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Strategy; With all new generic Gatito
Topic Started: Aug 8 2007, 02:30 PM (33 Views)
Xtreme Kitten
Extremely Ordinary
[ *  *  * ]
[The scene opens with to a shot of black curtain. In front of the curtain sits an stand of the kind and artist would use to hold a canvas up as they paint. On the stand is not a canvas but a large sketch book. A drum can be heard in the background playing a military style beat. A man looking like Xtreme Kitten marches onto set wearing: an undone green army jacket, green pants with a pattern that looks like a cross between tiger print and jungle camouflage and a matching green tiger print mask. The man stares at the camera for a moment before breaking his silence]

???: ATTENTION!

[The man yells in a thick Mexican accent]

???: I SAID ATTENTION YOU MAGGOTS!

[Looking somewhat satisfied he goes quiet for a moment]

???: Give all you attention to the generrrrrrraaaaal

[The man moves to the left edge of the shot. Xtreme Kitten walks on from the right wearing his mask and dressed in the dress uniform of a General de Brigada. Xtreme Kitten looks at the other man who is now standing at attention]

XK: At ease Gatito del Ejército.

[The man now identified as Ejército relaxes but not much, Kitten shrugs and turns to the camera]

XK: You are all probably wondering what the hell is going on here and with good reason. Lucy's has been on my case to starting thinking of a strategy ever since I first spoke about this match in front of a camera. As you can tell I have caved into her demands, out of boredom but only after inspiration struck.

[Kitten nods towards Ejército]

XK: Got a call he had some down time and wanted to catch up so, here I am, the General de Brigada of Team Xtreme Kitten. Why am I here? Like I said I cracked, I came up with a workable strategy.

[Kitten steps to the side of the shot near the stand and opens it to the first page which has on it oddly enough “The Strategy”]

XK: Now there are many factors one must take into consideration when coming up with a strategy for such a large battle, one of which is-

[Kitten turns the page to reveal the word “Allies”, he looks back to the camera]

XK: Allies, who are they? What are they capable of? Do they have their own agenda? Let's see.

[Kitten turns the page, it's blank, he looks at it for a moment then looks at the camera]

XK: Seems I have no allies in the match, nothing new there. As I found out almost a full two years ago aside from Lucy I've never had any allies in FIW. What do I have?

[Kitten turns the page to reveal the words “A large penis”. Kitten looks smiles, turns to the camera nods then turns the page to show “I don't know a word for someone on a team that's not an ally”. Again Kitten looks to the camera]

XK: Well I don't, do any of you?

GdE: Should have asked that Phyllis guy, heard he knows a lot of stuff like that.

XK: SILENCE! I've no need for arm chair generals.

[Ejército stands silent turns the page to reveal the name “Phyllis Bathory” with several points below it one Kitten is point to]

XK: Phyllis Bathory: should be in a mental institution

[Kitten draws attention to the next point]

XK: Travels in boxes.

[Kitten points at the next line]

XK: Possible responsible for the assault of several border guards.

[Next point pointed at]

XK: Magnet for Graver violence.

[Kitten turns to the next page with “Crackerjack” written on it also with several points on it]

XK: Crackerjack. Should be the room mate of Phyllis Bathory in a mental institution. Is probably going to be Kailey's Ragin' replacement. Has the opportunity to get a Dual Crown shot, to have a chance at that shot he probably wants me hurt.

[Kitten turns the pages to one with “Kailey Lane” Written on it]

XK: Kailey Lane: the bad girl that would be sending the severally of the crazier whackos in Phyllis and 'Jack's ward love letters. Wants to hurt my face. Doesn't understand my face and Ragin's face aren't equal, I'm far more handsome. Friends with that cheap bitch Kennedy. Kicked me off the apron last time we tagged together. Wants to hurt my face... I know I have that on their twice but it's important to just how much she isn't an ally. Now that's the allies out of the way, so now onto the enemy force.

[Kitten flicks over the page and there is “Enemy Force”, he then flicks over the page “Enemy Force?”, flicks over the page again “More like Enemy Farce”

XK: Isn't that a Larry the Cable Guy film?

[Turn of the page “No that's Delta Farce, hilarious” Kitten nods after reading it. One more flick of the page “Let's call them the enemy”]

XK: Okay, lets and let's find out more about them

[Kitten turns the page to “Graver” with page also have points on it]

XK: Graver: former champion of some description, wore one of my masks; which can be brought at the merch booths at events, to win a title. Fellow victim of Miss Piggy's lunatic brother. Wants to hurt Phyllis Bathroy. Since that's all I know about him he doesn't sound like a bad fella.

[Kitten turns to page to “Sir Colbert Tottington”]

XK: Sir Colbert Tottington: Looks familiar. Is British, hence shit at all sport compared to an Australian like me; with maybe the exception of soccer. Champion of some kind.

[Kitten flicks the page over to “Hutch” with points as well]

XK: Hutch: Gone for two years. Slightly bigger then before. Still British, hence shit at all sport compared to me except maybe soccer and lawn bowls... I forgot that earlier. This brings us to the captain, not the General del Brigada but the captain for the other team.

[Kitten turns the page to “Kiyoshi Nakahaha” with points]

XK: Kiyoshi Nakahaha: actually called Nakahata by idiots that haven't realised he's a joke. Trained in Judo. Weak on the choke. Gullible; did you see his jump around in victory? What a fool. Probably going to break Prime's record of losing. Now to the actual strategy.

[Kitten turns the page “Strategy”, he then turns the page again to show a well done sketch of Graver standing over a beaten Phyllis, graver is smiling as are his team mates in the background]

XK: Sacrifice Bathory, this will lull the opposite team into thinking that have the advantage.

[Kitten turns the page to show him stepping into the ring then over to the next page with shows him with his hand raised in victory and all the other competitors on the mat in pain]

XK: Bash everyone that tries to attack me, even my own team mates if they can't wait in the “let's have a go at Xtreme Kitten line”.

[Kitten turns the page to “Spend 100K on sign that says 'I just spent $100,000 on this sign'”. Kitten closes the book then looks at the camera]

XK: So there you have it folks, General del Brigada Xtreme Kitten's match strategy, note that the plan could change at any time, probably already has by the time you've seen this.

[End of footage]
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