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| Inspired By True Events; And True Facts | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 20 2007, 02:45 AM (38 Views) | |
| DoFIXER | Nov 20 2007, 02:45 AM Post #1 |
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[We open up on “Fierce” Felix Arroyo sitting on the edge of a bed in a hotel room. Wearing a bright red headband, a baggy Buccaneers jersey and black shorts, he seems quite comfortable. In his hands is a video game controller, and judging by the concentrated expression on his face, he seems to be playing a game with the television out of frame. He taps away on the buttons as Steve “The Emo Kid” Patterson strolls into frame, shooting his tag team partner a look of annoyance.] Steve: Dude, what the fuck are you doing? We’re supposed to be training for our match. Felix: Can’t… talk… in the middle of something. Come back later. [Thoroughly angered, Steve grabs the controller by the cord and yanks it, apparently pulling it out of the console. Felix, shocked, stares at the out-of-frame console, the controller and then at Steve.] Steve: NO, YOU COME BACK LATER! Felix: That makes no sense. Steve: Look, despite less than thrilling performances lately, we can still make a shot for the titles. But the only way to get FIW management to take us seriously is if we bring our best effort at ReVolt. Otherwise we’re going to not make the pay-per-view and I don’t want to spend another night alone with a crate of ice cream watching “The Rules of Attraction.” Felix: Who cares if we miss out on Violence Fetish? This is Mexico. We could take a road trip and go see a horse fuck a chick. Or get some cheap plastic surgery. I could use a good tummy tuck… Steve: KNOCK IT OFF! We have another scramble rules match. We know Elrick and Nightmare pretty well, but we have to get ready to face Crackerjack and Phyllis. Felix: A meathead and a queer Anne Rice freak. Sounds like a night down in Chelsea. Is that all? Steve: Shut up. Now, Crackerjack and Elrick have shown an interest in each other lately on par with your interest in Christian Bale. If the past is any indicator, I fully expect that English imbecile to get involved and distract the big freak. That just leaves the Lestat poser. Felix: Isn’t that your department? Steve: Excuse me…? Felix: Well… He’s a goth, you’re a goth… Steve: I AM NOT A GOTH. Goths listen to Bauhaus with the lights off, dress up in androgynous Victorian clothes and hang out outside the Orange Julius at the mall. I’m emo. I’m sensitive, introverted and prone to fits of depression and suicidal tendencies. THERE’S A HUGE DIFFERENCE! Felix: Yeah, whatever. Let me get back to my game. Steve: What the fuck are you playing? Felix: It’s called Fire Pro Returns. It’s from Japan and was just released in America. The shit’s off the hook. Maybe if you spent less time carving up your veins and more time venting your frustrations through digital media, you’d stop being so intense. Steve: What you’re forgetting, Felix, is that we NEED to be intense if we want a shot at putting some gold around our waists. Besides, I already picked up a wrestling game that came out last week and it’s pretty damn good, if I may so myself. Felix: Oh, you mean THAT game. Well, have fun with controls that are about as clunky as Crackerjack at a petting zoo. Or the training options, which are about as tedious as Nightmare promo. And a CAW mode that makes wrestlers about as repetitive as Grant Rice’s matches. You and I both know that that franchise is about as old and tired as The Revolution. Like Phyllis, it just SUCKS. Steve: But the graphics are impressive! It looks so life-like! Felix: That’s just it, Steve. All flash and no substance. Just like our opponents. The Revolution can talk a good game, but they’re only full of fire because The Rejects lit one under their asses – and it was a long time coming. I predict once they get this out of their system, they’ll drift back into obscurity. As for Crackerjack and Phyllis… Well, Phyllis is just a pretender trying to hang with the big boys. Now that Graver is gone, Onikage can only babysit him so much. Crackerjack… just a big idiot with too many enemies. With the Revolution hollow shells and the Rejects with their interests elsewhere, we should have no problem going straight to the top and taking those titles from the Zaibatsu. [Before Steve can respond, there is a knocking heard off-screen. Steve walks off and we hear a door opening. Steve re-enters, carrying a large duffel bag and a business card.] Steve: (reading the card) “Many thanks… The Tanaka Zaibatsu.” WHAT?! What the hell is this, Felix?! [Steve opens up the duffel bag and pulls out a handful of cash. He reaches in again and pulls out even more bills. Felix gets a nervous look on his face.] Felix: Hey… You’re not supposed to tamper with other people’s mail… Steve: Care to explain why the tag team champions – the obstacle between us and the belts – are sending you bags full of money?! Felix: Well… It may be because the Tanaka Zaibatsu are major stakeholders in SPIKE, the people who made Fire Pro Wrestling… And they may have expressed their appreciation in my vocalizing my love for the game in monetary… form… [Steve throws the bag down and storms off. Once he is gone and the door closes behind him, Felix takes the bag and starts to “make it rain” by throwing the cash up in the air. He laughs as he lets the money fall down on him. And we fade to black…] |
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7:36 PM Jul 11