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| He's not dead, he's just resting | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 5 2005, 02:52 PM (43 Views) | |
| Glen | Mar 5 2005, 02:52 PM Post #1 |
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*The scene opens, somewhat bizarrely, in the middle of a conversation between Toby Bostock and FIW veteran Brighty. Both are sitting in a room where the main feature is a specially made KFC title belt hanging on the wall (Long-time fans of FIW will know this as the belt that Jack Manson presented Brighty in recognition of his mammoth title reign on Slam!) which automatically tells the viewer they are either in Brighty’s dressing room or a shrine in his honour constructed by Nightmare* Brighty: … and when she sat down after puttin’ the frog up there, gunk started cummin’ outta ‘er ear! *Both men laugh uncontrollably at what was surely an entertaining anecdote, even the camera monkey lets out a squeal of delight* Brighty: Yep, I wont forget that Sunday church service in a while! Bostock: Very good Brighty, now we really must get on with the interview, your fans have been wondering where you have been recently so I’ve been charged to find out. Brighty: Well duh, you are the only question-asking bloke on TNT aint’cha? Bostock: Yes… err… of course. So, where have you… how long have you had a lizard? *The camera pans around to a shelf where, sure enough, a lizard is standing, motionless, staring right at Bostock* Brighty: Got ‘im at a car boot, class inn’e? Bostock: Stuffed? Brighty: Nah, (Brighty pats his large midriff) I’m getting’ ‘ungry now actually, we nearly done? I want me some chicken from (Cue bad Spanish accent) mecc-i-co. Bostock: No, I mean is the lizard stuffed. He doesn’t seem to be moving, you sure he’s not deceased? Brighty: ‘e aint dead, ‘e’s just restin’. Bostock: Sure. Sorry, get some chicken from where? Meckico? Is that a new branch of KFC? Brighty: No numb nuts, it’s the country we are in, (Here it comes again) mecc-i-co. You know, sombreros, ponchos, the 1970 World Cup finals, the ugly blokes from Western movies, mecc-i-co. Bostock: Ah, you mean Mexico. Brighty: I meant wot I said Tobe. Bostock: Ok, I’ll take that as a cue to start with the questions then. This week sees you in only your fourth match of 2005, your trouble with FIW management is well documented and apparently in the past do you think that is the reason for your lack of in-ring action recently. Brighty: Nope. There aint no trouble wiv me and the guv’ and just been busy workin’, that’s all. Bostock: Working? I thought your job was a professional wrestler? Brighty: As if Tobe, as if. We get paid bugger all for this I mean, in all seriousness, I get more money each week from kind people who think I’m homeless then I get in wages. Which is why I’m constantly doing promo work for KFC… plus it’s in me contract innit. *Brighty holds up a bucket of KFC, which he produced from nowhere, and holds it up to camera before taking a bite from a hot wing* Brighty: Mmm… can’t get enough of the cornels secret sauce. *Either ignoring or oblivious to the innuendo packed last statement Toby continues…* Bostock: I’ve told you before, no advertising in promos! Let’s get on to the match shall we? Brighty: … Bostock: Shall we? Brighty: … Oh, wot? Were ya expectin’ an answer? I thought it was one of those rhetorical question thingies. Bostock: *Sigh* This Tuesday you have a match with fellow Englishman Bradley Johnson for the number one contender-ship of the Ultimate Endurance championship. I take it you wont be holding anything back for your fellow countryman. Brighty: That’s a lot of ship ya talkin’ there Tobe. Brad may be an Englishman, but he’s a Northerner, it’s an entirely different breed. Bostock: I don’t think I understand. Brighty: Northern England is a scary place Tobe, the further north ya’ go the more back in time ya’ travel. Cities get dirtier and dirtier, locals get more stupid, coats and jackets become less and less frequent sightings, coalmines and canes more so. The birds are more like the blokes than the bloky-ist of blokes with their pint drinkin’, arm wrestling and beards. Bostock: Ok Brighty, whatever you say. Brighty: No joke mate, I went up their for one summer when I was younger and won Miss Middlesborough 1982, me ol’ dear ‘as the trophy at ‘ome somewhere. Bostock: Something to be proud of to be sure! Brighty: Was that sarcasm Tobe? There was me thinking you Yanks didn’t understand it! Bostock: (Crossing off an imaginary list) People Brighty has pissed off today: Mexicans; those who pay his wages; people from Northern England, especially women; Americans; me. Brighty: But nah, I wont be taking it easy on ‘im, although I could do and still win ‘e aint nuffin’ special. Bostock: Although he beat you in your last match. Brighty: That don’t count, that was a week I was busy wiv work so I never got a chance to prepare. This week I’m about so I got no worries. Bostock: Are you interested in the Ultimate Endurance championship then? Several people have already stated their lack of desire to hold it, instead wanted something higher up the scale, you included. Brighty: At the moment mate I’ll take anythin’ what’s given to me as I keep on me way to the Dual Crown. Plus I’ll enjoy the irony of a bloke like me holdin’ the Ultimate Endurance championship, although only the English will understand it. Bostock: Two ticks next to Americans then… *A loud rumbling can be heard, Toby begins to look around expecting a heard of rhino to stampede through the wall at any minute. His fears are allayed once he looks back at Brighty and sees the 380lb Englishman rubbing his belly which is telling the whole World of it’s hunger* Brighty: We done yet Tobe? Me gut thinks that me necks’ been cut. *Bostock looks down at his notes before glancing back at Brighty, who is actually half way out the door already* Bostock: Yeah I think that’s all… Brighty? Err… Brighty? How can a man that fat move that fast? [align=center]#SCENE FADE#[/align] |
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7:06 PM Jul 11
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7:06 PM Jul 11