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| Drake's First Political Speech; Sort of... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 25 2007, 02:33 PM (47 Views) | |
| Drake | Nov 25 2007, 02:33 PM Post #1 |
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Drake Love
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[align=center]VIDEO SEGMENT[/align] Everyone has been there. The lingering smell of sweat layered over the decades onto the distinct scent of the rubber flooring. Those yellowish pale lights hanging over head of the decaying wood of the folding benches. That open expansion of the gym yet somehow the space still has the constricting ambiance that can almost suffocate you. With the low murmur of life altering gossip afloat all around you know for certain you are in hell. Yes ladies and gentlemen we are in a high school gymnasium set up for an assembly as evident by the podium set up underneath the raised basketball hoop. From the generic green and white banners hanging around displaying various sports achievements in wrestling, basketball, track, and football it seems we are at Aurora Central High School, home of the Trojans. A balding, overweight man adjust his horn rimed glasses as he approaches the podium. He clears his throat over the poor PA system to grab hold of short attention spans of the youthful students. Principal: Can I have your attention please, everyone quiet down please. I said shut up! The man’s nasally outburst finally brings a hush to the bored students that didn’t bail out. He adjust his coffee stained tie before speaking again. Principal: Now, we have a special guest speaker today for you all. He is not only a accomplished professional wrestler but will also be throwing his hat into the political circuit as he plans for his campaign for the 2008 presidential election. In addition to that he is a former student of this great school. Please give a warm Trojan greeting for Mister Drake Love. A small golf clap comes from the disinterested school populous. Drake opens the double doors of the gym and sweeps in dramatically. Dressed in a very expensive three piece pinstriped navy blue suit with a silk tie, Drake shakes the hand of the sweaty principal before wiping his hand off on a nearby student. The young man seems unhappy about the move but doesn’t really respond past giving Drake a grimace. Drake waves to the student body with that fake smirk FIW fans have come to know. Drake: How are we all today? I know you are all in a big hurry to get back into class after taking a few days off for our national pastime of stuffing your fat little faces with turkey while watching football. I mean it’s not like the Trojans are any good, I mean hell I used to play here. A loud ring of jeers comes from the stands at the jab at the home team athletic department. Although most seem to not care one way or another honestly. Drake: Anyways, moving right along. I know many of you know that I have two upcoming matches at the next FIW PPV, a Fighting Spirit Championship title shot and of course the Condemned Fetish match. On one hand I have a chance to finally end a nearly year long struggle to secure my footing in the legacy of the company and will get a chance to thwart two men I despise with a passion. And that new kid whatever his name is, like it actually matters. Then after that grueling battle I get to let them lock me in a holding cell to be unleashed in the controlled chaos with twenty six other competitors. Now while I sure all of you want to hear more about that I am actually here to speak about my upcoming political run. Now I am sure many of you have a lot of questions and I am to help enlighten you all. So I open the floor up to any questions at this time. Surprisingly a hand darts up right away from an eager yet bookish looking teenage girl. Drake points to her signaling for her to ask her question. She raises from her peers with a Hello Kitty notebook and mumbles something inaudible. Drake: I’m sorry I don’t speak mouse. Could you use your big girl voice and say that again, perhaps in a decibel that humans can hear? The girl’s face turns the color of strawberries as she is laughed at by her classmates. She prevails though and speaks out in a loud but shaky voice. Bookish Girl: Susan Carter, vice president of the student council. I was wondering what political afflation you will be representing. Drake: Err…what? Bookish Girl: Your political party. Drake: I’m umm not really sure. Bookish Girl: Well I mean you have to have one. And you should have chosen by now. Democrat, republican, independent, I mean how can you just not know? Are you seriously running or is this a joke like Stephen Colbert? Drake: You know what, I don’t like you. I hope some Dungeon and Dragons nerd takes your virginity in the back of a VW Bug. The girl sits back down even more embarrassed than before if that is possible as many of the nearby students continue to harass her. The principal seems offended by Drake’s comments and steps up to say a few quiet words to Drake. Our beloved Milehigh Madman frowns but finally nods as he rolls his eyes. Drake: Alright I apologize for the bluntness of my last comment. I am sure your cherry popper will be a nice young man who will show you the time fo your life. Anyways next question please. A young man raises his hand above his unwashed long hair. As Drake points to him he stands up displaying his dirty jeans and AC/DC shirt quite proudly. Stoned Boy: Yeah dude, umm, like, whoa, what are your like views and stuff. I mean umm, your like standings on war or whatever, and like oil, war and those things. Yo and gay marriage. Everybody is like always you know, talking about that and stuff. Right next to abortion, yeah abortion! That too. What is your umm take and that stuff. Drake: I understood like two words you just said. Something about my take on big world issues or something I gather. I can tell you this, I am against teenage drug use. Get a hair cut you hippie. Next question. A jock looking young man stands up with his green letterman jacket but has to wait for the boos to die out from Drake’s anti-drug comment. The athlete smiles that award winning smile of his that has surely won over a few cheerleaders before he begins to speak. Jock: My question is about your cabinet. Drake: It filled with nifty painkillers. Jock: No retard, not your medicine cabinet. Jesus numbnuts I am talking about your political cabinet, like you staff and what not. Drake: Did you just call me numbnuts? I will go up there and take that jacket from your meathead body before I cram it down your throat. Smart mouthed little…. Principal: Ahem, Mister Love perhaps the political portion of this conversation has gotten out of hand. Maybe you would like to discuss your life as a pro wrestler? Drake: Sure. Any questions about that? Yes you. Signaling a rather broad shouldered young woman, the big girl stands up looming over those around her on the upper benches. Broad backed Girl: My question is about your thief of the Hellcat Title. As a female athlete the Hellcat Championship was a sign of female empowerment which has now been defiled by you. The very same guy that claims he is one of the most badass men in the world, who now runs from little girls. Now just because you aren’t man enough to win the Fighting Spirit Championship that doesn’t give you the right to desecrate a beacon of light to women around the world. Drake: First off, that isn’t a question. Secondly I stole the title not for my own personal gain but to send a message of how sexist the Hellcat division really is. Feminists are bigots as far as I am concerned. My third and final counterpoint is this you ugly step-sister you, I will win the Fighting Spirit Championship. I have already demolished Ethan Adams in every encounter we have had, pinned Ninja a few weeks back and that Wilson character? He is a bigger joke than, well than… Broad backed Girl: Your political career? Drake: You’re a funny little girl. The point is that nothing can prevent me from finally achieving that next step in my destiny. And being able to shatter those chumps while doing it only makes it that much sweeter. Next question, you chess club. The young man that Drake points out is a walking cliché. He comes complete with the taped glasses, pocket protector in his buttoned up collared shirt, the waistband of his slacks coming up far too high and his hair combed to the side. Nerd: Well according to the internet chatrooms it seems that you and Ethan are the two men that will be locked in the two chambers of the Condemned Fetish match. Now with all the talented superstars involved in this match, even with this advantage you are a 50-1 for a legitimate chance to win. According to all my forum buddies, nobody really thinks you have a shot at winning. Drake: Again people, this is a Q and A. The Q being question, so perhaps you can ask me some questions. Now as far as your comment about winning the Condemned Fetish match, no you are right I am not favorite to win. I am sure the front runners are people like Prime, Crackerjack or Kennedy. I bet even the raising stars like Elrick, Liam, or Ethan Adams are higher on the list than yours truly. But here’s the rub, I tend to surprise those that don’t expect it. A Condemned Fetish victory would catapult me right into the main event where I belong. I would be set to face off with either Kiyoshi or XK, whichever one emerges with the title. And taking the Dual Crown belts will send the world to their knees at my feet where they belong. Nerd: Actually statistically speaking your place in the cell should make you a favorite right behind those without previous matches like Jaime Lee, Robert Black and so forth. However it is just commonly believed you will choke under the high profile circumstances like you always do. In fact most forums are saying… Drake: You know what? Look at the time, I have to go. From speaking with most of you I can tell that half of you will end up flipping cheeseburger and the other half will probably pole dancers or drug addicts. Have a great life you miserable little bastards. Drake pushes past the appalled principal as the crowd laughs mockingly at Drake as he storms out like a bullied child. |
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