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| Doris; WARNING ~ Fades badly at the end | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 8 2005, 09:21 PM (57 Views) | |
| Glen | Jan 8 2005, 09:21 PM Post #1 |
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OOC: This actually had a point and more substance but a power cut ate it. *The scene opens by showing a line of cars packed in specified bays within a large area outside a building; let’s call it a car park. The grey, cloudy sky and generally dismal surroundings make it obvious this promo was filmed in merry old England which can mean only one thing…* Brighty: Oi mate! I’m over ‘ere! What’cha filmin’ those bloody cars for? *The camera pans left to reveal FIW mega-star (Super is so overused) Brighty wearing a TNT hoodie type thing and a pair of jeans. Suprisingly there is no KFC logo in sight… until the 380lb Englishman turns around to reveal “KFC IS BLOODY GREAT” in ever so subtle glow-in-the-dark luminous yellow letters scrawled across the back of the top* Brighty: We’re goin’ over ‘ere don’t fall behind mate! *Brighty, followed as ever by the camera monkey, walks toward the building all the time talking with his back to camera. As he waddles across the car park various people stop and stare at this fat man being followed by an overly hairy bloke holding a camera* Brighty: Ya know when I found out I weren’t gonna be part of an FIW PPV (Turns to camera) again (Brighty carries on his waddle to the building) I came back ‘ome to see me folks and mates… alrite there mate… anyway, I was speakin’ to me old dear and she give me this letter from one of me fans, goes summin’ like this… *Brighty clears his throat and ends up coughing up a massive ‘greenie’* Brighty: Bugger me that was a big’n! Anyway, me letter… “Dear Sir”, not quite yet love but I’m sure Lizzie’ll be givin’ me a call sometime soon, “my little Timmy is your biggest fan he has a multitude of pictures of you on his walls and watches every television programme you appear on. It is his birthday in the first week on January and it would make him so happy if you ould visit him on this special day. Yours Sincerely Doris Nielson” *Brighty folds the letter and stuffs it back into his pocket* Brighty: Ta’ tell ya’ the truth ladies and gents at first I was worried about that letter, especially the Little Timmy part, but I thought I should come and check it out and ‘ere I am, Bubblin’ Creek biddy home, sorry, retirement home. Let’s go in shall we? *Brighty strolls through the doors but is stopped by a funny looking bloke behind a counter* Bloke: Sorry Sir but I can’t allow you inside with that thing (Gestures to the camera) and that camera as well, we don’t want to give our residents a shock. Brighty: Oh, er… yeah! I didn’t come to visit I came to tell ya that summin’ is happenin’ in the car park! Bloke: What is it? Brighty: It’s a large space in front of the building where visitors leave their cars, but that aint important just go and check it out! *The man runs off outside leaving Brighty and the cameraman unattended in the lobby* Brighty: Leg it! *Brighty and the cameraman run/waddle down random corridors blatantly not knowing where they are going but, whether through luck or just a space saving measure, they stumble across the very door they are looking for. Brighty bursts into the room (Not a good idea in an old people’s home) to see an old lady resembling that old bat of Titanic staring back at him* Brighty: (In that patronising voice everybody uses to speak to old people) Hello Doris do ya know me? Ya wrote me a letter about your little Timmy being a fan of mine. It’s his birthday or summin’? Doris: Huh? What’s that sonny? Hey are you that lovely young man from the television? My little Timmy loves you! Would you like a humbug? Brighty: Nah ya’alrite love. Is Timmy ‘ere wiv ya’ today? Doris: Quarter past three dear. Let me show you what Timmy looks like… *Doris fumbles around under her covers (She’s bed-ridden did I not mention that?) sounds of zips un-zipping causes Brighty to shoot a concerned look into the camera. What is Doris doing? Is she a perverted old flasher preparing to claim another victim? Or does she have the charred remains of ‘Little Timmy’s’ body? Course not you sick freaks, she is getting a picture out of her handbag which she keeps under her duvet at all times for security purposes. Jesus you lot have weird imaginations!* Doris: Here is a picture of him he should be around later. Brighty: I can’t ‘ang about that long love… I’ve gotta get back to America to fight Brad and Savage. Doris: No thank you dear, I’ve just been. (Doris holds up her bedpan, oddly with a sence of pride) Timmy said you might be busy so he said I should ask you some suitable questions and give him the answers. Brighty: Well it’s gotta be better than Bostock, shoot! Doris: No I’m not dear, my husband passed away during the great tinned tomato shortage of ’82. Brighty: Wot ya on about love? Doris: First question… wait it’s coming to me… hang on… there was something Timothy really wanted to know… That’s it! How do you manage to eat all those doughnuts and fatty foods? Brighty: Ya mean chicken don’t’cha? Well I dunno where it all goes coz it don’t seem to affect my body in anyway. Must be all the work I put in down the gym! *A distinct snigger is heard from behind the camera* Doris: What about all those people who continually mock you for being slow. Brighty: I know I aint the fastest of blokes around the ring but I more than make up for it with me strength. Oh, and me massive intellect! Doris: I’m glad you like them, got the nurse to pick those flowers yesterday. Brighty: Ya alrite love? (Shouting) BIT DEAF ARE YA? Doris: There’s no need to shout dear I can hear everything you say. No thank you I don’t even like tuna. What’s next… yes that’s a good one. Your catchphrase, it’s really catchy and has entered the English language how did you come up with it? Brighty: It’s just kinda sorta ’appened ya’ know. Plus it fit in well with me name. Doris: Only one more I think… Timmy wanted to know what it was like to be yellow. Brighty: Yella’? ‘oo’s ‘ee callin’ yella’? *Doris fumbles about in her bag once more and pulls out another picture* Brighty: That another one of Timmy? Doris: eh?! This isn’t a picture of Timmy before you ask. It’s actually a picture of you although there isn’t much resemblance. Brighty: Let’s ‘ave a gander then love. Doris: Would you like a look young man? Here you go… *Doris hands Brighty the picture, what it shows makes his face drop. The camera zooms in on the image to show none other than Homer Simpson…* |
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7:09 PM Jul 11