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| Battlefield Hijo; Irrelevant aye? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 2 2010, 09:20 AM (35 Views) | |
| Skell | Jul 2 2010, 09:20 AM Post #1 |
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The scene is black and still... Announcer: Why the hell are you back again? uh... I guess The Following is a Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive... or something Hijo: Hello once again all you beautiful people in television land... and Salutations to the not so beautiful... also, you disgust me. Max pauses Hijo: uggos aside... I am back and invading your internet ready device-a-matron for one reason and one reason alone. Anna "Don't call me Nicole Smith" posted a bit of a promotional piece. Scotty: Anna Don't call me Nicole Smith? Hijo: And what that means for you is simple... you get to spend more time listening to your old buddy...The Autocrat of Applicability, the Dictator of Denotation and the Ringleader of Reciprocity, still your favorite Two Time Current-Former FIW Fighting Spirit Champion, Still "the most self-proclaimed man in wrestling" still critically acclaimed, and Still "EL Hijo Del Awesome" Maxime "The greatest" ABC Rowley, Master of one thousand and TWO arm drags and The Rex of Repetitiveness. Scotty: do you really need to do that every single time. Hijo: Yes, yes I do. It's my thing. Now quiet. Scotty: pfft whatever. Hijo: Now Anna promoted and I have to first start off by pointing out one thing that I've said one thousand times before. I don't wear this mask due to being hideously deformed or anything stupid like that... oh no quite the opposite... in fact it works as a filter... because my face... is SO AWESOME that if you were to view it up close without it. You'd probably go blind, due to exposure. So really all y'all should be thanking me for not blinding you, cause I could easily. That goes double for you fans.... so make with the thank you emails. Max nods and points to the bottom of the screen as MaxisAwesome@clap-clap-clapclapclap.net appears on the bottom Hijo: But enough shameless pandering... I've got work to do. Seriously start thanking me... appears under the email address. Hijo: Anyway, how to respond....how to respond... well I suppose I could start off pointing out the ironing of Anna stating what I said was irrelevant... when very little of what her tag partners stated could be considered relevant... but she doesn't like them very much anyway so that would be rather moot wouldn't it. Scotty: Ironing? Hijo: Jeez Scotty did that joke go right over your heard... Ironing...irony... it's not a subtle or even a very good pun. But dammit somehow you missed it. Max shakes his head Scotty: Shutup I'm tired... Hijo: Though lets play a game of lets point out what I said in the last promo and point out it's relevance... ok we start off with a little banter back and forth it's called setting a scene and it's important so I'll mark that as relevant. Scotty: it really wasn't Hijo: Shush... then what's this we go right into me talking about Rick Nuller... someone I've been having problems with recently... you know so that's relevant to most peoples interest right off the bat. But wait, he's in this match so it's doubly relevant... and get this I'm talking about something he said THIS WEEK... that's three times as relevant as your normal run of the mill sentence, and wait I talk about my overall demeanor in matches too... so that's at least a quad. Max nods Hijo: Then Scotty point's out that he is my trio's partner, still relevant. Then I go point out who my partners are... I'd still say relevant wouldn't you? Max nods again Hijo: So far I haven't seen a lot of irrelevant material you've been talking about. Talked about with Scotty over something of little importance about the brotherhood... of whom my tag partner is affiliated. Relevance? You guessed it YES. Max pauses Hijo: As I'm already just about at halfway in I think I've already proven not only your point to be totally factually inaccurate but thoroughly made you look stupid as well... but hell there's still more promo lets dig in. Max sighs Hijo: After the bit on the brotherhood, I mentioned the Bad Girls and asked how they got a TV deal and I didn't. As they are my opponents still relevant. Of course then there are two whole sentences of irrelevant material where Scotty answers and I call network executives stupid. OOOH two sentences that just invalidates everything I said so far doesn't it. Max rolls his eyes Hijo: I point out that you failed to win the Fighting Spirit Championship... which is both relevant and true. By the by that is something I've done on two separate occasions. Also I held it for more then half of the past year... just a reminder. Also I mention you were the final Cruiserweight Champion. Max nods Hijo: Then I get into an argument about my notes with Scotty... Which I already mentioned was Irrelevant as Scotty started going off into a weird tangent on me. Max glares at Scotty Hijo: I then point out that I could make a grandiose statement about being able to beat you in the cruiserweight championship invitational if I so chose... but I chose not and am still sticking to it... is it relevant, I would say so and I believe most would agree it involves you, a competitor in our match, and an accomplishment for some reason you seem to value far far more then anyone else in the company. Max pauses again Hijo: Following that was more of me speaking down about your accomplishment that follows was not only relevant then it is even more relevant now that you tried to grasp and straws and find some way to make your shallow meaningless win into something greater then it was... but if it helps you rest easier thinking that you were just so damn great they had to retire the title the instant you won it, rather then the reality that Rurik Krychek had a stranglehold on the damn thing and killed it because of HIS greatness... I won't burst your bubble... Krychek probably would though... but that's just the kind of guy he is. Max shakes his head and sighs again Hijo: I really didn't want to have to come back here today... and I especially didn't want to hold someone's hand as I walked through and point out that 95% of what was said was relevant to someone... Scotty: So why ARE you? Hijo: Because if I don't they're never going to learn, and I feel it is my duty as Crusader and Moral Conscience to educate the chronically puerile. Scotty: Right... Hijo: Anywho... Scotty then interrupted me AGAIN. Max stares at Scotty Hijo: about maybe you don't want accolades and I explained human nature and as you are a human or at least a conscience being that it's in your nature to... thanks for proving me right by the way. Also totally relevant to the discussion prior, which was relevant to the match at hand. Max smirks Hijo: Then I made a minor comment regarding your gender. Which I suppose IS irrelevant in the grand scheme of things as even if you were a man in drag... hey it's 20-10 and Max Rowley doesn't discriminate. And I'm just going to speed through the rest. I talked about the bad girls, mentioned something that they said on their show, then went into a wrap up spiel... and all of that was 100% relevant. So yeah... I sure do talk about irrelevant stuff a lot don't I. Why I'd say... on a generous day that 5% of that could be decided as irrelevant... Max smirks again Hijo: but that depends what is your definition of irrelevant? Irrelevant to the match? Irrelevant to the conversation...in which case 100% of that would be relevant, or as you were probably intending... irrelevant because I, that being you, couldn't understand it. If it is the latter... well that's a personal problem. Scotty: Latter is usually only used when two things are present. Hijo: It also meant final, and can be used to just mean the last option given in a situation. So shut up. Max looks back at the camera Hijo: Now then you also said that I am trying to build a non existent legacy with my words. My accomplishments speak for themselves look at the facts. I'm critically acclaimed, check the awards I've amassed in the past year alone. I'm ALSO a former Tag team champion, and I have held the fighting spirit championship for 7 of the past 15 months. My legacy is already started... and yours already has been forgotten. It's sad really...but then again. No, it really isn't. Because lets face it... you were confused and couldn't follow a Max Rowley promo. max pauses Hijo: I don't make references to great works of literature... I don't take out the psychology text books or the pentasyllabic words. I just talk and let my charisma and wit do the rest... and here's a hint for you and people like you... almost EVERY single word I say is with purpose. I don't know how that's hard to miss but people seem to do it a lot... so madam... I believe all that's left to say is max clears his throat Hijo: No, in your mom's face. Max smirks as the scene cuts back to static Announcer: The preceding has been A Maxime Rowley Internet exclusive. Fin |
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<div style="max-height:64px; width: 100%; overflow:auto;"> El Hijo Del Awesome, Greatest Wrestler in the World Your Favorite Four-Time Former FIW Fighting Spirit Champion (02-28-10 - 5-30-10) (04-05-09 - 7-26-09) (06-10-12 - 9-29-12 ) Two Time Former Tag Team Champion (01-11-09 - 04-19-09) (07-29-12 - 10-28-12) </div> Former Fighting Spirit, Tag Team, Undisputed International and Dual Crown Champion. Winner of the 2011 Lady Luck Tournament | |
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