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It's hard not to talk in the third person.; Hell, I talk in the third person.
Topic Started: Mar 24 2005, 10:15 AM (60 Views)
Minister Wighty
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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We open up today on Bill Kuriyama. He's pacing, looks a bit nervous, which is certainly rare for Bill. The tall, sexy blasian (or asiack, if you prefer) parts his lips and speaks as he paces, adjusting the tape on his left wrist.

BK: I've had a lot of things on my mind for a while now. Lotta things I've kept myself from sayin' for one reason or another, but after a short talk with Mr. Draven, I see that I shoulda been sayin' this stuff the whole time.

He stops pacing, takes a heavy- but short -breath, and pauses, looking down. He looks back up, face serious, and whips off his glasses.

BK: Number one, lemme tell you somethin', Vinj; you come in here with your Bea Arthur hairdo, your sick-ass cat fetish, your "V-TV" or whatever the hell you call it, multiple personalities runnin' wild more than Mick Foley, wrestlin' like a drunken gymnast. Who the hell do you think you are? What the hell makes you think you're better than me? Who in there right mind put you above the greatest wrestler on this good green-ness? I'll tell you who; Madison. And the only reason she did so was 'cuz you and Tier had your little go-arounds, your little hardcore do-si-dos. Well Tier beat your ass back then, and I beat your ass when you tried to take my half of the title, so I guess you're booked on a feelin' and high on believin' that you're above the man that schooled you like Harvard. Lobo!

Bill's changing the subject in case you didn't get that.

BK: Lobo, Lobo, Lobo. Beat me once, shame on you. Beat me twice... well, you didn't beat me, now did you? No, once again you and I went toe-to-toe, and though Sam may have gotten the pin over Sammy-L, I showed to you that I am not a man to be taken lightly. The only reason you still have half of my title to lay claim to is I've only been given half a chance to take it back. We'll clash soon, Lobes, and it's gonna be me who ends up on top for the one, two, three. BRIGHTY!

Bill shakes his head and clenches his knuckles.

BK: You fat tubba bubba lubba, hubba-hubba. You won a joke title in the joke half of this federation, and ALMOST won a sexy man contest because your army of gimpy fanboys hacked the vote.

Bill smiles and claps.

BK: Congratulations, those and a three count over Brad Jesus are the only things you can lay claim to. Well, I'm the Fighting Spirit Champion by beating Braddy, I was the PWA Champion, I'm a big 'ol pile of sexy next to your big 'ol pile. You got the drop on me once, Lite-Brite, but you caught me in the middle of some psychomological stress, and that sure as HELL ain't gonna happen again. Next time I get my mitts on you, you better bet you'll feel the KOO-REE-YAMA KICKUUUUHHH, and you'll learn, you'll KNOW the UN-DISPUTED TRUTH... that I am the better man, THE man! Mmmmmmmmaaaaadisooooonnnnn... !

Bill shakes his head, wags his finger, and grins.

BK: Ohhhohoohh... you think you can stop the unstoppable force, move the immovable object, no, no, no, no, no, NO! I've got a contract that's the exact opposite of your floppy, sloppy basement drawer; air-frickin'-tight. You can't "let me go" like you did Scotty, and I'm NOT gonna lie down and take your shit like every other little two-cent bitch in this fed. Eventually, Maddy. Eventually it's gonna hitcha, it's gonna get in your brain and worm around, and you won't be able to avoid it... you won't be able to block it out. You'll realize... that I... AM the franchise. That I... AM... the main-event. That I... am... Eff... Eye... Dubya. And when that finally sinks in, when it finally soaks into your endorphin-poppin' brain, you'll put me where I DESERVE to be. Otherwise? Heh. Well, you'll be out of a job for screwin' FIW outta money, won't you? You're expendable, Mad. Anyone can book a card. I could book a card. Here, I'll do one right now; Bill Kuriyama vs. Chris Maclay, BAM! Swytch vs. Hype, BAM! Silent Rage vs. Vinj, BAM! Sam Kinloch vs. El Lobo Loco, BAM! There. I did it. They can get rid of you, they can replace you, but they CANNOT replace... CAN NOT HOPE to duplicate the one, the only, the Sex Machine Gun.

Bill pauses to do the Randy Orton "I will hug everybody" pose while grinning, then gets right back into his speech.

BK: Last and definitely least, about as worrisome as a hangnail and as potent as a weak fart, my opponent for this week; Samael. 'Mael, my friggin' GIRLFRIEND beat your ass. My five-foot-four, one-eleven pound GIRLFRIEND. I'm six-five, two-fiddy-nine, still smaller than you, big man, Mr. Six-seven, Three-o-five, but as you said yourself; the bigger they are, the harder they fall, and I guran-damn-TEE you that two hundred ninety-seven pounds of yourself crashin' five feet down onto your neck after the Undisputed Truth lands on your shoulders is gonna be the hardest fall you've ever experienced. I am your greatest challenge, Samael, because up until now all you've been doing is attacking people half your size, usually women. The question is, Sammy-L, do you have the balls to hang with someone who does?

Bill takes another forceful, but short, breath.

BK: That felt good.

He wanders off-camera and we fade.
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