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| A Tremendous Bird-Napping | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 25 2011, 12:15 AM (66 Views) | |
| Beaten by Nuns | Oct 25 2011, 12:15 AM Post #1 |
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Shut Uppa Yo Face!!!
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In a small park somewhere in Helsingborg, Sweden, former UMWA General Manager El Tremendo #2 is seated on a park bench, dressed in sneakers with lights in the heels, lepoard print speedo, assless chaps, and a white and blue Smurfs sweater. Tremendo is eating a chocolate/vanilla swirl soft ice cream cone, and on each side of him sits a brown paper bag. There is a flock of birds on the ground in front of El Tremendo (which really aren't birds at all, but rather a group of small statues of birds), and every so often, Tremendo reaches into the brown paper bag on his right, and tosses out some bread crumbs for the birds. A few minutes go by, and suddenly FIW color commentator Jonathan Hitchen happens to walk by behind the bench, out of Tremendo's view. Hitch catches sight of Tremendo tossing bread crumbs to the "birds", and then walks around the front of the bench. Hitch: Tremendo? El Tremendo? What are you doing out here? El Tremendo #2: Who, me? Oh, HEY seņor Heetch! How's it going? Come here, sits down! Hitch comes and sits next to Tremendo, pulling his overcoat closer around him. Hitch: Damn, El T... aren't you COLD? El Tremendo #2: Whaddya means seņor? Hitch: I mean, El T... that it's Sweden, it's late October, and you're sitting here eating ice cream. El Tremendo #2: And feeding the birds. Hitch: And feeding the birds, right. El Tremendo #2: Actually, seņor Heetch, it's only 43°F out here! That's awesome for Octobers, and I thought I'd just enjoys it. I've got a few hours to kills before I needs to go to be homes and catch the arrow-planes to Naples, so I thoughts I'd just hang outs for a whiles. So I went to the shoppings, grabbed some ice creams, and came here to chill. Hitch: Chill... right. But yeah, me too... got some time to kill before catching the plane. I was in town for an appearance, and I have some time before I need to head out. But Tremendo... Tremendo reaches into the bag again, but this time it's the bag on the LEFT, and Tremendo pulls out a small bottle of chocolate body spread, and almost throws it before realizing what's in his hand, and stops his throw. Hitch: Hey, what's that? El Tremendo #2: (hastily stuffing the bottle back into the bag): Oh, nothing, nothings, really. Just something for the trips to the Italy. Hitch: I... see. Anyway... Hitch seems to get a lot more excited, and he seems like he can barely contain himself. El Tremendo #2: What you shakin' for? You looks like you're about to pops? Hitch: Well, Tremendo, it's because I've got some big news. El Tremendo #2: Big news? Really? Hitch: Yeah. About your match next week. Now it's Tremendo's turn to get all fired up and excited. El Tremendo #2: You have the bigs news about mine match? Oh boy! Tells to me! What's the news seņor? Hitch: Oh, you mean you never heard? El Tremendo #2: No, I haven't heards, what's goings on? Hitch: (Very bad Singing): A-WELL-A, Everybody's heard about the bird! Bird, bird, bird, b-bird is the- El Tremendo #2: SHUT UPPA YO FACE!!! El Tremendo snorts throws a handful of bread at Hitch, the unleathal crumbs bouncing off him stupidly, El Tremendo #2: SILENCE! I KEEL YOU! Do not mess with the likes of me seņor, I will tare your lips off and kiss my ass with them shits! Hitch chuckles while brushing himself off, Hitch: Relax, I was just having some fun, Chip gets to make all the wise cracks at my expense, I thought that I'd just try it on for a while. El Tremendo #2: ... Seņor... if you sings that song again, I will have Tico SHIT in your laundry basket, comprende? Hitch: (Still laughing): Understood T, understood... But anyway T, there is news, Big news Tremendo. B-I-G. El Tremendo #2: DAMMIT HEETCH!!! Just tells to me already! You've got news on me and you're leavings me hanging with a pair of blue balls like Hillary left Bill! Come on! TELLS ME! Hitch: Well... I can't *really* say yet. I think there's still some i's to be dotted, and t's to be crossed, but I'll give you a little hint... Tremendo grabs Hitch playfully by the lapels and shakes the announcer. El Tremendo #2: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN!!! WHAT IS IT?!? Hitch: Ok, ok... just let me go, jeez... ok, here's the hint.... Three-Way... El Tremendo #2: Three-Way? Hitch: Three-Way. Tremendo's eyes go wide as dinner plates, and so does his mouth. El Tremendo #2: OH... MY... GOD... What will I wear? Leather or lace? Do I needs to get for me my nails done? Are they bringings the contraceptives or am I? What kind of lotion do I bring? Motion or KY?! Or should I brings baby oil?! WAIT WAIT! Are we gonna be in Jellos or Mud?! OH MY there's so much to prepare! Hitch: Tremendo- El Tremendo #2: Oh, this is so awesome! I can't wait to see them! Is it Anna and Catherine?!? Or maybe that new chick Sarah?!? Hitch: Tremendo- El Tremendo #2: There's so much to do! I have so many things to get done! How should I wear my ears? You know chicks dig my fuzzy ears right?! Hitch: Tremendo- El Tremendo #2: I have to get the Pimpmobile ready! And the toys! MY GOD, THE TOYS! Hitch: Tremendo! El Tremendo #2: Yeah, Heetch! Hitch: Not THAT kind of Three-Way! MY GOD... Put it back in your pants for a minute, jeez- El Tremendo #2: -Wait, you can see it? El Tremendo crosses his legs and looks around embarrased as Hitch face palms over the situation, Hitch: A THREE-WAY DANCE, you know, a Triple Threat match. You're taking on Drake Love and Neo Carner this week. El Tremendo #2: Neos Carnser? I thought he was... in the "can"! El Tremendo laughs at his own stupid joke, having crushed Neo inside a trash can himself just 2 weeks ago, El Tremendo #2: How did he gets out? Did they have to opens him up like a pack of the sardines?! AH HA HA HAW!!! Hitch: Tremendo, I think you need to focus here, this could potentially- El Tremendo #2: -Yeah, you're right, seņor Heetch. But don'ts worry. I could be facings the Worlds Champ this week and it wouldn't makes a difference! I'm SO FIRED UP! No one's gonna stops me! OH BOY! Heetch, I gotta go! Thanks for the news! El Tremendo grabs his bags and takes off, leaving a bewildered Jonathan Hitchen sitting on the park bench. A short moment passes, and El Tremendo returns, El Tremendo #2: This one's mine. El Tremendo grabs one of the bird statues up and dashes away like an American Football player. Hitch just sits there, and suddenly grips his temple in pain... |
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