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Aqualung; H@VoK
Topic Started: Jul 8 2010, 11:36 PM (50 Views)
Minister Wighty
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Our camera opens on Havok and... ugh. He doesn't look so good. His makeup is lazy and looks like it was done by a shaky, untrained hand. He's got a fair growth of beard and his brown eyes look tired.

... wait, brown? Havok's eyes are red! Are his contacts out, or... ?

"Havok": Oh. Hey. How's it goin'? It's me, your old buddy Havok. Whoop doop diddle diddle do.

He twirls his meaty, manly finger in the air without a lick of enthusiasm before taking a long swig of what can only be alcohol from a brown paper bag.

"Havok": This week, I got a match against two guys who suck... uhhhr...

He pulls a notecard out of his pocket and squints at it.

"Havok": Max Rowley and Bo-Jack. Man, them are some fucked up names. Ain't there no regular people around here like a Steve, or... fuckin' John or somethin'?

He scratches at his beard and sighs.

"Havok": Hey man, there wasn't anything about talkin' in this contract. I ain't an actor, boss. I should be gettin' paid extra for this.

A voice comes from off-camera that's far more recognizable.

Havok: Look, dammit, I paid you to be a wrestler for me and wrestlers shoot promos. It's that freakin' simple. I didn't pay you to be an... an arguer! If you want to argue I'll have to pay you more!

The bearded Havok we can see thinks that over for a second and opens his mouth to speak, but the man behind the camera cuts him off.

Havok: No, I don't need to hire an arguer! It's simple; Bo-Jack is new to the company, see? It's just not fair for a prime-time, incredibly dangerous star like myself to be his opponnent on his second week. At least, that's what I figure. I mean, it's what they did for me. It was one joke after another like cannon fodder into my whirring blades of awesome-y doom. So Bo-Jack deserves at least that!

"Havok": What about this Growlie dude, or your partner Anna?

Havok: Little sister's a big girl. Surely she understands certain sacrifices have to be made for the greater good.

Chorus of Off-Camera Voices: The Greater Good.

Havok: Besides, like you said, Rowley needs something to entertain himself with. Anna will be lots of fun, I bet!

"Havok": F'you say so. Yer the boss.

Havok: Damn straight. Now finish your promo... with panache!

The beardy guy resituates himself and tries to look intense, but it comes off more constipated.

"Havok": I'm gonna bring crazy holy hell out on you two this week on Revolting! Yer gonna suffer a kind of suffering you... er... .... would rather not suffer! It's gonna be bad! Grrrrr!

Yes, he actually phonetecizes "Grrrrr".

Havok: ... eh, good enough. That's a rap, kids!

We fade as the bearded fellow drinks some more hooch.
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