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| Sweet Bakery Goodness; El Lumberjacko~! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 14 2009, 04:59 AM (47 Views) | |
| Kyle | Feb 14 2009, 04:59 AM Post #1 |
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Carolina Gentleman
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The scene opens up in a vacant room at an undisclosed location, could be a strip club, could be your grandma’s spare bedroom, hell, it could even be where you were conceived. Strangely enough there’s a gigantic cake that stands in the middle of the room, perfectly decorated with no flaws in sight, and on top there’s a big, red bow. A cake you say? Doesn’t make much sense to me either, so let’s investigate. As the camera man draws closer to the cake it begins to shake and move, causing the camera man to stop in his tracks. The cake continues to bustle back and forth, coming several times close to falling over, until the top EXPLODES, ribbon and all, as a man bursts out from within the cake. He wipes off the extra thick clump of icing on his face, revealing himself to be…EL LUMBERJACKO! El Lumberjacko: “I’m back!” He laughs and manages to crawl his way out of the huge tower of bakery goodness, landing with as much grace as he can muster right in front of the camera. El Lumberjacko: “You’d think a man would have better things to do than wasting his money on a huge cake he’s not even going to eat, but who can actually say they made their return and popped out of a cake? No one! If this doesn’t go down in the record books as one of the most fabulous returns, then I don’t know what will. I mean…sure, there was the whole PPV thing and me going after Prime, but no one saw that, right?” He laughs again, wiping off the remaining icing and looking at the camera with a brightness in his eyes that has been gone for some months in the world of FIW. El Lumberjacko: “That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I’m back and I feel better than ever! I had a lot of time to think about everything and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s time things go back to the way they used to be. All this time I’ve been mister serious this and mister serious that. I’ve held a grudge against Drake Love for so long I can’t even begin to think of a time when I didn’t absolutely hate the man’s guts. However, just like those crazy Christians and their forgiveness I’m willing to turn the other cheek and forgive the man that single handedly made my life a living hell for over a year.” Brief pause, now continue speech. El Lumberjacko: “I know it’s hard to think I’d ever forgive him, but when you’re lying in a bed and your back’s hanging together by a thread you start to realize that life shouldn’t be about anger. It’s supposed to be about having fun and finding whatever makes you happy. And wrestling does all that for me and more. It’s time that everyone saw the side of me they were all introduced to when I first came here. Don’t think that I’m just going to be square ‘ole ELJ though, with wrestling comes beat downs and I’m willing to hand them out to ALL the lucky contestants if the price is right. Speaking of which, there is someone I’ve been forgetting to mention, isn’t there?” He puts his hand to his chin and utters a loud, “HMM!”, as if in deep thought over the situation. El Lumberjacko: “PRIME! Yeah, you were a big man throwing me through that table and trying to get rid of me, weren’t you? It’s just unfortunate for you that I’m back here now and you’re conveniently wearing the title I’ve fought so hard for. Congratulations by the way, but that’s not why I’m here. I’m here to do just what I promised, and that’s give out beat downs to lucky contestants. And it seems your name was drawn straight from the hat, buddy boy. Or should I say sum bitch in one of those sentences? Eh, I don’t know, I’m not up to date on all that Prime etiquette and what not.” Brief pause dos! El Lumberjacko: “This Sunday I’ve got a huge match that I couldn’t even have dreamed to have as a return. I’m going to go out there and show everyone just why it is that I love this sport so much. And for all the fans I’m going to show them a brighter side of ELJ that they haven’t seen in a LONG time. So…ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people of all ages, sizes and sexual orientations…I’M BACK!” END |
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12:57 AM Jul 11
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12:57 AM Jul 11