
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I didnt know you were gonna do that, I just knew you were gonna rant about the series
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HAL-9000
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First off, Amanda, Anybody with common logic knows that if your intrested by the slightest in reading something. Don't read summeries. And if somebody is going to rant about the series, it's obivous that they're going to spoil some of the books. -_-. Plus, it isn't Foxby's fault, he's just ranting about it. So Thank yourself if you want to blame somebody for ruining the book..

Back to my off-topicness. Maria, Naruto is very overhyped but belive it or not, Naruto has gotten a lot more mature and better animated in Shippuden, Plus in the Manga, Shit is going down that is find is pretty impressive to say the least. Naruto isn't sucking, Infact, It's very exciting now. Something happened that people didn't even think it would happen.

Finally, I like cake.

My post is very off-topic.
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Zoden
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Evangelion -01
Dec 22 2008, 11:15 AM
Twilight doesn't suck, it's just over hyped. It isn't a god book that challanges the logic of everyone or doesn't present you to think differently about humanity or the history. But it's a book for enjoyment and for people who love a good romance story.
Sure, This book is a cheap ploy for the female market. Just get a girl who is average and not very pretty with average everything and make her get the hottest guy ever with some action and adventure. It's the biggest cliche then Final Fantasy Charecters.

My sister loves Twilight and my friend likes it because he's a kiss ass and wants girls to like him. I think it's cliche, been done before and it's not challanging my mindset.

Now Zoden, Don't go dissing books for whatever reason, Harry Potter is actually more enjoyable then Twilight and I actually enjoyed reading it. Plus, if your saying it sucks without reading it, Check it out first before commenting.

But, I rather read books like Lord of the Flies and Frankenstine or Oliver Twist or To Kill and Mockingbird. So, My taste in books is a bit more refined then my friends.

I agree with Foxby on the points, But saying it sucks is too far, if the books sucks then it would be a flat out failure and nobody would read it.

Twilight is overhyped.

I read Harry Potters 1-4, started reading 5 and got bored with it.
"Creation happens but once. Destruction and Rebirth are eternal."
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AkuTenshiiZero
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Note: I know nothing about Twilight. Have not read a single page or seen a single clip of the movie. However, I am confident that is an epic failure. My reasons?

1) Gaia. I RP there occasionally. When I saw the flood of Twilight RPs, I immediately knew it was an emo-skank's wet dream.

2) Vampires. Ooooohhhh, vampires...I have a freakin' laundry list of how much vampires suck (pun not intended). Allow me to compare...

Dracula...A novel by Bram Stoker, and the DEFINITIVE origin of vampyric fiction. If you have not read and loved this book, you have no right to say anything about vamires. They are undead badasses with incredable power. They do not, repeat, DO NOT feel anything towards humans any more than you would feel for a Domino's pizza. If a vampire were by some chance to gain feelings for a human, said human would not be human much longer. They have distinct weaknesses to sunlight (Read: FATAL), and Christian faith (It's not the crucifix, it's the man holding it that matters). This is because the origional vamipre, Vlad Tepes/Dracula, made a pact with freakin' Satan.

The came a woman named Anne Rice, who probably didn't get enough nookie in her life. She then vented her twisted necrophiliac tendancies into the bane of vampres: Lestat. Ever since her novels hit the shelves, vampyric fiction has been devastated. Now a monster to be feared has turned into an sex symbol for emo-skanks, and simultaniously a cesspool of homosexual innuendos. Somewhere along the line it was forgotten that they feed on humanity, despite that it's the very core of the concept.

Then: Undead monster who feeds upon human blood.

Now: Necrophilia.

I used to love vampire stories. Then they turned vampires into a steaming pile of crap.

/rant
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