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The Fuzz is Blue.
Topic Started: Mar 29 2008, 05:03 AM (57 Views)
Blue Fuzz
Unregistered

The screen fades unimaginatively from black into the colourful office surrounds of FIW HQ. Office cubicals crowd and empty with human traffic, forcing the camera to stop and start as it moves towards its focal point. Along the way the camera is able to catch glimpses of desks personalized with family pictures, stupid motivational posters, wrestling figurines, superstar posters and other FIW employee paraphernalia. Upon reaching a long stretch of more scenic corridor (possibly indicating a change in employee status) we see…what…no…no way…serious? Nup. wasn't he in a coma? Or maye that was the other guy…still…wasn't the other guy chasing a sasquatch? But…who else has that hair? Goku? I'm not sure. Haven't kept up with the DBZ storylines since Goku spirit bombed the crap out of Vegeta. But I'm sure there's some form of Sian that makes his hair turn blue. I mean, c'mon. Giant monkey's? And you're telling me 'blue hair' is too much to ask? Up yours. Anyways…umm…yeah. The camera's a lot closer now-but oh! Ah! Dammit. The guy with the blue hair who looks like Goku has disappeared behind a frosted glass door. There's a room there too but the frosted glass prevents any clear picture from being recovered. What we can see is a blue fuzz of hair moving dramatically around the room. What we can hear is a sustained thrust of air strained through a voice box and muffled through sound-proofed walls and a glass pane. But it's a faintly recognizable…umm… sustained thrust of air…muffled by umm…sound proofed…walls. Fortunately for the viewers, the cluey cameraman ruffles around and is able to slide a tiny penny-shaped microphone under the small slit of air separating the glass door and maroon carpet, allowing us to get clearer audio as we watch the unfocused blue fuzz talk to a brown fuzz we can only assume to be 'The Boss'. Coz that's what it says in black letters on the door.

Blue Fuzz: -NNNJ! Time to get some red flava up in dis hoooouse! Paint the town red, playaaa! Don’t pretend you don’t know.

Boss: Quite frankly, Mr. White, I don't.

Blue Fuzz: Well, maybe I should quite…frankly…you! In the…insult!…to you…squinty eyes…

Blue Fuzz: You suck. But luckily for you, yours truly is able to relate to those of every nation and creed. Ya see…it' s like, umm…the Rolling Stones song, 'paint it black'. Only, I want to 'paint it red'. Not black.

Boss: So you’re looking for a paint tender?

Blue Fuzz: No, no, you're not getting the-ngh!-look, it's all in the song.

What comes next is a suprisngly soulful sounding rendition of ‘paint it black’ – Rolling Stones.

Blue Fuzz: "I see a black door and I want it painted Reh-ed.
No colors anymore I want them to turn Re...ed.
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes,
I have to turn my head until their redness go-oes…
Neyow-neyow-neyow-NEYOW-neyow-neyow-neyow-neyow-neyow-neyow-neyow-ney-oooow…you get the picture.

Boss: If the picture was someone with a menstrual problem, then yes.

Blue Fuzz: Yeah…the metaphor sort of lost steam towards the ‘neyows’, didn’t it. Probably should've cmin whij summin' hmprrd *mutters*

Boss: Mr. White, if you could please hurry this-whatever this is, up, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Blue Fuzz: Well I was trying to, but…apparently…‘paint it red’ wasn't obvious enough. And you don't have to be all poo-ey about it. Just tryin'…to be creative…blame the plants. They’re intimidating…judging me…with their…their…stems…and…and their green. *huffs*

Boss: Well if you're quite done, I have other appointments to attend to.

The unfocused blue bob moves toward the other brown blob, perhaps indicating a confrontation, or maybe a move to give his words more emphasis.

Blue Fuzz: No-no, please, sit.

The brown fuzz sits down prompting the blue fuzz to move back to it's erratic movements.

Blue Fuzz: Ok, umm. Well, see, I'd like to *coughs* umm…come back.

Boss: Back? Mr. White, this company rests on the knife-edge of control and anarchy. I like to keep my opportunities open, but…right now, you’d be a threat to what little stability we have. You are an anomaly. I can’t even predict that you’ll be unpredictable. There's simply no place for you here. Especially if you're just going to flake out as soon as it gets tough.

Blue Fuzz: Tough? TOUGH? TOUGH?! Tough-tough-tough-tough *echoes*. Tough? I eat 'tough' for funzies. I mean, c'mon. I was in a coma and I wrestled a week outside of waking up. Admittedly, I was shakey, but hey, can you blame me? And when I lost the UIC there was no contract to welcome me onto FIW's payroll. Just a slap across the back of the head and a 'thank you for nothing' card.

Boss Well, Tier doesn't exactly seem like the card-giving type. And I'd hazard a guess to say he would've welcomed you back if you'd only tried to discuss the terms of your contract.

Blue Fuzz: Weeeell, Tier's not exactly the kind of person you wanna owe. And he put my best friend into a coma. He ever done that to you? No? You sure? You don’t wanna check? Don’t wanna make sure all your friends are still conscious? Coz that’s what I’ve had to do for the past four years. It sucks. Heaps. And being one card game away from stabbing my boss with an ace of spades wasn't exactly the work environment of choice. Well, actually…that’s not 100% true…I do love the stabbing. Heh.

Boss: Mm. Yes. Well that would be partially the reason I exiled Tier from here in the first place.

Awkward silence falls over the two fuzzes. The upper part of the blue one tilts slightly, maybe his head.

Boss: Besides, I have enough to worry about with my..

Jarring and abrupt is the pause the owner of FIW forces upon himself. Like there is some thing his tongue was about to let slip out, some thing bad or that he doesn't want out? Bluey seems to be unaware of it from the observing of a random object in the room he is doing.

Boss: My associate still missing on account of a band of freaks that took him six months ago...

Blue Fuzz: Anyways. So is this a 'no' vibe I'm getting from you?

Boss: Correct.

Blue Fuz: Awwwww. But…c'mon.

Boss: No.

Blue Fuzz: Seriously?

Boss: Seriously.

Blue Fuzz: So…seriously.

Boss: SO seriously.

Blue Fuzz: C'mUHH-oon. I'll be your best friend. I've had an opening for about four years. Unless you count the sasquatch.

Boss: NO.

Blue Fuzz: I'll tell yoooou…what my favourite colour is.

Boss: No. Now-


Blue Fuzz: It’s red.

Boss: …get-

Blue Fuzz: Or is it blue…?

Boss:…ouuuut.

Boss’s last words growl from the confines of his throat, communicating his absolute ‘fed up-ness’.

Blue Fuzz: Fine. But I'll be back. With contacts. Yeah. S'right. Skippy & Blinky Bill…comin' atchya.

Through the shared silence we gather that the Boss obviously has no idea what the Blue Fuzz is on about.

Blue Fuzz: That's a kangaroo and a um...talking…koala. Don’t mess.

And with that the Blue Fuzz tramples on the microphone and busts through the door and past the cameraman before it can get a good look at his face. Uncontent, the cameraman bustles after the blue fuzz. As it comes to a t-junction between office cubicles it looks left, then right, only to find no trace of the blue mystery fuzz. But then as it looks right once more it glimpses the standing force of one Onikage. He stands with his right pointer finger contemplating against his lower lip. But a moment passes and he swivels on the heel of his boot and out of screen. The camera darts left to see if maybe the blue fuzz was what caught Oni's attention, but alas, there is no sign of blue fuzzyness.
Fade to blue. Too cheesy? Yeah. Thought so too. Fade to black. Definitely black.
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