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| Felix Pours His Heart Out in the Hotel; Ewww. Gooey. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 7 2007, 08:21 AM (33 Views) | |
| DoFIXER | Nov 7 2007, 08:21 AM Post #1 |
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[We open up in a hotel room for one. “Fierce” Felix Arroyo is lying on the bed, looking like he’s been through hell. His usually gelled hair is strewn about, not the least bit done up much less washed. He wears a baggy dark blue sweater with “GOD IS AWESOME!” written in glitter across the front. He also has on denim short shorts and flip-flops. On his stomach is an open package of chocolates, the contents of which Felix is popping into his mouth non-stop. The remnants of each piece leave fragments around his lips. Rebecca Hunter, the smoldering temptress and FIW interviewer, sits on the side of the bed, microphone in hand, a sight to behold as always – low-cut dress, hair that is fresh from the salon and flawless make-up and lipstick. She gazes upon Felix with a sympathetic expression.] Rebecca: Felix, what’s happened to you? You look like you just got dumped… Felix: I have, honey, I have! Years and years of building up chemistry and friendship have gone right down the tubes… Rebecca: (reaching for the box) Maybe you should stop wolfing those down… Felix: (snatching the box away) LAY OFF ME, BITCH! [As Rebecca recoils in surprise, Felix calms down, sighs and shakes his head.] Rebecca: There’s no reason to snap. You’re the one who asked me for this interview… Felix: You’re right, Becca, sweetie, and I’m sorry. It’s just… with Steve having betrayed me, it feels like a jagged blade has been shoved through my heart and twisted. [Rebecca places her free hand on Felix’s knee and leans over, her face inches from Felix’s.] Rebecca: Maybe there’s something I can make you do to feel better… Felix: (chuckling) You, dog barking. Me, wrong tree. Rebecca: Oh… yeah. I forgot. With so many guys on the roster these days, it’s hard to keep your idiosyncrasies straight. Felix: Baby girl, “straight” is nothing I know about. I do know, however, that there are indeed many talented men on that roster and a few classy ladies as well. Once I get over what happened between Steve and I, I fully intend to start looking for a new partner. Even if I can’t find a FIW wrestler to team with, there are plenty of boys on the independent circuit who wouldn’t mind a promotion to the big leagues. I made quite a few “friends” working the indies back in the day, and not all of them were “wham, bam, thank you, sir” relationships. Rebecca: Sounds juicy… You going to drop a few names for me? Felix: You should know better, Rebecca… Gentlemen never ask and ladies never tell. [Rebecca rolls her eyes as Felix takes his index finger and thumb and makes a zipping motion across his lips.] Rebecca: Isn’t it a bit premature to be thinking of a new teammate, though? Hardcore Sex is billed to take on the Tanaka Zaibatsu in a trios match, with Colbert Tottington on your side. Felix: HA! More like little lord Fauntleroy is on Steve’s side, not mine. He might deny it, but everyone with half a brain knows Steve is just waiting for the right moment to jump over to The Rejects. Those idiots deserve each other. Onikage and Steve will be like Edgar Allen Poe and Sylvia Plath… except not talented. My body will be there, but my mind will be somewhere else. Like… should I pick up one of those cute masked Mexican jumping beans to be my partner, or one of those ripped steroid-abusing bodybuilders? Decisions, decisions… Rebecca: Aren’t you being a little harsh on Steve Patterson? He did apologize for getting distracted and he did help you take out The Rejects after your loss. And neither he nor The Rejects have said anything about him joining that group. In fact, he’s said joining The Rejects would be like being “another face in a crowd.” Felix: Ha! That’s what he’s always been. If it wasn’t for my fabulous ass carrying his downer butt all these years, he’d still be serving coffee at the Starbucks in Omaha. We had a good run and could very well have been champions, but he messed everything up. I could understand it if The Rejects had cheated to cost us the victory or something, but all Onikage had to do was tap him on the shoulder and ask what he thought of Taking Back Sunday’s new album. Rebecca: So where is Steve? Felix: Honey, I haven’t said a word to him for over a day. God knows where is and what he’s doing and I don’t really care. [We cut to the hotel’s parking lot. It’s the middle of the afternoon and Steve is standing just outside the doors. He’s wearing a beige trench coat over a white Be Your Pet t-shirt and dirty light blue jeans over a pair of Vans. In his hands is a boom box. He press a button and “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel starts playing. He raises the boom box over his head and lowers his head. A few minutes pass and nothing happens, save for a few tourists walking by, shooting strange looks. After awhile, Steve hits a button, stopping the music and looks at his watch. He then looks at the hotel and we follow his vision. We see that the building is several stories high with at least twenty floors.] Steve: …Shit. [The camera follows Steve’s eyes again as he spots a pair of window washers standing on one of those platforms that go up and down the sides of buildings. Steve rubs his chin and then runs out-of-frame. We cut back to Felix, who is still eating chocolates on his bed and talking with Rebecca Hunter.] Rebecca: So you’re not particularly worried about facing Daisuke Tanaka, Mr. Blond and Shaun Wilson on Friday? Felix: Daisuke is a clever man, but cheating and scheming will only get you so far. Unless he puts something potent together, I have no worries that he’ll be a problem. Mr. Blond is a thoughtless minion and those make for the worst tag team partners. A partner should have a unique personality and bring something to the table to complement your own style. Mr. Blond is just a pair of fists to go along with Daisuke’s brain. In essence, they are one person in two different bodies. That one person could be a formidable singles wrestler, but as individuals, they each obviously have their flaws. Mr. Blond is dumb as a box of rocks and Daisuke is as brittle as a warm cookie. Rebecca: And the other member of the Zaibatsu, Shaun Wilson? Felix: That kid has his weave on too tight. Sure, he’s gotten better since he first debuted, but what is he but a bunch of talk and no follow-up? He’s off playing around on the beach, trying to pick up the diseased floozies that populate this tourist trap. He doesn’t seem to realize he’s in for the fight of his life. While he’s worrying about why his weenie is dripping some odd-colored fluid, I’ll work him over and show him how a suplex is correctly done. Steve will take to the air and display what a high-flyer really does to impress in this business. And Colbert Tottington… Well, the two of them will probably take up most of the time out there. They seem to have their own grudge going. But Colbert might get a few knocks from me as well… Godddamn those Rejects… [As Felix says these last few words, we see Steve lowering himself on the window washer’s platform outside Felix’s room. He starts banging on the window and soon Felix and Rebecca are staring at him in disbelief.] Felix: What the hell…? Rebecca: That’s Steve Patterson! …And is he holding a boom box? [Indeed he is. He press a button and Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5” starts to play.] Felix: What is this, 1999 or something? I think ‘Felix’ is one of the few names not mentioned in that awful song. [Steve is fiddling with the box and manages to rewind it. As he does so, he offers Felix an awkward smile. Rebecca and Felix just exchange further looks of incredulity.] Felix: Have you ever seen anything like this, Rebecca? Rebecca: Well… Jeff Noon used to collect strands of my hair, which he used to make a doll. He used to pet it in secret until Herman Cardgage stole it from him. I think Herman uses it as his legal consultant… [Meanwhile Steve has found the right place and press a button once more. This time, neither Peter Gabriel nor Lou Bega play… Instead, we hear the hip-hop classic “It Takes Two” by Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock. Steve holds it over his head as Felix, apparently moved, puts a finger up his parted lips.] Rebecca: Uh… Are you all right, Felix? Does that song have some special significance for you and Steve? Felix: That… That song is the anthem of all tag teams everywhere. No matter who the members are, how many wins or losses they have, how long they have been together… That song speaks to the very essence of tag team wrestling… “It takes two.” Rebeca: Uh… Well, yes, of course… Felix: I wouldn’t expect a singles wrestler to understand, much less a non-wrestler such as yourself to understand. El Lobo Loco used to play this as Steve and I wrestled new recruits in the rain, out in the muddy fields outside the El Lobo Dojo. It was the one thing he never wanted us to forget… Rebecca: Well, I remember it too… Back in 1988, we used to play volleyball on the beach to it… [Felix, thoroughly choked up, suddenly stands up, sending the box of chocolates flying and Rebecca Hunter to her feet. Felix rushes to the windows and draws the blinds, sending Steve disappearing from our view. Felix then moves to the cameraman, putting up a hand over the lens.] Felix: Turn it off! Turn it off! I need some time alone… [And we fade to black…] |
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7:36 PM Jul 11