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Sittin' on Front Stoop, Wonderin' Whatcha Gon' Do,; Whatda World Come To, Who Ya Gon' Run To
Topic Started: Jul 20 2010, 02:39 PM (54 Views)
Dai
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
Creative Team
A sigh. Normally, here's where we get some profound statement on the human condition, or how bad someone's going to get it; but for now, all we get is the sigh of Jenny Chennault. For now, it seems, she's made the trip back to Granma's1 wooden mansion, somewhere in or just outside the mysterious Louisiana town of Geiersburg. She's sitting out on the front porch, feet up on the rail, protected from splinters by her boots just, well, sighing.

"So. Girls are icky. Men are greedy. An' Oats are gonna fall from de sky."

A raised eyebrow sums up pretty neatly what she thinks of all that.

"Le's start wi de first: de icky-ness of girls, huh? 'Cause 'at's all Keith Williams really has right now. Girls are icky, an' we as a whole gender make him feel all weird an' dirty. At least, dat's what Ah'm inferrin' from his shit about bleedin'; 'cause really, dere's not a whole lot else it can mean. Keith Williams' misogynistic, macho crap is all jus' cover for him bein' too stupid an' too scared to get his head roun' simple fuckin' biology. Either that, or he was too much of a creep to take his first crush to de movies."

A noncommittal shrug. She neither knows, nor cares what happened to Keith Williams' first love.

"An' Ah might be stretchin' de girls are icky bit - though Ah'm pretty sure Ah ain't - Ah know he's at least pig-shit stupid or a fuckin' mangy coward. Le' me share wi' y'all how dis here Roll de Dice Match is gonna work. Three challengers, one champion; for a few minutes, one'a de three challengers gets dey' shot at me - bein' de Dual Crown Champion an' all - and after a while, de dice get rolled, an' either de one challenger stays on, or one'a de others comes out. An' we carry on, every so often wi' de dice, until either someone beats me, or Ah beat one' dem."

The grammar isn't perfect, but the description of the match is pretty accurate.

"So, Keith, when you stan' dere sayin' how you can beat every fucker out dere, an' how you want Ash's deranged alter-ego to rain firey vengeance down on your head, y'actually callin' down aforementioned firey shit-storm on to mine. Dat either makes you too stupid to know what you're in for, or too much of a fuckin' coward to face it yourself."

While she tries to make out that she's not bothered in the slightest, just the hint of annoyance does creep in.

"So which one is it? He Stupid? Or jus' a Coward? Runnin' down in de middle'a someone's title match wi'a chair is pretty yellow, but in de long run, it's pretty fuckin' stupid too, 'cause it means you always gotta be watchin' out. Screamin' to all de world 'bout how Ah'm duckin' ya is easy to do when Ah ain't dere, but it's thick-headed in as much as it don' take into account de realities a' de situation. Dese realities are thus: Ah don' give a fuck who dey throw in mah way. Ah jus' fuckin' clobber 'em."

For reasons unknown to anyone, she makes an effort to pronounce "thus" right, something she never usually bothers with. This could be because she never usually says "thus." Anyhow, this is a pretty stern statement of the facts as she sees them.

"Ah don' pick mah challengers. Me thinkin' he's a heavin' pile'a pond scum don't have a lot to do wi' him not gettin' a shot, as much as Ah might wish otherwise. Him not doin' a whole lot to actually fuckin' deserve a shot pro'ly has more to do wi' it. Ya know, what with him bein' a stupid fuckin' coward an' all."

This has already been covered though. A shrug, and then she reaches into a cooler behind her for a beer, which she lines up with the lid on the edge of the rail, under her boot. She stomps down, and shoots the camera a "what, and ruin mah smile?" look. Surprisingly, it works.

"Eh, fuck dis. Even thinkin' about him's puttin' me in a bad mood. Ah'll do de rest've 'em later. Get fuck off'a mah porch..."

And with that, the camera retreats, and fades.

[size0]1 Although not her Granma's.
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