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Back From Suspension; A Series of Unfortunate Roleplays
Topic Started: Nov 23 2011, 01:07 AM (68 Views)
Beaten by Nuns
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Shut Uppa Yo Face!!!
[ *  * ]
We fade in to some location... a nondescript room, just like any other upper-middle class living room in America - only this is Spain, and it looks completely different from Detroit, there's like bullwhips and shit everywhere, and people look like Mexicans but they're not Mexicans, they're Spaniards, like Inigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die. Anyway, the meat and gravy of this situation lies on the couch, where our hero the GREAT El Tremendo and his un-trustworthy sidekick Tico the Tiny Terror are watching the television. Finally, after the second replay of the extended cut of the ShamWOW infomercial, El T reaches down to grab the remote and shut the TV off. El T stretches, and looks at Tico,

El Tremendo #2: Wow, dude. I hams bored. Nothings on the TV, and I hams in the bads mood after the suspensions. We gots JERKED around Seņor. When did it becomes against the rules to gives to somebody ten consecutive Brains Busters in the rows? Concussion Consmushion, cries for me the river... So Tico, Whaddya wanna do?

Tico: ...

El Tremendo #2: You don'ts know, huh? No ideas?

Tico: I don't know... Play chess? Screw?

El Tremendo #2: You were at the Angry Beaver for seventeens HOURS yesterday visiting that Dixie Normas chica. Can't you give it a break?

Tico: Rest is for the weak!

El Tremendo #2: Ok. Let's see... we could... invite a couple girls over and play naked Twister?

Tico rolls his eyes and takes a sip from his Dos Equis,

El Tremendo #2: Nah, you're right. Did that lasts night. We coulds... figure out new and dangerous ways to use the sharps implements with which to cause severe scarring, burning, and stitches on our faces?

Tico: Hell no!

El Tremendo #2: Oh, ok. Seemed to work for the Human Horrors, Hunter Weiss...

Tico: Who would want to be like that guy?

El Tremendo #2: Mad Dawg.

Tico: Quiet! We're not supposed to be ribbing people like that, it makes their butt holes pucker and they get all bent out of shape over it!

El Tremendo #2: What, their butt holes get bent out of the shapes? How does that work?

Tico: Remember that night in Reno at the Spice House?

El Tremendo #2: Ouch! um... yeah... I remember...

El Tremendo sighs...

There's a short pause,

El Tremendo #2: Hey! You know what we could do? Go dwarf tossing!

Tico suddenly hauls off and smacks El T upside the head with his empty beer bottle; it doesn't break but makes a really AWESOME sound!

*THMWAAACK!!!*

El Tremendo #2: OH DAMN! That's horrible! YOU PRICK! I'm gonna-

Tico: -Relax, I was kidding.

El Tremendo #2: Oh-Oh! Oh I see... you were just... kiddings... You're such a bastard Tico! Oh hey I know! We could always spit loogies into each other's eyes!

Tico: You GROSS FUCK!

El Tremendo #2: Yeah, you're right. Too gross. Possible infections, too.

Tico: You've got more STD's than I do! Chupe mantequilla de mi culo!!!

El Tremendo #2: Wha? SUCK BUTTER FROM YOUR ASS!?!?! Don't talk to me like that you dirty micro heathen fuck! It's just that saliva's known to contain contaminants! Have you brushed yours teeth lately? That's what I's figured! You could shoots a piece of steak into mine eye!

Tico: Oh grow the FUCK up T, you take shit way too serious, you're like a speck of unwashed cunt cheese, lingering around and sticking to the same old shit!

El Tremendo #2: Ok, cool. That's better. I'm just sayin', dude... you can never be too careful when you're dealing with the eyes!

Speaking of eyes, Tico rolls his, and cracks open another beer as El Tremendo continues his almost incoherent and irrelevant rant,

El Tremendo #2: Did you's catch the last Neos Carnser shoots, where he saids I mades my names by beatings him up while he was sick?

Tico: What a lame ass, that guy's about as much fun as pulling tinsel out of a dogs ass on Christmas morning.

El Tremendo #2: Well, I guess that's it. Nothings else to do besides sit here and waits for the NEXT piece of tripe from that stupid culo.

Tico: The smartest thing to ever pass through his lips had balls attached!

El Tremendo #2: But maybe we's got lucky Tico, this week at the pay per views I gets to be in the ring with the VERY spankable Sarah Twilights, and he is busy beings-ah SO bloody intimidatings, that the sheer awesomeness of his scary-ludity was just SO powerful, it caused some kind of freak ruptures in the space/times continuum, and NE-O's-Dickwad got sucked into some alternates universe where he'll be forevers aurally raped by all of his wrestling promos played over and over again stuck on repeat... AND shuffle... It'll be like Sucktastic Chinese Waters Torture, but with promos insteads of agua.

Ooooo, sick burn!

Tico: We can only be so lucky, my friend... Hey, I know, why don't YOU cut a promo on Sarah Twilight? Isn't that shit this Sunday?

El Tremendo #2: ... Meh... maybe later, Sanford and Son is on.

El Tremendo turns the TV back on as the scene fades to black



To be continued...
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