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hey; My Sample Rp
Topic Started: Dec 15 2015, 01:48 AM (1,531 Views)
JB1208

Banned
Static appears on our screens as our cameras then open up to a small dimly light room with an old fashioned hanging light swinging back and forth making a creaking noise. Soon after a an average built man appears on screen wearing all black with a intense expression on his face.

SABOTAGE – Let me introduce myself for those of you who don’t know who I am. My name is Sabotage and I’ve been wrestling since I was 18. I grew up on the streets living to fight and make a buck. It wasn’t by choice that I became a fighter it was out of necessity. It is true I learned from many to become a wrestler and do what I love but unlike many others I am not pinned down simply to one style. I can wrestle hold for hold, I can take high risks, I got no problem throwing you across the ring either. But my favorite is using a weapon such as these bag of thumb tacs and mangling someone’s body with all of them. One by one as each tac drops and falls so to shall each of my opponents and their dreams of possibly being able to defeat me.

Sabotage looks at his bag of thumb tacs he throws on the table with a huge smile on his face.

Some might call me a Mick Foley or Terry Funk wanna be but the reality is I am much more demented and twisted than they could ever hope to be. I’m not here to make friends or kiss up to people, I’m not here to take advantage of others or make a buck. I’m not gonna print on the back of a t shirt how I’m the best or how you do what I say because I’m better. I’m here for two reasons to unleash hell by kicking anyone’s ass that gets in my way and to climb to the very top of this industry and become FIW Champion.

Sabotage looks on with a big smile on his face looking into the cameras

When I look around me I see many good wrestlers but along with that I see many guys who like to think they are good but they aren’t. I’m here to ruin and destroy things for others because I will use anyone I have to step on to get to the top. I have very few friends and in this business it’s not about what you’ve done in the past but what you can do now. This industry has went from wrestling and having skill to business affairs and making money. People wanna spew there crap about entertainment but the reality is people wanna see heads roll.

Sabotage looks on with an aggravated and serious expression on his face. He paces back and forth in the small room

See I’m not gonna bitch what kind of matches I’m put in or who I am put up against. What I’m gonna do is step up inside that ring and go to work. One by one all of your dreams will unfold and turn to dust right before your eyes. I have one addiction in life and that addiction is competition and being the best in ring competitor I can be. But ya know sometimes good isn’t good enough, but understand this I’m not giving into anyone or anything. My plan is soon to be set in motion and step by step I’m gonna take control and give wrestling back to these people.

Sabotage takes a brief pause looking down staring into his hands and then looks back up at the cameras

Call me stupid, call me crazy, call me a dreamer but at the end of the day you can call me the better man. I will be walking outside that ring with my hands raised in victory no matter what hell I’m put through. S0oon the seventh seal will be broken and one by one all of your hopes and dreams will be SABOTAGED!

Our cameras then soon cut out and fade back to static

This was merely written here to show case I can write and I have skill.

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JB1208

Banned
I would appreciate feed back and someone willing to work with me also. Message me and I'll tell you details. also someone on this fed suggested I do this which is the only reason i wrote this.

People said I should be apart of the community and show what i can do and now I am.
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Jimmy Jimbo
Member Avatar
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
I would first recommend giving this thread a look over - http://z4.invisionfree.com/FIWII/index.php?showtopic=20565

It's not a bad start. I think there's definitely a place for Sabotage here. Just keep working hard and be receptive to coaching and you'll have a future here.
[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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JB1208

Banned
i think it's a lot more than just sub par or not a bad start. i think your underestimating me. I'm not going to be humble because this rp is good
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Minister Wighty
Member Avatar
Opossum Queen of FIW
Admin
If you're just looking for people to feed your ego, posting in the feedback forum and asking for honest critique is not the way to go about it.
[align=center]Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image Posted ImagePosted Image[/align]
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JB1208

Banned
feed my ego, it's not fedding my ego bro its a really good rp. I'm not getting any credit for a good writing job. It's not bad it's actually good
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Lita Maivia
Member Avatar
Legend
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
So, who exactly is giving feedback on this RP? Us or you?
Posted Image
Posted Image
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Jimmy Jimbo
Member Avatar
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
JB1208,Dec 14 2015
09:11 PM
i think it's a lot more than just sub par or not a bad start. i think your underestimating me. I'm not going to be humble because this rp is good

I appreciate that you're confident in your abilities. Self confidence is pretty important to being a creative writer.

But, not trying to pull the experience or resume card here, but I've been here a long time and have won pretty much everything there is to win. And I'm still trying to get better and am still looking for ways to improve. And if I'm not too prideful to turn down help from my peers, then there's no reason for you to be either.
[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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Minister Wighty
Member Avatar
Opossum Queen of FIW
Admin
Above and beyond that, you posted an RP asking for feedback and when feedback was given you refused it and instead demanded to be told it was good.

I don't think you quite understand how feedback works.
[align=center]Posted Image Posted Image Posted Image Posted ImagePosted Image[/align]
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Jimmy Jimbo
Member Avatar
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
I didn't even say it was bad. :P
[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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JB1208

Banned
i said it was good because it was good. That's not an ego or anything that's just how it is. I get i need to improve but it was a really good rp bottom line. i got feed back but it was all oh not bad and nothing special.
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JB1208

Banned
what about it other than color coding needs work?

Not much
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Triadred
Member Avatar
Canada's Handsomest Boy
[ *  *  *  * ]
Proof reading and sentence structure come to mind. The RP has good bones with a good theme which is communicated well. Sabotage is a badass and we all need to watch our backs. My eyes, however, were distracted by odd wording and poor proof reading. I couldn't drink the whole thing in. It's like having the intimacy ruined because someone cut a fart. You know who laughed at that? Wight did. The man loves a good fart joke!
[align=center]Posted Image[/align]
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JB1208

Banned
So you wont work with me I guesss/ Any other takers. All i asked for was one diva. I mean triadred you do have three why cant you use one to work with me.

Also maybe sentences were structered a bit odd but the wording was fine. I didn't really see much that ruined the rp for signified much in the way of doing anything terrible. How were the words weird/ Also you say you couldn't drink the whole thing why not?

what would be my overal grade
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JB1208

Banned
I need someone to be able to work with. So after I become established will one diva decide to work with me after I make myself established
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Minister Wighty
Member Avatar
Opossum Queen of FIW
Admin
I thought it was $tewie Franchise who was asking around for a diva?
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Lita Maivia
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Legend
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Yeah, $tewie Franchize was the one who kept messaging me.

Also. They're not divas. They're Hellcats. ¬_¬
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JB1208

Banned
First of all' stewie Franchise is my brother and I didn't know he was asking for a diva.

But then again he also told me Jo decided to work with him. So actually he's not looking for anyone. The also for the record isn't helping me by accusing me of also being Stewie Franchise I'm subway and sabotage.

And I apologize I'm looking for a hell cat to work with. Can I get some help.
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Triadred
Member Avatar
Canada's Handsomest Boy
[ *  *  *  * ]
I like good grammar and your role play had patches of bad grammar. Using "a" instead of "an" before words that started with vowels. Things like that. Issues remedied with proof reading. Also, I'm not going to assign a grade. That doesn't seem to fit the spirit of comprehensive and constructive feedback. And really what this all boils down to is my opinion compared and contrasted with yours and other peoples. If you think your role play is solid and bullet proof then stand by your work. Understand though that role plays on this forum are judged by a committee. These are trustworthy individuals who know their business. I dare say individuals who could role play me under the table any day of the week... sounds sexy, but you know what I mean. Grammar can make or break what is otherwise a good role play. Just something to bear in mind.
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JB1208

Banned
Thank you for Everyone's opinion I take back what I said. But I still need a hell cat towrk with.

Will anyone help.

Huh treaded or anyone?
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JB1208

Banned
Triaded. I apologize for auto correct
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Jimmy Jimbo
Member Avatar
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
How come when I Google your brother's email, a Subway bio for TWE is the first thing that pops up?

I actually had access to the full bio Saturday, but now when I click the link, it says I don't have access to the forum. That's kinda strange, isn't it.
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[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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JB1208

Banned
It's not forum it's just a fed my brother was a part of and the reason you see my brother's email and information is because all four of these characters were created by my brother who is more experienced than me. I'm simply using two characters he created which might also explain why my rp isn't good. Because i'm new with the character?
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Jimmy Jimbo
Member Avatar
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
[ *  *  *  * ]
Thank you for clearing that up.
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[size0]Thanks, Lita! :)

<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cc3300; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE ROUGAROU</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Rougarou" Silas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'6"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>296 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>The Bayou</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Led Zeppelin - 'When The Levee Breaks'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Methodical Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Sword of Damocles </option>
<option> - Chokeslam </option>
<option> - Bayou Leg Sweep </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Swamp Drop Brainbuster</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 1x Fighting Spirit Champion</option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Roleplay of the Year (Family Reunion)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Segment of the Year (The Rougarou Cometh)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Mr. GEIST/Deacon DEATH)</option>
<option> - 2014 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> - 2014 1st Runner Up, FIW Newcomer of the Year</option>
<option> - 2014 & 2015 FIW Manager of the Year (Butch Babineaux)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Now do you believe in The Rougarou? </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: cadetblue; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">#SWAGOLITION</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>"The Condemned" Lucas Bergeron</option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'4½"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>235 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Kandiyohi, Minnesota</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Black Sabbath - 'Hole in the Sky'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Athletic - Strong Style - Brawler</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Exploder Suplex </option>
<option> - Powerbomb </option>
<option> - German Suplex </option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - The Manhattan Project</option>
<option> - Honey Island Swamp Lock </option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - n/a </option>
<option>Other Cool Stuff:</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW ReVolt Match of the Year (vs. Nemesis, 6/6/15)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Feud of the Year (vs. Nemesis)</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Babyface of the Year</option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Duo of the Year (w/ The Rougarou)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> Just Give The Lunatic A Chance... </option>
</select></center>
<center><select style="font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 8pt; background-color: 14b8ff; font-weight: bold; color:black">
<option style="color:black">THE MAN IN BLACK</option>
<option> Name: </option>
<option>Jim O'Brien </option>
<option>Height:</option>
<option>6'7"</option>
<option>Weight:</option>
<option>290 lbs.</option>
<option>Hometown:</option>
<option>Grant's Lick, Kentucky</option>
<option>Entrance Music:</option>
<option>Motörhead - 'Line in the Sand'</option>
<option>Wrestling Style:</option>
<option>Strong Style Powerhouse</option>
<option>Signature Moves:</option>
<option> - Belly-to-Belly Suplex</option>
<option> - Saito Suplex </option>
<option> - Jackknife Powerbomb </option>
<option> - Hells Bells-plex</option>
<option>Finishing Moves:</option>
<option> - Hells Bells</option>
<option> - F-Bomb</option>
<option>Title History:</option>
<option> - 2x Fighting Spirit Champion </option>
<option> - 1x co-holder of the FIW Tag Team Championships of the World (w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 1x Ultimate Endurance Champion</option>
<option> - 1x Spirit Of Honour Champion</option>
<option> - 3x Dual Crown Champion</option>
<option> Other Cool Stuff: </option>
<option> - 2015 FIW Hall of Fame inductee</option>
<option> - 2004 TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2004 Feud Of The Year (w/ Silent Rage)</option>
<option> - 2004 Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Genocide)
<option> - 2005 1st Runner-Up, TNT Superstar Of The Year</option>
<option> - 2005 Co-Match Of The Year participant (vs. Silent Rage @ FIW Anarchy In The UK)</option>
<option> - 2008 & 2012 Lady Luck Tournament Champion </option>
<option> - 2008 Grand Prix Tournament Champion</option>
<option> - 2008 Match of the Year participant (vs. Liam Mortell vs. Kiyoshi Nakahata @ FIW Summer of Sin) </option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW Feud of the Year participant (vs. Ash Koopa)</option>
<option> - 2008 1st Runner-Up, FIW (Face/Heel/Tweener) Turn of the Year</option>
<option> - 2009 ReVolt Match Of The Year participant (vs. Ethan Adams @ ReVolt Against The Champions X)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Tag Team Of The Year (The O'Brien Clan, w/ Jorge O'Brien)</option>
<option> - 2009 FIW Duo Of The Year (w/ Kendra O'Brien)</option>
<option> - April 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - April 2012 Storyline of the Month ("Dirty Deeds...")</option>
<option> - May 2012 Superstar of the Month</option>
<option> - May 2012 Match of the Month participant (vs. Damien Holburn @ FIW Deadlock)</option>
<option> - July 2012 Co-Match of the Month participant (vs. Mad Dawg @ FIW ReVolt (07/01/12)</option>
<option> </option>
<option> So yeah, Jim was awesome. :-D </option>
</select></center>
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JB1208

Banned
No problem and I apologize for the drama but I still want a hellcat. So back to my original question will someone work with me?

Los I'm not gonna lie about anything or say I don't know. I might nt be a great rper but I work damn hard, i'm committed I believe in myself and I'm honest.
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