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| Richlen Gets Rebel's Goat | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 24 2017, 05:26 PM (83 Views) | |
| ratedgdr | May 24 2017, 05:26 PM Post #1 |
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Superstar
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*We open on a chair out in the middle of a field somewhere in the English countryside. Next to the chair is a monitor playing Rebel's latest rant. How the screen is getting power, who knows. The screen shuts off and "The Predator" takes his place on the chair, sarcastically applauding. In his hands is the Destroyer 666 keychain.* Congratulations, Rebel! *The screen flashes "CONGLATURATION!"* You have officially proven yourself to be THE stupidest person in Full Intensity Wrestling that isn't a Crew member! I mean, it's been obvious for a long time now but you just cemented it. You want to throw a hissy fit about me saying I think your goat is pathetic? God, that's a lot of crying over a key ring. Between that and you screeching like the weasel that you are, I'm looking forward to beating you and your idiot partner down as much as I am taking the titles away from the Crew. You know, I said that it's a good thing that FIW doesn't tolerate animal abuse, but I have to wonder about that goat. My guess is you've fed him with so many chemical-filled things that goats should not be eating that he'll probably drop dead any minute now. If anything, that goat needs to be rescued from the two of you and the two of you are the ones who should be fired for abuse. *He shakes his head disapprovingly. Apparently even a psycho like our hero has standards.* But maybe you should think about sacrificing that goat to the actual lord of darkness, because that would be the one thing that would change your chances of winning from 0% to 0.0000000000000000000000001%. Not that it would obviously make any difference. You know, it's probably fitting that you two run around with a goat, because, well, I'm going to do a short version of the crap that airs on Saturday morning TV stateside. *Flashing on the screen: "F@(& YOU FCC FOR TAKING CARTOONS OFF NETWORK TV!"* Goats are ugly, stupid, and the low animal on nature's totem pole, much like the two of you. Especially you, Rebel, who are the definition of "fucking idiot," which admittedly is an insult to fucking idiots. You lost the right to call us "beta" after we walked out of Rise Of A Legend with the titles, you lost the right to insult my wife after she pinned your sorry ass, in fact, you lost the right to have anything to say about us because our declaration that we'd cut your reign short was not an empty threat. In short, you're in the same boat that the Crew will be joining you in after Saturday. I'd feel bad about insulting goats by comparing you to them, but I fucking hate you almost as much as I do the Crew. So your goat has nothing to worry about when it comes to me, unless you want to throw a fit about me pointing out how you're handling him poorly. You? You have a lot to worry about. It's not an "empty threat." It's fucking fact. After the Crew is eliminated, we're making you next. Not like we haven't beaten you enough times when it's mattered most, after all. Besides, having the satisfaction of making you shut the fuck up would be a bonus to go with us becoming champs again. *He looks at the key ring again, then holds it up to the camera.* The goat that comprises this key ring is, of course, completely and indisputably dead. Come Saturday, your chances, along with the chances of every other team we'll be facing inside Panopticon, will be dead too. And that... *He stands up and slips the key ring into his pocket.* ...is a promise. *With that, he walks out of frame and we fade.* |
![]() WE GLADLY FEAST UPON THOSE WHO WOULD SUBDUE US. | |
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| Minister Wighty | May 24 2017, 08:09 PM Post #2 |
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Opossum Queen of FIW
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"You use a lotta fuckin' words to say simple shit." I don't care how the screen transitions to Rebel. It just does. She's alone in a hallway, though at this point I'm not sure which one or where. "Lurkin' in the dark like... AHA! YOU'VE ACTED MY TRAP CARD! PREPARE TO D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!" Everything I know about Yu-Gi-Oh I've pieced together from sugar packets, so forgive me if I said any of that incorrectly. ["You get points for sass, but none for reading comprehension. I'm sure you intend to kick our asses, idiot. Your empty threat was the one you made about the goat. Which you just admitted was an empty threat before saying that you don't make empty threats."] It's true. Look up. If this were a "looking through video footage to point out your faults" thing I'd past it here, but it's not. Scroll up, you can do it. I believe in you. "As for that other shit... bitch, I don't NEED any "right" to tell you to go fuck yourself. I don't NEED any "right" to say your wife a cunt an' you suck at takin' or makin' a joke." Rebel crosses her arms and shakes her head. ["You know as well as I do words got a longer way to go to win a match than actions do. Threatenin' to attack our fuckin' goat is an awful silly attempt, too. That was my point. You tryna put us off our game? With threats so transparent that any adult with half a set of brain-cells can see through 'em?"] She is talking about herself here; she understands what beer and chair shots do to a person. ["Life don't revolve around you, Richlen. You can sit here and dump people in categories... talk about how now we're "in the same boat" as the Coulter Crew. Fuck, you wanna put us on your List? It'd be just as derivative, only slightly more pathetic, an' a lot more funny. Instead you try to scream Burzum lyrics at people with a mouth full of your wife's lady-cum while dressed as a bad horror movie villain."] I don't think he does the abattoir thing anymore, Rebel. Gimmick changed a while ago. This seems to dawn on her and she shakes it off. "Whatever. [You ain't the hero of anyone's story, not even yours. You're some dime-store "badass" like Burai from the Zyurangers, or The Punisher."] I mean, I think both of those characters are pretty cool, but you do you, Rebel. "We ain't neither, for the record; we're bashy mooks who get off on fightin' an' violence. Hell, we might even be the bad guys. Thing is, we recognize that and don't talk like entitled jackasses givin' reverse-birth to a pointy stick. Ain't no crusade you made up gonna save you. Ain't no such real thing as "rights" to hand out about who can do what. Few days from now we're gonna all be locked in a dumb cage and the only "rights" anybody got are when their bell goes off and it's time to mush faces. You're on MY List, Mr. Shaelin. How many others you think are gunnin' to put you down, specifically?" She pie-faces the camera and walks away. We fade to black... but then come up again! Rebel is back, with her finger upraised! ["AHHHHH! Wait a second! No! I don't wanna hear a second fuckin' promo where you're like "AHA! You've activated my SECOND Trap Card! They only want to beat me because they recognize me as unbeatable! Just like you do! AHAHAHAAAA! I am the greatest because of facts I made up in my head! Nobody has any right to call me shit, and I have the right to tell people they don't have the right to do stuff based on my arbitrary system of bullshit! I'M UNASSAILABLE!"] For not liking Zyuranger, she does a great Rita Repulsa as her Gus Richlen "impersonation". "Fucking... talk BETTER. An' LESS. An' LAUGH more, you serious fuckshit." Now she's done. She needs a drink. |
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| Dai | May 24 2017, 08:56 PM Post #3 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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Selfistravaganza in the Northern Quarter~! A bunch of wrestling At any rate, the one taking pictures counts us in. "One, two, three, LUUUUUUUCIIIIIFEEEEEEEEERRR~!" "GOOOOAATFUCK~!!!" They all shout our Lord and Saviour's name, but Hikou is the loudest. It degenerates into laughing; as one of the pack offers round a tray of Sambuca shots and proposes a toast. "To Animal Abuse?" "Ha! Ricky'd know. He's kept a goat longer'n me!" This is what passes for humour after three teapots of Tokyo Iced Teas. It's that sort of place. Anyhow, Hikou doesn't waste (much) drinking time with laughter: with Rebel otherwise engaged, he has her shot. "Kampai, Bitches~!" [size0]* Delete As Applicable. |
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| ratedgdr | May 25 2017, 05:57 AM Post #4 |
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Superstar
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SOUNDTRACK TO YOUR DESTRUCTION: "Zero The Hero" by Black Sabbath You know, Rebel, just when I think you and your idiot partner can't get any dumber.... *Oh, look where we are. Not a graveyard or a morgue, because in light of the Manchester attack that would be in horrid taste. And Richlen is not the kind of person to exploit tragedy. Instead, we're in that warehouse again, where several empty bottles, all with images of the non-Alpha Wolves teams in the Panopticon, are lined up on a shelf. And he has a rock.* You really have no room to insist that you're better at talking than me, because all you do is talk a metric ton of incoherent and poorly thought out bullshit. Case in point, you continuing to insist that I'm threatening to kill your stupid fucking goat. WHICH I NEVER DID, YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH. GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK YET SHOCKINGLY HOLLOW SKULL ALREADY. Hopefully that was said loudly and slowly enough that you actually understood what I said for once. Nobody cares about your stupid goat. Unless they would rather see him live a healthier existence than he almost certainly has with you. Which I admittedly do but that's beside the point. Now, I was actually not going to be the one to respond, but Shaelin has already decided that she's going to give you such a severe beating for calling her the c-word that your unborn children will throw in the towel for you. So instead, I'm going to make a few things very clear to you, you drunken slime. You, who have never said a single worthwhile thing in your entire goddamned time here, do not get to blast me or my wife for taking this seriously. FIW is our life, and we take our life seriously. This is not a fucking joke to us, as much as you insist it has to be. Our efforts to help FIW put down the Crew are not a fucking joke, period. Our push to become the very best this company has ever seen is not a fucking joke. This is and will always be serious for us, and if you don't like it, then FUCK. OFF. Understood? There is no fucking "made-up crusade," either. This is us doing what the fans want, and the fans want the Crew wiped from the company. And if they want us to take you out too, actually, we'll do it just because we fucking hate you. And the best part of it is, you already know we can rip you apart. FACT. You can't even argue with it because all I have to do is bring up Rise Of A Legend. Where were the "empty threats" then, huh?! *If he was trying to restrain his anger before, and I highly doubt he was, he's already failing. All one has to do is see his hands shaking uncontrollably. That boy is pissed.* You don't have an answer. You'll never have an answer. Just more drunken bullshit that nobody is going to believe for a second. You want to judge us for being on the side of the angels despite not being ones ourselves? Fuck you. You don't get to tell us whose side we are or are not on, you fucking alcoholic, braindead, low-rent gutter trash! In fact, you don't get to tell us a goddamned thing anymore, because nothing you say has, ever had, or ever will have any fucking relevance whatsoever, and if you don't like me telling you that, THEN FUCK OFF, YOU BOOZE-ADDLED BITCH! *And with that, he turns around and launches the rock at the NBE bottle with such force that Nolan Ryan would be proud. Needless to say, the bottle explodes on impact.* THIS IS OUR LIFE, OUR CAREER, AND WE WILL NOT LET THE TWO OF YOU FUCKING DICTATE WHAT WE SHOULD DO WITH IT! WE'RE THE ONES IN CONTROL, NOT YOU, NOT YOUR FUCKHEADED PARTNER, NOT THE FUCKING SHITSTAINS IN THE CREW, NOBODY! YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF! *Richlen is shouting himself hoarse now. Probably not a good idea to potentially give NBE more ammunition, but he's finally grown sick of NBE. Worse than he was prior to ROAL, in fact.* So let me ask you, if you can hear me through your hands covering your ears like the pathetic little brat that you are: what the fuck are you going to do about it?! In fact, what the fuck makes you think everyone else is going to go after us first thing?! We've beaten the Templarios so many times I've lost count, Badd Breed has every reason to target the Crew before they go after us, and TMS is going to find out how dangerous we can be when we're pissed off, and you've just screwed all those teams over by pissing us off! So do yourself a favor, Rebel, and this goes for Hikou as well: shut your fucking mouths. Don't keep trying to dig a deeper grave for yourself by trying to anger us further. Stop invoking the most overrated musicians in black metal history to try to prove a point that you don't fucking have. *Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking, everyone. Although from how Richlen sounded on that last sentence (and he's not wrong: Burzum and Mayhem SUCK), it's more like Jaywalking On The Spines Of Tiny Kittens.* Because all it takes is one shot from us, one big move, and you're fucking done. Not just from the Panopticon, you'll be done in FIW. Because you'll have talked so much shit about us and then fallen flat on your faces again just like at Rise Of A Legend that nobody is going to take the two of you seriously ever again. So shut your mouths and maybe we won't decide to go into overkill after all. But if you want to keep poking an already enraged pair of dragons, then I swear on my great-grandmother's resting place, the souls of our unborn children, and with the LORD as my witness, we will fucking end you. That is not an empty threat, Rebel. We have gone past the point of having had enough of your bullshit, and if you want to keep pushing us, then we will not be responsible for what we do to you. And if you don't like hearing what I have to say, you fucking drunken harpy, then you can take your partner, your liquor supply, and your artificial high ground, and you can fucking GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! *And that's when the camera catches a glimpse of what he has in his other hand. Oh shit, it's another rock. And he's throwing it at the cam-* |
![]() WE GLADLY FEAST UPON THOSE WHO WOULD SUBDUE US. | |
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| Dai | May 25 2017, 07:50 AM Post #5 |
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Captain SPARKLE~!!!
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"[Help me out here, RinRin...]" Hikou's at breakfast, looking the worse for whatever he was up to last night. He's picking at his fry-up; a slice of black pudding has revived him enough to ask this question. His manager steps in from nowhere, as is her wont. "[Guy didn't threaten our goat, right?]" Rin looks up to the ceiling for a second. I think she's getting a little fed up of the goat. "[That is what he claims.]" "[But he got a goatskin wallet.]" "[That is what he claims.]" "[Why'd he show us that if he weren't uh...]" "[Implicitly threatening your goat?]" Thank the gods Rin's here, he'd have struggled to frame that question at the best of times. This is not the best of times. "[Ugh... I don't even care any more.]" "[Excellent plan. Where's Rebel? I expect you both in the gym at the usual time.]" "[ [size0]I don't fucking know...]" Says Hikou to thin air: RinRin takes her leave. |
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| Craig | May 25 2017, 09:37 AM Post #6 |
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Scope
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Oh, I wish you could see the grin permanently occupying the face of Clay ‘Chainsaw’ Krueger. He’s standing by the lobby of his hotel with Samantha Rosenberg. Samantha: “Clay, you’ve heard everything your opponents have to say going into the big FIW World Tag Team Championship match this Saturday night. Your reaction?” Clay: “You know Samantha, there’s nothing in this world I enjoy more than being the centre of attention. Almost everybody in the Panoptican wants to respond to my initial comments and what’s more, the infighting has begun.” Samantha: “Obviously your comments got a rise out of the Alpha Wolves, Shaelin Marie and Gustav David Richlen but I sense that you expected that all along even before you made them.” He nods, that is his makeup. He knows exactly what he’s doing when he says anything, he anticipates the response and in turn prepares his response to that… if all of that makes sense. Clay: “Despite Shaelin seemingly forgetting about the Stone Roses, she was very focused on the fact that she pinned me several weeks ago as if she’s alone in that accomplishment across my career. William James, Ash Koopa, Snake, Damien Holburn… many other nondescript names have defeated me. Where are they now? That was my point three weeks ago about how offended I was that she doesn’t capitalise on her victories. Non-title matches are a means to an end, perhaps Shaelin would like to read the list of names I have defeated with titles on the line?” That’s an impressive list, including the likes of Rurik Krychek, Pyotr Sadovsky and even the Alpha Wolves themselves. Clay: “I don’t seek to minimalise and belittle her ability, I’m simply a realist. I agree, I do enjoy reminiscing about my past accomplishments but more important is the accomplishment I hold presently. A title belt that I took from you, in fact, I think this one was yours. There was just one statement that I can’t bring myself to respond to, I’m just going to leave this here as the most ridiculous statement I’ve heard in my life…”
Clay: “I’ll just clear something up, the Coulter Crew are indeed not a family. Nor, to my knowledge, have I ever claimed that. We are a group of like-minded individuals who see the benefit of working together to achieve a common goal. When Stephen moved on from the Fighting Spirit Championship, nobody turned on him. Why would anybody turn on each other? We have many lofty ambitions, one is not greater than the sum of our parts.” Samantha: “Gustav had four pieces of advice for you, each arguably more severe than the last.” Clay: “And I shall address them. Number one: I don’t consider myself arrogant, certainly not compared to my own teammates in the Crew. They are arrogant and they do it very well. I’m confident, I’m secure in my abilities and I’m well aware of my limitations. I’m known as somebody who gives credit where its due to his opponents, just ask Joe Stanton. Number two: I don’t think there’s a conspiracy against the Crew. If anything, quite the opposite. Suzanne Schwartz has been very fair in her dealings with both us and FIW, particularly Kim’s involvement in shaping the Anarchy in the UK card. Number three: I’ll repeat you’ve never been in the Panoptican, how do you know you’ll thrive? I’ve seen men far better and far more successful than you wither. Number four: Is that a suggestion that I can’t trust Caleb Claudel? What makes you think you know him better than me? 50% of marriages end in divorce, Gustav.” Samantha: “And finally, your opinion of the Alpha Wolves war of word with Ninja Blood Explosion : COMPLEX?” Clay: “Nothing is sweeter than the sounds of two opposition tag teams exchanging views. Personally, I don’t have anything against goats or managers of an oriental persuasion. What strikes me most is that Gustav ended his diatribe against my good self explaining how he was required to calm Shaelin down, yet later lost his cool himself in dealings with Hikou and Rebel. All this shouting and swearing, it’s not befitting of a Champion.” He motions to the FIW World Tag Team Championship belt hanging from his shoulder. Clay: “This must be the third or fourth time in recent memory I’ve heard one of the Richlen’s request their opponent shut their mouths, shut up or stay silent. I’m beginning to wonder if they just don’t like the competition, whether they’re afraid of what might come back. After all, we all know they only have one arrow in their quiver and they aren’t shy of using it. Something to ponder.” The patriarch of the Krueger family takes his leave, patting Samantha on the shoulder and delivering a rather condescending “well done” to her. |
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