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Can You Handle This?; Keith & Alastor
Topic Started: May 5 2017, 01:27 AM (68 Views)
Kyle
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Carolina Gentleman
Banned
[align=center]A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh
A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh

In the jungle, the mighty jungle
The lion sleeps tonight
In the jungle the quiet jungle
The lion sleeps tonight[/align]


Except the lion isn't sleeping. Nor is the jungle quiet right now. In fact, it's not even the night time, it's the middle of the day. The location can't be exactly pinpointed, but it seems like we're in the middle of an actual jungle. There's foliage, animal life, the sounds of things fucking. In the middle of all this hub bub is the pair of Dino Bambino and Keith Williams. Both are dressed in ridiculous safari outfits, Dino's of course being sized appropriately to fit a chimp.

Keith's sweaty, his mustache would be too if it were still there. Dino doesn't seem all that thrilled either at this moment.

Keith Williams: "How is this going to prep me for the Coulter Crew?"

Mr. Bambino monkeys back something that isn't understandable or audible.

Keith Williams: "Okay, I really don't need to know about your fetish for paraplegic baboons. I can't express this enough times, Dino."

The Chimp to the Stars gives a shrug. At least what looks like a shrug if anything can be perceived.

Keith Williams: "And who is this guy you have me meeting?"

Dino points up ahead to a small clearing, apparently this is where our mystery person is at. They make it through the trees and the animals fucking, finally coming to the clearing and finding...
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That Darn Seph
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The High Elevation Sensation!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
The duo is alone for only a moment as the sound of the trees parting as something wooshes through. With all the whimsical movement of a dolphin in water, Alastor Saintclaire comes swinging onto the scene on a vine. Sadly Alastor isn't dressed like Tarzan and there is no Phil Collins music to accompany his arrival. Alastor gives the two jungle dwellers a look over as he makes a peculiar expression. This would be the second time in the last two weeks he's come across folks in safari gear.

Alastor: "I must be a magnet for this fashion trend."

Alastor clears his throat as he places his hands on his hips. Our boy Alastor is wearing a pair of jeans and a white wifebeater, his well chiseled physique coated in a thin layer of sweat that glistens like dazzling gold in the sunshine.

Alastor: "You must be Keith Williams, I received a letter from your friend saying you required training to unleash your hidden potential."

Alastor gestures to their surroundings.

Alastor:"Well welcome to the jungle! They're no fun and games to be found here!"

Alastor jabs his thumb into his chest.

Alastor:"You are mine now, you belong to me!"

Alastor juts his chin out.

Alastor:"Are you man enough? Do you have the discipline required? Do you have the testicular fortitude to do what is asked of you?"

Alastor arches a brow.

Alastor:"Or are you some kind of limp wristed city slicking sissy like my long time rival Colin Stiles? Can you handle this!?"

Alastor asks with a ever narrowing eye.
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Kyle
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Carolina Gentleman
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Keith Williams: "Are we gonna die?"

Keith says while turned towards Dino. The chimpanzee doesn't seem to know what to think, he appears game for it though. Williams doesn't seem completely convinced, looking over Alastor with a weird expression on his face.

Keith Williams: "I want to trust you. Heck, I almost feel like I know you. But that can't possibly be true, because I don't."

Whoa, dude, you're breaking the fourth wall. Or at least making a subtle mention of the fact myself and Seph are amigos.

Keith Williams: "So what do you have in mind for us?"
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That Darn Seph
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[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Alastor can't help but chuckle, cupping a hand over his mouth the shield his joy. Seems he got a kick out of pushing people to their limits.

Alastor:"We will be putting you to the test! We will see if you have the raw unbridled masculinity required to overcome the stress nature can inflict! The true keys here that will be tested are your strength and stamina."

Alastor says as he skulks off screen then comes back dragging a large almost square, almost rectangular object covered in a burlap drape in his hands. He brings it before Dino and Keith and then grins.

Alastor: "This is your first test."

Alastor removes the burlap drape revealing a large cage with a giant Anaconda inside.

Alastor: "This little constricting beauty is ol' Dorothy! All you gotta do is take her out of the cage and lay her on her back for the ol three count. I'd be careful though, she's the hugging type."

Alastor sneers with a amused glimmer in his eye.
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Kyle
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The conversation between Keith and Dino continues despite Alastor standing directly in front of them. Williams turning to the chimp to say what he has to say, yet not really saying it at Saintclaire either.

Keith Williams: "First of all, you never told me you got these clothes for a steal from Bob Garcia."

A brief flashback ensues, showing Dino Bambino waiting until Rob clears out of his locker room in order to slyly monkey waddle inside then back out with the safari gear in tow. We're back to Keith again.

Keith Williams: "Second of all, I've heard of trouser snakes, but... But... A snake in a cage? That's gotta be torture of some kind!"

Monkey shrug. That's all Dino is good for at this point, he's brought Keith here and that's all he seems concerned with.

Keith Williams: "A snake is supposed to slither, Dino! You can't keep it locked up. It'll explode with unbridled fury!"

The Carolina Gentleman rolls up the sleeves on his shirt, ready to get down and dirty with this serpent in order to prove his worth.

Keith Williams: "Let me have at this beauty."

He nods in the direction of her cage, approaching cautiously. Alastor opens up the door to the cage for him, ushering him forth. Keith starts to take her out of her prison, everything going well until... It's not!
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That Darn Seph
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[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Alastor watches with wide eyes as Keith does the unthinkable! He unleashes the snake from the cage. What follows is editing straight out of a D List movie as someone who obviously isn't Keith is shown wrestling a garden hose painted like the snake with a paper mache head.

Alastor:"Tame that reptile!"

Alastor yells at actual Keith who looks like he was Green Screened into the same shot as the snake. In the background is Dino, or a man in a chimp costume trying to be as the scene goes back to stunt double Keith putting the garden hose serpent in a dreaded headlock.

Alastor:"Come on Keith! You've got to be the man to beat the snake!"

Finally stunt double Keith manages to subdue the serpent. The scene shifts to the actual Keith with the snake draped around his shoulders with Williams gently petting the slithering snake on the head.

Alastor: "That was incredible! I'm sure none of that will have to be edited to appease animal rights groups."

Alastor grins as he places on his hands on his hips.

Alastor:"You have tamed the serpent, do you feel you can tame the Crew? Trust me, with Colin Stiles I understand what it means to have such nuisances in life."
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Kyle
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Keith Williams: "You know, Alastor..."

Keith says as he continuously pets the snake that's draped over him. Stroking and stroking and stroking it!

Keith Williams: "I initially thought you were crazy. Now that I'm here with you and Dino, in this magical place..."

He extends his arms to indicate the luscious and vivacious jungle environment that surrounds them. Or is it badly done green screen with carefully placed fake inside plants? No one really knows. Although the production crew probably would.

Keith Williams: "I'm so much more comfortable with myself. Especially with this serpent out and being able to freely touch it in front of everyone."

Has Williams stopped touching the snake as a metaphor for compulsive masturbation? You bet your ass he hasn't. He's still stroking that thing in ways most unimaginable. All the while the snake seems to enjoy it, so.

Keith Williams: "Do I feel I can tame the Crew?"

In a heroic feat, Williams spins the snake off of his shoulders by grabbing its tail and swings it overhead, letting go and allowing it to fly on Dino. All of this activity causes the serpent to be riled up again, leading to a monkey/snake fiasco.

Keith Williams: "You bet that flying snake I can."
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That Darn Seph
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The High Elevation Sensation!
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
Alastor gives a big boastful grin as he pats Keith on the shoulder.

Alastor:"Then there is nothing more I can teach you on this day! You see clearly!"

Alastor points off into the distance which I'm sure is filled with a future of victory.

Alastor:"The only thing left to do is to unleash the snake inside on The Crew and watch it swallow them whole!"

A grin, a wink and it all fades to black.

End
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