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| Grease Paint and Monkey Brains; H@VoK and Tursas | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jul 27 2010, 02:28 PM (62 Views) | |
| Minister Wighty | Jul 27 2010, 02:28 PM Post #1 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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We open up that ever-burning camera eye on a young Toby Bostock (well, as young as he always is, I guess) strolling through the halls of the Family Arena, flipping his mic up and down as though it were a coin and whistling a merry tune. There's interviews out there somewhere, and Toby's gonna find 'em! He nearly walks past Havok as the man is staring at the posted card with a piece of computer paper in his hand, and a green crayon. Toby stops, straightens his shirt, grins and gets ready for an interview... then remembers Havok is less than fond of interviewers and hands the mic to his cameraman, instead clipping a shirt mic into place. We can't hear Havok that well, but he's still audible. TB: Uh... hey, Havok. Congrats on your win at Summer of Sin. Havok: Mm. He squints at the card and marks something on his paper. TB: What, uh... what're you doing? Havok: Well, I got this theory, see? He wags his crayon absently behind him as he pours over the card. Havok: Dai-kun has set me up in another bullshit match this week, right? After all my hard work and perseverence and being able to beat every jobber he throws at me, the guy gets me thrown into a match against a solid tag team with... nobody at my side. TB: Oh, we've had "to be determined" slots on our cards before, Havok. You should know; you've taken advantage of them more than enough times that you realize they just mean it's going to be a surprise on the show. Havok: Yeah, that's what he wants me to think, right? But I did some snooping around in Dai-Kun's trash can, and after eating the remains of his lunch I found some shredded documents that - when pieced together later with plenty of glitter glue and scotch tape - revealed that he simply forgot to book me a tag-team partner! TB: I... can't believe that's actually true. I mean, Mr. Tanaka has all but declared you an enemy of the state of FIW, but he's no Vince McMahon! I'd say that kind of pure, underhanded action is just a little beyond his scope of evil. Oh Toby. How young. How naive. Havok finally turns to face him. Havok: Yeah, well, be that as it may the shredded document still said he'd "work out" my tag team partner later. So I'm looking at this list to see who else is on the card already. Havok puts an arm around Toby and draws him in close so they can look at the list together. Havok: He wouldn't make anyone pull double duty so soon after a pay-per-view, so I've already marked them off, see? TB: Well, what about Dragon, T-Bird, November, and Robert Black? Havok: Aha! See, that's where this goes from Daisuke's alzheimers to my MASTER PLAN! If that rat bastard's gonna do his damnedest to keep me from getting anywhere in this federation then I'm gonna conscript someone else to HELP me... or he'll have to bury them WITH me! TB: That's... actually pretty clever. But why not those guys? Havok rolls his eyes. Havok: You can't bury what's already dead. Besides I want to WIN my matches, nonce. Goal number one of the MASTER PLAN is to capture the tag-team championships! If I strap my saddle to a good horse then the two of us can ride to Gold City, get what I'm sayin'? TB: ... you wanna be a cowboy? No, Toby's not that dumb. He's fucking with Havok. Havok hits him with the list as punishment. Havok: I also took off Joe Tua because every time I see him he tries to eat me, and Little Sister, 'cuz she's still mad at be about last time we teamed together and I sorta... eh... fucked off and tried to hire a bum to wrestle my match for me. TB: I'd be mad about that too. So who's left? Havok grimaces. Havok: Well, it ain't pretty. We got Shredder Black, Chris Cage, Rurik Krychek, and Ordici. Oh! And me. I'm always holding out for the possibility that a carbon copy of myself might manifest and want to tag-team with me. TB: That would be... absolutely terrifying. Havok: And fun! Havok grins and nods at Toby before going back to his list. Havok: Anyhow, I'm probably not gonna talk to Shredder Black since he's on a vision quest to save his friend or whatever. Plus he's fat and made of shit. Toby opens his mouth to protest but nods and shrugs. Havok: Chris Cage is special guest butt monkey in, like, five matches so fuck him. He's never showed up to butt-monkey for any of my matches, he doesn't get to be my tag team partner. TB: I'm sure he's devestated... Havok: Fuck Krychek. He was a jerkass on the X-Files, always hindering Mulder and Scully... that just leaves this Ordici guy, whoever he is. Heh. "dick-eye". Toby shakes his head, both at the suggestion that Ordici and Havok would get along and at Havok's joke. He makes a motion to speak out to this subject when a shadow falls over the both of them. Havok: Good GOD you're huge! The camera man squishes to the side to get all three men in shot. Havok and Toby are now roughly face to chest with newcomer Tursas. You know him, as you're all internet smarks and have known about his upcoming debut for a week or so now. Tursas: Oh, thanks. Yeah, you know, I try. Being big iss very good in the wrestling business, yeah? Toby tugs upward at his shirt mic, no longer really caring about his exclusive with Havok and instead pleased to see he gets an exclusive with Tursas. Tursas: Oh, hey, you're that Marilyn Mansons dood, yeah? I love your shit, man. When did you dye your hairs blonde? Havok touches his ponytail in confusion, as though feeling his hair will indicate its color. Havok: I'm not Marilyn Manson you dingus! I'm-- He looks down at his sheet, then back up at the big man. Funny accent to go with the funny name... never seen him before... Havok: Eh... just kidding about the dingus thing. So... you wrestle here, right? Tursas: Yeah, yeah! Well... I'm about to. Got my first match this week against Mike Painter. Very excited, you know. Havok: Mike... Painter... Havok looks at his copy of the card and grunts, then throws both the card and the list in the air. Havok: Dammit! You're not Ordici! You're... Turas! Tursas: Tursas. Havok: Whatever! You're still not a viable tag partner! NOW what the fuck am I gonna do!? Toby stoops to helpfully retrieve the list, looking at it once more. He grabs Havok by one of the dangly chains on his poncho. TB: Hey, there's another name on here you forgot. Toby points it out to the seething clown man and his expression changes instantly. Havok: Ooooh! Yeah! Thanks, Toby, you're a peach! Havok plants a peck on Toby's cheek and departs. Toby looks twitterpated for a second before remembering that Havok is a dude, then grimaces and wipes at the makeup with his shirt. He retrieves his proper mic from the cameraman and wrangles Tursas' attention from the retreating clown. TB: So, Tursas. Welcome to FIW! Tursas: Oh, thank you very much. Yes. I'm quite proud to be here. TB: You've already mentioned your debut match this week is against Mike Painter, do you have any thoughts on Painter as an opponent? Tursas: Ah... I like his moustache. Tursas grins and chuckles. Tursas: No, but for seriousness. Mr. Painter is pretty big and strong guy, right? Almost as big and strong as me. So it's not like I'm fighting tiny little hip-hoppity luchadors or something. It will be a real challenge, but ultimately one I am confident I can... ehhhh... defeat. TB: I've gotta say, compared to your polite, calm demeanor he's the polar opposite. Painter has been described as brash, arrogant, and not afraid to blow his own horn-- Tursas: Whoa! I am sorry to interrupt... He puts his hand over the mic, though it does absolutely nothing to hinder his voice. Tursas: ... what it means to blow your own horn? TB: Er... he likes to talk about his achievements and how successful he is in the ring. He's had quite a legacy behind him, from what I understand. The big man looks utterly relieved. Tursas: Oh! Man, for a seconds there I thought he could-- He now pantomimes his head bobbing up and down with his mouth opened in an O-shape. Tursas: That is one big, flexible man to do that! You know what I am saying? Toby can't talk now. He's stricken with horror at the image of Mike Painter performing auto-fellatio. TB: Eh... ah... um... Tursas pats him on the back with one meaty hook. Tursas: Hey, don't fret for me, dood. We haves this old saying back in Finland, yeah? Se ei pelaa, joka pelkää! It means the dood who is afraid doesn't take the gamble. I got no fear, my mans, and risky though it might be this Mike Painter and I will get in that ring and make the fans happy on Sunday, okay? Toby smiles. TB: I'm looking forward to it. They part ways and we fade. |
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8:35 AM Jul 11