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The Good, the Bad, and The Hijo!; yes...yes we all love Ennio Morricone
Topic Started: Mar 26 2009, 03:12 AM (38 Views)
Skell
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*The scene opens up with everyone's favorite El Hijo Del Awesome, pacing back and forth in front of an FIW Banner. Whenever Hijo gets to the edge of the banner he promptly turns around and flings his Tag team title onto whichever shoulder is currently facing the camera before continuing... from what minor expression you can make out from his masked face... the Hijo does not appear to be happy... just then FIW Backstage Interviewer Toby Bostock walks into the frame with a mic... Hijo sees Toby and stops mid pace*

Hijo: Toni where the hell have you been.

Toby: Uh... it's Toby and you only called me five minutes ago for an interview...

Hijo: Exactly, if Scotty was here I would have shanghaied him and he would have been ready 20 minutes ago.

Toby: well fine but if that's the case where is he?

Hijo: I have no idea... I've checked all of his usual hangouts... I broke into his house, I checked the trunk of my car... nothing. So I'm forced to lower my standards to get such a sub-par interview... no offense meant Toki... you know... I'm just speaking in comparison with Scotty.

*Awkward silence*

Toby: Anyway, I guess what everyone wants to know and the reason I'm here is for you to talk about your upcoming match at Anarchy in the UK the premier Pay Per View in the FIW calendar.

Hijo: See that's what I mean... your calling this pay per view premier... when I'm reasonably certain I've been on pay per view for this company before... I vaguely recall a few times... vaguely... so it's clear you haven't done any research for all this, Toasty!

Toby: TOBY! Words can have more then one meanin-

Hijo: NO THEY CAN'T! NEXT QUESTION!

Toby: But they can and do.

Hijo: I SAID GOOD DAY!

Toby: No you didn't....

Hijo: I HAD SIMILAR INFLECTION!

Toby: Right...

Hijo: THAT'S SCOTTY'S LINE! MOVE ON TO THE NEXT QUESTION!

Toby: Ok... why are you shouting?

Hijo: BECAUSE YELLING IS FUN! NEXT QUESTION!

Toby: O....k... So uh... what are your thoughts on your next title defense the first title defense to take place under the new system of rules?

Hijo: Well the match itself I have no problem with, I mean it's contested under the standard tag team rules of the Lucha Libre tradition. With the zany slide to the outside tags and two out of three falls and the mariachi band....

Toby: There's no Mariachi band....

Hijo: *lacking any real volume or emotion* this is an outrage....

Toby: uh... what?

Hijo: *needlessly loud...* YOU HEARD ME TOBASCO!

*Awkward silence...*

Hijo: Anyway, Mariachi band or not the Hijo wouldn't be the Hijo if he didn't understand or constantly compete in Lucha contests... in other promotions... that don't have television deals... and may or may not exist... except they totally do... STOP QUESTIONING ME Tad!

Toby: My name is Toby...

Hijo: No one cares... This is about me.

*Hijo nods before continuing*

Hijo: So as I was saying this won't be the first time myself or even El Aves que huele mal have ever been in Lucha Tag matches... I don't know for certain about our opponents, but I do know its the first time that the two of them have ever competed in a lucha tag match as a team... and it can be a lot more difficult to cut the ring in half when a tag can be made by a simple slither in any directions... especially if you and your partner aren't on the same wavelength.

Toby: I'm glad you brought that up... Do you really think yourself and your Tag Team Partner and occasional Bitter Rival Phoenix are on the same "wavelength"?

*Hijo pauses for a second and wipes his face with his hand before needlessly flinging his title over his right shoulder*

Hijo: Todd that is an excellent question... for all you've put me through so far you've managed to ask a real gem and I applaud you sir

*Hijo gives Todd...err Toby a golf clap*

Toby: Thank you... and again it's Toby.

Hijo: But enough about that Toby *Toby looks up as Hijo has finally got his name right* Bastion *and down goes Toby's head again* If you had asked the Hijo that a couple of weeks ago I would have told you that no one knew Phoenix as well as I did... I practically read every thought that came from his stench-laden mind in his pungent head.

*Hijo pauses*

Hijo: But then came a few weeks ago. Kai Min-Lee started taking credit for Phoenix's success. Claiming the only reason Phoenix has had the success he has in FIW all stemmed from the removal of his mask, a claim that is clearly a sign of egoist looking too hard for causation.


Hijo: Anyone with an official Hijo Del Awesome Record Book will notice, that it just so happens that the Hijo was more consistently teamed with him after he was demasked. Off that minor fact the Hijo has just as much cause to claim to be the source of Phoenix's success... but there’s more... oh yes there’s more...

*Hijo nods*

Hijo: For instance I have not had my mask removed, meaning the Hijo didn't get whatever mystical talent bump Mr. Kai is touting. More or less trying to negate me from the equation.

*Hijo pauses*

Hijo: Well that's just laughable. First off, it's a tag team title... you need two people... and secondly everyone knows that THE Hijo is the better half of the tag Team champion... also I smell better... like you've heard the fans chant I'm sure.

Toby: What?

Hijo: "El Hijo Del Awesome is clearly the better half of Los Dos Hombres Enmascarados... also he smells better then Phoenix"

*Hijo rhythmically clap clap clap-clap-claps*

Toby: ... You can't chant that.

*Hijo points at Toby sternly*

Hijo: Silence Mortal!

Toby: Mortal?

Hijo: Yes.

Toby: right...

Hijo: As the Hijo was saying before you interrupted me... The Science clearly points in the Hijo's favor... but Phoenix is not a smart man and doesn't believe in silent c's... and has apparently been thinking on everything that's said. Thusly, the Hijo has not seen or heard from Phoenix outside of the ring in weeks... well not literally I saw him outside the ring like two weeks ago in our match... I mean like outside of during a match... and the direct moments prior... because it's not like he's become invisible or anything...

*Hijo pauses for a minute*

Hijo: at least I don't THINK He has... HAS HE? ANSWER ME TAJ!

Toby: Uh... no?

Hijo: good... I scared myself for a minute there... now uh where was I?... That's right Phoenix... he smells bad.

Toby: Uh actually you were asked about being on the same wavelength... and then you rambled for a while and never really answered the question.

Hijo: pfft... no I didn't. The Hijo doesn't ramble or evade questions... but since you just asked it I may as well answer.

*Hijo clears his throat*

Hijo: I have no idea where his head's at... or the rest of him for that matter. I mean not even the people that willingly associate with him have seen him in weeks, and the only correspondence he had with me was with a delicious owl... that only said my face... but it's not my face Toady.... it's his face... HIS FACE!

*Hijo points threateningly at Toby again*

Toby: What the hell is wrong with you?

Hijo: I'm a critical mass of awesome awesomeness... that couldn't awesome any more awesome into the things I say or do even if I had an awesome factory that spent all day awesomely making awesome.

Toby: Wha...?

Hijo: Exactly. Anyway, to finally answer your question... the Hijo hasn't forgotten honestly... it's entirely possible that we're still on the same sentence in the proverbial book... and there’s also a distinct possibility he's over in the periodicals looking at the porn.

Toby: You mean metaphorically right?

Hijo: Yeah, that too.

Toby: Oh... so uh... you've said a lot of stuff... most of it off topic... do you have anything to say to or about the challengers?

Hijo: First off, I don't want anyone to think the Hijo is going to try and go easy or anything like that because his opponents are of the female persuasion.

Toby: and why is that?

Hijo: First off, cause I'm not a chauvinist ass... like SOME people!

*Hijo glares at Toby for a second*

Hijo: Also Roxie has a pinfall victory over Phoenix... granted it was when I was her tag partner but still she got the cover and the 3 count.

Toby: Anything else.

Hijo: Well also Macey was stabbed or something by Kai Min-Lee a couple of weeks ago during our match. Granted I had nothing to do with that but still somehow I could see her holding a grudge and not caring what the reason was...

*Hijo Coughs*

Hijo: Also she seems pretty incensed at wanting to become one half of the first all Hellcat Tag Team Champions... that hold the title for more then a few seconds.... to which I would like to state that no matter where Phoenix is mentally or physically come the bell... The Hijo will do everything he is physically capable of to hold on to his shiny cincture. Because after all if I lose it how would I ever do this?

*On his audible cue Hijo flings his title from his right shoulder to his left*

Toby: I guess you couldn't.

Hijo: THAT'S RIGHT I COULDN'T! Unless I make up my own title... but that's stupid... shut up.

*Jefe walks onto screen carrying a beer*

Jefe: Ok Naco, breaks over we got work to do.

Hijo: Thank you Gaston that wasn't a total abomination... The Hijo has to get back to his training he's got a title match coming after all... Lead on Coach!

*Jefe nods and decides to treat Max like a normal human being for once as he just walks off screen. Hijo quickly follows directly behind him. *





<div style="max-height:64px; width: 100%; overflow:auto;">
El Hijo Del Awesome, Greatest Wrestler in the World

Your Favorite Four-Time Former FIW Fighting Spirit Champion
(02-28-10 - 5-30-10) (04-05-09 - 7-26-09) (06-10-12 - 9-29-12 )

Two Time Former Tag Team Champion
(01-11-09 - 04-19-09) (07-29-12 - 10-28-12)
</div>

Former Fighting Spirit, Tag Team, Undisputed International and Dual Crown Champion.

Winner of the 2011 Lady Luck Tournament


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