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| A Sequence of Random Events | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 10 2005, 09:27 AM (56 Views) | |
| Flannel Dude | Feb 10 2005, 09:27 AM Post #1 |
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A narrow corridor fades into view; the camera stirring it’s head around at pedestrians and random TNT superstars in mad search for something interesting to film, when… ????: Orh-h-h-h-h, baby. The curves…yeah, you like that don’t you? You’re FILTHY aren’t you? You’re a filthy little whore Intrigued the camera turns towards the origin of the voice. It traces the soundwaves of mischievous laughter until we come to a closed door about three feet left from where the camera was stationed. The camera turns head on and listens to the conversation as it unravels. ????: RARGH! Hehehehe. Why don’t you come a little closer…nononono, it’s ok. No-one has to know, just…yeaaaaaah. Like that. Not wanting to miss out on this scandalous affair, the cameraman swings the door open and catches Vinj in the janitors closet with…KENNEDY!! *GASP* Oh, wait, no. My mistake, it’s just Vinj eating a packet of chips. Vinj: BLAST! A spray of sloppy potato matter sprays against the camera lens. Vinj: I’ve been caught! Oh foolish fate that thwart an unkindly hand upon divine pleasure! My dark secret…THINE CHASTE VALENTINE! Vinj uses his free arm to shield his face from shame. Vinj: Oh what relinquishing judgement is this, that it should casts it’s dark soulless eyes upon me! AIIIIIIIIIIE!! With a shriek that is sure to ascend his balls back into his stomach, Vinj collapses into a sobbing heap on the cold concrete floor. After what seems like a hilarious eternity, Vinj props his head away from his loins with a scowl sprawled across his face. Vinj: But be assured that only he who is WITHOUT sin may cast the first stone. Oh yes, heavenly justice condemns you all! Passers who have been drawn to the façade around the door begin to slowly back away, their hearts humbled by Vinj’s insightful words. Vinj then turns upwards at the camera, like a child up at an adult. Vinj: So, what’s up? The cameraman adheres to the ever-present code of silence taken by all cameraman; consequently throwing an awkward pause onto screen. Vinj: Not talkin’, ay? Well… Vinj jumps up to his feet and steps into the camera, forcing the camera to backstep to ward away any fuzzy pixel monsters from latching onto Vinj’s face. Vinj: We have ways of making you TALK. Ohhhhh, yes. We have our ways. Vinj then begins to demonstrate his extensive knowledge of martial combat in an assortment of weird and wonderful snake arm movements, grossly misjudged air kicks, high-pitched “Hoi-yahs”, and groin thrusts. Vinj: Yeah, c’mon biatche! SMACK! A leg jolted below camera level seems to have gotten the cameraman in ‘the spot’. Vinj: Aww, crap! Sorry dude. I was just messin’. I don’t really know karate or anythin’. The cameraman falls to the ground and with him, smudging our view of whatever’s going on until the camera makes a plastic-y ‘TUNK!’ on the ground. Vinj: Dude, wait here and I’ll go get some help. A volley of footsteps follow the feet that blur past our screen. A mere second later the feet come back and plant themselves in front of the camera lens. Vinj: Umm, yeah, I’ll need this camera cos…umm…the state of our public schools needs some...YOINK! Vinj grabs the camera and runs down the corridor, away from the groans of a man in desperate need of medical attention. Vinj: Don't worry! I'll return it! A few moments later we find two large metal doors running straight towards the camera. Vinj blasts through the doors and almost bumps into Kennedy, who's on her way out, and finds himself in the midst of the Richmond Coliseum's cafeteria...if it has one. If it doesn't, pretend. You remember how to do that? Good. Around the scattered table we find several TNT superstars and one Toby Bostock; all immune to Vinj's loud idioicy. Except for Toby. So just the superstars are immune to his idoicy. Not...Bostock. Toby: VINJ! The ever-ready Toby runs towards Vinj. But what's this! THE DURACELL BUNNY COMES OUT OF NOWHERE AND-wait, now, yes, I think it is...yes, IT'S THE ENERGIZER BATTERY!!! THE ENERGIZER BATTERY THUNDERS PAST BOTH MASCOT ADVERSARIES AND BEATS THEM TO THE FINISH LINE! Finally, we have an undisputed battery product. Toby: *puffing* Vinj...did *cough...cough-cough* did you see them? I...I *clears throat* woo. That battery sure was fast. Vinj: Huh? Toby: Oh, you didn't see the bunny? And...and the...no? Ah. Nevermind then. So...what you been up to? Vinj: The usual. Hit a guy in the balls after he saw me eating some chips in a closet. Then I stole his camera. See? Toby: Yes, I do. You're pointing it at me. Vinj: Correct. One gold star for the weenie. Toby: I'm not a weenie. Weenie: No, he was talking to me. A weaty red miniture hot dog walks onto screen and collects his reward from The Vinj. Toby:...uh...Soooo. Hear about your match this week? Vinj: Maybe. It's so hard to tell these days; what with the state of our economy and the issues of concerning free trade. Toby: So is that a no? Vinj: A little from column A, and a little from column B. Toby: Ah. Well, you're facing Maclay & Jim O' Brien in a tag team match. The camera then turns away from Toby and zooms in on long thin french bread stick on a buffet counter. Vinj: Mmmm, pointabulous. *drool sounds* Toby: VINJ! The camera then jerks around until it finds Toby, Vinj seemingly unaware of his own day-dreaming. Vinj: Oh, yes. Maclay, Jim. So I'm facing the predecessor and the predecessee of the Dual Crown Championship? Well- Toby: Actually, Fozzy was the predecess...cess...ee Toby shakes his head to stir away confusion Toby: Whatever it was, he was the last Dual Crown Champion before Jim. He won it the TNT before the PPV. Vinj: Well no-one told me about it. Figures though. I wasn't even on the last PPV card. Did you know I've only been left off two PPV's since I was contracted to TNT? Which is like...a certain amount of PPV's minus two. Toby: No, I hadn't realised. That's quite the achievement. Vinj: Ineedo...like a torpedo...with a misquito. Toby: So do you have any thoughts about heading up against Jim O' Brien? If memory recalls, this is the first time you will have met in a ring before. Vinj: Well, I would've chopped him up in that gauntlet match at Relentless if it weren't for Maclay, but, ya know. All's fair in love and war and all that. So, yeah, I guess it's a bit intimidating, if I were to be honest. I mean, he's defeated Fozzy in a one-on-one matchup. That's an achievement in itself. Only...what, three people have done that? I would've made it four, but, again the phrase love and war and Maclay's an arsehole and all that comes into play. But back to the subject...yeah, it should be a great match. Four of TNT's most prominant technicians mashed together in one ring. It's a match made in suplexy heaven. Toby: What about Brad? Vinj: What about him? Toby: Well, he's probably just as, if not more technical than anyone else in that ring. Vinj: Well, I'll choose to do the trendy thing and ignore his existance. It seems to be what all the cool kids are doing these days. Toby: What do you think of your partner for the evening? Vinj: I have a partner? Wicked. Who is he? Or she. Or it. Or them. Or there. Toby: Oh, I forgot I hadn't mentioned it. Silent Rage. Vinj: Woooooah! Cool as. He's all Silentios Rageous and stuff. He's, like, as old as the Bible. Toby: Not really, but he is considered to be one of TNT's greatest veterans. Vinj: Yeah, well, whatever you wanna call him, he's good. And he's on my side. That's all that matters. The match itself, though, should be fairly close. It's one of them matches...with angles, and stuff. I mean, there's the history between me and Maclay, and the history between Jim and Rage. And then there's the whole, 'new tagging with the old', theme. Me and Jim, the rising and current stars of TNT. Rage and Maclay, the seasoned technicians. A good mix. Toby: So what effect will the result of this match have on yourself- Vinj: I'm kinda tired of answering questions. And this camera's getting heavy. I'll catchya later Bozza. And with that said Vinj turns his toy off, completely unaware of the cameraman behind him who's bleeding from his genitals. |
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7:07 PM Jul 11