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| Sunshine Out My Ass; Takeshi Ito | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 3 2011, 06:24 AM (71 Views) | |
| Minister Wighty | Nov 3 2011, 06:24 AM Post #1 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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Sunshine: [THIS... is everything that's wrong with professional wrestling.] The inflection was Takeshi's, not that of the production truck boys who translate that mess in little white letters below the picture. He is in A Place That Does Not Matter, somewhere backstage at the Olympiastadion no doubt. The product he's gesturing to as he takes a long drag of smoke is a poster of Neo Carner; available at the merchandise stand or anywhere fine posters are sold. Sunshine: [About two ounces of talent in an airbrushed body with enough attitude to fill the fucking Kurobe Dam twice over.] He turns to point toward the camera, shattering the fourth wall with a single accusatory finger that also happens to be clasping his smoldering cig. Sunshine: And-uh before you ah-FUCKING fanboys try an' correct me... Carner holds two titles in a legitimate-uh wrestling federation, and one 'em he needed Snake to carry his ass for. Ouch. I'm not sure how true that is as I'm pretty sure I wasn't around during Snake and Carner's tag team reign, or maybe came in at the tail end of it, but either way... I'm pretty sure it wasn't Snake carrying Carner's ass. Most likely the other way around. But I'm not Takeshi and this is his promo. He turns back to his poster to scoff. Sunshine: [I'll be honest with you, I'm a little worried about stepping into the ring with him. Not because he's so talented and I might get beat. Tch. Old codger like me, I'm not afraid of putting my shoulders to the mat for anyone. If FIW has taught me anything it's that every dumb fuck and pair of tits is capable of putting me away in the ring. No, what I'm afraid of is that he'll botch a move or two and cripple my ass for life.] He takes another drag and spits the smoky afterwash onto the concrete. Sunshine: [Anyone in the industry knows someone who's billed as "assimilating fighting styles through his travels" plain doesn't know how to fucking wrestle. Did this guy win some kind of reality show to get on air? Or is he just that desperate to act as though he's the next Phil Brooks?] He snorts and finishes his cigarette with one last drag. Sunshine: Che. He puts the cigarette out on the face of the poster and turns back to the camera as he begins to take a short walk. Sunshine: Don't worry, Hollywood; I won't-uh ruin your pretty face. You can still look ah-hot and sexy for all the little girls with your arms and legs broken instead. Short walk, like I told you; Takeshi stops at another poster on another beam in this indeterminate establishment, this one featuring Roy Maverick. At this picture, Takeshi folds his arms, shakes his head, and clucks his tongue lightly and rapidly. Sunshine: [It was a decent gimmick, you know? Hating your father or whatever. But at this point you kind of have to ask why? What's the point? Does anyone watching even give a shit about Roy Harlowe anymore? I'd bet money that he's about as popular as The Incredible HELIOS~! with the young people; some dinasour they're glad to be rid of, y'know?] He looks the picture up and down again shaking his head. Sunshine: [I'd almost rather have a poster of Douglas Greater there. Talk about the mouthpiece being more talented than the wrestler he's backing. Douglas Greater was a champion, "Maverick". A real champion. He beat actual wrestlers who didn't need to be paid off with sandwiches or children's smiles or fucking nepotism.] He rolls his eyes and makes sort of a mealy-mouthed face, turning back to the camera and putting his hands in the pockets of his speed suit. Sunshine: [Nah, I'm kind of just fucking with you. Greater's just as much of a failure as you are. It just so happens that I'd really rather shove my fist into his teeth and pull out his tongue than bother with the congealed excrement of Roy Harlowe's legacy. Maybe that's what I'll do during the match; ruin Greater's day.] He shrugs and walks off-screen. Sunshine: [Something to think about...] Fade. |
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2:43 PM Jul 11