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| Hijo And The Bandit!; AWESOMEphoenix Productions | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 7 2009, 04:48 AM (31 Views) | |
| Clockman89 | Feb 7 2009, 04:48 AM Post #1 |
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Spiral Out, Keep Going
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[align=center]Losing Tapes Montage[/align] *The scene opens up to a quiet suburban home. There's no camera, for the record. A modern day looking Lucy Ball stands at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes. Behind the sink is an open window, where a video tape rests, cooling in the summer breeze...in the middle of February. The woman turns to grab something off the table, and as her back is turned the clear and obvious hand of a ninja reaches down from above the window and grabs the video tape. The dishwashing woman turns back, and the pan drops with a clatter to the floor...* Woman: My Hijo del Awesome promotional video tape has been stolen! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *Elsewhere, but mere tri-state areas away, a couple of children jog down a dirt road.* Kid 1: So what's this thing you wanted to show me? Kid 2: I subscribed to some wrestling place's website and they send me video tapes of wrestlers talking for a couple of dollars each! Kid 1: Awesome! Kid 2: Yeah! Phoenix's arrived in the mailbox, I saw it from my house! *The two kids arrive at a mailbox, and Kid 2 opens it up and pulls out a video tape with Phoenix Promotional Video 24 marked on it.* Kid 1: Cool! *Without warning, an unmarked black van pulls up besides the children. A ninja arm reaches out and grabs the tape. The van pulls away, leaving shocked but unharmed children!* Kid 2: NOOOOOOOOOO! Kid 1: Why does everything happen to you?! *Without warning! A masked man runs up, it's clear its a superhero coming to save the day! It's....El Hijo Del Awesome Max Rowley!* Kid 1: Why are YOU doing here?! Hijo: I'M ON TO YOU! *Rowley proceeds to kick both children in the shins and runs away! Super Hero...he's not... Elsewhere still! We find Phoenix stepping off the TPCW tour bus, wearing nothing but a robe. And I mean NOTHING but the robe. We can see between the flaps. And it's he-he-hiiijolariously small. Phoenix stretches...he yawns, he picks up a video tape that has been delivered! He hems and he haws at the delivery, waiting to see what he did that he can't remember! WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE NARRATOR, WHICH IS I, DECLARES A NINJA CARTWHEELS INTO THE SCENE! A quick punch to Phoenix's face, and the ninja disappears without a trace, except for the fact he runs, and doesn't use like smoke screens or something.* Phoenix: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! How will I ever live without knowing what I did last summer?! *Elsewhere still! Inside a police station, we find the chief of police sitting behind his desk. Phones are ringing off the hook, and another officer enters...* Police Officer: Sir I just got a report... Chief of Police: Yes, yes I KNOW! Video tapes everywhere are being stolen... Police Officer: What are we going to do? Chief of Police: Nothing... So long as my copy is safe, I don't care! Police Officer: How do you know yours is safe sir?! *The Chief stands up and walks over to a picture on the wall... He swings it on a hidden hinge to reveal a safe in the wall. He turns in the combination and opens it to find...GASP! You guessed it! A dead hooker! ... Also, no video tape.* Chief of Police: IT'S GONE! BUT HOW?! Police Office: I have more important questions... *Elsewhere still, we find Hijo del Awesome within his awesome fortress of awesometude. There's a knock at his door, and he stands up. He goes across the room and opens the door... He's handed a video tape...that will soon disappear! He thanks the mail carrier and shuts the door when there's another knock. He opens the door once more, and this time a Ninja Lawyer stands there!* Ninja Lawyer: I'm gonna need that tape. Hijo: Can't have it! It's mine! Ninja Lawyer: You're going to give it to me... Hijo: No I'm not. Ninja Lawyer: Yes you are. Hijo: No I'm not. Ninja Lawyer: Yes you are. Hijo: NOT! Ninja Lawyer: ARE! Hijo: NOT! Ninja Lawyer: ARE! Hijo: NOT INFINITY! Ninja Lawyer: ARE INFINITY! Hijo: NOT NOT NOT! Ninja Lawyer: Okay you're not. Hijo: Here you go... *Hijo hands the ninja the tape and shuts the door... Although he doesn't look back the ninja disappears in a smoke screen of GRAVY. Because I'm fucking insane. Hijo returns to his laptop and sits down.* Hijo: Hm...now what was I doing... Oh yeah! *Hijo opens the laptop up and watches his last promo, undisturbed on his laptop's hard drive.* Hijo: Hehe...this guy's a riot. *These and the final one story aren't the only stories of the House of Orange's maniacle reach to the world in an attempt to stop all that is cute and hijodorable... It happens all around the world, along with trippings of old men with Hijo shouting "False Teeth Tell False Truths!" Our final story is in a town surrounded by snow all year round. It's cold and unbearable, but that's primarily because of the owner of this house... He's heard the reports. There's a knock on the door shortly after a tape has been pushed through a mail slot on the door... The door opens and the ninja stands there... There before the ninja stands...Rurik Krychek. Because I enjoy inserting him where ever I can.* Ninja: I'm gonna need that tape... *Tch-tchk! A shot gun is aimed by the all-knowing Russian directly into his face. The ninja tips an invisible hat...* Ninja: Y'all have a good day... *The ninja turns and wanders off as the door closes... Krychek picks up the tapes of Hijo and Phoenix and looks at them for a moment... He tosses them into the air and takes aim. BLAM! BLAM! And Krychek helps the House of Orange...whether he agrees with them on anything or not is irrelevant. He most assuredly hates Los Dos Hombres. And this has been another small thing just for my own amusement. Because I can see House of Orange dispersing ninjas to get the tapes...* [align=center]Talky Part[/align] *The scene opens up in the middle of the ring once more. Because Skell and I liked the last time we did this so much, we're doing it again. The arena is deserted, the chairs for the audience cast in the darkness of a thousand suns not burning. I'm sure that sounds poetic, but it's actually quite stupid. As stupid as thinking a type writer with the word "Rosebud." typed on it is art. Because the darkness of one sun not shining is the same as a thousand. Yeah chew on that. The turnbuckle pads and ropes are barely visible as the Hijo wanders in from off screen.* Hijo: Greetings Crime Stoppers, I'm El Hijo Del Awesome Max Rowley and you might have thought I stopped using that as an opening line but you'd be wrong! *Hijo nods as Jefe chimes in from off camera* Jefe: Time is money. Hijo: Right Coach... Anyway I'm here to tell you about the importance of good dental hygiene. Jefe: Your Community Service taping is Tomorrow NACO! Hijo: Then what the hell am I doing here? Jefe: you're talking about your title defense against The House of Orange in a joint Promotional piece with Aves. Hijo: Hmm... That doesn't sound like something I'd be doing... and besides he's not even here. Jefe: You're doing that stupid lurking in the shadows game you did a few weeks ago. Hijo: Oh Yeah... but that game was dumb so we aren't playing it... we have a new one... Jefe: The hell are you talking about? Hijo: We're playing stupidly lurking in the shadows tag team promo: CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION! *Hijo flips the title onto his shoulder* Jefe: What the f*** ever. Hijo: 9 out of 10 Dentists prefer it. Jefe: Your Video Community Service is tomorrow! Hijo: I know... but last night I painstakingly dialed 10 random Dentists from the phonebook. 9 of them gave me a resoundingly positive vote of Yeah Sure... Jefe: ..I'm almost afraid to ask this naco... but what did the 10th one say. Hijo: What the hell are you talking about? Who the hell is this? And do you have any idea what time it is? You know standard dentist speak. Jefe: I'm going to get more beer... Hijo: But you have an unopened case next to you... Jefe: It's not enough. Hijo: Anyway, where was I? Oh yes... The Magnates... they tried to suppress the wisdom of the new generation. But I was too smart to fall for their tricks... you see those ninjas tried to make it sound like they didn't want the tape... so I made them take it! POINT FOR THE HIJO! *Hijo pauses* Hijo: But enough about my ingenious plan! You're suppression endeavor is in vain... cause Los Dos Hombres don't even know the meaning of the words copyright infringement! Wait that's for my case against the Walt Disney Corporation... *Hijo puts his hand on his chin a tried and true way to show that you're thinking!* Hijo: Where was the Hijo going with this... *Hijo strokes an invisible goatee while pondering. Before pointing to the sky* Hijo: The HIJO DOESN'T REMEMBER! *Hijo walks off camera smugly as Phoenix steps in from the right now, holding a chair. He sets it down in the middle of the ring and takes a seat, preparing to talk. No doubt the Ritalin is in effect. Because he's sitting on it normally. Not in reverse, up side down, or with his back to the camera. Gentlemen like, he even crosses his legs. So no one is tempted to point and laugh at his small general, as O'Reily calls it. Well he calls his general generally, he'd call Phoenix's a small general...or a private... Some army reference I'm sure... What's with all this dick talk...* Phoenix: Approaching zero hour, and we've got time for one last "We're gonna whip-a-yo asses" moment. But only barely. It's time to stop joking around, stop kidding. ...Which is hard for me without my pills, but hey, drugs fix everything right? *Anyone catch that? It's HARD for him without the PILLS. Get it? Viagra? Hard-on? He doesn't need to use viagra for a...ah forget you.* Phoenix: I've said it time and again, everyone thinks I'm just a joke that can't be taken seriously. Maybe it's cause I don't take life serious. Shit we only get one, you have the choice of being serious about it or having a good time. Obviously I've chosen to take having fun seriously. I honestly thought that winning the World Tag Team Championships would garner me being taken seriously. I can wrestle, I've been doing it for thirty some odd years now...never mind the fact I'm twenty-one. I've won title after title, I've won match after match, I've contracted STD after STD, and still people look at me like I'm something they don't want to touch... *I'm not touching yooooou!* Phoenix: But maybe I haven't heard being taken seriously. I DID only defeat a tag team that wrestled twice earlier in the night, even if one was brought about by their own blatantly stupidity. But who am I to be taken seriously? Wasabi said it himself, Los Dos Hombres are the dominate team in this war. Having won ten percent more of the matches. Having won the Championships. I'd say the House of Orange shouldn't bitch about losing their titles, a true champion defends at every given chance no matter how tired or how poor the chances are against them. Maybe they need more winds, like I have. Personally I attribute my extra winds to drinking Peca Cola... The Cola that turns my urine purple! *There's maybe four people in FIW that will get that joke...* Phoenix: But seriously though...HAH!...Cough, sorry. Maybe I haven't proven myself to be a fighting champion yet, but I've proven myself to be a fighter. I fought Harrison O'Reily once in a singles match... And lost. A month or so later I lost to him again in the opening round of a tournament. Who can blame me though? I'm fighting the jolly green giant, that likes to wrestle sharks and swim with the tigers, how can I expect to compete with that? I took champions to the limit, I've beaten other champions...Washington Rice, YEAH I'M STILL BRAGGING BITCHES. But I guess my second win over a champion is a fluke until I beat them while they're fresh. And trust me, I intend to do just that. I've got the advantage of a champion on my side, that means I cannot lose my title by disqualification or count out... And when I walk out of Ninja Soujourn as the still tag team champion...then the era of Los Dos Hombres En-fucking-mascarados will have truely begun, vatos. *Phoenix stands up.* Phoenix: The Era of Los Dos Hombres Enmascarados, coupled with the Year of the Phoenix will makes this the most Awe-full year of the new millenia! *Phoenix steps off stage right... Shortly after he disappears Hijo jogs up and leaps on top of the chair, bending over to grab the under side of the seat, and the backrest. Hijo rolls forward onto his back, and uses his legs to kick the chair up and out of the ring. Hijo the kicks up and steps into the center, you notice Hijo has refastened his title belt around his waist* Hijo: Let us take a few moments to appreciate what I just did there... *Hijo pauses for a moment of silence.* Jefe: NO ONE CARES GET ON WITH IT! Hijo: Ok Coach... Anyway, The Hijo is tired of hearing The House Claim we somehow forced them to wrestle 3 matches on the night that we obtained these shiny pant-holding apparati. *Hijo unfastens the title and swings it over his shoulder.* Hijo: Los Dos Hombres, The Ordinary and the House of Orange were booked to wrestle two matches. This was advertised for at least a week in advance. This wasn't sprung on them on the last day or anything, and even if it was The Hijo and the Smelly Birdthing have no booking power here. We don't make up the cards; we don't book or approve the cards. We just wrestle on them. Well not on the cards themselves... cause that would be silly... I mean we wrestle at the shows the higher ups write the card for. Jefe: Get to the point, naco! Hijo: Right... point... *Hijo karate chops his hand in the manner he did in his last promo... probably trying to regain that laser focus he has...* Hijo: ANYWAY, if the House of Orange followed the planned match setup they'd only have lost to Los Dos Hombres after we both wrestled the Ordinary once. However, as stated they couldn't leave well enough alone... or even wait until our match is over and they NEEDED the titles then and now... and THEY put themselves in position to wrestle 3 matches that night. No one else, *Hijo pauses for effect... he looks off camera to the right to see if Jefe's going to interject... after a second of silence Hijo continues* Hijo: so they can piss and moan all the want about it being fair or not being fair. It really doesn't make a lick of difference because they don't have anyone to blame but themselves... because after all if they couldn't beat Los Dos Hombres after wrestling 2 matches prior... they shouldn't have tried. *Hijo smirks* Hijo: Now don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic that they did... I mean I wouldn't have this *Hijo pulls the title off his shoulder... only to immediately flip it over his other shoulder* Hijo: Now don’t think I'm trying to pick on him for any reason especially as the magnate himself is apparently differently abled. *Hijo pauses* Hijo: No... Not all to prove it.. I'm going to help you Maggie. If you don't treat your problem now all it's going to do is grow into something that will become troublesome later... you can ask Phoenix. Jefe: you better be going somewhere with this... Hijo: Oh I am... you see the only proper treatment for a psychological issue is psychiatric help as you've mentioned you've taken... and brain candy, and the Hijo's got a ton of it... Jefe: Are you pushing drugs now Culo? Hijo: of course not... Jefe I was cleverly letting everyone in on the name of one of my new moves... Jefe: No one's going to get that yet idiota. Hijo: that's cause they're all a bunch of jerks! *Hijo storms off camera, and Phoenix tropical breezes in!* Phoenix: I know I've said I'm smarter than I look...or act...and Hijo says than I smell, but I'm not sure that's a compliment either. I still may not know what "subverting the form" is, or "progressive idiotic ideas," or "USSR," or "statistics" or "percentages" or "Minds" or how to use quotation marks properly, or how not to create age wars, or "Pax psychosis" or "bathing" or... WDXXIV: Get on with it. Phoenix: ...fine. The point is, I don't have to understand what the House of Orange says most of the time. But one thing I did catch that I know they're wrong about, is my leeching. For the record jackasses, Phoenix was a house hold name long before House of Vitamin C came along. Oh maybe I haven't been in jail for numerous years, but all the time I have spent in a jail cell would add up to some high number I'm sure. Stupid Hijo tricking me into tripping old men... Also causing Stumpy to haul off and murder people.... Serves the psychotic little fucker right though. Also, have I mentioned I love to say FUCK? Fuck fuck fuckedy, my fucking-mother-fucker friends! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! *Pause.* Phoenix: But yeah, I haven't leeched off the House of Orange. I rightfully defeated the Hijo, something neither member of the House of Orange has been able to do. So if they ever DO, you know whose leeching off of who? Yeah, they're leeching off my style, jerks. 'Cause Hijo ain't never pinned me! WDXXIV: Stop putting down your own partner. Phoenix: Gotcha. Anyway, the House of Orange, for as supposed tag specialists as they are, suck. 'Cause if you notice, the two occasions we've met in a tag team match, they've never been able to defeat us. Draw us, and then lose to us. I don't see where they get the idea they're better... I'll be the first to admit I don't pay attention when they speak, but do they even pay attention to what they're speaking? Heck they couldn't even handle the AWE-FULL of Maxypads by themselves. *Pause.* Phoenix: I didn't follow all of Wasabi's statistics...he assured me it meant I was better, but I couldn't follow... No one expected me to follow it, or believe it, but Wasabi sure expected them to follow and believe it...cause apparently it's a fact. How do you like that, it's a FACT I'm better than someone... It's more shocking than it being a FACT Phil is the fattest ass in FIW. Phil: Why do you drag me into this? Phoenix: Quiet Tubbykins. Statistics and history supposedly show the House of Orange always win...except when it comes to Roxis...or Los Hombres...'cause the House has NEVER won against them. Individually maybe, but certainly not as a whole... The only genesis that'll happen at Ninja Soujourn is the House being ejected from Smarky Smark Smarteprises after losing so terribly to people that are as awe-ful as we...now can YOU dig THAT... *Hijo skips-to-mah-Lou into the scene.* Hijo: TRENCH IN MY BACK YARD! Where they will...rest...in... Phoenix: Pants made of orange peels! Awesome, awesome orange peels... They bring a certain rush to everyone...eeeeeeeeeeerrrraaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhh what aaaaaaaa... Hijo: JOE'S BASEMENT ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT! It's so good you'll think that they're just that...damn... Phoenix: CHEAP! Like Russian order-by-mail brides! If you smeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell.... Hijo: Phoenix at any time... seriously he reaks so much you'll feel the... Phoenix: BURN IN YOUR NOSTRILS AND...hey! Confound you! Let's just end this... Hijo: I'm not familiar with that one....but I guess what we're really trying to say is that Quite Frankly... the House Phoenix: Never wins... *And the scene fades.* [align=center]This has been an AWESOMEphoenix Production![/align] |
[align=center]The Great 2019 Campaign: Krychek for Hall of Fame![]() FIW Grand Prix Champion (12 26 10 - 12 04 11 - Krychek) (12 29 14 - Present - Krychek) FIW Undisputed International Champion (05 31 09 - 07 26 09 - Phoenix) (12 05 10 - 03 27 11 - Krychek) (03 27 11 - 05 29 11 - Krychek) FIW World Tag Team Champion (01 11 09 - 04 19 09 - Phoenix) (11 07 10 - 01 30 11 - Krychek) (02 26 12 - 03 25 12 - Krychek) (10 06 13 - 10 13 14 - Krychek) FIW Fighting Spirit Champion (09 29 12 - 09 01 13 - Krychek) FIW Cruiserweight Champion (12 06 09 - 06 20 10 - Krychek) <div style="max-height:64px; width: 100%; overflow:auto;"> FIW Co-Rookie of the Year, 2009 Match of the Month, March 2010 Storyline of the Month, March 2010 Storyline of the Month, April 2010 Match of the Month, May 2010 Promotion of the Month, May 2010 Match of the Month, June 2010 Match of the Month, October 2010 Tag Team of the Month, November 2010 Match of the Month, December 2010 Promotion of the Month, December 2010 Multi-Person Promotion of the Year, 2010 ReVolt Match of the Year, 2010 Match of the Month, January 2011 Storyline of the Month, February 2011 Storyline of the Month, March 2011 Promotion of the Month, June 2011 Match of the Month, November 2011 Promotion of the Month, November 2011 Match of the Month, December 2011 Promotion of the Month, December 2011 Storyline of the Year, 2011 Match of the Month, February 2012 Tag Team of the Month, April 2014 Tag Team of the Month, May 2014 Storyline of the Month, May 2014 Tag Team of the Month, June 2014 Match of the Month, July 2014 Storyline of the Month, July 2014 (Rurik Krychek) Promotion Of The Month, July 2011 (Razorback) Storyline of the Year, 2011 (William Reign) Writer of the Year, 2010 Writer of the Year, 2011</div>[/align] | |
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