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| Secret transcript of backstage TNA meeting!; OMGWTFBBQ!? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 24 2007, 08:49 AM (75 Views) | |
| Minister Wighty | Apr 24 2007, 08:49 AM Post #1 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Don't ask how I stumbled across this. I'm just lucky. But this is TOTALLY FACTUAL BACKSTAGE TNA MEETING TYPE STUFF. Jeff Jarrett: OK, so this week we're still in the red. Which is good. It means we're not yet in the black. Dixie Carter: Because of this, I have decided to give you several more millions of dollars so that maybe MAYBE you can move into the orange. Jarrett: Now now. Don't get your hopes up, woman. Russo, what are your ideas for this week's show? Vince Russo: I say we have everyone switch from face to heel and vice versa... all the women stop shaving their underarms and Samoa Joe leads Raven's Flock in a game of Survivor that we set in the ring with a fake palm tree. The winner gets thumbtacks shoved into his eyes and every loser gets a kiss on the cheek from Joe. Jarrett: Great work Russo. What do you think, Raven? Raven: I want to die. Jarrett: Awesome. So also this week we're going to invent a new championship just for me, called the "Best Wrestler Ever Championship" and probably throw TNA or NWA on there somewhere. Anything else? Russo: Is it at all possible to shave the Sinister Minister completely bald and put him in a diaper and pass him off as Abyss's long lost son? Jarrett: Probably not, but let's do it anyway. On that same vein, I was thinking we finally reveal that Abyss's first name is "Dark", and that Mama Abyss's first name is "Emosewasitterrajffej". Russo: I don't like that idea. Doesn't sound enough like Kane. Since when does Kane like darkness? Kane's first name should be "Firey." Jarrett: Done and done. Also, I've decided to add another double letter to my name. I think maybe it'll make the fans like me more. I've already got two, but I imagine adding another J will remind them of the WWF days and make them remember that there used to be a reason I hit people with a guitar. Dixie: I'll be giving you a thirty-thousand dollar fake guitar fund. Jjarrett: No dice, sister. These need to be real guitars. Gibsons. With catgut strings. Dixie: Is that good for wrestling? Jjarrett: If it isn't, my name isn't Jjeff Jjarrett. Russo: I think we should talk about this week's Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe segment. Jjarrett: Ah yes. The one where they finally share their first on-screen kiss, and Kurt reveals he's secretly pregnant with Matt Bentley's drag queen friend's baby. Go on. Russo: What if Samoa Joe was... angry? Jjarrett: BRILLIANT. I don't know that I ever would've thought of that, nor would anyone else ever have thought to make Samoa Joe seem angry. This is why we pay you eleventy billion Jjarrett Dollars a day. Russo: I think this is where we reveal that Abyss is actually Kurt's baby's father. This way we can introduce Sinister Baby Minister Mitchell. AJ Styles: Ah hayuve a kwest-chun. Jjarrett: Yes, AJ Styles? AJ Styles: Ah'd lahke ta be on that thar teevee summore. Jjarrett: Well, obviously what we'll do is have you plaster a fake goatee on yourself and masquerade as your own evil twin who joins a stable of bad guys while you join a stable of good guys. Russo: IDEA!!! This could all culminate at a pay-per-view match where Styles faces off against Styles with a fake goatee. Jjarrett: YES! Then it's revealed that it was never an evil Styles at all, but me with a fake Styles mask and a fake goatee overtop the fake Styles mask! Then AJ and I will form a tag team--- Russo: BUT IN A SURPRISE SWERVE, AJ WILL TEAR OFF HIS ENERGY MASK AND REVEAL HE WAS REALLY THE REAL EVIL TWIN ALL ALONG AND HIT YOU WITH YOUR OWN GUITAR!!! Jjarrett: THEN! THEN! THE GUITAR TAKES OFF ITS ENERGY MASK AND REVEALS ITSELF TO BE STING, RISEN FROM THE DEAD FOR THE FIFTH TIME!!! THEN STING AND AJ STYLES WILL FIGHT IN A BATTLE FOR MY FAKE GOATEE'S SOUL!! Dixie: This sure sounds like it's going to make me a lot of money. Jjarrett: It will. You had best be glad you have smart guys like us around to take care of this wrestling stuff. Russo: Before we draw this meeting to a close I'd like to address an issue I've been noticing with our programming. Jjarrett: What's that, I ask as I add yet another double letter to my name in hopes of achieving fans. Russo: Remember how we lost our super-awesome THE ALPHA MALE MONTY BROWN to WWE? Jjaarrett: Yes. Russo: WHAT IF... we get D'Lo Brown back from Japan and change his name to Monty... AND ACT LIKE HE NEVER LEFT!? Jjaarrett: THE POUNCE IS BACK!! I'm told the cackling lasted long into the night. |
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| Drake | Apr 24 2007, 09:04 AM Post #2 |
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Drake Love
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Maybe it's the weed talking but that was some funny shit. The sad thing is that the REAL meetings probably don't differ too much without the embleshing.
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| Kyle | Apr 24 2007, 10:41 AM Post #3 |
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Carolina Gentleman
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Amazing. You must have paid big bucks for this treasure of a document, Wight. |
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| Ash | Apr 24 2007, 10:52 PM Post #4 |
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Capt. Ash Kapow~!
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I thoroughly amuse-d. Ja. |
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