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Hijo 49
Topic Started: Jul 9 2010, 11:18 PM (33 Views)
Skell
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The scene opens up to a scrambled program, you can make out what appears to be two people... but the scene is far too scrambled to make out specific details... trying to decipher what's going on based on the audio proves fruitless as that is an unscrambled version of "Rebel Yell" By Billy Idol... after a few seconds of this nonsensicalness... you hear the words that make this at least make a minute of sense

Announcer: "The following is a Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive."

The scene changes with a rotating tile transition... on the opposite side, we see the more Dynamic than that other Dynamic Duo, Max Rowley and Scotty.

Hijo: "Greetings Cri-"

Scotty begins snickering

Hijo: "What? "

Scotty: "Nothing..."

Max shrugs

Hijo: "Greetings Crimestoppers and welcome to another exciting edition of I'm going to talk for like 30 minutes straight... "

Scotty snickers some more

Hijo: "Ok... Scotty seriously what the hell is so funny? "

Scotty: "Captain Planet? Really?"

Hijo: "Hey! He's a hero... AND he's going to take pollution down to zero. "

Scotty: "sure he is..."

Hijo: "Hey he managed to convince a South American boy that Heart was one of the ancient elements... and pointing out the stupidity of children is something I think we can all agree on is a good thing."

Scotty: "Sure..."

Hijo: "Although I must say I don't see why they decided to try and do a gritty reboot of captain planet... I know society as a whole went through a form of temporary insanity back in the late 90's where everything... and I mean EVERYTHING had to be XTREME, with a capital X because as we all know poor literacy is kewl."

Max gives a thumbs up

Hijo: "but did the world really need a drinking smoking and cursing Captain Planet threatening that he's going to f*****g kill you, if you didn't protect the environment."

Scotty: "... that was a parody."

Hijo: "Pfft... that's your excuse for everything, and for Santo's sake would it kill you to show some frigging professionalism... I mean seriously."

Max wipes his hair back and does a quick countdown from five with his left hand and takes a deep breath

Hijo: "AS I was saying... Ladies and Gentleman and any other beings sentient or non listening to this transmission... Welcome ... I am of course your host... you know me, you love me... you can't get enough of me... "

Max pauses

Hijo: "The Uran of Ubiquity, the Registrar of Recording, the Warlord of Whimsy... and as stated by A Mr. Rufus Harlowe, The Paragon of Virtue. "

Max nods

Hijo: "Your Favorite Current-Former Two Time FIW Fighting Spirit Champion, "The most self pro-claimed man in wrestling", The Critically Acclaimed "El Hijo Del Awesome" Maxime "The Greatest' Gogo Rowley, Master of ONE THOUSAND and TWO Arm Drags, and I am occasionally paid to backflip off of things."

Scotty: "By who?"

Hijo: "By Whom."

Scotty: "What?"

Hijo: "The proper grammar is by whom Scotty... but that's not important right now... what is important is that this week, FIW's Favorite Hijo is in a match against the Frivolous Team of Havok and Anna. "

Scotty: "frivolous? Really... "

Hijo: "Hey, its the first word that I liked in my thesaurus under Unpredictable... too many people use that word... and besides I was unpredictable BEFORE it was cool... dammit."

Scotty: "Right..."

Hijo: "Don't you patronize me..."

Max wipes his hair back again

Hijo: "ANYWAY! As I was saying I'm teamed up with another man that is almost 400 lbs this week... and now I could point out that the company is continuing to f*** with me. But I'll get to that in a bit... and I could go on and on about pointing to him and trying to get the world to understand that we now have two people that are almost 400 lbs... just how serious this obesity epidemic is... but as many of you know I as a Consummate professional... generally don't like running down my tag team partner."

Scotty: "you do it all the time."

Hijo: "Silence!"

Silence

Hijo: "Anyway... I could gloat earnestly about how my team soundly defeated Anna's last week... but what would really be the point... and besides they could always chalk it up to REAAAAALLLY not wanting to see whats under Big Country's overalls... and really who could blame them... Just like you can't really blame them for going after the best looking person in the match either. "

Max half-assedly flexes all 190 lbs of his manly muscles... MANLY! Before lowering his arms while nodding and smirking... like he is known to do

Hijo: "but Anna clearly took this loss to heart... as she tries to call me overrated and untalented... and that really... really hurt..."

Max begins sniffling and holding his heart

Hijo: "well I mean it would... if it came from someone that anyone even gave the SLIGHTEST bit of attention to... besides let's look at the facts there sweetie. Look at my history... I am a former tag team champion, and I lost that when people broke the rules of the match... which SHOULD have rendered a disqualification and a retention... but hey it was like a year ago... and I've since let it go..."

max pauses

Hijo: "I was also a former two time Fighting Spirit Champion... something YOU yourself failed to achieve once... and I didn't just hold it and lose it in a day like some self-proclaimed Super Star... "

low blow'd! Well it would be if anyone even remembers who I'm talking about

Hijo: "I held onto it for 7 of the past 15 months... I really don't know how you could miss this... I mean I point out my former Fighting Spiritness in my opening schtick... but hey I know it's long winded... but hey the people demand it."

Max nods

Hijo: "Which oh so very easily moves me past the untalented bit... I mean if I could do what you can't... both win the FIW Fighting Spirit Title and beat Rick Nuller... what does that make you exactly?"

Max smirks again

Hijo: "To the unpopular... yes I'm so unpopular that I can call myself Critically Acclaimed. You see that's when people care enough about you... that they actually rave and give you awards... something I'm sure is foreign to you. Look at the past monthly awards in FIW magazine... you'll notice from January to May... someones name keeps coming up in them...OVER and Over AGAIN... granted I had an off month in June... but 5 out of 6 is damn near perfect."

Hijo: "But you may not be convinced yet... so listen to old Maxy... I'm gonna tell you a story. Remember a few minutes ago when I said I could point out the company is f*****g with me by teaming me with people that I either flat out don't like... or have issues with... constantly. Well I did a little thinking recently... and I had an epiphany... you see... they aren't doing this as some kind of sick game..."

Max shakes his head

Hijo: "Oh no... Because they know that Maxime Rowley is their brightest rising star... and they also know that when they have a man with pervasive and magnetic Charisma, you put them where they'll make the most impact... so they put me with people that the crowd CAN'T stand in hopes that even a shred of the audience that latch onto them... will trickle down onto the lessers... like Big Country and Bo-Jack"

Max wipes his hair back

Hijo: "It's a similar phenomenon that they're even attempting with Havok on your end to make you seem the slightest bit interesting. It's a bit harsh... but it's the truth."

Max smirks and the scene disintegrates into the scrambled mess from the beginning.

Announcer: "The preceding has been a Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive... would the owner of the gold Saturn please report to the manager's desk. Your lights are on."


Fin
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