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| Doctor Doctor, I feel like I'm being stalked; I know...I've been watching.... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 26 2008, 01:30 AM (45 Views) | |
| Mike "Ace" Rimmer | Mar 26 2008, 01:30 AM Post #1 |
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Our camera fades in slowly to reveal a nice busy hospital. We are in a corridor, where busy orderlies, doctors and nurses push past patients and visitors. We start focusing on two visitors in particular, who sit down in front of a door on chairs which are obviously there for people waiting for something. These two people are in fact Sir Colbert Tottington, and Lord General Mortimer Igneous. The General sits with his laptop on his lap, typing away while Colbert is apparently telling him what to type. We come in close and hear what is actually said. Colbert: Oooh oooh call him a wang tongue! General: Sexy... You know...sometimes I do wonder if these two were the product of mass incest. Colbert: Yes...so what do you think the results will say? General: ...to fuck a bucket of fried chicken... Colbert: What?! General: Sorry, still writing. What's up? Colbert: I don't know, General. I mean what happens if there's some sort of tumour? Will I not be able to wrestle anymore? What if it's something really bad? I mean, what if I only have a week to live? What am I suppose to do? General: ...ram one down your throat like a Christmas stocking... Colbert: General, stop writing, I'm trying to bear my heart out here! General: Well sorry Colbert, you know how I hate underdog sports movies. Colbert: This is not a movie! This is real life! I've got what appears to be a serious medical problem, there's some stalker person after me, and you're going on about things as if I'm a quarterback that lost a friend. General: Sorry, Colbert. Suddenly a doctor walks out of a door by the chairs. He looks down at the two, who look back up at him. He's in his 60s, with grey hair, but a friendly face. Doctor: Well Colbert, we have the results. Colbert: What is it, Doc? Doctor: Nothing. Completely full bill of health. I can't see any reason at all why you should be having these blackouts. All I can suggest is that you keep up with those journals that your company doctor suggested, and perhaps tone down any drinking habits you have. Both of the two seated men look at eachother, followed by a mass amount of laughing. The Doctor looks very unamsed, as the two scream in fits of laughter. They eventually die down, as Colbert looks back up to the doc. He sees the unamused face, and quickly coughs, trying to be serious. Colbert: Yes of course, I will take that into consideration Doctor. Doctor: Good. Now about payment... Colbert: What are you talking about? We're in Britain. They didn't get rid of the NHS while we were away, did they? Doctor: No...but you've gone private. Do you really think you would've got a CAT scan this year if you were with the NHS? Don't be ridiculous, this is a BUPA hospital. Colbert: Oh, in that case put it on the FIW account. Doctor: Will do. Say, do you know a Mr. Prime? Not sure if that's his real name... Colbert: We are aware of such an individual, yes. Doctor: Well could you give him this Jumbo-size bottle of impotency pills. He's in need of a top-up. Colbert: We'll...make sure he gets those. Colbert relieves the Doctor of the rather large bottle of pills he had pulled out of his coat pocket. He passes them onto the General, who places them into his laptop bag with a rather chuffed smile on his face. Colbert stands up. Colbert: Is that all? Doctor: That's it. Come back soon. Colbert: Not if I can help it! Both Colbert and Doctor laugh, almost as if in a sitcom. As the two turn away, they both make a hand movement that is known by many brits as the "wanker" sign. The General stands up, bag in hand, and the two start walking down the corridor. General: Told you it was nothing... Suddenly, a mobile phone starts playing a song. The song in question is "All Over Me" by Drowning Pool. Colbert and the General look at eachother confused. Colbert: Who on earth would have their mobile on in a hospital? General: Colbert...it's coming from your pocket. Colbert reaches into his pocket to reveal his mobile. Colbert: Strange, who changed my ringtone? Oh well. Colbert answers it. Colbert: Tottington speaking. "Hello, Colbert." Colbert looks confused. He looks to the General. General: Who is it. Colbert shrugs his shoulders. Colbert: Umm...hello. Who is this speaking? "You know all too well who this is, lad." Colbert: ...Father O'Tooley? Who gave you this number? When did you get out?! General: Tell that Priest he's still on the list! "Childish humor...It matters not, Tottington. All that matters is when I shall be coming for you, which...you indeed shall soon find out. Know however that when I come for you, I will not be alone. I will not be left open to being outnumbered, outmanned...as your Rejects enjoy doing to gain their advantages. With everything you did to me, Colbert, everything you nearly ended, everything you tried to take from me for your own personal gain...I could not sit at home, call my career over and allow you to bask in your ill-begotten gains. You will be the first, Colbert, you WILL be the first of your ilk to stand in judgement before the Lord. I swear this on my life. I will see you soon." There's then the sound of a phone hanging up. Colbert looks both confused and paranoid. General: Well? Was it your old minister? Surely you're too old for him now... Colbert: I think it was our mystery person... General: What? Colbert: The guy told me that I ended everything for him...that he's coming to get me...stuff like that. General: Well don't you worry, the guy just made his first mistake. We can trace the call from your mobile, and from there we can get that freak. Everything's going to be alright. Now come on, me and you have some promo making to do. I finished off the promo, all we have to do is print this script off and it'll be ready to film tomorrow. Colbert: Something tells me this is going to be a good week. Colbert says this, but with a hint of something within him that doubts what he said himself. The camera slowly fades out. |
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2:36 PM Jul 11