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| A Chip Off The Gold Block; Hutch: The Musical | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 15 2007, 12:34 AM (49 Views) | |
| Hutch | Aug 15 2007, 12:34 AM Post #1 |
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Static fills the screen, loud and brash. It blinks into white light, before it focuses, filtering the light from the image. Hutch's face emerges, a puzzled expression on his face. He reaches out and taps the screen, with a "plonk plonk" noise like someone flicking a wine bottle. He suddenly breaks out into a huge grin. Hutch: Yes! Nice one. Hutch picks up the camera and the audience swing around, something that's sure to give a few people watching motion sickness. We can hear muttering, Hutch talking to someone. Hutch:(muffled) Just point it at me. At me. It finally settles down steady onto a hard surface, pointing straight at a desk, littered with papers and various trinkets, including a Newton's cradle and various pen holders. Hutch walks around and sits down behind the desk, pulling the chair up, wearing a brown suit, sharper than his usual gear. He picks up a pair of reading glasses and places them carefully on his nose. Raising a fist to his mouth, he coughs theatrically, clearing his throat. He picks up a piece of paper, and ruffles it, before looking up at the camera in surprise. Hutch: Oh, hi! I didn't hear you come in! Sit down Mister........ Hutch consults the piece of paper in front of him, looking down his nose, then over the tops of his glasses into the camera. Hutch: Koopa, is it? Hutch grins, putting the paper down and folding his hands. Hutch: Now, I believe you said you know next to nothing about myself. Well, I saw fit to give you an education. Sit back and enjoy, Mister Koopa.. Hutch jumps up suddenly, throwing the glasses off his face and across the room. Kicking out, he knocks the desk over sending papers flying everywhere. Flashing the camera a huge wink, he rips off his suit jacket, and his tie in one swift motion, leaving him just wearing a white shirt. Music starts to play, the opening bars of "The Candy Man Can" from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Hutch starts to bob up and down swinging his arms like something from a Nineteen 40's cartoon. He flicks out his arm and a tiny white stick appears in his hand. He winks again, and flicks his wrist, and the stick extends into a white lecturer's pointer, just perfectly in time to the music. Hutch, no doubt to much of the audience's dismay, begins to sing. Hutch: Who can make you tap out?? Hutch slaps the stick against the wall, to the right of where the desk was, right onto a poster showing some unfortunate ROH student tapping out to the Hutch Clutch. Hutch: Win a belt or two? Hutch pirouettes on a two and swings his stick upwards, in a pose reminiscent of Luke Skywalker on the classic Star Wars poster. The camera swings upwards, showing another poster tacked to the roof, this one a photoshopped image of Hutch's grinning face, surrounded by the Slam! World Title, The FIW Tag Team Titles, The International Title and the Extreme Chaos Championship. The camera completes its roll, coming back onto Hutch's face. Hutch: Who will roll you up and get the victor-ee too? Hutch jumps up onto the overturned desk, one hand clasped on his hip, the other arm stretched out full length, he tilts his head back, and lets belt the line: Hutch: The Grand Slam Man Can! Two women suddenly leap out from the sides of the screen, dressed in fishnet tights, hotpants, and a black suit jacket, with a badge on the right lapel with Hutch's huge grinning face on a yellow background. The Two Women: Yes, The Grand Slam Man Can! The two women (who on closer inspection appear to be twins), leap off the screen sideways, as Hutch hops down from the desk, landing in a crouch. The camera zooms right into his face as he glances up, swishing the hair out of his face. Looking right into the camera, with his cheesiest grin, he sings the next line: Hutch: Oh The Grand Slam Man Can! He does it with style, And would never lose to you! He springs back up to his feet, and does some comedy marching, almost a goose-step (carefully though, must be politcally correct!) before swinging himself backwards onto the chair, plopping his feet on the desk, looking off into the distance while singing the next verse, the camera moving into a close up. Hutch: He's the sexual sniper He can do it allllllllll When Superman is busy who would answer the call? The Grand Slam Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! The two women reappear on either side of the screen, and kiss Hutch on either cheek. He puts two fingers on his lips, in a "Oh, aren't I ever so naughty" expression. The Twins: Yes, the Grand Slam Man Can!! The camera zooms out and the two women disappear, as Hutch rolls backwards out of the chair, bouncing back up to his feet effortlessly, though from the widening of his eyes that he probably really just hurt himself in the process. He rips open his shirt to show a "Superman" T-shirt on underneath, but with a "H" in place of the "S". Hutch: The Slice Of Fried Gold The Arenas Over Flowed! Like a jackhammer I keep going, And it's a safe bet, The ladies will be wet, And when I'm done they're over floooooowing..... The music suddenly stops with a sreech of a needle being taken off a record, and Hutch cringes, shoulders hunched, perhaps wondering if he went a little bit too far. He there. Then he shrugs, and as the music screeches back into life he starts to thrust at the camera briefly, before leaping up, and hanging off the lampshade, swinging himself around, yelling at the top of his lungs: Hutch: Who can? Who CAN? Who CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN?! Hutch drops down, and as he lands, there is a brilliant white flash, and confetti explodes from the floor surrounding him, a fan blowing yellow streamers up vertically as Hutch drops to one knee, and starts waving his hands around in the time-truster "jazz hands" manuever, singing slowly Hutch: The Grand Slam Man Can! Yes, the Grand Slam Man Can! Because he's a born winner, man, And he'll be the one pinning youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!! The camera rotates around Hutch as his head is tilting back, eyes closed, as the spinning camera reveals the two twins dancing behind him, more confetti falling around him, and as the music ends, he collapses backward onto the floor, panting. Cheering breaks out as Hutch stands up, bowing, wiping away fake tears. Someone off camera throws a rose, and Hutch catches it, blowing a kiss, sniffing the rose in a "luvvie" manner, before throwing it away and the cheering abruptly stops. Hutch steps forward to the camera, and grins, looking right into the eyes of the viewer. Hutch: See Ash, that's who I am, and I hope you enjoyed the lesson as much as I did. It's really rare that you can ad-lib that quickly to a song that previously never existed. Just another thing to add to my list of many talents. And even if you didn't pay attention to this, you'll find out exactly what I'm like this Friday, when I whoop you're Southern arse. Like my portion of the country, I always come out on top. In the ring, and outside of it. Hutch winks. Hutch: As you correctly pointed out, I have done it all, and I've only showed a smidgen of my incredible talents. I've already acheived enough to make me a legend, and beating you will just be a footnote in my Encyclopedia of Awesomeness. Hutch rubs his chin, breaking out in a massive grin. He shrugs. Hutch: So how's that................ For a Slice of Fried Gold? Hutch winks, and walks off the camera. We hear a door slam, the echo reverberating around the room, and the camera starts to fade out slowly. Cameraman:(Muffled) Is that it? Is he gone? Cameraman 2:(Muffled) Where was that music coming from? FADE TO BLACK . . . . . A sign flashes up on the screen, a bright red star, with text in yellow, reading: "Hutch: The Greatest Entertainer of All Time Now Accepting Bookings!! Wrestling and Showtunes A Speciality |
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