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| I wanna take you to a gay bar... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 4 2007, 07:05 PM (46 Views) | |
| Wigumoto | Jul 4 2007, 07:05 PM Post #1 |
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NPC
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So where are we this week? Hey, this isn’t an arena, this is some form of discotheque. It’s dark and there are flashing lights and strobes and loud thumping baselines. And there are young people drinking copious amounts of alcohol and gratuitously shaking their groove things whilst wearing tight fitting and revealing clothing. It’s all quite unsavory. But it can’t be all great. It seems the women are so bored they’re dancing with each other. In fact, I don’t see a single man in this place…Wait a minute. Something isn’t right here. Oh my God! There’s no fire exit in this lesbian bar. It’s a bloody deathtrap. Let’s try and take our minds off it by heading over to the bar. Well that’s a sight. Who goes to a lesbian bar wearing a luchador mask? Oh right. Ms. Fantastica sits at the bar with a brewski in her hand and a tipsy smile on her face. But that smile’s about to turn upside down as she knocks back her bottle of beer only to find…it’s empty! Oh noes! She holds it up peers inside but there’s no joy to be had. Lesbiana: Rico! Reload! She slams the bottle on the bar and “Rico” swans over to retrieve it. ”Rico”: For the third time, my name’s Ross. Lesbiana: Course it is. She flashes him a smile and shoots him the double guns, though he seems less then impressed as he turns to grab another Bud from the fridge behind him. As he pops the cap off and sits it in front of her he raises his hand to wave away her offer of payment. Free booze? Awesome! Ric -- I mean, Ross: This one’s free. Lesbiana: For cereal!? Awesome. Is it ‘cos I’m a super famous, undefeated almost champion person? Ross: You’re famous? How dare he question that? Lesbiana seems shocked and appalled that anyone could not know who she is. Lesbiana: Erm, hello? Ross: …Hi? Lesbiana: I’m totally a world famous wrestler! Don’t you get FIW in this place? She points to one of the many flat screens that adorn the perimeter of the bar, currently playing a Scissor Sisters video. Oh hey, Ross has perked up, seems he’s heard of the brand after all. Ross: Oh I love that show. Mmm, that Xtreme Kitten. He could scratch my post any day. His eyes glaze and for a moment Ross the barman goes to his happy place. Oh he’s back, only to find a masked lesbian staring up at him with a confused look. Ross: Sorry, I don’t watch the women’s wrestling all that much. Lesbiana: Ya don’t say. Ross: Anyway, the drink’s on the blonde in the booth over there. He motions over into one of the dark corners of the bar and an intrigued, and frankly flattered Lesbiana turns to inspect her secret admirer. Her expression sours however as she spots a rather large woman with some sort of mullet smiling and winking at her. Is that a beard? Ew. Lesbiana holds up her beer and gives a thankful nod before quickly swiveling back to the bar with a shiver running down her spine. Lesbiana: Urgh, that’s enough to turn me straight. As she swivels back she finds herself with some company. Sat on the stool next to her is a gorgeously curvy red head in a little black dress, looking wholly uncomfortable in her surroundings. Hey, she looks familiar. Rebecca: The things I do for a scoop. She pushes a stray strand of hair from her face and brushes off a few unwanted glances before turning to Ross. Rebecca: A Sea Breeze please. Less sea more breeze. Through her slightly drunken haze, Lesbiana can’t help but recognize the woman now sitting to her left. Lesbiana: Don’t I know you? Rebecca: Of course you do you bobble headed drunk. Thank you. The “Thank you” was to Ross, who just placed a fresh glass of alcohol in front of her before departing. That’s probably the last we’ll see of him now, but I think he did well. Let’s have a big hand for Ross the bartender. Ok that’s enough. So anyway -- I said that’s enough -- anyway, Lesbiana seems a little taken back from Rebecca’s tone, she obviously finds it a little uncalled for. Ah, from the look on her face she I’d say she’s remembered where she knows Ms Hunter from. Lesbiana: Ok…I totally meant to call, I did, but…my phone…fell into the toilet…and I like, totally couldn’t get it out. It was like, stuck round the U bend…or something. Rebecca: What the hell are you talking about? Lesbiana: Look, when I said you were special I totally meant it, I just misplaced your number…’cos my phone was…in the toilet. Rebecca: I’m not one of your one night stands you moron! I work for FIW. I’m an interviewer. Lesbiana’s face is awash with realization. Not to mention intense relief. Lesbiana: Oh thank fuck for that. Rebecca: I’m here for one reason, and one reason only. I need answers, and your ditzy little friends won’t give them to me. She’s either a complete balloon head or an evil genius, I haven’t quite decided yet. Lesbiana: Answers ‘bout what? OH! The big over the top floor, two feet on the ropes battle orgy? You wanna know what my chances of winning are right? Rebecca: I could care less. I wanna know -- Lesbiana: Well, you see Becky -- can I call you Becky? Rebecca: No. Lesbiana: Becky. When it comes down to it, I’m totally not alone in there. I got my girl in there with me, my BFF. I mean sure, we both wanna win, but I figure together we can totally clear the ring of all those other chumps and bring it down to just the two of us. Womano-a-mano. Rebecca sighs with frustration. She’s pretty sure she didn’t ask about the battle royale, or anything wrestling related. In fact she didn’t ask anything at all yet. Rebecca: That’s super, but I don’t care. Tell me about Jaime’s relationship with -- Lesbiana: Oh me and Jay have an awesome relationship. She’s totally my best friend, and although she’s totally bangable I would never cross that line. Well….no, no I wouldn’t. Rebecca: Fine, great, but what about -- Lesbiana: If it ends up just me and her? I know, we’d have to like, duke it out or something. But ya know what, Becky? We’re so totally close that I think we’d be cool. I mean, if she kicked my arse and won contendership I’d be totally psyched for her. And she would be for me. She’s cool like that. And ya know -- Rebecca: Oh my god! I don’t care! Lesbiana is stunned in to silence. How rude. Rebecca: I don’t give a crap about how bestest friends you both are. I don’t care if you braid each other’s hair or talk on the phone for hours on end. I wanna know about her and XK! Lesbiana looks a little surprised by the line of questioning, and at how passionate Rebecca is on the subject. Lesbiana: Why would you wanna know about that? Rebecca: Because! People are having hot steamy locker room sex and…and… Lesbiana: You’re not? Rebecca: Shut up! It’s gossip. It’s the scoop of the year. God knows there’s nothing else interesting to report about around here. Again Lesbiana seems a little lost, but she soon catches up with the conversation. Lesbiana: Ohhhhh. You wanna know about Jay and XK. Rebecca: Yes! Lesbiana: And the sex. Rebecca: Yes! Lesbiana looks around to make sure no one else is listening in on their little conversation. She beckons Rebecca closer and the red head responds by leaning in, intrigued and impatient as she awaits the confirmation that will someone make her life complete. Lesbiana checks the coast is clear one last time, before parting her ruby reds and uttering forth… Lesbiana: I need a piss. Laters! And she hops off the stool and runs off towards the ladies room…not that there’d be much use for a men’s room. Oh, and Rebecca looks furious. Rebecca: Fffffffffff….Freaking hell! She glances around, probably looking for someone to kick the crap out of, when her eyes meet with those of the big girl with the mullet. You know, the one from earlier. Oh come on, it wasn’t that long ago. Anyway, Missy Mullet, shoots her a wink, with sends Rebecca recoiling in horror, right into Rioss. Hey! Ross is back! Yay! Ross: This is for you. He hands another Sea Breeze to Rebecca, who seems rather happy to accept it. She looks up at him with playful eyes, moving her free hand along the low neck line of her dress as if to draw the eye to her magnificent rack. Rebecca: Why thank you. She smiles demurely, but Ross points off into the shadows. Ross: Don’t thank me, thank her. Rebecca follows the pointing finger to the winking beast in the corner booth. She smiles in terror as before putting the drink down on the bar and grabbing her bag. Rebecca: This is so not worth it. And off she goes. Off to find other heteros with which to procreate no doubt. Good luck to her I say. Oh, and fade. |
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2:34 PM Jul 11