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The Bad Guy; H@VoK
Topic Started: Jul 3 2010, 03:49 AM (44 Views)
Minister Wighty
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Havok: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH THHHHPBBBBBTTTHHTTTT.

That last bit was a raspberries, in case you weren't aware. Havok rolls his eyes and sighs with as much animation in his face as he can cram.

Havok: Have you HEARD yourself talk? And you say I don't get it. Here. Let me try to help you understand why every word that comes out of your mouth just sounds liek a moose in mating season.

Havok puts on a pair of brown sunglasses (or "shades" as the cool kids call them) and stands ramrod-straight with his arms folded over his chest.

Havok: It appears that you either have a screw loose upstairs and have underestimated me and what I am capable of, or, well, you are trying to play a game and make me make the wrong move. Let me just inform you of something, Havok, I am not that dumb, and I certainly am not that naive. I know full well what you are trying to do, and frankly, they have failed.

The impersonation is impeccable. Well, if you can look past the makeup. He takes off the sunglasses and holds them below his waist and thus, offscreen, leaning to the opposite side.

Havok: I'm getting ahead of myself just a little bit, but you never exactly mentioned what I was supposedly trying to do, psychologically speaking. Through your whole promo. Nnnnnot once. So I guess, maybe I could've been trying to make you say half a stupid statement without ever clarifying what you meant? If that was my purported goal I'd say I was pretty successful. ... it wasn't, to be fair. I was just trying to make fun of you, and that doesn't require a response from you to work. For example, you're a doodie head. See? Now I've made fun of your stupid doodie head and you didn't even have to be involved! Oh, and for the record!

He whips the "shades" back on and leans to the left.

Havok: I could address every single point, but I would be here all night and frankly, if I do stay that long, I am sure we will find ourselves lit up in the spotlight of the local police helicopter.

The glasses come off, Havok leans to the right and shrugs.

Havok: As you can see I'm just in some forgotten corner of the Rose Garden with a cameraman. I planned ahead and made sure I'd have all the time in the world to say whatever I want about your stupid crap-words.

Back to the left, sunglasses on, with a smug smile on his face.

Havok: Havok, I want this match because I want to make you pay for what you did. Whether or not you liked me, respected me, or even wanted to be my partner, you should have at least done the honourable thing and won the match before turning. Or at least have the guts to not turn on me whilst my back is turned, and I have been double teamed by our opposition. You’re a big man aren’t ya, Havok? You’re such a big man that you can’t even attack me to my face. If anyone is pathetic, it is you!

Back to the right, glasses off and dangling from his fingers as he sticks his thumbs in his ears and waggles them at the camera.

Havok: I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!

A simple eye roll from Havok as he leans toward the camera.

Havok: The clever, well-structured nature of your insults aside, I know why you want this match. You already told me. In fact, you've also been whining about it for two weeks now... which I mentioned, myself. Plus, the suggestion that I should be doing the "honorable" and "right" thing? HA! Hahahahahahahahahaha!!! AAAAHHHhahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Havok begins hugging his ribs and slapping his knees, cackling madly for a few moments before finally wiping a tear from his eye.

Havok: Ohhhhh... that's a good one. Y'know, the only reason I attacked you in the back is that was what I was offered. As hard as you went on about how you were SURE I would betray you before the match, you acted awfully surprised when I finally did... one might suggest that if you were so sure I was going to turn on you that you never should have given me your back at all... but you don't seem the type for logic. After all...

Sunglasses back on, back to the left.

Havok: I make sure they know what is coming to them, so I cannot be accused of being a coward, and most importantly, of gaining the justification that I can take them down to their face so they don’t whine and complain about being screwed over.

He whips the glasses off and leans over, shaking his head with his arms folded in that disregarding, cocky pose so many anime villains assume.

Havok: Rule number twelve of the United States Marine Corps... "Always cheat. Always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose." I guess you wouldn't know that, being as the Royal Marines only says stuff like "we fight on dirt AND water!"

Cue a goofy, cock-armed, tongue-waving pose that qucikly returns to smug as he slaps on the sunglasses.

Havok: You are not a man, you are a fucking child. Just like that clown outfit of yours. Just like that fucked up mentality of yours. To dress and act as you do, is not only pathetic, weird, and so many other things... but it makes you look rather perverted, and your words only back that sentiment up. But you, you are here for your own perverted needs. I am not the joke, Havok, you are. This business needs men like me, but people like you it could do without. No wonder people turn to MMA when they see people like you on their screen. It makes a mockery of everything wrestling is supposed to be.

The glasses come off and Havok holds a finger under his nose. We see that a square on this finger has been painted black and its current position greatly resembles a toothbrush moustache. He raises his arm at about Kyle-searching height and marches in place so stiffly and so hard that his entire leg is visible in the shot at every high step.

Havok: Ja! Zhere must be no ozhers oonless zhey look exactly like me! I am zhe perfect ubermensch! Zhere are none as zhuperior or as mighty as me! Ve must all dress zhe same, walk zhe same, talk zhe same, unt anyone who is different will be EXZHTERRRRRRMINATEEEEED!!!

Sunglasses back on, jerk-ass smile back up.

Havok: You see Havok, back in the glory days of this business you would not have been allowed in. You would have been in the loony bin where you belong.

"Shades" off, and now Havok is rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Havok: Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!!! AGAIN!!! In the original days of the sport? I woulda been Buddy Rogers. Little farther down the line? The next "Nature Boy", Ric Flair. What about the legendary Goldust? Or the flash-in-the-pan Rico? Or the latest man to step cop my style, Orlando Jordan?

He waves his hand around in the air as if warding off a bad smell.

Havok: I can see you spitting in the eyes of Jordan and Rico. Maybe even Goldust if you really have no respect for the pioneers in the business... but Flair and Rogers? To denounce them would be akin to denouncing the entirety of the sport you so love.

He seems smug at that very well-painted argument, so the transition to a smug mug of Harrison isn't so difficult this time.

Havok: You get your kicks off attacking people when they can’t defend themselves.

Swap back in a swish of green fabric.

Havok: No, I get my kicks by making myself laugh, having a good time, and generally messing with the days of assholes like you. Which brings me to my last point...

He doesn't even bother with the sunglasses this time, just affecting the voice is fine for him.

Havok: I am not playing good guy, bad guy. Obviously. Let's check the scoreboard, shall we? You're the raving psychopath who's threatened to end my life or at least severly wound me in a manner beyond what's considered professional in this business, screamed about how much you hate me, suggested we should exist in a society of forced conformity, and you plan on enforcing all these directives with muscle and 'round the clock ass whoppings. Back in my day we called that authoritarianism... or as the kids these days misconstrue, fascism. Me? I've really only threatened to make you more entertaining... or set you and a number of your clones on fire. I suppose that one is pretty bad... but at least I stand for individuality, freedom, and happiness!

Havok's eyes grow large and his mouth becomes a teensy "o".

Havok: Wait... remind me... which one of us is the raving, psychopathic villain again?

Fade.
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