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Hijo, Assembled!; Also Not Cruz For realz
Topic Started: Dec 3 2011, 02:57 AM (28 Views)
Skell
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[ *  *  *  * ]
The scene cuts to the sepia toned Time Bandits logo.

Announcer: "The following is a Maxime Rowley internet exclusive."

The scene shifts over to Max Rowley HQ! The only place worthy to host the Longest Running Weekly Episodic Show in the History of the Internet. Max Rowley is standing to the left of the FIW Banner and Scotty to the Right.

Hijo: "Greetings Crimestoppers, and welcome to another fantastical edition of the Longest Running Weekly Episodic Show in the History of the Internet the Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive. To my uh... side is my cohost on this journey into the inner reaches of your very soul... the incomprable Scotty Scottsman of Scottland Yard."

Scotty: "That's not my name."

Hijo: "They don't know that."

Scotty: "Yes, I think they do..."

Hijo: "I guarantee you not one person out there remembers that your real name isn't Scotty."

Scotty: "How could they forget Jeremy Scotland? It's an easy name to remember."

Hijo: "Who the hell is that?"

Scotty: "It's my name..."

Hijo: "No... no I don't think so."

Scotty: "I would hope I'd remember my own name Max."

Hijo: "Yes, if you weren't a spy! "

Max locks Scotty in a simple wrist lock.

Scotty: "What the hell?"

Hijo: "WHO SENT YOU!?"

Scotty: "The hell are you talking about... let go of me."

Hijo: "Never you traitorous swine! It was the oldies wasn't it... the oldies sent you! WHY?! "

Scotty: "The oldies didn't send me."

Hijo: "So you admit to working for the children... WHAT DO THEY WANT!?"

Scotty: "I don't work for anyone... I'm your cohost for this show... and I've always been here."

Hijo: "Sure you say that now... but I bet if I go to the archives I'll find that you're name suddenly changed and nobody mentioned anything!"

Scotty: "That's crazy talk."

Hijo: "Just crazy enough to work!"

Scotty: "Will you let go of me..."

Hijo: "Fine... for now. BUT I'M ON TO YOU!"

Max releases the wrist lock.

Hijo: "Anyway I am your host for this fantastical journey to..."

Scotty: "You just used the fantastical journey bit."

Hijo: "Silence... "

Silence

Hijo: "The Czar of Cinematics, the Paragon of Purity, and The Ecclesiastic of Excellence."

Scotty: "Reusing nicknames for shame."

Hijo: "Shh!"

Scotty shakes his head disapprovingly.

Hijo: "The Quintessential Luchadore of htis or any other generation, the president of wrestling, the most self-proclaimed and critically acclaimed man in all of the world, the Uncrowned Champion, the moral conscience of the industry and Mr.FIW... "El Hijo Del AWESOME" Maxime "The Greatest" DJ Rowley, Master of 1002 arm drags and number one for two years running. "

Scotty: "Last year, you just kept grabbing numbers till you decided on one you liked."

Hijo: "That's not true... no one can prove anything!"

Scotty: "I'm pretty sure it's on tape somewhere."

Hijo: "I refuse to listen to your lies any further."

Scotty: "Whatever."

Hijo: "That's right whatever strange ghost that is now in the room. "

Scotty sighs.

Hijo: "Now then, this week is the Violence Fetish with it's double bookings... second off I've got to face off once again in the match that helped prove my quintessentiality!"

Scotty: "Shouldn't you have started with first off..."

Hijo: "as I was the last person eliminated... and the final Luchadore in the lucha match... clearly by process of elimination I win."

Scotty: "But..."

Hijo: "This year I will garauntee a return to form... now I can't garauntee that I will be able to top getting changed and running back to the ring... or that I will be able to top my 4 victory laps around the arena... but dammit I'm gonna try."

Scotty: "Shouldn't you be worried about what happens in the match itself..."

Hijo: "and then earlier in the night, and first off, I am in a match for the Undisputed International Championship a title that has held by some of the greatest wrestlers in the industry... and Phoenix."

BURN!

Hijo: "If only he could live up to the greatness that was my original partner Thunderbird... but no he was a pale pale imitation."

Scotty: "THEY WERE THE SAME PERSON! YOU JUST KEPT CALLING HIM THUNDERBIRD FOR SOME REASON!"

Hijo: "Anyway, I have to take on El Valiente that other quintessential Luchadore, a man that I have some history with in Neo Carner and Damien Holburn... who I used to refer to as Dolemite... I was finally informed that he is in fact not that fictional character... if somebody had said something sooner I wouldn't have looked like such an idiot for so long."

Max glares at Scotty.

Scotty: "I DID! HUNDREDS OF TIMES!"

Hijo: "Anyway... El Valiente and Neo Carner have been rather silent... probably with Lucha Business and Neo Business respectively."

Scotty: "I think you have that backwards."

Hijo: "No, I don't"

Scotty: "HA! I got you to respond to me."

Hijo: "Shut up ghost!"

Max kicks Scotty in the knee.

Scotty: "OW!"

Hijo: "But Holburn... he's mused... mused from his hotel room in fact!"

Scotty: "What?"

Hijo: "I don't truly have much to say about him... other than he's the current champion and as my professional duty I must do everything in my power to see that I come out of the match the winner. Anything less would be an obscenity and a slap in the face of the Youeyecee"

Scotty: "Did you just try and pronounce an acronym..."

Hijo: "Maybe. But that's not important specter. I'm the Hijo of THE Awesome... I've got nicknames and I've got t-shirt sales... but I've also got skills... skills that can metaphorically pay some bills."

Scotty: "Does anyone even say that anymore?"

Hijo: "I just did... also as a warning to everyone don't try to actually try and pay bills with skills... they may be very impressed with your ability to back flip off things... but they are jerks and do not accept them as a valid form of payment but they will... when I am King."

Max says that last part under his breath.

Scotty: "What?"

Hijo: "I said that's all the time we have for this edition of Backflippin' with Rowley, tune in next week for another Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive thing or else!"

Max shakes his fist at the camera.

Announcer: "This has been a Maxime Rowley Internet Exclusive."

-fin-
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