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| Diary of the depressed; In her own words | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 1 2005, 01:44 AM (43 Views) | |
| Josie Pleasure | Feb 1 2005, 01:44 AM Post #1 |
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Sitting amongest her "trophies" Josie peers around the tiny dimly lit locker room as she focuses on her one reign as ECC champ and that pains her deeply. Knowing that she is fighting a losing battle, she runs her hand over the the name plate and a flash of sadness darkens her features if you were to blink you'd have missed it. Josie holds her emotions well, but once in a while they do get the better of her and this is one of those moments. Frustration, anger, sadness and defeat all seem to play across her face like the blinking neon sign of a hotel letting people know they have empty rooms. She turns back to the unrelenting stare of the camera, catching her every movement without hesitation. "Evan, I've fought my whole life to break the sterotypes set by people, yet it still amazes me that after all the records I've shattered, all the things I've done to prove that I'm not a "normal" female, but every advance I make I end up taking two steps backward. I've fought for ECC every week for months now and where has it gotten me? I'll tell you, nowhere! Every time I get that strap within reach it's pulled away, it's kinda like dangling a carrot in front of a horse to make him go, but then you throw that same carrot to another animal instead of the horse. That's exactly what I feel like, that poor horse, wanting that carrot so bad, but unable to fullfill the need no matter how hard I fight." "I've grown bored with this competition, it's the same thing week after week. I'm facing off against the same people for the same prize, but then I never win now do I? Oh, I do get my frustration out on some misfortunate soul, but that's still an empty feeling. You all are mindless zombies, following the same idea of what's right and wrong, never questioning why. I march to my own drummer and yet I'm labeled odd, well I'm sorry, but I choose to be unique and if that's wrong according to you so be it. Just like this match, if you think that I'm not fighting with all that I have, at least one more time, you're dead wrong. I want that title as much as I want my next breath, it holds glory, respect and most of all victory." "I've watched as people have been brought down with the crushing of defeat, hell I know how it feels. I've watched my family take their last breaths, knowing that I'm to blame for their demise. I've set in the darkness, strapped to a table with only the company of shadows and creatures to talk too. Don't tell me what I am, I've known my whole life that I don't belong to any one world except my own, in a crowd of people I feel alone, no one understands the thoughts a psycho. One minute I can be laughing, the next in tears. One minute smiling and the next holding a knife to your throat. I've got voices whispering in my brain and when I try to make sense of them it only confuses me more." "No one knows how I feel, what runs through my mind at any given time. You only fear me for being different from you and I'm treated like a disease. Does anyone talk to me? Only my follow freeks, but do any of you take the time to talk to me? No, you'd rather judge me for my past mistakes, do you think I've forgotten what I've done? I'm reminded everyday of my life of my sins, but I've been absolved of them by my God, I've been reborn into the world in which I've dwelled for so long. Darkness, loneliness...my whole private hell. Day after day, I'm shown another thing that I'll never have just to torture me. I loathe the world for what they have turned me into and yet I guess I was never ment to be nothing more than a beautiful nightmare, maybe that's always been my destiny." "I know this, I'm going out there, stepping between those ropes, fighting my way through Hell and when the dust settles and the smoke clears the evidence of my exstiance will be oh so clear. Though I live among the living, I'm dead. Like the song says "a living dead girl" that it all I'll ever be, bound for depression and hate. Sentenced to live in a prison that you call life, never seeing the joys or feeling happiness. Watching life as it passes me by and escaping into my imaginary relm whenever I can, I don't want your pity for I've grown used to sorrow and pain, my only friends." Josie runs her hand over the name plate a final time as she bows her head and enters the darkness that preceeds her. |
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7:07 PM Jul 11
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7:07 PM Jul 11