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H@V0K Feedback
Topic Started: Apr 30 2015, 04:49 AM (150 Views)
Minister Wighty
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Hello.

I'm um... not looking for anyone to fellate my ego. I certainly don't need any help doing that. But something hasn't felt... right... about my RPs since I came back.

They come out really short, first of all. I used to be able to squeeze two or three more paragraphs out of an RP, easy. Especially when I'm using a character that has so much potential.

Secondly... I dunno. Something about them doesn't feel right.

I've asked a couple people close to me for their input but they say everything is fine. I still can't shake this weird feeling that something just isn't hitting the mark.

So... if you guys could let me know if you've noticed anything, or if you have anything overall to say about the situation, I'd appreciate it.
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Willie
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-=Badd Breed=-
[ *  *  *  * ]
You know how you told me once to read Batman, to get inspired for Nightmare? And after that, I basically saved his career?

Do that for Havok. Read Joker and get inspired that way. I get a total Joker vibe and I think you can do great with this. Pull from ALL the Jokers too. Hamill, Romero, Ledger, everybody.
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That Darn Seph
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The High Elevation Sensation!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Maybe Havok should return and him and H@VOK can duel like the Sin Caras. But instead of botching, there will be irreverent randomness and nude stink faces.

>_>
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Jimmy Jimbo
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
I definitely know the feeling of roleplaying a character where you're just THAT close to clicking on all cylinders, but you're not and can't put your finger on why. And all anyone says is "Great job! Keep up the good work!" which drives you crazy because you really need something constructive to get you out of your rut.

We're talking about the same thing, right? :P

Judging Break Stuff most recently, I think your length is good and I think another 2-3 paragraphs would've hurt it. There is such a thing a word fatigue where the reader just gets tired of reading everything after awhile and just starts to skim. Lengths around 1.75 - 2.25 pages (font size 12) is definitely the ballpark you want to stay in.

I do like the switching up of color coding, but it's got to be a pain in the ass after awhile (unless you use the roleplay toolkit, which I never got figured out so I just type out all my coding). I take it the green is more Havok's natural personality and the purple is the more, well, H@V0K side? I'd like to see what the red and yellow signify, though.

If I was more familiar with the character, I could probably give you a better character eval but all I know is what I've seen, and I like what I've seen so far.
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[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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Minister Wighty
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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That Darn Seph,Apr 30 2015
01:10 AM
Maybe Havok should return and him and H@VOK can duel like the Sin Caras. But instead of botching, there will be irreverent randomness and nude stink faces.

>_>

The original Havok killed himself, so... that's prolly not gonna happen anytime soon.

Thank you all for your input so far. It's given me a couple of things to consider. I would love to continue to hear more if anyone has anything else left to say.
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Triadred
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Canada's Handsomest Boy
[ *  *  *  * ]
When H@vok (I'd call him Son of Havok if Lucha Underground hadn't already beaten me to the punch) speaks I hear Mark Hamill's Joker with a bit of a lisp for whatever reason. So I dunno... I feel like there's a crap tonne of source material there. Read the "Death of the Family" graphic novel if you can get your hands on it plus maybe Brian Azzarello's "The Joker" graphic novel if you're looking for something a little grittier and a lot darker.

But I get where you're coming from. I feel like I've been in a rut with Bloodbath for weeks now. Could be because I've been role playing the character for about five years now without really taking any time off. So if you have pointers or character direction for me, please PM it to me. Your feedback is a big deal.
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That Darn Seph
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The High Elevation Sensation!
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Minister Wighty,Apr 29 2015
11:44 PM
The original Havok killed himself, so... that's prolly not gonna happen anytime soon.

Thank you all for your input so far. It's given me a couple of things to consider. I would love to continue to hear more if anyone has anything else left to say.

Wow. I just thought he died. >_> Thought he could come back Zombie Frankenstien style, no clue he offed himself though.
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Minister Wighty
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New problem; I feel good about my RPs, but I can't track whether or not I did well. I seem to have no grasp over whether I'm going to win a match or not. I would chalk this up to an ego thing if I thought I was just too cool for school and should've won all my matches I really lost, but I've also won a couple of matches and I have no idea WHY.

I'm not complaining. I'm an adult. I get that it's a personal opinion thing, who thinks what RPs are good and what's bad, etc. etc. But because Havok is a character that doesn't interact well with others, a lot of my enjoyment in this fed is revolving more around winning matches and doing well than about RPing with my friends. If I can't get a grasp on how to be able to RP the guy to the judges' standards, then I need to change a few things about the character so he interacts easier with other people on the roster (besides Avila).

I'm not trying to be overdramatic, but I am being a bit impatient. The deadline looms and I don't even know what genre I should be writing in at this point.

Help is appreciated. <3
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Digitalwheelin
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Nathan
[ *  *  * ]
First off, lemme preface this by saying: you can absolutely take everything from this point forward with a grain of salt. Mostly because I could be way off-base with it and it could just be that I might have missed something.

So, with that said, I went back and read pretty much every RP you've posted with Havok from the point when you came back here. I could definitely see when you were in the test phase with him because there were a lot of noticeable differences from then to where he is now.

I can't say whether or not this is the reason for some of the losses or whether or not people have also noticed this, BUT, I feel like in the most recent RP cycle there was a fairly drastic change in the presentation of Havok. Looking at the feedback you'd gotten before, a lot of people had said he was reminiscent of Joker in a lot of ways, and I definitely agree. Except this last cycle was very different, at least in my opinion.

For a while, a lot of the word choice, the subject matter, and even the descriptions and mannerisms screamed Joker. In a good way, mind you. I've mentioned this before, but I can't help but to keep going back to it; the RP you did for Anarchy comparing all of Havok's opponents to characters in Outlaw Star. That was gold IMO. It fit with the "space clown" aspect of the character because Outlaw Star is, apparently, all about space (I've never seen the anime or read the manga so I had to Google it to find out) and from what I could tell it was a pretty good comparison.

But that's the thing; a comparison like that could only be made by a person whose mind is SO far "out there" and that's what Havok has felt like. Until now. In this most recent cycle it felt like Havok was a lot more calculating in his words, like his sole purpose was to mentally tear down Jimmy Steel, which is great, don't get me wrong. But there was (for me) a pretty significant difference in his word choice, in the way he talked (if that makes sense) and overall just in his demeanor. It was too calculated and too "composed" for lack of a better term. Not that your previous RP's seemed less composed, but there was an element to them that was just "out there" that I felt was missing in this most recent cycle, at least in the very last RP for the cycle I should say.

Again, I can't say whether or not that was the reason for the losses. I'm not on the judging team so I have no clue. That's just something I noticed at least in this most recent cycle.
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Minister Wighty
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Thanks for the feedback! That idea makes a lot of sense. I had some sillier stuff planned but after Dusty's death it just wasn't something Havok would have done. What about my "victory" over Deacon DEATH? The promos were tonally similar to this last week's, I felt? Yet I "won" there and lost here.
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Digitalwheelin
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Nathan
[ *  *  * ]
For me personally, I'd say that maybe came down to presentation? They were tonally similar as you said, but I would say it was only to a certain degree. The word choice there and some of the statements still felt like that Joker-esque character you were seemingly trying to hit, as opposed to this last week's cycle where it felt different. In comparing those RP's against Deacon DEATH with this last week's RP's, to me personally, they still felt different. The presentation had a lot to do with that (the change in text position in one of those RP's, for instance) but also the word choice and actual content felt different to me.
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Minister Wighty
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This has been very insightful. Thank you!
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Digitalwheelin
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Nathan
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I'm glad ya found it helpful! Reading it back, I felt like maybe I was repeating the same thing over and over in different ways. Lol.
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