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Of sinners; and why I can swear
Topic Started: Jan 9 2005, 08:51 PM (45 Views)
Brad
Unregistered

“Before I begin, I want to clear up a few things.”

Boom, cut in, to see Bradley Johnson, sat on the apron of a ring. But it’s not the one in The Church. The ropes on that are black, this one’s ropes are blue. Duly, the cameraman pans out, and we see the empty interior of the Gund Arena. The seats are all set up, as is the ring, and all the technical equipment required for a kick-arse show. A couple of ring monkeys are putting the barriers into place around the ring whilst Johnson speaks

Johnson: There appears to be a lot of confusion about my religious beliefs. There are a lot of people saying “Hey! I thought you were a Catholic. Why all the swearing?” Well, my question to you, when did I ever say that I was a Catholic? I said I was a Christian, that I followed the Lord God. I never said anything about Catholicism. Yes, I have made a confession in a Catholic church, I won’t deny that. But, you have also seen me in a Methodist church, a Presbyterian church, and a Baptist church. I’m not one of those blind fools who conforms their religious beliefs to a set of rules set by someone other than the Lord our God. I don’t fall into a particular sect of Christianity. The Ten Commandments given to Moses by He that is called I Am govern my beliefs. Not some rules laid down by an Italian, or a German, or anyone else. No man should be allowed to govern me. Only God.

He shakes his head

Johnson: And nowhere on that list of commandments am I prohibited from swearing. I may not take His holy name in vain, that is true, but other than that, I may swear to my heart’s content, if I do so desire. So all of you uptight people talking about my foul mouth, I have two very simple words for you. Fuck off.

He grins

Johnson: Now, onto the task at hand, that being the match I have this week. A triple threat, involving Brighty and Savage. Savage, I have a history with. Brighty, I’ve never even met before. But, I know a lot about him. He’s a sinner. You, Brighty, have committed a deadly sin. Gluttony. Gluttony denotes, not any desire of eating and drinking, but an inordinate desire, leaving the order of reason, wherein the good of moral virtue consists. That’s from St. Thomas Aquinas’ Summa Thelogiae. In layman’s terms, it means that the sin of gluttony is to eat too much. And Brighty certainly eats too much. He is a disgusting creature, a man so obese that if you saw him in the streets you would point him out to your friends so they could join you in mocking him. A man so disgusting that if you saw him while you were eating, you wouldn’t be able to finish your meal. Yet, despite this, he receives your adulation. You applaud him, despite his disgustingness. And only in a federation this shitty could that happen. My path is marked out, clearly. God has chosen me to spread his word in this federation. The gluttonous freak is clearly one of those that need to be punished.

He pauses

Johnson: But, I’m not going to go all Kevin Spacey on his enormous arse. I’m just going to beat him shitless. He will be punished for his sin by the beating I shall administer. And if he doesn’t repent…then I’ll have to do it again.

He grins

Johnson: And then, there’s Savage. What happened to you, Sav? I mean, that fatal four way appears to have hit you harder than any other. Since the loss of your Fighting Spirit Championship, you appear to have pretty much disappeared off the map. Now, I’m thinking, did it kill you inside? Did that loss take away your soul? Make you internally apathetic? Make you… a sloth?

He frowns

Johnson: Look at it this way Savage. You’re internally lost. You’re a sloth. You’re going to rot. I can offer you help. Guidance. Salvation. But, first, I have to punish you. Because, even though you and I were once friends. Even though I want to help you get back on the path. You’re still a sinner. And you still have to be punished. And that will take place this week. I’ve no tolerance for sinners. And I’m going to begin the punishment of them, this week on TNT. So, for all of you sinners, a little warning. You will repent. I will make sure of that.

Fade out
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