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| Friday ReVolt Feedback | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 1 2016, 12:47 PM (789 Views) | |
| Craig | Jul 1 2016, 12:47 PM Post #1 |
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Scope
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- Promos this week came from Steve, Dai, Lita, myself, Marc, feels like I'm missing somebody. - Dai wrote Sakura vs. Sunshine, Lita wrote Brittany vs. LaTonya. Interesting week, particularly of results. I think there were only 2 matches where all judges agreed so I went with a majority... on a majority. I'm not completely happy with the style of writing for the results but that's not going to improve by the end of today. Thank you to Lita for the News bar, please give feedback on that for her. Will do a more detailed post later (in addition to title histories and SoS card), I want to do a bit of RP feedback. This week has been my busiest week in working terms of the year, unexpectedly, but I am on annual leave next week. Thoughts? |
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| Dai | Jul 1 2016, 12:54 PM Post #2 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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It's Wight you're forgetting. That bit with Vi and the Brick Sharks was pretty funny. Maybe Sakura *is* jealous. A little gutted that my stupid idea for another Dream non-finish didn't get taken up. It went a little something like: Ref Bump, then a new referee comes out to count the actual finish, while the Dream is pinning the original, unconscious referee. Because I'm a fan of flogging dead horses and slapstick comedy, I'd have loved to see Dream think he's won as many matches as possible, without ever actually doing it; but I'm not going to begrudge him an actual win. Throwing darts was kinda fun, a new spin on that kind of promo. That Nathaniel, turns out he doesn't need Kim around to be a wanker. |
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| Lita Maivia | Jul 1 2016, 04:05 PM Post #3 |
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Really good show this week. There was SO much happening and I was glad to see it. Hellcats title feud got a nice boost this week with the Beat the Clock Challenge. I'm enjoying the progression of this angle and am glad we're getting something after original plans for this angle fell through. Jack Manson Jr. continues to be one of my favorite characters. He cuts the best promos all of the time. I love how absurdly childish he is - even going as far as stamping his foot when he doesn't get his way. I can picture the character so well every time that I read him. The Dream is a slice of fried gold (points to anyone who gets that reference). He is absolute hilarity in all of the best ways. Great job from Hayden this week able to complete a great co-op story as well as write up a fantastic solo RP for his character this week. I'm itching for Drew Stevenson to get a story going. There's a lot of potential in the character, but right now he doesn't feel like he has any reason to be here other than to just win matches, and that's kind of empty. I really enjoyed the fire I saw between Jack Jr. and Drew this week. It started showing shades of a temper in Drew and that's a good thing. Only advice on the structure is two things: firstly keep an eye on the narration; it transitions occasionally from first and third person and that's a bit jarring. Secondly, the font is so small it hurts my eyes. Lol. Yuki Sakaraba has so much potential, but the structure needs all kinds of work. I'd suggest taking a close look at other RPs and try to replicate the style some. Really focus on giving her things to do rather than just things to say. She's got a solid gimmick and ready-made feuds with EVERYONE but she's so hard to read. I'll confess that I did not pick her to win this week and it was entirely for that reason. Good job picking up the W anyway. Mad Dawg and Orion segment was awesomeness. I really enjoyed seeing the champ on screen dealing with his sudden challengerless situation. And I'm honored that Johnny and Brittany where the first two "chosen" by the champ. Come on, we know that Mad Dawg can throw a mean dart. He hits those two pictures on purpose. ![]() Darian Gray has been a long-time favorite of mine and I hope that Matt is enjoying his time here and that we see the character continue to soar to new heights. Like Yuki, he's got so much potential, a solid gimmick, and ready-made feuds with ANYONE. The difference is that Matt's structure is already on point, so the only thing holding him back is consistency. Here's hoping we see Gray uninterrupted! I had all kinds of fun with the Sharks this week, but no more than I did in the segment with Vi. Big thanks to Wight for being on board with that. I love Harley to bits and Caleb is my serious little puppy that I enjoy tormenting with Harley's antics. Lol. Nathaniel Alexander was the absolute best this week, though. All of his RP efforts were on point and the segments were off the charts, for me. Nate has such a solid grasp on his character, perhaps more so than anybody else on the roster right now (that's not meant to be a knock on anyone else, just a statement on how good Nathaniel is). I am beyond ecstatic to be working a program with him. |
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| Dai | Jul 1 2016, 04:43 PM Post #4 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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I got the reference. Barely. |
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| MrOtaku2399 | Jul 1 2016, 06:13 PM Post #5 |
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FIW's Resident Otaku
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thanks for the kind words lita! ill do just that and look at some other rps and stuff to try and get a more solid and improved rp going.Im glad that somebody likes the gimmick and i hope to be able to do great things with her too.She might be iffy the first couple of weeks but i should be able to find that nice spot soon. good job to everyone this week too and congrats to everyone who won! |
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| Digitalwheelin | Jul 1 2016, 07:05 PM Post #6 |
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Nathan
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Big apologies for the lack of feedback last week. I meant to leave feedback, and then things got kinda hectic for me IRL and it just slipped my mind. At one point I thought I had left feedback. Anyway, no excuses, apologies all around. I loved this week’s show, though! I had a ton of fun RP’ing this week. The back and forth between Johnny and Nathaniel was awesome. I was a little worried because I realized at the end of the cycle I realized it was a bit lopsided in setting up for the segments for the show and not enough on my opponent. Apologies on that as well, but glad I still picked up the win on that one. Speaking of the segments for the show, those were so much fun. I mentioned to Lita it was great to be able to show the manipulative, evil dickhead side that Nathaniel has. I feel like I wasn’t really able to show that enough, so it was a lot of fun to do that. The stuff Lita added to the end of the Nathaniel/Brittany segment was awesome. Nathaniel holding up the belt and almost admiring himself in it was perfect for his character as was him reveling in the negative reaction from the crowd. I’m eager to continue this program with Lita because it’s always a lot of fun working with her on these things. Since the Nathaniel/Kim partnership is done, I had to find a way to work with Lita again, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. ![]() As far as stuff Nathaniel wasn’t involved with; it’s been really cool seeing Jack Manson Jr. here in FIW. Not to mention Dream being here as well. Dream was one of my favorite characters in NGIW and I really like the Jack Manson Jr character so far. It’ll be interesting to see where each character goes after their triple threat match this week. I’ve said this before quite a few times, but I’ll say it again, I’ve been a big fan of Darian Gray right from the very beginning, the moment Matt first posted his app. Lol. It’s been great seeing the transition that Darian has gone through after the departure of Roy and Rufus. The story with Kim potentially recruiting Darian is great. Nathaniel might have something to say about that in an upcoming promo. Lol. The Mad Dawg/Orion promo was awesome. I really like the idea of a 10-man match to determine a #1 contender for the Dual Crow Championship. Orion seemingly toying with Mad Dawg in the beginning with the apparent pointless dart game was a nice touch as well. I would have liked a little more dialogue from Mad Dawg in that segment, but with Mad Dawg being the “strong silent type” it fit his character and it also worked with him being “over it” with Orion’s game. So, in the end it all made sense to me. The main event was absolutely awesome. The Brick Sharks and Gus Richlen are also among my favorite characters here in FIW. I would have loved to have BLS vs Brick Sharks at the end of that Termico deal that BLS was involved in, but obviously that didn’t happen. Regardless, it’s been a lot of fun seeing the Brick Sharks as the tag champs, and this match against Gus and Shaelin was awesome to read. Darian coming down to the stage at the end to try and get in Gus’ head was a nice touch too. Overall great show this week and I’m definitely looking forward to seeing how things progress for everybody as we get closer to Summer of Sin! |
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| Steve | Jul 1 2016, 10:17 PM Post #7 |
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Legend
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[align=center][doHTML]<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2hRqsIX8ouw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>[/doHTML][/align] So I must admit I was a bit let down by the loss. I'm not going to get into why, I just going to take it and roll with it. I think the older I get and the longer I've been doing this that I'm a bit harder critic on myself when I lose. I'm glad to see that people are digging Jack Manson Jr. I'm having quite a bit of fun with him. Probably the most fun I've had since my first run with Ethan Adams. I have some more stuff planned so stay tuned. I'll be out of town doing the water park thing with my kids for the 4th July this weekend but I'll probably be poking my head in from time to time. Just to add to the feedback for Mr. Otaku. Just going to show you with part of your own RP how a little bit will go a long way. As a judge this is some of the minor stuff that I critique when reading RP's. Original Version: Kira:There gone kirito,There finally gone!Thats why im so happy,Im finally my former self again! and it i-i-it just feels so good!But,Please.Please help with the mask.It has a power, a controll of a past kira i want to forget. Cleaned Up Version: Kira: There gone, Kirito. There finally gone! That's why I'm so happy! I'm finally my former self again and it i-i-it just feels so good! But, please. Please help with the mask. It has a power, a control of a past Kira I want to forget. Edit if Dai is Correct: ![]() Kira: They're gone, Kirito. They're finally gone! That's why I'm so happy! I'm finally my former self again and it i-i-it just feels so good! But, please. Please help with the mask. It has a power, a control of a past Kira I want to forget. Very small differences but goes a long way. I hope this is helpful. All in all very good show. I have skimmed through most of it but as I explained earlier in the week to Lita and Craig, I've got some personal stuff that is clouding my mind at the moment. This place is a great outlet for me and an escape from those stresses. So if I'm not RPing quickly or just seem flaky it's because of the personal shit. |
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| Dai | Jul 1 2016, 10:25 PM Post #8 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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Psst, I think it's "they're," not "there." Grammar is a bit of a bugbear for me. |
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| Steve | Jul 1 2016, 10:34 PM Post #9 |
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I wasn't sure on the context of how Otaku was using it. But now that you point it out you are probably correct. |
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| MrOtaku2399 | Jul 1 2016, 11:21 PM Post #10 |
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FIW's Resident Otaku
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sorry guys my grammar and spelling is very bad.Thank you steve for the help and stuff too.Ill try to make it better throughout my other rps this week. |
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| Lita Maivia | Jul 1 2016, 11:25 PM Post #11 |
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Legend
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Practice makes perfect. We've had tons of handlers who came through here struggling with grammar but they've improved to be some of the best. Just google some websites if you're not sure. I still do from time to time. If you're using the word "your" just do a quick google on "your vs. you're" or "there vs. their vs. they're". Anytime you know there's multiple versions of a word take the time for a double check. It's worth it. Also, like I said above, look at RPs. Particularly those of the champions. Mimic that style. Not the content, the style. It'll come second nature before long. |
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| Minister Wighty | Jul 1 2016, 11:32 PM Post #12 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Quite honestly feel like Steve at the moment. I've typed it privately to a few people but it's rather frustrating to be told "don't be so hard on your opponents" and when I strictly avoid doing just that to discourage a new member I get slapped with a loss for it. I'm not sure what message that's trying to send, I guess "be the asshole you were born to be" or some such. The show was fine. I'm... discouraged beyond reason at the moment so I can't really feel inclined to provide feedback in any sort of in-depth way, but I hate leaving the thread unspoken in. So there it is. |
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| MrOtaku2399 | Jul 1 2016, 11:45 PM Post #13 |
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FIW's Resident Otaku
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ok lita thanks you too and i will go and try to read some past promos of all the champions we have at the moment.And i hate there,their,and they're.There so confusing at times! |
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| Dai | Jul 1 2016, 11:48 PM Post #14 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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There is where something is; Their is something that belongs to them and the last is for when you're too lazy to split They Are into two separate words. |
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| Steve | Jul 1 2016, 11:56 PM Post #15 |
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Legend
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Then there is you're when you are too lazy to split you are into two separate words. ![]() I use Google a ton for grammar and such. I mainly use it to ensure I'm using words in the proper context or using the thesaurus so that I don't run particular words into the ground or just so I can sound smart. |
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| Dai | Jul 1 2016, 11:58 PM Post #16 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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Exactly. <3 |
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| Lita Maivia | Jul 2 2016, 12:00 AM Post #17 |
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http://www.wordhippo.com/ is my hero. |
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| Steve | Jul 2 2016, 12:03 AM Post #18 |
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Bookmarked! |
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| Minister Wighty | Jul 2 2016, 02:51 AM Post #19 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Few hours later and I think I've found purpose in all this. So, congrats to Mr. Otaku and good work on the show, everyone. |
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| ratedgdr | Jul 2 2016, 03:21 AM Post #20 |
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Superstar
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I still tend to say Ain't a lot, but I'm a country boy so I have an excuse. |
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| MrOtaku2399 | Jul 2 2016, 03:45 AM Post #21 |
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FIW's Resident Otaku
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thank you Mr.Whitey. Ratedgdr you aint the only one. i say aint and yall allot. |
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| cookingood | Jul 2 2016, 06:39 AM Post #22 |
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Feed(back) me more! Sorry, that's terrible of me and I shall refrain from ever saying it again. Regarding the news bar... [voice=miz]Awesome![/voice] Wonderful job by Lita, really love it. Somehow keeps me even more entertained than I was before with the site. Gives it that "real deal" ESPN feel. Except it's better than an ESPN bar. And onto feedback for the show! Still enjoying the match writing style. Nice and engaged. Not scroll one too many times and miss a match length, not tear your eyes out length. Action's tight and fast-paced. Favorite match(es) on the show for me had to be the Hellcats Beat the Clock stuff and Amazing vs. Kreuger. This entire show had me looking forward to Summer of Sin. I'm excited!!! I'd add more exclamation marks and put in all caps+bold but... ah, screw it. I'M EXCITED!!!!!!!! For Darian, for Summer of Sin, and for the fed itself. Things are looking good. Kudos to those who submitted segments. They were fantastic. Really sucked me in, loved all of 'em. |
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| NickRiot | Jul 2 2016, 12:54 PM Post #23 |
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Show was great overall, like others I enjoyed the Madd Dawg segment as well. I think my feud with Otaku is off to a great start and honestly, I can't wait til it all unfolds ![]() I can't remember who it was that suggested WordHippo but coming from an actual author's standpoint...That website is now my best friend! |
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| Craig | Jul 2 2016, 10:14 PM Post #24 |
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Finally, some proper feedback. The Mad Dawg segment was immensely fun to write. I was worried it would come off like Goldberg in Goldust's wig but I think Mad Dawg's intensity came through strong. The 10-way match is a real opportunity for any of the 10 to get that spot against Mad Dawg and just to be clear, Marc will be judged as one of the 10 (or 11). Just a brief tour of the other promos: - Jack Jr. continues to impress, Steve mentioned that he's got a full plate at the moment but when creativity flows, it's a pleasure to see. He already appears to have a really good understanding of the character and how to play him off other characters like Madison and Johnny. - This edition of ReVolt should be renamed the Nathaniel Alexander Show, it all started in that bar thread and continued here. Some really good angle progression and setting up the match at Summer of Sin. - Brick Sharks continue to be good fun and it was indeed Wight who I forgot to credit at the beginning of this thread, apologies. - Dai's Sakura promo fitted in nicely, broke up the action and adds to the story going into Summer of Sin. Enjoyed writing all the matches, taking the Fighting Spirit Championship match as an example there was a lot in the roleplays to play off for the match and makes my life easier. Nick Riot and Kira Izumi was the same. To that end, if you do want a spot or a specific move involved, just shoot me a PM. The feedback for Drew and Otaku has been covered, I can see Otaku has already picked up on that and started to use it in roleplays. We're all here to help develop and I'm glad feedback is being taken in that spirit. Agree that the Nick Riot/Kira Izumi feud has gotten off to a great start and I'm really looking forward to what follows. I was asked my one of the roster for feedback on a judging decision. I'm happy to discuss judging, although not specifics ie. Craig voted for XX but can provide feedback or reasoning and whether it was unanimous/split decision. Happy to do this over PM to avoid a public debate that's perhaps best kept one-on-one. Thank you to Lita for the show graphics, Summer of Sin is shaping up nicely. Next show is the last before the PPV, so I will be asking for writers. In the meantime if anybody has seen a match they really want, do let me know either here or over PM. |
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| MrOtaku2399 | Jul 4 2016, 01:49 AM Post #25 |
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FIW's Resident Otaku
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Fisrt off who ever made the news bar thing,That thing is freaking amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! and secondly to Nick This rivalry has been fun so far and should only get better! |
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