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Coming for Corona; A little car trouble on the way...
Topic Started: Mar 10 2005, 07:52 PM (40 Views)
BobPalindrome
Unregistered

[We begin with a wide angle shot of a barren desert landscape. It is the middle of the afternoon and the sky is not much blue as a lighter shade of yellow, due to the searing hot sun mercilessly beating down on all before. In the background, a few mesas and rock formations spring up here and there, but mostly everything is empty flatness for miles around. The camera begins moving to the left, showing nothing but more desert until coming in and resting on a car parked on a highway, a man resting upon its hood, his hands behind his head.

We pull in closer and see it’s El Lobo Loco, frowning heavily to himself and fidgeting with a toothpick between his teeth. His eyelids look weary, and his clothes – black shirt and blue jeans – look torn and dirty. He raises a hand and shields his face from the sun, looking toward the west.

Suddenly we see another car moving toward where Lobo and his car are. It is a red Toyota Corolla, and we get to see this clearly because we have nothing to see but the car approaching for a good while. Eventually it pulls up and stops behind Lobo’s car on the side of the road.

The driver’s door swings open and a tall, lanky man dressed very conservatively – pressed khakis, Polo shirt, spotless dress shoes. He appears to be in his middle aged years and gives Lobo a suspicious look as he comes near.]


Man #1: Hey there, fella. Looks like you’re having some car trouble?

Lobo: Si.

Man #1: I’m sorry, did I ask my question in Spanish? Because you just spoke Spanish to me. Now, I don’t speak Spanish. So how the hell are we going to talk to each other if we can’t understand each other?

Lobo: …Yes. Car trouble.

Man #1: All right. My name’s Marvin. I used to work on jeeps in the Army, so I should be able to look at it and tell you what’s wrong with it. And if it can’t be fixed and you need a ride, I can give you one to the next town.

Lobo: Thank you. I'd appreciate the help.

Marvin: I’ll need your keys to get under the hood.

Lobo: The hood? Just bang on it and it’ll pop open.

[As Marvin does exactly this, another man emerges from the car. Dressed in a gray “University of New Mexico” t-shirt, he’s a slightly overweight guy in his early twenties, wearing thick trendy glasses, a close cropped haircut, jeans that haven’t been worn in months… Even has a button-covered backpack.]

Man #2: Yo.

Lobo: Buenos nachos.

Man #2: Is Marvin taking a look at your car?

Lobo: Si…rteinly.

Man #2: Oh, cool. I’m Andrew. I’m hitchhiking to Cancun, New Mexico for Spring Break. It’s going to be totally freaking awesome, man.

Lobo: Cancun, New Mexico, you say?

Andrew: For sure, dude. You can live in the hostels, smoke all the marijuana you want, prostitutes are totally legal… My Kappa Sig bros went last year and they all got laid and fucked up and shit…

Lobo: Sounds like fun.

[Marvin, who is still searching under the hood, pipes up, keeping his eyes on the engine but talking with a slow, concentrated effort. This isn’t small talk.]

Marvin: You’re a… luchador, aren’t you?

Lobo: I guess the mask gave me away.

Marvin: Yes, well… It’s not a terrible thing, really. I served with a luchador in the ‘Nam.

Lobo: You were in the Vietnam War?

Marvin: Yeah.

Lobo: Were you in the shit?

Marvin: Yes, I was. But I was in there with El Guapo Magnifico. We had each other’s packs night and day. We faced down the slopes in the foxholes, in the jungle, along the banks of the Mai Dang Kwang River… We learned to trust each other, depend on each other… And eventually… learned a lot about love as well.

Lobo: That’s really quite touching…

Marvin: Yes. I know.

[There’s an awkward pause for a moment as Marvin hangs his head in solemn silence. Lobo and Andrew exchange glances, but all Andrew does his shrug his shoulders and fiddle with an iPod from his backpack. Finally, Marvin snaps out of it and closes the hood with a slam.]

Marvin: Well, I’ve looked around best I can… But I don’t see anything wrong with the engine or the transmission or anything. What exactly is the problem you’re having with it?

Lobo: Oh, nothing’s wrong with the engine. The trouble is what’s inside the car.

Marvin: What’s in there?

Lobo: Why don’t you take a look?

[Marvin just stares perplexed for a second or two, but eventually just says “What the hell” and opens up one of the back passenger doors. Immediately, Marvin recoils back in horror. There is the sound of a growling animal, although it doesn’t sound like any animal one could think of – more like an alien, angry growl from a demon.

And then we see it. It leaps out at Marvin and lands on his chest, forcing him to the ground. It is a large lizard-like creature with scaly green skin and sharp spines running down its back. It stands upon Marvin like a kangaroo would. A large proboscis extends from its open maw, a forked tongue protruding from it.

Marvin lets out a scream as the beast bends down and begins biting at his hair, face and neck. Eventually, Marvin grows silent as the mauling continues. To get away from the gore, we switch to Lobo, is now standing on his car, ready to pounce. Andrew cowers behind the trunk.

Lobo flies off the car, wrapping his hands around the animal’s neck and putting it in a sleeperhold. He then twists the neck hard and sharply, and there is an audible snap as it breaks and the monster dies. It slumps on the ground as Lobo drops it, lining it up against the quite dead Marvin.]


Andrew: What the hell… What the hell was that thing?

Lobo: Chupacabra. I was driving back from Mexico City and I must have picked one up along the way. They’re all over the countryside.

Andrew: I thought they were myths…

Lobo: Nah, stupid gringos don’t know anything. They’re not so bad to deal with. It’s just not smart taking one on one-on-one. That’s why I had to wait for someone to come along and be a decoy.

Andrew: So you had to sacrifice him so we could live?

Lobo: Oh, I could have overpowered the chupacabra on my own. I would have just been hurt a whole lot. And I have a match coming up and...

Andrew: Oh, man...

Lobo: Think of it as losing a Marvin and gaining a Corolla.

[Lobo nods toward the empty Corolla sitting behind them. Andrew hesitates, but gradually brings himself to fish Marvin’s keys out of his pockets and make a run for the car. As it pulls away, Lobo throws his toothpick down and glares at the camera.]

Lobo: Nothing can stop me, Max Corona. I am coming. I have no fear of the chupacabra because I know how to handle it. Will you know how to handle my Chupacabra Helldriver? Oh, you should be afraid of that. Be afraid that I know how to handle you. I embarrassed you before Max, and for some reason, you’re eager to be humiliated again. Look, you might have once been this “Darkness Dragon” character, but that time is over. You’ve become all power and no finesse. About as subtle as a sledgehammer to the back of the head. Well, you try that stuff we me and you’ll find yourself dealing with some good old Latin finesse. Real speed, Max, and real high-flying… You don’t stand a chance. You’ve lost and you don’t even know it yet.

[Lobo opens the driver’s door and puts his foot in. He pauses, and takes one more look at the camera.]

Lobo: You’ll be hearing from me again soon, Max. I hope I hear from you…
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