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Curious Drake Goes to the Circus
Topic Started: Nov 15 2007, 04:45 AM (33 Views)
Drake
Drake Love
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[align=center]VIDEO SEGMENT[/align]

Various amounts of dust particles kick up as the elephants dance about with various sequin garbed gymnast turn novelty act prance on their backs in the far circle. The smell of stale popcorn mixed with the hint of farm animal manure hangs heavily in the air, of course you the fans can’t smell though a TV…not yet anyways. Digressing we have that funny little man standing in front of the barely awake and possible drunken crowd adorned with their children in tow. If you hadn’t guessed by now, we are at the circus (of course the name of this clip is Drake Goes To the Circus, so you should have also figured it out from that). And we are not at the good circus either, no this surely isn’t the Ringling Brothers high powered production. This is a group of what can only be described as circus rejects, a group of circus members that were no longer cool enough to hang with the circus clique. Anyways, back to the squat man standing in the spotlight with his funny hat.

Ringmaster: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls Elden Sprague and Family proudly welcomes you to tonight’s events. Before we begin I would like to proudly acknowledge a special guest in the crowd, you may know him from his tenure as one of FIW’s talented wrestlers however we welcome him tonight as presidential hopeful, please give a round of applause for Mister Drake Love!

With a flourish of his arm, the ringmaster points out Drake from the crowd signaling the pale opaque light to shine on him. Drake stands up wearing a ridiculous red, white and blue suit. Don’t ask me how the colors go because quite honestly it hurts the eyes to stare at it too long. As he stands up perhaps three or four of the illustrious audience golf claps but Drake reacts as if Madison Square Garden was giving him a standing ovation. Finally the ringmaster clears his throat and Drake resumes his seat.

Ringmaster: Now! For our first display of the evening, we will have four dangerous beasts locked into a cage with our fearless lion tamer armed with only a chair and a whip! So please direct your attention to the second circle!

The wired holding device with the four lions lights up as a man wearing a more maroon overcoat steps in with his trusted tools. There he whips the lions back so that the cage can be locked. We are privy to see perhaps the most boring display of action ever demonstrated. A few jeers come from the crowd as the man forces the fierce felines back a few feet and then again and again. Finally a man throws a beer bottle at the cage. This brings a round of laughter from the crowd. That is until the chuckling becomes screams. You see the man in the cage allowed himself to be distracted by the shattering glass bottle and in that moment of inattention to detail, the lions struck. They begin to maul the legs of the man as the camera turns away in horror. The crowd does not come to the man’s aide but instead flood for the doors, well as much of a flood as fifty people can make. Drake follows behind as a leisurely walk and it appears that he is the only one left laughing. The cameraman is obviously also making his way out the tent as we hear the man screeching in pain. Outside of the tent we see the strongman and the bearded lady rush by as Drake turns to address the camera.

Drake: Interesting little bit back there. I was going to do a promo later but now seems as apt a time as any. I suppose I should address my upcoming opponents for the match at hand for Revolt. The first to address is for course Hardcore Sex. Why are they first? Because quite frankly I have the least to say about this unremarkable pair of nit wits. They have accomplished nothing, done squat, and impressed nobody. So why should I be concerned about them? Truthfully I am not losing sleep over anything but perhaps Felix trying to lock on a rear grapple. Their futile quest for tag team gold has as much draw as Ash Koopa on American Idol.

The bedraggled ringmaster bumps into Drake with fear and panic welled up in his eyes.

Ringmaster: A cell phone! Do you have a cell phone!? We need to call an ambulance! For the love of Go..

The man doesn’t get to finish as Drake shoves him away. Instead of trying to plead with Drake some more the man scampers off searching for someone else with a phone.

Drake: How rude of that man to interrupt me like that. You see what I am saying about Americans having no respect for their fellow man anymore? As I was saying, this upcoming match. We also have the tandem of Jaime Lee and Extreme Ninja pairing up again. I could go about the unjust nature of the two’s subtle dance and Ninja’s lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage. Instead I will simply say that instead of being paired with Jaime like I rightfully should, I instead stand opposite of her paired with the villainous Roxie. To team me up with such a cold hearted character is…well it’s just down right uncouth.

Sirens begin to blare in the distance and like something out of a bad fairy tale, some dwarfish men run by Drake wielding swords. Drake doesn’t even bother to glance their way.

Drake: So with a group of sideshow attractions like the TZ and Roxie, it will be on me to once again carry the load for my team. Slapping around Ninja again is always a good time don’t get me wrong, but with my upcoming campign I really do have better things to concern myself with, such as finding a running mate to be my vice president. I suppose I could exert myself a tad a triffle to deal with this sad saps but…

Drake doesn’t finish as he is pushed roughly away by members of the fire brigade. Drake shoves one of them back and a tiny scuffle begins. I say tiny because there are about fifteen of them all carrying axes and Drake by his lonesome. We cut off as Drake is shoved out of the way again.
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