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| From Hijo with Love; Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 2 2010, 06:18 AM (53 Views) | |
| Skell | Jul 2 2010, 06:18 AM Post #1 |
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*The scene opens up showing an outdoor scene... the sun is shining.. birds are singing... and the trees aren't on fire... all while Spring from Vivaldi's four seasons plays....suddenly the sound starts screwing up and the film melts....and we swap to *Announcer: "The following is a Maxime Rowley internet exclusive." The scene shifts again to Maxime Rowley in his infamous set of doom! well... his set.... I don't know if it's really infamous... or of doom... but still. Also Scotty is with him Hijo: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls crime-stoppers of all ages... it is I your fabulous host to this Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive Promotional and Instructional Exercise Video. If you are watching this then congratulations you've made the first step to a better yo-" Scotty: "What the hell are you talking about?" Hijo: "Isn't this the Shoot for that Exercise video you've been telling me to make?" Scotty: "No...and that has never happened." Hijo: "IT HAS SCOTTY! Just because you didn't say it in those words doesn't mean you didn't say it." Scotty: "What have I said that even remotely sounded like that?" Hijo: "When I said I had an idea for a great money making opportunity and you said "yeah, that's great" " Scotty: "Should we really be taping this?" Hijo: "Pfft... we aren't rolling if we were rolling that camera's light would be on... " Scotty: "What light? That red light that is quite clearly on?" Hijo: "Yes. But it's not on Scotty... and besides even if it WAS on I could just edit anything out in post. " Scotty: "Can we get on with this then..." Hijo: "Yeah I suppose so." Max looks at the floor for a second before shaking his head and looking back at the camera Hijo: "As I was saying... If you are watching this tape then congratulations on taking the first step to a better you. I am of course your host... The Foremost of Fitness, the Emperor of Eupepsia, and the Wizard of Wellness, "The-most-self-pro-claimed-man in Wrestling" Your Favorite Current-Former Two Time FIW Fighting Spirit Champion... THE CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED "El HIJO del AWESOME" Maxime "The Greatest" ABC Rowley, Master of ONE THOUSAND and TWO Arm Drags, and the longest running and greatest luchadore in FIW according to BMRSSS." Scotty: "BMRSSS?" Hijo: "Because Max Rowley Says So, Scotty." Scotty: "... I should have seen that coming." Hijo: "Yes, yes you should have. But enough of that stuff... did my ears deceive me Scotty... but did it sound like Rick and Nuller implied that I would ever be anything but a consummate professional in the ring?" Scotty: "They are one person... but he did hope that you continued to be professional...." Hijo: "Yes, but the fact that he would have any concerns over my connsumateness annoys me greatly. When in my previous encounters have I ever shown an inkling of being anything but professional? Was it when I teamed with you to beat the then current... and now current Tag Team Champions? As Max Country? Or was it any of the numerous times in recent history I was teamed with someone that I didn't exactly have the nicest of personal histories with? " Max pauses Hijo: "I am insulted. The fact that this man would even have the gall to try and insinuate that I am anything other then what I've said. Be it a Silver Crusader for justice and a better tomorrow, a consummate professional or the mack-daddy of morality. While he continues to try and hide the fact that him and his ilk are poisoning the hearts and minds of the world with their obesity." Scotty: "should you really be going after your tag team partner this week?" Hijo: "Trio Partner... this is a trios match. But no I suppose I could hold off until I deem it proclusive to cash in my rematch clause." Scotty: "That is not a word." Hijo: "YOU'RE FACE ISN'T A WORD!" Scotty: "Back to face jokes now are we." Hijo: "I wasn't aware we were beyond face jokes." Max and Scotty stare at each other for a moment. Hijo: "So this week... I'm teamed with Patient 0 and Rufus Harlowe... Everyone knows my stance on the fatty... but Rufus I don't know much about... but he pals around with Krychek and The Brotherhood seem like decent enough fellows." Scotty: "How could you possibly say that after last week?" Hijo: "Why did something happen?" Scotty: "Well they attacked Neo Carner." Hijo: "Oh... I wasn't watching, I wasn't booked after the rumble and anything not including the Hijo isn't very interesting so I went home earlier, but this is wrestling everyone attacks everyone... it's kind of what happens. But know isn't the time for this." Scotty: "But th-" Hijo: "Nobody cares, Scotty." Scotty goes to open his mouth but realizes its a lost cause and shakes his head Hijo: "ANYWAY! I am taking on the Televised team of the Bad Girls, speaking of how the hell did they get a television deal while I'm stuck in the internet box? " Scotty: "Because no network would agree to give you 24 hours of air time..." Hijo: "It's because Television executives are stupid that's why..." Scotty: "right." Hijo: "Also I'm against the Failed Former Contender for the title that has been Synonymous with Maxime Rowley for over a year, and final Cruiserweight Champion Anne A." Scotty: "That's Anna." Hijo: "It say Anne A. in my notes." Scotty: "well your notes are wrong." Hijo: "THE NOTES NEVER LIE!" Scotty: "Like the time your notes told you that you were facing 6 Gorillas..." Hijo: "Yes... and I would have beaten those Gorillas if management didn't fear for their safety. I'll get you next time you damned Dirty apes... " Max suddenly raises his fist in the air and looks skyward... and we get a ceiling camera shot of him Hijo: "you hear me! NEXT TIME YOU DAMNED DIRTY AAAAAAAAAPES!" Scotty: "There never where any apes, Turmoil swapped your notes when you weren't looking for a prank." Hijo: "Then how do you explain me sending hate mail to the Bronx Zoo for the past 5 months?" Scotty: "I don't think anyone can explain your actions..." Hijo: "EXACTLY!? " Scotty: "So what happened to Turmoil anyway?" Hijo: "I lost an argument to Corybantic a while ago... and had to give up my Argument Title... that man has a quick wit I'll tell you." Scotty: "He doesn't speak... never mind" Hijo: "This is all irrelevant isn't it?" Scotty: "I guess so." Hijo: "Well then as I was saying... Anna, if that is in fact your name... I could make some grandiose statement like you only managed to win the Cruiserweight Invitational because I decided I didn't want such a meager accomplishment... but I won't because I'm above that too. " Max smirks Hijo: "So congratulations on holding a title for less time then it takes me to lace up my mask every morning... I'm sure you're quite the little footnote in history now... the person responsible for Krychek not completely dominating the revived Cruiserweight division from it's inception to it's early grave. Because let's face it... that's all anyone is going to remember, someone stopped Krychek from his clean sweep. Not Anna, or I suppose Clay Krueger who actually did the deed. Just someone whose name is lost in time, buried among other meaningless statistics. Though you get to be called the last Cruiserweight Champion... until they decide to bring it back again in time... and then what will you have? " Scotty: "maybe she isn't interested in being remembered or accolades?" Hijo: "She's a wrestler, everyone here is interested in accolades, whether they are willing to state it or not. As for being remembered... she is human and it is human nature to be remembered. By the way I keep referring to Anna as she... Anna is a woman right?" Scotty: "yes." Hijo: "Are you sure? She's from California... they're all a bit strange their." Scotty stares at Max. Scotty: "you don't say. But yes I can say with almost total certainty that Anna is in fact female." Hijo: "Ok then. Just wanted to have my bases covered... Speaking of covered bases... Lets move onto The Televised Tandem of the Bad Girls ... first off ladies that ones on the house." Scotty: "what does that mean?" Hijo: "We all know that I usually charge exorbonant amounts for just a small piece of my alliterated awesome. But I was feeling generous and let it flow, they can do with it what they want. " Max smirks Hijo: "I don't know why I'm so generous this week, I haven't had any great news this week other then the continuation of being on the cute ones list... I don't know what that means but I'm guessing it's good. Because lists have never lied to me before." Scotty rolls his eyes Hijo: "Anyway, other then the aforementioned list she did talk about my favorite subject. The Hijo, and she was quoted as saying. that I was "the teams high flyer. He’s a former champion himself and if memory serves right, his attitude easily overshadows his own in ring ability." I'm not sure what that means exactly... but I think it translates to roughly that Max Rowley's gots the charisma. To which I have to respond with well I am of course the counsellor of charisma, so that is to be expected." Scotty: "How the hell do you keep coming up with these tings is there a list or something..." Hijo: "They come from my brain Scotty, but there is a list. But it's a retroactive thing... also would you believe up until this moment I've never used the word charisma in my nicknames?" Scotty: "Is that really important?" Hijo: "well no... but it's just an interesting tidbit I thought." Scotty: "It really isn't." Hijo: "SILENCE!" silence Hijo: "Anyway, that's all I really have to say on the matter... as I can't stand reality television. It's far to scripted for me, and calling it reality is similar to me calling Rick Nuller a good role model. But there I go again insulting my own tag partner this week. Now I suppose I should mention the whole ca-razy stipulation in our match which is well... uh... the wild wacky action wheel of chaotic fun and joy. But how could I exactly talk about something undecided. I guess it adds to the area of uncertainty and joy that is not being able to properly prepare for a match... but hey a little unpredictability never hurt anyone... except that one guy... but he was a jerk anyway." Scotty: "Right... that guy." Hijo: "You know... that guy. He had a wooden leg and carried around a stuffed parrot, and would get angry if you called him a parrot. I think his name was Umberto, and he was from Zaire. " Scotty: "..." Hijo: "Well if you don't remember him just say so it's not embarrassing Scotty." Scotty: "Fine I don't remember him... as a matter of fact no one remembers him as he doesn't exist!" Hijo: "Jeez... I knew you didn't like the guy but to deny his total existence like that Scotty... that's just cold.... so cold in fact I don't think I can continue with this promo. " Scotty grows more angry but remains quiet Hijo: "SO until next time Crime Stoppers, I'm Maxime Rowley and I remember it so yo- wait that's not mine... uh... Max Rowley greater... no... Opponents Inferior Max Rowley Superior... no that's not it... dammit What the hell is my sign off line Scotty." Scotty: "Uh..." Hijo: "I don't have a sign off line do I?" Scotty: "Not really no. You did use face or better then your face a few times... but not really since you started the internet exclusives." Max pulls out a tape recorder Hijo: "Note to self... get catchy sign off line." Max puts the tape recorder away Hijo: "Uh... anyway... Goodnight Jerks!" Scene fades back oddly your back at the serene scene we started with... only it's upside-down... and the colors are all screwed up... and the music is playing backwards ɘviƨulɔxƎ ƚɘnɿɘƚnI yɘlwoЯ ɘmixɒM ɒ nɘɘd ƨɒʜ ƨiʜƚ :ɿɘɔnuonnA Fin |
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8:36 AM Jul 11