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| Much Love.; A Nick Allen Monologue. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 14 2009, 01:00 PM (52 Views) | |
| Spann | Mar 14 2009, 01:00 PM Post #1 |
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I'm just a soldier. I'm not worthy.
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Drake Fucking Love. There's only one person it could be: And Nick Fucking Allen. That's right, it's Nick. We're in...Know what? It doesn't fucking matter where we are. Take it away Nick: NA: Who'd have thunk it? The Drunkard and the Nutcase. The Lager Lout and the Madman. Bald and Balder. Whatever you want to call it, you can't deny it's a pairing that works, as evidenced by the pounding we gave Roxie and that dipshit Cage last Sunday. So, this week, it would seem the fucking geniuses at FIW towers have decided that that snot nosed little cockhat needs another beating, except this time he's allowed to bring his new best boyfriend with him. Nice booking lads, I mean I don't pretend to be an expert in this sort of thing, but surely seeing me and Drakey clubbin' that little bitch every week is gonna get boring for the fans eventually, y'know? You can have that one for free chaps; I'm nice like that. But! Damn my drink addled brain, it gets so distracted easily. I'm not here to distribute booking advice, no no. I'm here to do three things: Punch bitches in the mush, talk about punchin' bitches in the mush, and drink industrial amounts of Guinness. It is Paddy's day next week, after all. Me and Drake couldn't be more excited this week though, I can tell you. Both those fools need to shut up, and who knows, this week could be the perfect chance to make them. The first sledgehammer blow to the foundations of SS&S Associates, the initial warning shot echoing across the silent battlefield. Let's just hope Prime feels the tremors and hears the noise from his perch at the top, because seriously big boy, we ain't finished yet. Drake Love was a worry for you, Nick Allen was a worry to that lovely face of yours, Nick and Drake together are a threat you cannot afford to ignore anymore. See, now we've got someone to watch our backs. Someone to keep an eye out for the loaded newspapers, for the sneaky trips, for all the dirty, stinkin', pussyshit tactics you bunch of cowardly bastards employ each and every week. So Smark, next time you feel like tipping the odds in your favour, just be very aware how hard this skull is, and just how much it'll hurt when it breaks a hole in the back of yours. And by the same token, I've taken shots from Drake before, and you don't wanna be on the stingy bit of one of his special Colorado knuckle sandwiches. Mind you, ya don't wanna be on the end of one of those sandwiches he knocks up either, I swear I've put on half a stone just from them things. Nick pats his belly proudly. NA: Still, enough about me, my eating habits and the people who're gonna be gettin' a maulin', and onto the bigger picture. I see my good friend Mr Orange has been doing rather well in his Trial Series, which leads me to think that the upper card are all just a big bunch of babies. Ethan, Jacko, you can disregard that statement, but seriously, the rest of you: He's like a pack of toothpicks with a blu-tac head! How are you letting the little wankbag beat you? I'm considering opening a Nick Allen School of Clobbering Rich Cunts in the Face if any of you bigger boys fancy a couple of lessons: All you have to do is be blackmailed into working for him for a few months, have him threaten your family and try to kill your best friend, and all of a sudden, you'll unlock the clobberin' potential inside of you. It lurks inside all of us, you just need to know how to go about unlocking it. And what else? In other news, Ash and his beard came this close [Nick holds his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart] from taking down HRH Prime the Homoerotic, before that shitbarn Smark ruined everything yet a-fucking-gain with a naughty low blow. Gutted for you Ash, I'm still not sure how much I like you but anyone who gives Prime that good a fight is a good man in my book. Kudos to you. What else happened last week? Well, nothing I particularly care about to be honest, but it must have been fucking exciting, and everyone must be knackered as a result, because I've barely seen anyone running their mouths or getting up to the usual scrapes we all seem to get up to, week in week out. Seriously, some weeks it feels like some otherworldly force is controlling us all... A conspiratory look flashes over Nick's face for a second... NA: But that's crazy talk. I mean, it's not like we're all at the mercy of some kind of team of omipotent authors is it? Heh heh heh... And there goes the fourth wall... |
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[align=center] I'm a helmet. [/align] | |
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12:56 AM Jul 11