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| Debut RP | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 22 2015, 05:34 AM (121 Views) | |
| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 05:34 AM Post #1 |
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Mad Mila
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First rp in forever and my first rp in FIW... Tear me apart or give me praise either way I'm still going to love you. But I really would like to know what was good what was bad and you feel I could do to make it better. Thanks in advance, Vintage Mila |
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| Lita Maivia | Aug 22 2015, 05:51 AM Post #2 |
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Legend
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I thought it was a really good introduction RP. The format is a little different for me to adjust to in an e-fed setting but it wasn't a difficult adjustment. I like that we got to know a little bit about Camila and at the end we got a clear indication of what she wants to do here in FIW, so that was good to see. At first I was reading it and thought it was just going to be a "real life" piece with a throwaway mention of the fed. So I was glad that you proved me wrong in the end. The only constructive criticism I have is that the format could potentially cause some slight problems for you in the future. The majority tend to view all roleplays as if they are filmed vignettes. Therefore there can be parts of your RPs (like the stuff Camila is just thinking about) that aren't entirely necessary. It's not something her opponents can realistically refer to when trying to work off of your content. So you may be writing good chunks of story that are essentially a waste of your time in the overall scheme of building stories, creating character dynamics, and attempting to win matches. |
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| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 06:17 AM Post #3 |
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Mad Mila
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Thank you. I normally use what was considered unneeded thoughts to be thoughts pertaining to my character or whatever storyline Iam in, but with this being a debut rp it was all I had to go on so i'll keep note of that for the future. And as far as format, I'll do more coding ![]() And another question... how do u guys feel about Site role-plays? ex: site role-plays r role-plays posted on a user owned domain with a user created graphics and images etc. |
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| Lita Maivia | Aug 22 2015, 06:22 AM Post #4 |
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Legend
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A lot of people here check up on the board on their phones when they're out and about. So, honestly, the less graphics involved in an RP, the better it is all around for their data plans. Lol. |
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| BleakInfinity | Aug 22 2015, 06:33 AM Post #5 |
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Bleak
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As Lita already stated, the only problem was the format. It seemed reminiscent of a screen play in a way. But it wasn't terribly difficult to get through. I'm alsonot used to reading first person point of view in an e-fed. The overall content was really good though. The airport scene and the overall feel that this person is about to leave on this journey reminded me of the debut RP I did for one of my characters so I liked that a lot. The second part that was more of a wrestling promo was great too as it gave us our first look into who the character is. Not to mention there was a Buffy reference so you'll get along just fine with most of the board here who loves the show.
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| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 06:33 AM Post #6 |
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Mad Mila
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bahahahahahahah ... I'm dead. |
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| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 06:38 AM Post #7 |
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Mad Mila
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i was dead at maiva's response just fyi. and i appreciate the feeds bleak infinity. my format is the way that it is because I've found a way to combine narrative story-telling with the e-fed world usual script format. what i normally do is, i connect my eps with my segments. like something from my rp will end up recurring in my segment. I'm sure when ppl see narrative first person they think.. omg boredom! I've thought it numerous times, which is why I write the way that I write. A quick with happenings and then a promo at the end somewhere. I think once you see more of it, you'll start to be more familiar with it. i prefer the narrative style becuz it helps writers/fed heads better portray your character in storyline/feud/angle building |
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| That Darn Seph | Aug 22 2015, 06:39 AM Post #8 |
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The High Elevation Sensation!
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Buffy Reference = Winner by default. |
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| Jimmy Jimbo | Aug 22 2015, 06:33 PM Post #9 |
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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I liked it. I thought the presentation was a nice change of pace. I will suggest that if you're going to reference side characters (like Constance the Terrible), if you have made a bio for them elsewhere, or even just have an idea for a rep, post a link to it so we can get a better feel for that character. I remember a few months ago somebody new posted a roleplay where they name dropped all their past allies and rivals, which is fine in principle, but because all he did was just that - namedrop - it didn't really mean anything to me, as a reader, or anybody else because nobody knows who these people are. So, again, I would strongly suggest that when you include side characters, if they have a bio available, even if it's at another fed, go ahead and post it. And if they don't have a bio readily available, just post a link to a pic of what they look like. |
[align=center] [/align][size0]Thanks, Lita! ![]() <center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black"> <option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option> <option> Name: </option> <option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option> <option>Height:</option> <option>6'6"</option> <option>Weight:</option> <option>296 lbs.</option> <option>Hometown:</option> <option>The Bayou</option> <option>Entrance Music:</option> <option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option> <option>Wrestling Style:</option> <option>Methodical Powerhouse</option> <option>Signature Moves:</option> <option> - Sword of Damocles </option> <option> - Chokeslam </option> <option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option> <option>Finishing Moves:</option> <option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option> <option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option> <option>Title History:</option> <option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option> <option>Other Cool Stuff:</option> <option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option> <option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option> <option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option> <option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option> <option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option> <option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option> <option> </option> <option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option> </select></center> <center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black"> <option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option> <option> Name: </option> <option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option> <option>Height:</option> <option>6'4½"</option> <option>Weight:</option> <option>235 lbs.</option> <option>Hometown:</option> <option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option> <option>Entrance Music:</option> <option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option> <option>Wrestling Style:</option> <option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option> <option>Signature Moves:</option> <option> - Exploder Suplex </option> <option> - Powerbomb </option> <option> - German Suplex </option> <option>Finishing Moves:</option> <option> - The Manhattan Project</option> <option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option> <option>Title History:</option> <option> - n/a </option> <option>Other Cool Stuff:</option> <option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option> <option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option> <option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option> <option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option> <option> </option> <option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option> </select></center> <center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black"> <option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option> <option> Name: </option> <option>Jim O'Brien </option> <option>Height:</option> <option>6'7"</option> <option>Weight:</option> <option>290 lbs.</option> <option>Hometown:</option> <option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option> <option>Entrance Music:</option> <option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option> <option>Wrestling Style:</option> <option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option> <option>Signature Moves:</option> <option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option> <option> - Saito Suplex </option> <option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option> <option> - Hells Bells-plex</option> <option>Finishing Moves:</option> <option> - Hells Bells</option> <option> - F-Bomb</option> <option>Title History:</option> <option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option> <option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option> <option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option> <option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option> <option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option> <option> Other Cool Stuff: </option> <option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option> <option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option> <option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option> <option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide) <option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option> <option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option> <option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option> <option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option> <option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option> <option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option> <option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option> <option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option> <option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option> <option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option> <option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option> <option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option> <option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option> <option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option> <option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option> <option> </option> <option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option> </select></center> | |
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| Digitalwheelin | Aug 22 2015, 08:40 PM Post #10 |
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Nathan
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I agree with Jim that the formatting is a nice change of pace from the way things are typically done here. I really like the hybrid combination of narrative and screenplay style you have. I've been working on becoming a published author and I've dabbled in screenwriting as well, so it was easy for me to pick up on the elements you used from each style. Personally, I think the only way it'd be a problem is if you weren't including anything like you did in the second half of your RP where you have the promo-style bit directly related to the match. I like to include my character's inner thoughts in my RP's as well, but I think as long as you find a nice balance and have some dialogue related to your matches/storylines/angles that your opponents can respond to, it works perfectly. I think it adds to the development of your character. I would just suggest striking a balance where you give enough dialogue for your opponents to respond to and not overdoing it on the inner thoughts. As has been said already; the content of the RP itself was really good. You set up the scene really well and your description of what was going on around your character was really easy to visualize and follow along with. And your character's actions and dialogue felt realistic as well. My only constructive criticism, which you already talked about anyway, would be coding. I think coding the dialogue (or the narrative bits) to separate it and make it easier to distinguish it from everything else would be a good idea. And, like Jim said, at the very least, just link to a picture of anybody you may reference in your RP's so we can get a good visual of the person wouldn't hurt either. Overall, it's a great start and I like what you've done so far. |
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| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 09:27 PM Post #11 |
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Mad Mila
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i really appreciate this guys... my goal is to just fit in lmao |
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| Vintage_Camila187 | Aug 22 2015, 09:28 PM Post #12 |
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Mad Mila
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also.... I'm working on transitioniong constance the terrible into FIW as camila's valet/running buddy. I might rp as her but its not likely, but u never know. for future reference... her pic base is.. francis Cobain I'm working on a sig for her as well
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