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| The language barrier | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 12 2007, 10:50 PM (28 Views) | |
| Spann | Dec 12 2007, 10:50 PM Post #1 |
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I'm just a soldier. I'm not worthy.
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OOC: Sorry if this sucks. I've had a really busy week, and not being in a match has given me somewhat of a writer's block. Scene opens with a large, swirling orange background with purple japanese symbols over the top. Mental J-Rock screams loudly in the background, as a face appears where the lettering was. This is the host of the rappy public access channel show that Nick Allen is a guest on. Presenter: *Fast, breathless, shouty, Japanese* SLAMTAAAAAAAAAAAAALK-AAAH! The orange fades away to reveal a man in a hideous purple two piece suit, with carefully clashing yellow tie. He flits to his seat, next to which Allen is sat, his lack of knowledge of other cultures already showing. What's that little fella saying? Why is he dressed like a flavoured condom? Where's the fucking audience? Am I going to get paid? All this and more runs through Allen's mind, and his bewilderment is made even more obvious when The host takes a seat next to him, and begins to introduce the big man. Throughout the entire following speech, Nick is staring slack jawed at the camera, his eyes very obviously following the autocue, desperate for a word he might recognise Presenter: *More indecipherable japanse* SLAM TALK!!!! *More verbal machinegunning* Full Intensity Wrestling *A short burst, then a pause to read the autocue and reload* Millwall, England. *Japanese again* Bareknuckle boxing champion, NICK ALLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEENNN-AH! A short blast of music plays, ending with a deep, synthesised voice growling 'SLAMTALK'. Allen is aware that he is now 'doing an interview', and as such must look interested and aware of what's going on at all times. However, this is Nick Allen, so the only certainty is that he will look neither interested, nor aware. Presenter: Allen-san, what you say magic ingredient in superstar being be? This Japlish has completely and utterly fucked Nick up. He doesn't know where to even begin trying to translate the question. The room is silent. You can practically hear Allen's eyelids scraping over his eyes as he blinks. Then, a thought strikes him. If this man can't speak proper English, and he speaks fast enough, he might just be able to get away with it. The fruit machine in Nick's head picks out the first word he remembers.... Ding! Ding! Ding! INGREDIENT! NA: (Now speaking at the speed of light) I think the most important ingredient in any great cake is the flour too much flour and your cake wont rise but put too much in and it just remains liquid and I simply can't stand a sponge which hasn't risen properly the jam never seems to settle right and you end up having to add other stuff to compensate and cooking shouldn't be about compromise it should be about indulgence As Allen's face gets more and more purple, he stops to take a breather. The host looks utterly baffled. He didn't understand much of what his guest just said, but it sounded like this man was talking about baking... Nevertheless, the show must go on... Presenter: O...kay. Jay Bain is big coming up in FIW and you seem to be in relationship? NA: Well... We haven't slept together. Yet. Cheeky wink to camera. Presenter: Oh. what you think about bareknuckle boxing bain and kitten X-TREEEEME!! ? NA: Ha ha, that's going to be a funny one. To pretty boys slapping each other about, trying desperately not to damage each other's cuticles? Give me a fucking break. My six year old daughter could out-box those two queens. On her own, with an arm tied behind her back. While she was asleep. Presenter: Your daughter sound like mighty warrior. She has fight many children in MILLLLWALLL? NA: No. Not really. Wha.. Bu.. An... You know what? Yeah. She killed her last opponent. Ranhim down in her little tykes car. The presenter obviously hasn't caught on to Allen's sarcasm, and is therefore utterly horrified by what he has just heard Presenter: You train children to kill? You are sick, sick man! I interview Doink the clown and even he less strange! You make New Jack look like Hello Kitty! This interview is game over! As the interviewer goes to storm off, he has forgotten that he is wired into the chair he is sitting on. As a result of this, he trips, bringing over a large section of the set behind him, and tipping the camera over. As panic breaks out and chaos whirls around him, All we see on screen is Allen's face, a toothy grin etched accross his face as he surveys the chaos he has once again caused. NA: These foreigners. Take themselves way to seriously..... |
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[align=center] I'm a helmet. [/align] | |
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7:35 PM Jul 11