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Quick Questions!; I wrote a better one...but I lost it...
Topic Started: Mar 21 2008, 06:53 PM (49 Views)
Mike "Ace" Rimmer
Unregistered

The camera fades in onto what appears to be a book. But not just a normal book, its a notebook. We are close up on the pen writing in it. What's written so far is:

"I woke up this morning, alarm going off. After seven presses of the snooze button I got up, and got ready. Once dressed, I went down to the restaurant for a full English breakfast. Thankfully now we're back in England I can have one that actually has some pig in the sausages..."

As the camera zooms out, we see that it is none other than Colbert Tottington writing. To be honest, the neat handwriting should've given it away. He sits down at a desk, looking down at what he's writing. We are backstage somewhere. Suddenly the door of the room opens, and Lord General Mortimer Igneous sticks his head through the door.

General: Colbert, you ready?

Colbert: Oh right, yeah sure.

General: What are you doing?

Colbert: Writing a journal. Doctor McCoy suggested it, might help me remember what happens during those blackouts.

The General walks into the room and over to Colbert.

General: Let's see...what is this, a novel?

Colbert: What do you mean?

General: Looks like your telling an amusing anecdote. Why don't you just write "Got up, had breakfast, got to work..."

Colbert: "...walked in on the General wanking..."

General: Hey! I wasn't expecting you in so early! Wasn't expecting you to arrive at all to be honest, seeming how unreliable you've been recently.

Colbert: But I'm still confused. How did watching the History Channel get you going?

General: There was a film on the Suffragettes. Nothing like a women with a grudge to get me going.

Colbert: Explains a lot...anyway what's the promo?

General: I think you'll like it.

Colbert: Movie parody?

General: Nope.

Colbert: A song?

General: Nope.

Colbert: Oh no, it doesn't involve midgets does it?

General: NO! Do I look Irish?

Colbert: No...what's that got to do with midgets?

General: Nothing, but I was just curious.

Colbert: Well what is it then?

General: We dress up as them and act extremely gay!

Colbert: ...You're going to hell, you know that?

General: Yeah yeah, you sound like my mother.

Colbert: Listen I'm not doing that homophobic crap. I've got a CAT scan scheduled in 2 hours, can't I just talk to the camera?

General: Okay...why don't I just say things, and you say the first things that come into your head. Quick and effective.

Colbert: Alright, ready....go!

General: Nick Allen!

Colbert: What the fuck is a Nikalan? You've been playing Halo again, haven't you?

General: A little. Xtreme Kitten?

Colbert: So close...

General: What?

Colbert: I said failure! God are you even paying attention today General? He was champion, and now look at him. He's stuck tag teaming with some sort of Nickalien. The man dressed as a cat fuck Christ's sake! How come my mother used to be called the Crazy Cat Lady just because she owned 12 cats and occasionally had sex with them, yet he's revered as one of FIW's greats?! It's just not fair!

General: Tag team match.

Colbert: Usually a match where they put idiots that can't handle themselves, but this time it's different. The Rejects are a group of FIW greats, and putting two of us in the ring at the same time will be a spectacle to behold. Me and Kiyoshi will...

General: Kiyoshi? You're tagging with Ash Koopa.

Colbert: He's a Reject?!

General: ...you serious?

Colbert: Of course not!

Colbert looks around, guiltily.

General: Anyway. Okay how about...potatoes?

Colbert: What?

General: Just say the first things that come into your head!

Colbert: Umm nice as chips?

General: Internet?

Colbert: A non-stop wanking excuse for you.

General: Daddy?

Colbert: Was a prostitute.

General: What?

Colbert: I said was Part-Welsh. Are you paying attention?!

General: Jesus...Christmas?

Colbert: Fake.

General: Explain.

Colbert: Where you tell someone what you mean.

General: Roller blades.

Colbert: I'm not in the mood anymore, I've got to get to the hopsital.

General: The hopsital? Why, what is it?

Colbert: It's a big building with patients in it.

General: Isn't that a line from "Airplane!"?

Colbert: I'm leaving.

Colbert suddenly gets up and leaves the room.

General: Jesus what's wrong with him....Ooooh fade the camera out for Christ's sake.

You heard the man! Camera fade out!
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