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Complexity At Its Best; El Lumberjacko~!
Topic Started: Apr 5 2008, 03:45 AM (43 Views)
Kyle
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Carolina Gentleman
Banned
It's a wonderful night, the air is cool and the wind is blowing just right, if you look upwards the sky is alive as well with bright, sparkling stars. As the camera descends from the above setting of stars and sky the scene focuses in on the ground below. We're greeted with two people sitting at a table outside of a restaurant, make that one person and a laptop set up across the table from said person. To better complete this Lady and the Tramp sort of feeling there's even a candle set in the middle of the table.

Who should we find sitting here tonight? None other than the returning luchadore, El Lumberjacko! He's dressed exceptionally well considering his normal attire of flannel and work pants, but for this occasion he's dressed in a black tuxedo suit with a white undershirt and a bow-tie that's flannel colored.

El Lumberjacko: "Isn't it a most beautiful and romanitc night, madam?"

The laptop's screen flickers for a bit, and then a message displays in white lettering that's matched with a monotone-like voice that says, "Um, I guess, I'm a computer, remember?"

El Lumberjacko: "Yes, but even so anyone could appreciate such a thing as this. Man, computer, dinner. All outside!"

Once more the screen flickers and the computer says, "There's something not right with you, is there? That's the only possible reason I can understand why you'd be on a date with a piece of technology."

El Lumberjacko: "Shh, baby, I know that those harsh and untrue words you utter are merely but a coy attempt to sneak me into bed. Worry not, at the end of the evening you'll be getting the ride of your life."

Half-expecting the computer to display another message we wait for several seconds, but instead of a message displaying the computer shuts down on its own.

El Lumberjacko: "Pssh, computers. They're the most complex and complicated things known to man. Well, there's one other thing that anyone can tell you is complexingly difficult. And that's women!"

He lets out a sigh and leans back, putting his arms behind his head, turning around to direct his attention to the camera, almost looking for assurance from the audience.

El Lumberjacko: "So this week I'm set to face someone that is neither male or computer. She is of the opposite sex, she is a female! Now don't take that as a sexist remark, because professional wrestling is an open ground for proving of both males and females. It's just that in my career I haven't been able to tangle with the fairer sex that often. I consider this a treat yet at the same time I'm scared out of my mind. The matching of her and I in a match is almost like a tease. Am I supposed to hit her or make sweet love to her? If any time you want to confuse a man just place him in a wrestling match with a woman."

Jacko leans forward, blowing softly to extinguish the flame on the candle, thus ending what little romance there was between him and the now remote laptop.

El Lumberjacko: "Rory Von Drachenberg. That's the name of the girl I'm facing this week just in case you didn't know. To be honest it didn't really matter who I was going to face this week. That may sound cocky, but in actuality I'm just ready to wrestle again. It's been a long while since I've stepped in a ring and competed. All this time I've been dealing with my family and doing the usual routine of chopping down trees and eating flapjacks. It may sound luxurious, I know, but for those who know not of this lifestyle it can get tiresome when you have another love that is being neglected."

He leans across the table again, this time pushing the screen of the laptop down and placing it in his lap.

El Lumberjacko: "When it comes time for my return to television on Revolt it won't be about putting on the best match possible, although that should be any person's intention going into a match. No, no! This match will be about re-establishing myself with the fans and letting everyone know that I haven't forgotten about them. It's about time that a luchadore tore down the house and provided the fans with a highflying extravaganza. Like I said before, I'm here to win gold, and be that as it may I'm still here to have fun. The fans were always apart of my success before, and they'll continue to be in the future."

El Lumberjacko gathers himself up from the table, grasping the laptop closely to his chest, tenderly maybe?

El Lumberjacko: "Rory Von Drachenberg, you better watch out! By the time Sunday rolls around you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll have had my fair share of maple syrup, and that's when I'm at craziest! It's going to be a good match, and I'm going into it looking for a W for my first match back with the company. Until then I'm going to be doing some rigorous training that involves this laptop and a little thing we call the Internet. See ya!"

In one quick movement he dashes off into the night with the laptop clutched tightly in his hands. It looks as if the scene is going to fade to black, but before it has a chance to a waiter walks into view. He takes a look around and begins to silently curse to himself, looking around in every direction.

Waiter: "You've gotta be kidding me! That weird masked bastard just ran off without paying his tab. That's just a waste of fifty odd some pancakes down the toilet. Not to mention he kept getting refills on his maple syrup, which he just wanted to guzzle out of a straw. Who the hell does that, who?!"

He places his face in the palms of his hands and shakes his head, recovering soon after and looking to walk off until he sees the camera man still there.

Waiter: "Wait a second, who are you?! Don't you run away! Someone is paying for all of this stuff!"

Faster than you can say...I don't really have a nifty line to say there, so just come up with something in your head, the camera man runs off and leaves the waiter there by himself and the feed cuts to static before eventually going black.
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