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Tuesday Night Throwdown; August 1, 2006
Topic Started: Aug 2 2006, 02:55 AM (122 Views)
Lita Maivia
Member Avatar
Legend
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
[align=center]Rolling Suicide[/align]

The sound of drum sticks clicking together is heard, and Daron Malakian’s guitar part kicks in as System of a Down’s “Chop Suey!” accompanies the images flashing on the screen, in time with the rhythm. Images of Madison Lee, Kennedy, Swytch, Kailey Lane, Dante Coles, Ragin', and Jim O'Brien all appear on the screen, as the drum beat becomes louder, and the riff escalates!

[align=center]Wake Up![/align]

Madison Lee stares down the camera, raising her chin defiantly.

[align=center]Grab a brush and put a little makeup[/align]

Swytch yanks the steel chair from the referee's hands as Kennedy tries again to reclaim her feet. Tony Clarke moves up on Swytch JUST AS HE BLASTS KENNEDY IN THE FACE WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!

[align=center]Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,

*Whispered* Hide the scars to fade away the…
[/align]

Kailey sprints off the ropes, purposely right where Madison is, SMACKING THE GM WITH A BACK ELBOW!! Madison goes flying off the apron and crashes to the floor at ringside! Kailey runs at Nadia as the Russian is climbing back up! Kailey takes Nadia over with a headscissors-- NO! Kailey spins all the way around and BRINGS NADIA DOWN WITH A DDT!!!

[align=center]Why dya leave the keys upon the table,

Here ya go create another fable!
[/align]

The cage suddenly ignites as Swytch flips away, setting the entire structure ablaze! Swytch completes his split-legged moonsault thanks to the longer fall and COLLIDES with Tier, GRINDING his body into the thumbtacks!!

[align=center]You wanted to!

Grab a brush and put a little makeup
[/align]

Kendra spins her opponent around, hooks her up and THROWS HER OVER HER HEAD WITH A WRIST-CLUTCH EXPLODER!!!

[align=center]You wanted to!

Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
[/align]

Graver moves toward April and plunks her on the top rope in a sitting position before he himself climbs to the second rope, standing her up and grabbing her around the neck. Unfortunately, this “Big BAM!” never happens, as April shoves Graver off and he stumbles to the mat. He turns around, pissed-off, but it doesn’t last as April CAREENS off the top rope and DRIVES HIS FACE INTO THE MAT WITH A BULLDOG!!

[align=center]You wanted to!

Why dya leave the keys upon the table?
[/align]

Swytch runs at Maclay just as he spins around, then jumps onto his shoulders BUT MACLAY DUCKS HIS HEAD DOWN!! MACLAY STANDS UP HANGING SWYTCH DOWN HIS BACK AND HOOKS SWYTCH’S LEGS UP!! Maclay lets out a bestial cry AND STEPS OFF THE WALKWAY… BUT THE CROWD EXPLODES AS SWYTCH GRABS HOLD OF THE WALKWAY AND MACLAY CRASHES DOWN ASS FIRST ON THE CANVAS!!

[align=center]You wanted to![/align]

The music slows down, as a slow-mo image of Kennedy's foot connecting with Dante's head in a JFK is shown.

[align=center]I don’t think you trust, in, my, self righteous suicide…[/align]

Alex spins him around, boots Loon in the midsection and DROPS HIM WITH A SPINNING KI-KRUSHER MANEUVER! Alex pops back up to his feet, raising his arms in the air

[align=center] I, cry, when angels deserve to DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE![/align]

The riff increases in volume again, as John Dolmayan batters the sh*t out of his drumkit!

At the exact same time as Kailey is dodging Natalya, Ragin’ steps between the ropes. Kailey turns quickly almost bumping into Ragin’ and their eyes meet. The steel chair swings, seemingly in slow motion to all who are watching. His eyes never leave Kailey, her face scrunching up to brace for the impact. But it never comes. She opens her eyes as she hears the loud crack and the ‘ohhhhh!’ from the fans. She turns to see Natalya laying flat out moments after the sickening impact.

Even with the mask on, you know Oni's gotta be smiling ear to ear with that manuever. He raises a fist to the air, nodding in self appreciation of his work. He grabs ahold of Shannon and brings him to his feet. He scoops Shannon up INTO AN ARGENTINE BACKBREAKER!

Swytch rears back with the steel chair, aiming at Kennedy's head and CRACKS STEEL AGAINST STEEL AS KENNEDY DUCKS ASIDE! The steel chair clatters to the ringside mats as Swytch's hands throb from the impact! Kennedy leaps up onto the steel steps and jumps onto Swytch's shoulders, DRIVING HIS HEAD INTO THE FLOOR WITH A HURRACANRANA!

[align=center]ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Wake Up!

*Whispered* Wake up
[/align]

Dante climbs up to his feet and pulls Ragin’ up, tucking his head between his legs. Kailey is on the floor, screaming at Dante to get back in the ring. Dante looks down at her and that’s a mistake BECAUSE RAGIN’ RISES UP SENDING DANTE OVER WITH A BACKDROP AND CRASHING BACK DOWN THROUGH THE JAPANESE ANNOUNCE DESK!!

[align=center]Grab a brush and put a little makeup[/align]

Remy runs toward Rick almost from behind AND HE PLANTS HIS LEG AND WHACKS RICK ACROSS THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH THE BOURBON STREET BLUES!

Ninja scribbles on his sign on the top rope before holding it up for all to see… "DANGEROUS~~!!!" The crowd go crazy as Melanie turns around just in time for Ninja perform a SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO HER!! Both crash to the canvas, Ninja on top and Melanie on the bottom!

[align=center]Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup[/align]

Dante thinks quickly and drives the point of his elbow between Hype’s shoulder blades!! He rehooks the arm THEN DRAGS HYPE OVER THE LADDER AND DRIVES HIM ALL THE WAY TO THE FLOOR DRILLING HIS SKULL INTO THE FLOOR!!

[align=center]Why dya leave the keys upon the table[/align]

Jim hits a knee into his opponent's midsection, escaping the chancerie. Jim swiftly gets behind, locking in a double chickenwing AND WITH GREAT STRENGTH and FORCE, JIM LAUNCHES THE OPPONENT WITH A TIGER SUPLEX! THE OPPONENT LANDS HEAD FIRST INTO THE RING STEPS AT A SICK, SICK ANGLE!

[align=center]Here ya go create another fable!

You wanted to!
[/align]

Maclay gets to his feet and pulls Swytch up. He ducks his head down and lifts Swytch up draping him down his back. Maclay’s lips curl into a grin as he hangs onto Swytch’s leg, but Swytch digs down and tries to fight back. He straightens his back and tries to punch Maclay in the back, but that only angers the beast further. Maclay tries to get Swytch back into position but Swytch snaps his torso down FLIPPING MACLAY AROUND AND DRIVING HIM THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE DESK WITH A FLIPPING PILEDRIVER!!

[align=center]Grab a brush and put a little makeup

You wanted to!
[/align]

Once Graver is at a steady enough vertical base, APRIL LEAPS FROM THE TURNBUCKLE AND CONNECTS WITH A SOMERSAULT SEATED SENTON PN GRAVER!

[align=center]Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup

You wanted to!
[/align]

Dante bounces off the far ropes and rushes back across the ring THEN LEAPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND CRASHES THROUGH MACLAY AND THE TABLE TO THE FLOOR!!

[align=center]Why dya leave the keys upon the table

You wanted to!
[/align]

Kennedy bounces off the ropes and leaps up and spins around going into a wheel barrow position. She pushes off the canvas and grabs Ragin’ around the head, but he ducks his head out of her grasp and sits out PLANTING KENNEDY FACE FIRST INTO THE MAT WITH A SITOUT FACEBUSTER!!

[align=center]I don’t think you trust, in, my, self righteous suicide…[/align]

With Dante standing on shakily, Maclay ducks his head down between Dante’s legs. He starts to rise but gets a forearm shot in his kidneys! Dante raises his arm up AND HAMMERS ANOTHER SHOT TO MACLAY’S KIDNEYS!! The Essex Beast falters a bit and Dante hooks him around the waist then hoists Maclay up AND POWERBOMBS HIM THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE DESK!!

[align=center] I, cry, when angels deserve to dieeeeeeeeeeeee, in, my self righteous suicide…..[/align]

Kailey runs in and butts the extinguisher into Nadia's stomach, doubling her over! Kailey throws the extinguisher aside before shoving Nadia's head between her legs. Kailey glances out into the crowd before hoisting Nadia up in a Crucifix! Kailey sits out DROPPING NADIA FACE-FIRST INTO THE CANVAS WITH A CRUCIFIX REVERSE FACE DRIVER!!

[align=center]…I cry, when angels deserve to Die.[/align]

The riff perks up again… BAMMM!!!!!!! THE COMMENTATORS GASP FOR AIR AS DANTE LIFTS JIM UP BY HIS OWN ARM AND HIS BRITCHES, CAUSING JIM TO RELIEVE SOME OF THE PAIN AS DANTE SPINS AND DROPS JIM RIGHT DOWN ON HIS HEAD WITH THE SICKEST FUCKING FALL FROM GRACE YOU’VE EVER FUCKING SEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snatching Onikage by his leather mask Jim runs his thumb across his throat and shouts out “BURNING! HAMMER!” The fans go into frenzy as Jim lifts Onikage up onto his shoulders and sets him up. The Monster of TNT walks around with Onikage on his shoulders for a few seconds to allow each side of the arena to see it. He then drives Onikage skull first into the canvas with the Burning Hammer!

Maclay pulls Swytch into a side headlock and starts to climb the ladder, dragging Swytch up behind him. Step by step, rung by rung, Maclay pulls Swytch toward the top of the ladder. Maclay reaches the second to top step, carefully sharing half of it with Swytch. Maclay ducks his head down… and tucks his head between Swytch’s legs… Maclay starts to rise up… BUT SWYTCH FLIPS HIS LEGS AROUND AND GRABS MACLAY AROUND THE NECK, DRAGGING HIM OFF THE LADDER AND DRILLING HIS SKULL INTO THE MAT!!

The riff continues, until it stops dead, and the fans can be heard to cheering in the background, as the TNT Logo flashes up on the screen…


[align=center]Posted Image[/align]

…Suddenly, the camera switches to the arena and TNT is underway!!! Chop Suey! Blares all around the arena once more, as the camera switches to the announce team.

JH: Welcome, ladies and gentleman, to the State University Dome - Minot, South Dakota LIVE for Tuesday Night Throwdown! I am Jonathan Hitchen, alongside my broadcast partner, Thomas Moore! Tonight we've got a huge tag team match-up!

TM: Last week we saw Swytch team with Kennedy to defeat Remy Barteaux after his tag team partner April Lynn walked out on him!

JH: Hopefully we'll get some explanation for that here tonight. Remy and Swytch will both be involved in that Double Fall Championship match at Dangerous Liaisons on August 13th. But tonight, another participant in that match, Ragin', will team with his manager Natalya Vladek for the second time. And they'll be taking on Kailey Lane and Enigma.

TM: The reveal of Enigma is here tonight! I can't wait to see who it is!

JH: And of course it never would've happened if it wasn't for Dante Coles refusing to team with Kailey Lane in a match that involved Ragin'.

TM: I don't blame him! Dante'll also be in that Double Fall Championship match and I think we're going to see a Triple Crown Champion at Dangerous Liaisons when Dante reclaims his Ultimate Endurance Championship from Remy Barteaux and then picks up the Dual Crown!

JH: That remains to be seen. For now, we’re kicking things off with some tag team action. This one should be…interesting.

TM: That’s one way of putting it.

Cult of Personality bursts through the PA and as the drums kick in, Loon makes his way out, with a big smile. He jumps into the air as red pyros go BOOM! and he runs down the wooden catwalk and…stops, forgetting himself, or more importantly, forgetting Ben, who has edged his way out onto the entrance. Loon darts back and beckons him forth, and the two make their way along the walkway together.

JH: Think Ben’s having some doubts out there?

TM: Course he is, have you seen him? His wrestling days are long over.

Loon jumps in over the ropes and Ben follows through as his tag team partner darts across the ring and climbs up on the upper-right turnbuckle, and raises his hands as the crowd roars. He goes to the opposite turnbuckle and does the same, to the same cheap pop as Ben watches on. He then hops down, loosens his neck, and turns to his friend to discuss some last minute tactics.

MA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 535lbs…

TM: Most of which is Ben.

JH: Hush.

MA: The team of BEN WESMORLAND AND LOON, TWO, POINT, FIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!

The tune of classic kung-fu music echoes through out the P.A. speaker and soon “Ninja" kicks in.

[align=center]"Damn I wish I could be a Ninja"

“Damn I wish I could be a Ninja"

“Damn it feel good to see people up on it"
[/align]

As the music continues to play smoke fills the arena and a mysterious cloaked figure walks out. A few of the fans dressed up like Ninjas begin to cheer on their hero. Slowly the cloaked figure raises his head to have the hood fall off and reveal his Ninja mask. The rest of the fans cheer on Extreme Ninja #2 as he pumps his sign proudly up into the air. However the cheers soon turn to jeers as Smarty Smark with a grin on his face struts out, shadow boxing and showing his mad skills, with Paper Bag Man right behind him. Ninja silently sighs as Smarty points at his client and yells "The Man!" “Drink four glasses of milk a day!" Extreme Ninja #2's sign reads as he charges along the entrance ramp before he hops over the top rope.

TM: The ring has been reinforced for this match right? I mean, what if we get Ben and Smarty in there at the same time?

JH: Good god, I hadn’t thought of that.

Smarty Smark stays back as he takes his sweet time strutting down towards the ring. When he finally arrives he points down and PBM sadly gets down on his hands and knees on the apron. Smarty uses him as a foot stool and climbs up him to climb over the top rope. After entering the ring Ninja sets his sign in the nearest corner to him and disrobes himself. Smarty Smark raises his hands to the sky, soaking in the “adoration” of the crowd and enjoying the fact that he hasn’t been asked to leave the ring.

MA: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 420lbs, SMARTY SMARK AND THE EXTREME, NINJA, NUMBER TWOOOOOOOOO!!!

TM: Loon is 2.5, does that mean he’s slightly better? Like, he has a couple of extra features that EN doesn’t?

JH: Yes, it does, it means he can play WMA files as well as MP3.

TM: Really? …Hey.

Richard Kelly does the whole rule explaining thing, which Smarty seems to largely ignore, and asks a member of each team to step out onto the apron. Ben obliges for his team while EN shoos Smarty over the ropes for his. Richard calls for the bell…

DING, DING!

…and we’re off. Loon and the Ninja begin to circle, and make it all the way round to the opposing corners when Smarty reaches over and yanks on Loon’s braids! He yells for EN to take the advantage but the honourable Ninja is too busy waving his hands and motioning for him to let got. Eventually Kelly gets involved and separates the two, with Loon turning and giving Smark an evil glare.

JH: Didn’t take long for Smarty to start bending the rules.

Loon turns back to his opponent, who has rushed in to meet him and the 2.5 finds himself whipped across the ring! He rebounds off the ropes and Ninja snaps him over with a perfect Arm Drag! Loon slides across to the ropes and quickly flips back up. He charges back in and again the Extreme one hooks his arm and…no! Loon reverses by landing on his feet and dragging the Ninja over for an Arm Drag of his own! Ninja too slides along before hoping back up and once more the two cruiserweights are facing off. Ninja gives a respectful bow to his opponent, who responds in kind.

JH: Makes you wonder how exactly someone as honourable and respectful as the Extreme Ninja fell in with the likes of Smarty Smark.

Both men charge in and the Ninja takes to the air with a leg lariat, that glides over Loon’s head as he drops and rolls through! But the Ninja lands on his feet and takes a moment to gauge the situation, waiting for Loon to rise behind him before swinging back with a hook kick to the Loony one’s head! 2.5 reels forward into the ropes and the Extreme one is right on his tail. He runs in and leaps right to the top cable, steadies himself, and launches a Dropkick straight to Loon’s face! He crashes back into the canvas and EN#2 dives into a cover!

[align=center]One!

T -- Kickout!
[/align]

Loon kicks out with ease and EN rolls off and back to his feet and heads to his corner to snatch up his board. His scribbles something on it and holds it up high for all to see, it reads…

JH: Bust a move! Time for EN to get jiggy wit’ it!

TM: …you are so white.

The Ninja then begins to rock his body toward the downed Loon, unaware that Smarty has just leant over the top rope and tagged himself in. The Ninja break dances his way over to Loon before performing a Senton Leg Drop across his throat! Loon’s hands instinctively fly up to caress his neck and EN finds himself flung out of the way as Smarty throw himself in for a cover!

[align=center]One!

Two -- Kickout!
[/align]

EN stands, looking a tad confused at the situation as Richard Kelly guides him back to his corner. As he does so, Smarty quickly pulls Loon to his feet and…gets smacked around the jaw! The crowd are loving it as Loon throws another fist, and another and Smark is being gradually backed toward the ropes where he drops down to a knee, raising his arms to guard his face from the flurry! EN moves to help his manager but Kelly insists he take his place on the apron. And with the referee’s back turned Smarty takes the opportunity to throw a forearm right up between Loon’s legs!

JH: Ooooooooh.

TM: See that? EN distracted the ref so Smarty could cheat.

JH: I don’t think it was intentional.

Loon staggers backwards, clutching at his jewels as he collapses back into the canvas, EN watching on from the apron and shaking his head at his representation’s display. Kelly turns round just in time to see Smarty making a double axe handle with his hands and shaking them in the air like he’d just won the damn match, much to the disdain of the fans as they shower him with boos.

JH: You hit a guy in the balls, what do ya want a medal?

Smarty moves to make the pin on Loon, but finds himself dragged back by Ben! He’s spun round, right into a BIG right hand from the big man! Richard is helpless to stop him as he wails on the Ninja’s manager, backing him up toward the ropes before pushing him in and whipping him out! Smarty flies across the ring and ricochets off the far cables, running right back into Ben’s arms as the big feller scoops him up and SLAMS him into the canvas!

JH: Scoop Slam! Ben’s still got some moves!

TM: Ooh a Scoop Slam, call Madison, we gotta sign this guy up right away.[/sarcasm]

Richard kindly asks if Ben could make his way back to his own corner but it seems Ninja has a more direct approach. From nowhere he comes flying in off the top rope and with a Moonsault to the standing Ben that FLOORS the big man! He gets to his feet and dusts himself off, only to feel a finger prodding at his shoulder. He turns, right into the face of the Loon who screams…

“I KICK YOU!”

…before throwing a Karate Kick SMACK into EN’s face! The Ninja stumbles backwards, over the writhing form of Ben and ends up toppling to his ass in the corner! Loon turns to the crowd and asks them on simple question…

“I AM A BADASS MOTHER FUCKER AM I NO-AARGH!”

Though his question is cut off as Smarty sneaks up behind him and yanks down on his braids once more! Loon flails about trying to swat away the pest as Smark drags him over to the corner and pulls his hair over to the ropes.

TM: What the hell is that fat fuck doing?

JH: I think…He’s trying to tie Loon’s hair to the ropes.

That he is, but Loons is fighting back with elbows and flailing fist and of course, Richard Kelly is in there trying to tear the two apart. Across the ring, Ben is up to his feet and decides to interject himself into the proceedings. He marches over behind Smarty and drags him off his charge, but Smarty kicks his leg back and sticks his boot right into the big man’s tackle!

JH: That’s the second low blow from Smarty! Jeez, this guy just cannot play it straight.

Ben topples back into the canvas and Smarty kicks him out onto the apron, where PBM drags him off and drops him to the floor. Smark dusts his hands off, a job well done and turns…into a Spinning Wheel Kick from Loon!

JH: Ha! Never take your eye off The Loon!

Smarty CRASHES back into the canvas and Loon moves in, only to be cut off as EN throws himself into Loon with a Flying CROSSBODY that sees both men SAILING THROUGH THE ROPES! They tumble into a heap at ringside and PBM moves in to lay some boots to Loon, but Kelly sees him and warns him off before he can do any damage. He backs up all innocent like and the two wrestlers pull themselves to their feet. Loon spots Ben and checks to see if he’s alright before helping his friend up to his feet, and it’s around this time that Smarty sees fit to remind Kelly that Loon and he are the legal men, and that the ref should start his count.

[align=center]One!

Two![/align]


JH: I’m sure Smarty would like nothing more then to win this one on count out.

Loon’s attention is drawn to the ring and he quickly makes a break for it, only to be cut off by Ninja! He fires a boot right to the Loony one’s gut and snatches up his head in a front chancery, before running up the side of the apron and pushing himself off, landing a two footed kick to Ben’s chest and knocks the man backwards as Ninja spins Loon into the ground with a Crouching Tiger DDT!

JH: Impressive move from the Extreme on there!

TM: And it’s only bought Smarty more time to relax in the ring.

Richard’s already up to…

[align=center]Five![/align]

…and suddenly Smarty’s had a change of heart. Now, with Loon sufficiently out of it, he’s begging for EN to toss him back into the ring so that he can get the pin.

JH: What a brave warrior this Smarty is.[/sarcasm]

EN, with the help of PBM pick Loon up and slide him back in under the top rope, and Smarty dives for the pin.

[align=center]One!

Two!

Thre -- KICKOUT!
[/align]

JH: Loon’s still in this!

The Loon throws a shoulder up and Smarty looks mortified! He scrambles to his feet and drags Loon up with him, and begins to pummel him with rights and lefts, but Loon fights back! Still groggy from the DDT to the outside, Loon flails around with his fists until a couple connect and force Smark backwards! Loon stumbles in the opposite direction and Ben tags himself in! He steps in through the ropes and glares across at Smarty, who backs away, praying for him not to hurt him. Unfortunately for him Ben chooses to ignore his pleas and charges in with a --- NO! PBM grabs his leg and Ben CRASHES face first into the canvas!

JH: Oh come on! Ref!

Kelly admonishes the Paper headed one who again acts innocently as Smarty runs at the ropes, bounces off and comes back with a 240lbs BODY SPLASH! He pushes Ben over and hooks the leg!

[align=center]One!

Two!

Three!
[/align]

Smarty picks up the win for his team and celebrates like he just won the Dual Crown! Paper Bag Man rushes in to hug him as EN’s music hits the speakers, the Ninja himself looking on from his corner and shaking his head in disappointment of the underhand tactics.

JH: Well Smarty Smark picks up a victory here against Ben Wesmorland, an undeserved loss for him and Loon.

Smarty, PBM and eventually Ninja make their way out of the ring and up the walkway as Loon shakes the cobwebs from his noggin and checks on his friend.

The camera flicks backstage where we see Sam Kinloch, standing next to Toby looking rather serious about something.

Toby: Sam, you called me over here because you had an important announcement to make. What would that be?

Sam smiles at the camera, and from the audience we hear some cheering. It’s not loud or anything but still it’s there and Sam smiles a bit brighter.

Sam: I talked to Madison today, she agreed to my request for Dangerous Liaisons.

Toby nods his head and somehow seems pleased to know this.

Toby: What was your request?

Sam: Tier.

Toby’s mouth drops a bit and he looks a tad bit worried.

Toby: Tier? Like…in a match?

Sam smiles again, this time the evil looking one and nods her head slowly.

Sam: Yes, in a match Toby.

Toby starts to say something, then nothing comes out….he opens his mouth again and again nothing comes out. He’s looking a bit like a fish when Sam pushes his mouth closed by pressing up on his chin.

Sam: He trained me Toby, I know his moves better than I know the moves of the Cowboy. I have more of a chance with Tier and it will be nice to finally take out some of that aggression on the man himself instead of his gofer.

Sam pauses and removes her hand from Toby’s chin but quickly starts talking again.

Sam: Conditions of course. If I win he has to leave me alone, no more sending in Lazaro to bother me nothing of the sort he just goes about his merry way and forgets about me. If he wins…well…I don’t know what happens if he wins…I guess he gets to keep bothering me.

Toby finally finds his voice.

Toby: Do you really think he’s going to agree to that Sam?

Sam nods her head, very confident.

Sam: Of course he will, he wont risk losing because he never tired.

Toby nods, Sam nods and the camera fades out since head nodding isn’t really that entertaining.


[align=center]*Commercial Break*[/align]

[align=center]"MY COCK IS MUCH BIGGER THAN YOURS!"[/align]

Darren Malakian's high-pitched and strained vocals shock the system as he and Serj Tankian rock System of a Down's "Cigaro" into our eardrums. Strobe lights flash from the entryway in time with the jamming guitar. Graver strolls out onstage with a beer in hand and the title over his shoulder. He takes a deep swig, giving an absent-minded set of horns to the fans. They boo him, and the horns soon turn into a middle finger.

MA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following NON-TITLE contest is scheduled for ONE fall! Making his way to the ring, from Detroit, Michigan... he weighs in tonight at ONE-hundred NINETY pounds... he is your FIGHTING SPIRIT CHAMPION... ... GRRRRRRRAAAAAAYYYYVEEEERRRRRRR!!!

Graver makes his way down the walkway to the ring, stepping under the top rope and pausing to take a look at all the fans. They boo the piss out of him, and he waves them off. Graver quickly chugs the remaining portion of his beer before removing his belt, hat, and other accessories, handing them to a ring monkey with a stern warning not to "get them all fucked up".

Heavy metal guitars blast our eardrums as Rob Zombie‘s “American Witch” fucks our frontal lobes. The lights drop as the guitars scream, and a purple glow emanates from the screen at the entrance. The black silhouette of an oversized poppet fills it as lasers above the stage trace a purple circle.

[align=center]Body of a monkey and the feet of the cock
Dragged from her home on the killing rock
Black dog died on a weather vane
The devil‘s in a cat and the baby‘s brain
[/align]
BAMF! Purple fireworks erupt from the stage, and when they die we see Sam Kinloch standing in the circle. She smirks as the lights raise and she walks to flashing purple strobes to the ring.

MA: Aaaand his opponent! From Elk City, Oklahoma… SSSSAAAAMMMM… KIIIIIIIIINLOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCKKKKKK!!!

[align=center]The end, the end of the American…
The end, the end of the American…
The end, the end of the American…
WITCH
[/align]
The lights suddenly cut again, Sam center-ring. The music hits an eerie interlude, and as the guitar rocks back in, the lights above spark and pop, returning to life as Sam leans into her corner, waiting the beginning of the match

TM: Gotta love a match where Graver FINALLY gets to beat the snot out of the witch-bitch!

JH: You mean one where Loon FINALLY isn’t going to interfere, and the best athlete will win? Yes. I AM excited to see that.

TM: Hey! I know you don’t mean Graver. I know he’s not athletic… he’s just awesome! BIASED!

JH: Oh like you aren’t.

The bell rings and Graver steps forward and points to his chin. Sam raises an eyebrow, and he points again.

TM: Looks like Graver’s giving Sam a free shot! He’s so generous, Hitchen!

JH: Sam might not have the biggest pythons in the business, but I’m sure she packs a punch.

TM: Pythons!? More like freakin’ garter snakes.

Sam pops forward, launching an elbow, but Graver ducks and puts his arm across her chest like a one-arm slam, but instead of lifting her, GRABS HER BOOBIE!!!

TM: YES!!! CLASSIC!!!

JH: *sighs* I thought we were past this stage.

TM: Hitchen, when you pass the “stage” of boob-grabbing in your life as a man, it’s time to come out of the closet. Join Lance Bass and Darren Hayes.

Sam doesn’t even bother to turn toward him as she sends a hard knee to Graver’s stomach. The Fighting Spirit Champion backs up, and gets a spinning roundhouse to the head which knocks him to the ground. Sam pulls him back up by the arms, and adds that momentum into a HARD Irish whip to the ropes! Graver rebounds and ducks under another roundhouse, rebounds off the opposite ropes, and NAILS Sam with a polish hammer!

TM: Irish whips, Polish hammers… it‘s a multicultural massacre!

Graver pulls Sam up and begins fustigating her with a series of punches to the head, then swings his leg upward for a hard toe kick, BUT Sam grabs it! She spins him around and DROPKICKS HIM IN THE CHEST! Graver stumbles back into the ropes where Sam launches into a kick! An elbow smash! A chop! Another kick! Then POWERS Graver to the outside with a dropsault!

JH: EXCELLENT combination attack!!

TM: Damn, Hitchen! Calm down!

JH: I’m just damn excited to see Sam getting what she deserves!

TM: The boob-grabbing? That happened earlier. Where were you?

Sam follows Graver to ringside, and Michaela begins her count.

Michaela: ONE!

Sam grabs Graver and pulls him to his feet, only to get punched away!

Michaela: TWO!

Sam retaliates with an elbow smash o’ doom! Graver reels, then comes back and--

JH: Graver raking the eyes of Sam Kinloch! What a low-down dirty--

TM: --shame he didn’t grab her boob again? I KNOW! That shit’s hot.

Michaela: THREE! FOUR!!

Apparently Michaela missed the eye raking incident as Graver charges forward unpunished, grabs Sam by the head, and SLAMS her into the protective mats!

JH: Modified mat slam by Graver, how did Michaela miss that eye rake?

TM: Graver’s got the stealth, Hitchen. He’s a ninja in training under Smarty.

JH: Smarty doesn’t train ninjas. Ninja’s aren’t made of fat and BS.

TM: Yes HUH! How else would he have Extreme Ninja?

JH: Do you EVEN watch the vignettes!?

Michaela: FIVE!! SIX!! SEVEN!!

Graver pulls Sam up by the ponytail and SLAMS her face-first into the announce table!

TM: ACK! Back off, you! I have a plant mister!

JH: What the hell is that going to do?

TM: Melt Sam! She’s a witch, right? Right?

JH: Oi…

TM: Y’know. “Your little dog too”? “What a world, what a world?”

Graver grabs Sam’s hair again, but Mz. Kinloch slams her palms on the hutch of the announce table and reaches up for Graver’s hair, slamming HIM face-first into the table, knocking the black hutch off it’s setting!

TM: HEY! Be careful! You almost knocked over my scorpion farm!

JH: Why the hell is that thing even HERE!? What are you, Toan?

TM: Hitchen, if I didn’t have it HERE then WHERE would my scorpions live? Hmmm!? HMMMM, SMART GUY!?

What’s the count up to, now? That was a lot of talking.

Michaela: EIGHT!! NINE!! TEN!! ELEVEN!!

Thanks, Mich. Sam grabs Graver and whips him HARD into the ringside, causing him to slump against the apron. She then nips up onto the little ledge, does a walk for speed, then CRACKS a dropkick from the apron RIGHT into Graver’s ribs!

JH: Sam’s just continuing that offense, using those tactics taught to her by the great El Bombastico.

TM: If he’s so great, how come he doesn’t wrestle anymore? You know, like Ric Flair?

JH: Maybe because he realizes old age weakens your mind enough that he doesn’t need a dropkick in the brain to speed things along?

Sam rolls Graver into the ring, then follows him in, pulling him upright and locking in a quick arm wrench. She yanks him around, releases the wrench, drops a toe kick into his gut, slaps him on the spine and DRIVES him into the mat with a DDT!!

JH: KHEM RAQS SHARQI!!!

Sam slides over and floats into a lateral press. Michaela drops…


[align=center]ONE!


TWO!!



No! Kickout at two![/align]

TM: Sam better try harder than that to put the breaks on the Graver Train!

JH: Is that anything like Soul Train?

TM: It’s Soul PLANE, Hitchen.

JH: No, I-- … *sighs*

Sam shoots Graver toward the turnbuckle. He catches the pad, minimizing the blow, and ducks blindly as Sam SAILS head-first into the top turnbuckle!

JH: That jumping elbow strike went nowhere but wrong for poor Sam Kinloch.

Sam slumps against the turnbuckle and slides down on her ass. Graver grins and runs at her, jumps up on her shoulders, and starts STOMPING on her face and cranium!

TM: Slam Dancing!

JH: The disrespect continues!

Michaela yells a five count at Graver and he dismounts with a not-so-subtle boot wash over Sam’s pretty lips. He grins at Menendez and shrugs, then pulls Sam back to verticality.

TM: See, Hitchen? What a gentleman, helping her up!

Graver whips her toward the ropes, but stops her short by grabbing her hair and JAMS her head into his kneecap!

TM: -- and then back down again!

JH: I can’t believe Graver hasn’t been disqualified yet! This is just despicable!

Graver just shakes his head and flips of some of the booing fans off as Sam wobbles to her feet. He takes notice and cycles his arm, warming up…

TM: Graver’s looking to end this thing!

Sam does that so-stereotypical-you-knew-it-was-coming turn around and gets LEVELED WITH A--- NO!!! Graver’s fist SAILS over Sam’s shoulder and she catches him by the chest, tripping away his leg and FLOORING him with an STO!

JH: Space Tornado Ogawa!

TM: What the fuck!? What kind of scary hippie weed are you smoking!?

JH: That’s the name of the move.

TM: Where!? Mars!? It’s a fucking Standing Take Over! GOD.

Sam nips up to the top turnbuckle and perches there as Graver rises. He staggers on his toes, finally lifting his head up to turn his full attention on Sam as she SOARS off the top of the ring and crashes ass-first into his chest. Before the impact can take them both down she flips over his head and rolls him up into a sunset flip pin!

JH: CLOSING THE CIRCLE!!!

[align=center]ONE!



TWO!!



THREE!!!



DINGDINGDINGDINGDING!!!
[/align]

MA: Yooouuur winner… SAM! KIIIIIIIIINLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCKK!!!

JH: Impressive victory for Mz. Kinloch here tonight! It’s about time she’s not screwed out of something with this man… or with the skull cowboy, for that matter!

[align=center]*Commercial Break*[/align]

The arena goes black, a pink spot light scours one side of the arena as a white one mirrors its search on the opposite side. A static-filled buzzing sounds out through the arena until the two spotlights meet in the center of the stage, transforming to purple as “Woman’s Cry” by Shocknina blasts through the speakers.

[align=center]Cry! Stab! Pain! Lie!
Out of control, I love you
Kill! Drown! Burn! Down!
I can’t let go, I die for you
[/align]

April steps into the purple glow, looking around the arena before shooting an arm up into the air, causing the house lights to flood the arena with light once more. She makes her way to the ring, a stern look carved into her face as her eyes focus solely on the squared circle.


TM: So, is this a match or what? I mean, is April really looking to take on the Don?

JH: I honestly have no idea.

MA: Making her way to the ring from Aurora, Ohio… APRIL LLLYYYNNN!!!!

She reaches the ring and steps in under the middle rope. She steps into the center of the ring and raises her arm up once again in acknowledgement of the fans, before…

Remy: Cut it, cut dha music!

April spins to see Remy stepping out onto the stage, mic in hand as the music fades out earlier then intended.

JH: What’s going on here?

Remy: April, Ah’m not gonna fight you, cher.

TM: Aw nuts.

April scowls at her possibly-ex-boyfriend with an air of determination about her. She folds her arms across her chest as he makes his way along the raised catwalk.

Remy: Ah know what you’re t’inking, Ah know Ah should have told you about dha deal an’ all, and Ah know you don’t want nuttin’ to do wit’ dhat world…but you jus’ gotta trust me on dhis one, cher.

She huffs with amusement at his words as the apologetic Cajun ducks through the ropes and moves toward his lady love, causing her to back up a couple of steps. He takes heed, and holds his position, just outside her personal bubble.

JH: Trust him, yeah right…

TM: Shush.

Remy: Ah know dhis ain’t an ideal situation, cher, but dhis gonna make our lives so much easier. We got back up now, our own entourage, it’s piece o’ mind, cher. Never again will dhose pesky Russians get dha jump on you. What happened to Carl last week, dhat was tragic, but now we got dha means to not only make sure it’ll never happen again, but to take a slice o’ sweet revenge on dha cowboy.

He nods, a smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye which frankly unnerves the former Cruiserweight champion as she eyes him with concern and trepidation.

Remy: Cowboy ain’t dha big scary he used ta be. Ain’t no one gonna be dhat scary again. And Ah do dhis all for you, April, for your safety.

His sincerity knows no bounds as he pleads forgiveness from his woman. April shakes her head in pure amazement at how clueless Remy is to the entire situation. She doesn’t even bother taking a microphone as she begins to argue her case, the nearby mics barely picking up her words but Remy can hear them loud and clear.

April: This isn’t about me. It’s all about you.

Remy arches an eyebrow in confusion, the mic dropping away form his chin as he questions what she means.

April: You’re not doing this for anyone but yourself. You’re becoming him!

Him? In case you don’t know who she’s talking about, him is the one man that has been the most hated soul for a very, very long time. None other than Stefan Wallace. The most selfish man on the face of the planet. Remy certainly knows who she means as his eyes narrow, none to happy with the comparison.

Remy: It ain’t like dhat. Ah ain’t about ta become Stefan, you of all people know how much Ah hated dhat guy. Ah did dhis, all o’ dhis, for us. Getting rid o’ him, dhat was for us, taking Riggs’ offer, dhat was for us. Taking on dhis role, cher, was all about us. Why won’t you see, dhis is a good thing.

The disgust in April’s eyes make it clear it isn’t a good thing. But is the disgust over this situation or Remy himself? The Cajun is probably asking himself the same thing.

April: I don’t need this. You or any of this.

Cold. Remy is obviously hurt by the statement but fights that particular emotion by forcing another to the surface. Anger. His eyes narrow and his voice becomes sterner as he raises the mic pointedly to his lips.

Remy: ‘Course not, you got ya Knight in shiny back in ya life ain’tcha. Dhat’s right, Ah dhun heard about how he jus’ happened by dha es’act hospital you were visiting. You think dhat’s anything but deliberate? You think he didn’t see you run out on me last week and think to himself what a prime time it is to ride back in on his steed and make his shoulder available for cryin’. Yer being played, cher.

The Cajun isn’t the only one expressing anger. April glares back at Remy, the anger boiling in her veins as she listens to his words. Rather than actually retorting the comment, April takes a step forward and SLAPS Remy square across the face! His head jolts to the side, a red, hand shaped welt appearing on his cheek as he glares off out the side of the ring. He sucks his teeth as he turns back to face the fiery blonde before him, raising his hand to stroke the effected area as he puts on his best remorseful face.

Remy: April, cherie, Ah didn’t mean to go dhere Ah jus’…come back to dha hotel wit’ me, we’ll talk about dhis, we’ll set it all straight.

Remorseful or not, April isn’t in a forgiving mood.

April: I’m not going anywhere with you!

A frustrated sigh escapes the Cajun’s lips as he tries in vain to plead with his lady love.

Remy: Cher, come on, see reas --

Remy is abruptly cut off by a STIFF forearm to the back of the neck by none other than…

JH: DANTE COLES!!

TM: Finally. Frankly the soap opera crap was getting boring.

The Cajun is knocked forward into April and the sickening thud of skull on skull sees both of them crashing into the canvas! Remy rolls off the blonde and as both cradle their heads in pain the caramel steamroller hovers over them with an unforgiving gaze.

JH: Completely out of the blue, I mean, what the hell is this about!?

Seeing Dante standing over them Remy shakes away the cobwebs and scrambles to his feet. He lunges at his attacker and the two engage in a back and forth flurry of rights and lefts and fists and forearms, but that inadvertent head butt seems to have taken it’s toll on the ragin’ Cajun as he begins to lose momentum. Dante takes the upper hand before taking his wrist and shooting him off to the side. Remy leans into the ropes and Coles is right there on top of him with a LARIAT that sees the Cajun hurtling over the top rope and CRASHING into the oh-so-(un)protective mats on the outside!

JH: Remy’s been dumped over the top rope and…Dante’s not following. He’s turning back…he wants April.

TM: Don’t we all?

Dante is indeed turning back to April, but she’s no longer where he left her! She’s on her feet and throwing a forearm strike into his jaw that rattles Coles and sees him staggering back onto the ropes! April takes his wrist and whips him across -- NO! Dante reverses and drags her into a standing LARIAT that sees her SLAMMING into the canvas! Again she reaches for the back of her head as the half Samoan reaches down and plucks her from the mat, dragging her up by her blonde locks and pulling her face to him.

JH: This is just sick, get security out here!

TM: Hey look!

Dante breaks his penetrating gaze with his victim as his spider sense starts tingling, and he glances up at the stage to see Riggs, flanked by two rather large looking guys.

TM: It’s Remy’s goons to the rescue. See? She does need them.

The small group make their way along the cat walk, pausing as they reach the ring ropes where Riggs motions the two grunts towards Remy. The slimy limy himself stands his ground, waving his hand toward Dante as if giving him the green light to carry on, as the two larger men hoist up their boss and begin to take him backstage.

JH: Oh what!? They’re taking Remy but leaving April at the hands of Dante?

TM: To be fair, she said herself that she wanted nothing to do with them.

JH: I would imagine this won’t sit well with your new boss Riggs.

Riggs seems happy enough as he doffs his bowler hat at Dante and turns on his heels, following the henchmen and his dazed and confused boss to the safety of the back, and leaving Dante alone with his prey.

JH: Oh there’s blood on your hands Riggs. Whatever he does to her now is on you!

TM: I get the feeling he can live with that.

April is already trying to climb back to her feet, a glazed over look in her eyes as she holds onto the back of her head. Dante watches his original target disappear behind the curtains thanks to his “boys” before realizing that he’s not alone in the ring. He spins around to find Remy’s (ex)girlfriend standing with a painful expression on her features. He drives his boot into her stomach and shoves her head between his legs.

JH: No. No! Come on!

TM: There’s no reasoning with Dante, Hitchen. He’s been screwed over ever since Summer of Sin. And he’s ready to get his revenge.

Dante underhooks both of April’s arms behind her back, glancing out at the disapproving crowd before jumping into the air AND DRIVING APRIL ON THE TOP OF HER HEAD WITH A PEDIGREE!!!

JH: Dammit! The Thrillride on April! Where the hell is her “protective” boyfriend and all his security, huh?

TM: She said she didn’t need them.

JH: They’re too busy taking care of Remy! They couldn’t care less about anyone else. Put you in the mind of anyone else? I’ll tell you who, Stefan Wallace!

TM: Hey now! Watch it.

Dante flips April over onto her back, climbing up to his feet with a sick grin on his face as he stares down at the Ultimate Endurance Champion’s unconscious girlfriend. Dante backs into the ropes, ducking out of the ring and strolling up the walkway with a satisfied look on his face.

JH: The damage is done and now Dante’s proud of himself.

TM: He got his revenge. And unlike Remy, Dante hit Remy where it hurt the most.

[align=center]*Commercial Break*[/align]
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JH: And now folks, after this roller coaster of a show, it is time for the main event, a main event that has had some interesting factors going into it.

TM: Like what? That I bumped skins with your momma last night? Ha! I crack myself up…

JH: No…More like the fact that Enigma seemed aware of the original booking of this match, and for those not aware, it was Kailey Lane and Dante Coles going in as a team. But Dante refused to team with Miss Lane and as such, we now have Enigma as her partner, a partner that she has no idea who he is and a partner that has plagued her for weeks, but most of all, a partner, that could very well be one half of her very opponents tonight.

TM: …Blech, ah, excuse me, all this dramatizing by you is taking a lot out of me.

JH: Yes, well unlike you, who seems to have no care in the world, I am concerned for Kailey Lane. She may very well be walking into the lion’s den of sorts with this match, but, I think she still might have a chance to win.

TM: Only reason I haven’t left yet, because honestly I don’t care about this, is the fact that Madison pays me to stay here and the fact I might see two sexy babes go at it for free, the kind of action I normally have to pay to see.

JH: Please don’t spread word of your fantasies and fetishes of lesbians on air.

TM: Lesbians?! No, no, no my friend, I don’t have fantasies and fetishes about those, I have fantasies and fetishes of two, completely hetero, females rolling around. Lesbians are evil creatures, evilly damned creatures that will try and put a computer chip into your head if you are a guy and aren’t careful.

JH: …And what exactly does this computer ch-

TM: Ssssshh! They could be listening in on us!


MA: The following contest is the scheduled main event for this edition of Tuesday Night Throwdown and is set with a one hour time limit and is one fall to a finish. Your official for this contest is Tony Clarke, introducing first…


With the arena plummeted into darkness a few lines of static flash up onto the TNTtron and Local H’s “That’s What They All Say” starts to play out over the PA system. In the gloom a few shapes can be made out walking onto the stage and starting to move down the ramp. A series of red lights beam down faintly onto the stage, before others join it and illuminate the sides of the elevated ramp where young, beautiful women are aligning themselves on either side and kneeling. They position themselves like the religious worshipper before their God.

The words, ‘Yeah, Uh-Huh, That’s What They All Say”, are the prompt for a flash of light and a series of explosions around the stage and TNTtron and two more figures can be seen advancing through the haze, a bright spotlight on them. As the smoke clears Ragin’ can be seen head bowed with Natalya moving around him, her arms stroking his torso. They walk directly down through the press of females on the elevated ramp, the spotlight following the two Russians with every step.

As they reach the bottom of the walkway and the ring ropes, Ragin’ sits on the lowest one and allows Natalya to slip between them before he steps along the apron toward the turnbuckle. The women aligned on the ramp depart unnoticed and the lights suddenly turn back on. Ragin’ hauls himself up and looks out over at the fans, raising a mocking fist in the air to a chorus of jeers. He points his fingers down at himself briefly before hopping down into the ring and unbuttoning whichever expensive shirt he has worn today and handing it to Natalya.



MA: They hail from Bogorodskoye, Russia and St. Petersburg, Russian respectfully and weigh in at a combined weight of three hundred and ninety four pounds and they stand at respectfully six feet and three inches and five feet and seven inches…She! Is! NNNAAAATAAALLLLLLYYYYAAAAA~!!! And he is the number one contender for the Dual Crown Championship…He! Is! RRRRRAAAAAGIIIIIINNNNN’~!!!


Ragin’ confidently lifts up his fists over his head, being greeted by jeers as Natalya stands beside him, glaring out at the fans as they jeer the Russian duo, Tony patting both of them down lightly to ensure they don’t have any foreign objects on them.

TM: God can I not wait till Swytch rips out Ragin’s throat.

JH: While I don’t wish for Swytch or Remy to go to that extreme in the match, I do hope one of them put both Ragin’ and Dante in their place.

TM: I want satisfaction and the only way I’m getting it is if Ragin’ ends up leaving in a body bag come Dangerous Liaisons.

JH: You may just get disappointed then Thomas, though who knows, after Enigma and the woman about to come out are done with him, you might just see Swytch pick off the Russian remains.


"Defy You" by Offspring begins to play and Kailey strides toward the ring, waving to the fans and acknowledging those with signs and banners with a thumbs up. When she reaches the ring, she slides in between the middle and top ropes then waves to the crowd before moving to her corner to psyche up.


MA: And introducing one half of the opposing team…She hails from Nashville, Tennessee and weighs in tonight at one hundred and thirty seven pounds, she stands at five feet and eight inches…and she is one half of your reigning FIW Tag Team Champions of the World…She! Is! KAAAAIIIILLLLLLLEEEEEY LLLLLAAAAAANNNNNNNE~!!!


Kailey pounds her fists together as she stares over at Ragin’ and Natalya, lifting them up into the air a bit as the fans greet her with a cheers by the plenty, the senior referee of TNT lightly patting her down as well.

JH: With the sheer determination on Kailey Lane’s face, some thing tells me this might be the night she finally exorcises the demon known as Ragin’ out of her.

TM: Mmmmhmmmmm…I wish I had Tony Clarke’s job right about now…

JH: You wish you could pat down Ragin’?

TM: What?! No! I wish I could pat down Natalya and Kailey! Jeez!

All three wrestlers and Tony wait for a few moments, but nothing happens, no music, nothing. Both Kailey and the fans seem utterly confused as Tony looks towards Anderson, who shrugs his shoulders. Slowly a smile starts to appear on Ragin’s lips as he walks over to the ropes, walking out onto the apron and tells the referee to ring the bell. Natalya laughs and mocks Kailey as to where is Enigma as Kailey glares at her, Tony sighs and calls for the bell.


TM: So wait…is Ragin’ really Enigma after all?

JH: I don’t know, but in either case Kailey has been left all alone to fight off both these fiends.


[align=center]DING DING DING~!!![/align]


TM: Ah well, at least I get what I came to see, hot non-lesbian girl on girl action!

JH: You’re a credit to our entire species Moore.


Even after the bell has rung Natalya mocks Kailey about the lack out Enigma in an arrogant manner as she steps towards the center of the ring. However this probably isn’t the wisest move she’s ever made, as Kailey bolts towards the center of the ring. In mid-charge the lady from the south leaps into the air, soaring gracefully like a bird as she takes Natalya’s head nearly off her shoulders with a flying lariat! The two hit the canvas with a thud and Natalya, while coughing heavily and clutching at her throat, tries to scramble up to her feet, looking towards her corner and Ragin’.

JH: Next time that witch might think twice before she bad mouths Kailey Lane, she might be quite the beauty, but Kailey has wrestling skill behind it as well.

TM: I wouldn’t mind her doing a body splash onto a bed with me in it.

JH: Could you try and at least act like you are here to be a professional and not watch for perverse reasons?

TM: No.

The Russian vixen doesn’t get far though as Kailey grabs hold of Natalya’s shorts from behind, keeping her where she is. Kailey slowly gets up to her feet as Natalya reaches out to her corner, pleading with Ragin’ to save her as the Master of Rage just looks on. With a yank Kailey pulls Natalya right into her waiting arms, she tucks her head under Natalya’s arm as she wraps her own around her foe’s waist. Natalya screams out as Kailey lifts her up into the air, holding her up for a few moments before she drops Natalya neck and back first onto the canvas with a backdrop suplex.

TM: Mmmhmmmmm…All the jiggling the impact caused…

JH: Ugh, folks, please excuse him, in either case so far this match has been all Kailey!

TM: And thank god for that, Kailey has been a saint, giving me what I wanted to see. Not some big hairy Russian sweating and grunting as he tries to roll around with her.

JH: …I think you just scarred some of our viewers for life Moore with that mental image.

To a cheer from the fans Kailey kips right up to her feet, her eyes adverting from Natalya to Ragin’ as his and her eyes meet. And while those two play googly eyes, Natalya slowly starts to get up, pushing herself up to her knees. Once up to her feet she grabs Kailey by the shoulder, whipping her around, though before she can even land a blow Kailey slugs Natalya. Natalya staggers back like she’s just been hit by a truck as Kailey starts wildly throwing haymakers and jabs at her fellow female. It is sending the two closer and closer to the ropes with each blow, but the fans are eating it up as they cheer on Kailey.

JH: Natalya tried to get the upper hand but she is now on the receiving end of some nasty punches from Kailey, a side of her we don’t perhaps see every week, the brawling side.

TM: Oh great, how am I suppose to get excited over one girl punching another?

JH: Shock and horror, you might actually have to do your job, calling the match!

TM: You want shock and horror? Go see Kenny and asks him to show you his shrine to Graver.

Kailey is hammering away on Natalya, not even giving her a single chance at getting in any offense of her own. The one half of the tag champs throws a massive uppercut, sending Natalya falling over into the ropes, Kailey goes to advance but Tony stops her. Clarke tells her to back off and let Natalya get out of the ropes, Lane slowly backs away and allows the referee to help Natalya out of the ropes. As soon as Natalya is to her feet and out of the ropes Kailey makes a bee line to her, though the manager of Ragin’ grabs hold of Tony. Without a single care in the world Natalya throws Tony Clarke into Kailey, Kailey catches him, but with both the referee and her distracted Natalya takes her chance and gets an eye poke in on Kailey.

TM: Ha ha, I may not like her client, but genius tactic from Natalya.

JH: She used the referee as a shield!

TM: So? Who cares?

JH: She really is like her client, lacks any thing resembling honor.

Clarke looks around in a confused manner as Kailey clutches at her face and staggers back; he looks towards Natalya for reasoning. Putting on perhaps the most innocent expression she can muster she tells him she simply punched Kailey, which gets quite a few jeers from the fans who know better. Quickly she moves past the referee before he can get any more questions asked, she uses her body to shield the fact she stomps on Kailey’s foot. And with her opponent busy tending to both her eyes and her foot, Natalya wraps her arm around Kailey’s neck in a front chancery, throwing the two back and spiking Kailey on her head with a DDT! With a slow and arrogant manner to her, Natalya rolls Kailey over and lazily lays on top of the tag champ, not even bothering to hook a leg.

JH: Not only does she use the referee as a shield, but she uses an eye poke and then a foot stomp, and now she is trying to steal the match after a DDT!

TM: Wouldn’t it be some thing if Natalya beat Kailey again?


[align=center]1![/align]


JH: Yes, it would be, but I’m more troubled by Ragin’s behavior so far than Natalya’s cheating.

TM: What’s there to be bothered with? He’s Enigma, mystery solved, nothing to worry about.


[align=center]2![/align]


JH: He never said he was Enigma, in fact, if his actions this week meant any thing, he’s proven that he isn’t Enigma.

TM: Then why did Enigma no show and why did Ragin’ smile as if he knew it was going to happen?


[align=center]TH-NO! KICK OUT![/align]


JH: I don’t have an answer for that, but look at that! Kailey is still in this thing!

TM: Ah well, least in means I might get to see more girl on girl action.

Natalya sits up in a huff and questions the referee, Tony holds up two fingers to the Russian beauty’s dismay, she snatches a handful of Kailey’s blonde locks. With a look of frustration she pulls Kailey up to her feet as she gets up to her own as well, she elbows Kailey on the back of the head to ensure Kailey stays dazed. She throws Kailey’s arm over the back of her neck as she wraps her own arm around the back of Kailey’s neck, and with her free arm grabs a handful of Kailey’s chaps. Rather sloppily Natalya lifts Kailey up into the air for a vertical suplex, she holds Kailey up in the air for a few seconds until her legs start to tremble under the weight. To a massive thud Kailey hits the canvas back first from the suplex, Natalya keeps a hold of Kailey though and starts dragging her back up to her feet, mouthing the words, one more time.

TM: Man, Natalya’s legs were shaking more on that vertical suplex than a crack head looking to get it’s next fix.

JH: …Charming…

TM: I know, isn’t it?

JH: In either case it looks like Natalya is going for a second vertical suplex, not sure how wise of a move this is.

Apparently she doesn’t hear Jonathon’s advice as Natalya stands up straight and brings Kailey’s limp body closer to her; with one mighty heave she brings Kailey back into the air. Despite the obvious discomfort and strain it brings her by the look on her face, Natalya keeps Kailey up in the air upside down, this time leaving her up there even longer. It seems like at least a minute before Natalya finally falls back on the stalling vertical suplex, slamming Kailey back first against the canvas again. Kailey arches her back in pain as Natalya surprisingly starts pulling her up again, seemingly looking for a third suplex. She looks around with a smirk on her face, her eyes falling onto Ragin’ who blankly looks back at her; she nods her head firmly at him before she lifts Kailey up into the air, looking this time for what appears to be a brainbuster. But, sadly for Natalya, the brainbuster never occurs as Kailey slips out of her grasp, falling behind her, in the blink of an eye, before Natalya can even react, Kailey spins around and locks her foe into the Southern Discomfort!

JH: Southern Discomfort! Southern Discomfort! Kailey has locked in the Southern Discomfort!

TM: Oh yeah, lock that sucker in good, yeah, yeah, make her scream.

JH: …Should I give you some alone time?

TM: No, I’m fine, just really get into the action, if you know what I mean.

JH: I honestly don’t think I want to despite the fact my mind has a strong idea of what you are referring to.

TM: No Hitchen, I’m not talking about your mom, ha! I still got it!

Like some one lit a fire under her butt, Natalya races faster than any one’s ever seen her towards the ropes, and without fail she reaches them. Tony Clarke tells Kailey to release the submission but surprisingly the southern gal doesn’t, forcing Tony to start his count. He only reaches three before Kailey releases the hold, only to club Natalya upside the head with a forearm strike. As Natalya is dazed as can be Kailey grabs hold of her wrist and whips her out of the ropes and towards the other side of the ring’s set. Like a pin ball Natalya bounces off of the ropes and zooms back towards Kailey’s welcoming arms, which pick her up and slam her down with a thunderous spinebuster!

TM: Daaaaaaaaamn, I think she snapped Natalya’s back in two.

JH: I think you might just be right Thomas, Kailey is on fire right now!

TM: You could say she is so intense right now she is…lighting the ring on fire with her presence, in which case…she is wrestling…in a ring of fire?

JH: Please don’t ever make another Johnny Cash reference in an attempt to be funny.

Part of South Dakota’s population that is inside the arena tonight is going wild for Kailey Lane as she leaps over Natalya’s body, landing in a sited and mounted position on Natalya’s chest. She snatches a handful of Natalya’s lovely locks and pulls her head up while her free hand hammers away on Natalya’s face with punches. Tony Clarke attempts to tell Kailey to let go of the fire but it is to no use as Kailey hammers away on Natalya, obviously venting some frustration. Reluctantly Kailey stops punching Natalya and let’s go of her hair after Tony threatens to disqualify her; gingerly Lane gets off of her opponent and brings her up to her feet. With a great deal of force behind it the tag champion whips Natalya into one of the neutral turnbuckles, following in after her and only a split second after Natalya hits the corner roughly Kailey drives her arm into Natalya’s throat with a corner lariat!

JH: Kailey is like a woman possessed!

TM: Possessed?! Quick Hitchen, to the Moore Cave! We must get in contact with a young priest and an old priest immediately!

JH: It’s a figure of speech Thomas, to refer to the fact she is dominating Natalya so much.

TM: Oh…right…I knew that…Shut up.

Ragin’s manager stumbles and staggers out of the corner like an old drunk as Kailey follows right behind her, wrapping her arm around Natalya’s neck from behind and charging forward. In the blink of an eye Kailey leaps into the air, driving Natalya face first onto the canvas with a bulldog, she rolls up to one knee, looking down at Natalya for a moment. Quickly she gets to her feet and walks back towards the corner Natalya and her were in a moment ago, grabbing a hold of it as she slings shots herself up onto the second buckle. Patiently Kailey lays in wait as Natalya starts to stir, her hands groping at the canvas around her as she tries to find her barring, slowly she gets back up to her feet, on spaghetti legs as Ragin’ attempts to warn her, but she doesn’t notice. As soon as she turns around Kailey leaps off of the turnbuckle, flying with as much grace as she did at the start of the match, she drives her fists onto the top of Natalya’s head as she connects with the Kailey Klub!

TM: Gah! Flippity floppity crap! I thought I wouldn’t have to put up with it in this match!

JH: And Kailey connects with the Kailey Klub, perhaps putting this match in the bag.

TM: Unless Ragin’ gets in the ring and storms towards her like he is.

JH: Yes, unless Ragin’ gets in the…he’s doing what now?! Oh my god! Ragin’s in the ring!

For the first time since the match started Ragin’ is in the ring, he stops just short of Kailey as the two exchange stares, Tony Clarke tries to tell the Russian to go back out on the apron, but he gets no response. Kailey looks up at the man she has had quite the history along the way with a bit of uncertainty, and Ragin’s looks back down at her with a stern yet mysterious expression. The fans are nearly on the edge of their seats and have all but fallen to a hush, waiting to see what will happen, Ragin’s eyes slowly trail away from Kailey’s and Kailey’s follow, they both land on Natalya’s fallen form. Slowly Ragin’s eyes trail back up to Kailey and Kailey’s eyes follow, and once again the two are staring into each other’s eyes, suddenly Ragin takes a step forward, and then, the lights go out.

JH: What the hell?! What the hell is going on?! The lights are out!

TM: I’m being told in my ear piece that they are experiencing technical difficulties with the lighting backstage!

JH: I’m sorry ladies and gentlemen for this problem, it should be fixed soon.

TM: But more importantly, what the hell is going on in the ring?! Ragin’ was walking towards Kailey, did he hurt her or did he go to embrace her?!



[align=center]”It is time; the pieces have all fallen into place, the mystery, the riddle, the Enigma is no more.”[/align]



JH: That was Enigma’s voice! This is Enigma’s doing!

TM: That guy must have some thing seriously against lights or some thing.

JH: Don’t you see what this means Thomas?! Ragin’s isn’t Enigma!

TM: Then who the hell is?!

The lights return to the arena, showering it in light and revealing every inch of it, a collective gasp escapes the fans as Kailey stares bug eyed past Ragin’, past to the person standing behind him, Ragin’ looks around in puzzlement of what is going on and why Kailey is looking that way, slowly he turns around and comes face to face with…Onikage! Onikage throws a forearm, knocking Ragin’ silly as the Straight Edge Savior starts throwing a few more, sending Ragin’ stumbling and staggering all over the place, he slumps against the ropes and Onikage charges at the Master of Rage, sending the both of them right over the top rope with a lariat! Kailey stares on in pure and utter shock as Onikage gets up to his feet on the outside, grabbing Ragin’ by the head and slamming him head first onto the apron before he throws him back first into the guard rail, she is so stunned she doesn’t even notice Natalya sneaking up from behind her until it is too late, when Natalya snatches hold of her and rolls her up, grabbing a handful of tights in doing so!

TM: What the fuck?! Onikage is Enigma?!

JH: You took the words right out of my mouth Moore! And Natalya has rolled up Kailey with a handful of tights to boot!


[align=center]1![/align]


TM: Onikage is man handling Ragin’ on the outside, but if he isn’t careful, his great save will be in vain!

JH: It wouldn’t surprise me if Natalya did steal the victory with the state of shock Kailey must be in!


[align=center]TW-NO~!! KICK OUT~!!![/align]


TM: The match is still on!

JH: Amazing! Kailey kicked out even with Natalya holding onto her tights!

She throws her arms up in frustration as Kailey scrambles to her feet, Natalya slowly getting up to her own, though she reaches into her tights for some thing, making sure Tony isn’t able to notice though, as Kailey turns around Natalya hammers her with a right hand, a punch that seems to have more affect on her than it probably should since it sends her to the canvas, and just as quickly as she did before, Natalya drops some thing into her tights after the punch. Quite smugly Natalya presses her knee against the throat of Kailey, choking her, Clarke tells her to release the choke but Natalya acts as if she doesn’t know what the referee is referring to, it isn’t until Tony starts his count and gets to four that Natalya stands back up while Kailey clutches at her throat and coughs and gasps, Natalya grabs hold of Kailey’s hair and charges backwards, spinning out and flinging Kailey while she is in mid-air by her hair, sending the FIW diva tumbling a little bit ways away from her. Mean while on the outside Onikage is pounding away on the slouched over Ragin’, both men right up against the guard rail as the fans in the front row throw insults in Ragin’s direction, and even a few in Onikage’s direction, the Straight Edge Savior picks up Ragin’ and leads him to the other end of that side of the ringside area, looking to slam Ragin’ head first into the guard rail, though Ragin’ plants his hands against the top of the guard rail, stopping it, he then rears back his elbow, elbowing Onikage on the mid-section and causing him to release his hold on the Russian. Ragin’ wheels around and starts throwing punches of his own, each one rocking Onikage and sending him stumbling backwards, though it doesn’t take long for Onikage to start punching right back, neither man budging from their ground as they attempt to punch each other’s brains into mush, the fans thoroughly enjoying the fact that these two men they don’t have any love for are pounding each other into the ground, finally Onikage gets the upper hand when he knees Ragin’ on the mid-section, throwing him face first onto the edge of the top of the guard rail, right at it’s very point.

JH: While Natalya is using damn near every cheap trick in the book to try and ensure victory inside the ring, outside the ring Onikage and Ragin’ are beating the living hell out of each other!

TM: Don’t you mean Enigma and Ragin’ are beating the living hell out of each other?

JH: This whole match seems totally nuts to me now!

TM: At least it’s given me a team to root for, Onikage for his greatness and Kailey for her ass…ets, her assets. *Cough*

Ragin’ slowly slumps down against the guard rail, turning around to reveal a faint stream of blood running down his forehead, and like a shark, Onikage stands over Ragin’ and throws a forearm strike, and starts throwing more of them at a rapid pace, steadily but surely ripping the flesh around the cut and making it even bigger, and resulting in even more blood pouring down Ragin’s forehead, the fans happily cheering for the sight of Ragin’ bleeding, it doesn’t take long for Onikage’s whole lower half of his arm to be covered in the blood from Russia. It isn’t until Ragin’ throws his arm up between Onikage’s legs that the Straight Edge Savior stops his assault, Onikage grabs hold of his groin and staggers back, allowing Ragin’ to grab a hold of the guard rail and start to get up to his feet, though it seems as his blood drips down onto the floor Ragin’ just now notices he is bleeding, opting instead of getting to his feet fully to instead simply charge at Onikage, tackling his foe with a spear to the ringside floor! As all of this goes on, inside the ring Natalya strolls over to Kailey, dropping an elbow drop on Kailey, while she lays against the southern belle she fishes into her tights once more, getting whatever it is she had earlier, slowly she brings Kailey up to a sitting position, she turns the two of them so their backs are to Tony Clarke, allowing Natalya to unravel the steel chain in her hand and wrap it around Kailey’s neck before she locks in a sleeper hold, just in time too as Tony circles the two of them, coming around to the front. Tony kneels down in front of Kailey as Natalya demands he check her immediately, wrenching back on the chain wrapped around Kailey’s neck, though hidden by Natalya’s arm which is over it, Tony looks up at Natalya wearily and then down to Kailey, asking her if she wants to give up, Kailey’s mouth opens a bit but no words come out, bringing a frown to Tony’s face and a smirk to Natalya’s, Clarke nudges Lane a bit, to see if she is still with them, but Kailey already seems to be pretty out of it, and to the delight of Natalya, he calls for the arm check.

TM: Guess Ragin’ has been showing his whore a thing or two about how to cheat.

JH: While I wouldn’t call Natalya that, I agree with you, seems she’s learned well from Ragin’.

TM: This just can’t end well.

JH: With the fact that Kailey has no real way to escape and is being choked, and Tony Clarke is about to do the arm check, I agree, it can’t end well.

Tony Clarke cautiously extends his hand out, reaching and grabbing Kailey’s wrist, he gently lifts it up into the air, holding it up there for a moment before he let’s go of it, and it falls down to the canvas, he holds up his hand with one finger, showing the fans she’s failed to lift her arm up once, he reaches out and grabs her hand again, lifting it up and holding it there for a moment until he let’s go of it for a second time, and for a second time it falls to the mat, he holds up two fingers this time to the crowd before grabbing Kailey’s hand for a third and final time, he lifts it up and then let’s go of it. Quickly the tag champ’s hand falls towards the canvas, Tony Clarke starts to raise his hand to call for the bell, but at the last second Kailey’s hand stops from hitting the canvas as Natalya’s eyes look like they are ready to pop out of her head, she shakes her head furiously as the fans start to clap along with one another in support to Kailey Lane, slowly Kailey’s fist starts trembling as she starts to lift up her arm, her body seemingly channeling the support into strength to get to her feet, in a last ditch effort to avoid Kailey rebounding Natalya releases the hold, making sure her chain goes unnoticed and whips Kailey into the ropes, Kailey dazedly charges into the ropes and runs right back into Natalya’s waiting arms, sadly for Natalya though, Kailey twirls through her arms, spiking Natalya head first with the Kailey-Go-Round before making the cover! As all of this goes on, on the outside Ragin’ is holding two handfuls of Onikage’s hair as he tries to slam the masked man’s head against the floor repeatedly in a fit of fury, Onikage connects with a forearm strike, knocking Ragin’ right off of him, the Straight Edge Savior clutches at his skull as he sits up while Ragin’ holds his tender jaw, both men slowly start to get to their feet, Onikage beats the Master of Rage to the punch or in this case, the kick, as he toe kicks Ragin’ on the mid-section, he sets him up into a standing headscissors position before he hooks both of his arms, he lifts the number one contender for the Dual Crown up into the air before spiking him head first onto the ringside floor with the Flavor of the Month!

JH: Kailey’s hit the Kailey-Go-Round!

TM: And Onikage just hit the Flavor of the Month on Ragin’ on the outside!


[align=center]1![/align]


JH: Even after all her cheating tactics Natalya wasn’t able to put Kailey down for the three count!

TM: Don’t get too excited yet Jonathon, she might still kick out.


[align=center]2![/align]


JH: I doubt it, and now that the revealed Enigma, Onikage has taken out Ragin’, there is no one to save her!

TM: Hopefully that spiked him hard enough on his head the idiot won’t be fit to compete at Dangerous Liaisons.


[align=center]3~!!!


DING DING DING~!!![/align]



JH: She did it! She did it! Kailey Lane and Onikage have won the match!

TM: Bet you never thought you’d hear yourself say that, eh?


MA: Here are your winners via pin fall…KAAAAIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLEEEEEEEYYYY LLLLLAAAAANNNNNNE… AAAANNNNND… OOOOOOONNNNNNNNIIIIIIKAAAAAAAGE~!!!


”Defy You” starts blaring over the sound system as Onikage rolls into the ring, rolling right up into a kneeled position as Kailey gets up to her knees, Tony Clarke raising both of their arms in victory as the fans greet them with a rather mixed reaction. Kailey Lane’s eyes fall upon Onikage as he stares right back at her, his expression hidden behind the leather mask as Kailey’s shows confusion.

TM: This was great! Onikage and Kailey both evened their scores against the certain Russians on the opposing team!

JH: But the bigger news is the fact that the man that has plagued Kailey for these last few months, the man that has shown a fondness for her is none other than a man that has been a problem to her, Onikage!

TM: I think it is more than just a fondness for her Jonathon, and they do say some people show their feelings in the strangest of ways.

JH: Strange is an understatement for this, well, that’s all the time we have folks.

TM: Next stop Dangerous Liaisons?

JH: Indeed Thomas, indeed, for all of us here at FIW, good night folks! We’ll see you Sunday!

[align=center]-= © FIW. The Best damn E-Fed. PERIOD =-[/align]
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