Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Full Intensity Wrestling. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Secret transcript of backstage TNA meeting!; OMGWTFBBQ!?
Topic Started: Apr 24 2007, 08:49 AM (75 Views)
Minister Wighty
Member Avatar
Opossum Queen of FIW
Admin
Don't ask how I stumbled across this. I'm just lucky. But this is TOTALLY FACTUAL BACKSTAGE TNA MEETING TYPE STUFF.

Jeff Jarrett: OK, so this week we're still in the red. Which is good. It means we're not yet in the black.

Dixie Carter: Because of this, I have decided to give you several more millions of dollars so that maybe MAYBE you can move into the orange.

Jarrett: Now now. Don't get your hopes up, woman. Russo, what are your ideas for this week's show?

Vince Russo: I say we have everyone switch from face to heel and vice versa... all the women stop shaving their underarms and Samoa Joe leads Raven's Flock in a game of Survivor that we set in the ring with a fake palm tree. The winner gets thumbtacks shoved into his eyes and every loser gets a kiss on the cheek from Joe.

Jarrett: Great work Russo. What do you think, Raven?

Raven: I want to die.

Jarrett: Awesome. So also this week we're going to invent a new championship just for me, called the "Best Wrestler Ever Championship" and probably throw TNA or NWA on there somewhere. Anything else?

Russo: Is it at all possible to shave the Sinister Minister completely bald and put him in a diaper and pass him off as Abyss's long lost son?

Jarrett: Probably not, but let's do it anyway. On that same vein, I was thinking we finally reveal that Abyss's first name is "Dark", and that Mama Abyss's first name is "Emosewasitterrajffej".

Russo: I don't like that idea. Doesn't sound enough like Kane. Since when does Kane like darkness? Kane's first name should be "Firey."

Jarrett: Done and done. Also, I've decided to add another double letter to my name. I think maybe it'll make the fans like me more. I've already got two, but I imagine adding another J will remind them of the WWF days and make them remember that there used to be a reason I hit people with a guitar.

Dixie: I'll be giving you a thirty-thousand dollar fake guitar fund.

Jjarrett: No dice, sister. These need to be real guitars. Gibsons. With catgut strings.

Dixie: Is that good for wrestling?

Jjarrett: If it isn't, my name isn't Jjeff Jjarrett.

Russo: I think we should talk about this week's Kurt Angle/Samoa Joe segment.

Jjarrett: Ah yes. The one where they finally share their first on-screen kiss, and Kurt reveals he's secretly pregnant with Matt Bentley's drag queen friend's baby. Go on.

Russo: What if Samoa Joe was... angry?

Jjarrett: BRILLIANT. I don't know that I ever would've thought of that, nor would anyone else ever have thought to make Samoa Joe seem angry. This is why we pay you eleventy billion Jjarrett Dollars a day.

Russo: I think this is where we reveal that Abyss is actually Kurt's baby's father. This way we can introduce Sinister Baby Minister Mitchell.

AJ Styles: Ah hayuve a kwest-chun.

Jjarrett: Yes, AJ Styles?

AJ Styles: Ah'd lahke ta be on that thar teevee summore.

Jjarrett: Well, obviously what we'll do is have you plaster a fake goatee on yourself and masquerade as your own evil twin who joins a stable of bad guys while you join a stable of good guys.

Russo: IDEA!!! This could all culminate at a pay-per-view match where Styles faces off against Styles with a fake goatee.

Jjarrett: YES! Then it's revealed that it was never an evil Styles at all, but me with a fake Styles mask and a fake goatee overtop the fake Styles mask! Then AJ and I will form a tag team---

Russo: BUT IN A SURPRISE SWERVE, AJ WILL TEAR OFF HIS ENERGY MASK AND REVEAL HE WAS REALLY THE REAL EVIL TWIN ALL ALONG AND HIT YOU WITH YOUR OWN GUITAR!!!

Jjarrett: THEN! THEN! THE GUITAR TAKES OFF ITS ENERGY MASK AND REVEALS ITSELF TO BE STING, RISEN FROM THE DEAD FOR THE FIFTH TIME!!! THEN STING AND AJ STYLES WILL FIGHT IN A BATTLE FOR MY FAKE GOATEE'S SOUL!!

Dixie: This sure sounds like it's going to make me a lot of money.

Jjarrett: It will. You had best be glad you have smart guys like us around to take care of this wrestling stuff.

Russo: Before we draw this meeting to a close I'd like to address an issue I've been noticing with our programming.

Jjarrett: What's that, I ask as I add yet another double letter to my name in hopes of achieving fans.

Russo: Remember how we lost our super-awesome THE ALPHA MALE MONTY BROWN to WWE?

Jjaarrett: Yes.

Russo: WHAT IF... we get D'Lo Brown back from Japan and change his name to Monty... AND ACT LIKE HE NEVER LEFT!?

Jjaarrett: THE POUNCE IS BACK!!

I'm told the cackling lasted long into the night.
[align=center]Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image Posted ImagePosted Image[/align]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Drake
Drake Love
[ *  *  *  * ]
Maybe it's the weed talking but that was some funny shit. The sad thing is that the REAL meetings probably don't differ too much without the embleshing. <_<
[align=center]The Vault: Archives

Posted Image[/align]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Kyle
Member Avatar
Carolina Gentleman
Banned
Amazing. You must have paid big bucks for this treasure of a document, Wight.
[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Ash
Capt. Ash Kapow~!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
I thoroughly amuse-d.

Ja.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · Out of Character · Next Topic »
Add Reply

Black Water created by tiptopolive of the Zetaboards Theme Zone